The Cost Of Love And Sanity (18 page)

“A.J. did a great job. He'll be on the radio in no time. I told you he was good, right?”

“Um hmm.”

“Did I tell you how great you looked tonight?”

“Um hmm.”

“We passed a restaurant. Do you want to stop and get something to eat?”

She shook her head. “Uh uh.”

“What about a walk on the pier?” Nathan asked.

“Uh uh.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked, frowning.

Alex glanced at him briefly. “Yeah, everything is fine.”

“Then, why are you so quiet? You haven't said much since we left Spears.”

“I don't know. I guess I don't have anything to say right now.”

“Yeah but were you even listening to anything
I
said?”

“Yes.”

“What did I say?”

Alex sighed. “You said A.J. did a great job tonight and that he had a shot at getting on to the radio.”

“And?”

“That I looked really good tonight.” Alex rolled her eyes.

Nathan tooted his lips to the side. “Lucky guess.”

They pulled up to her house and Nathan turned off the car. He scanned her up and down, then, turned his whole body to face her. “Seriously, Alex. What's wrong? Did I do something?”

Alex stared ahead. Before then, she had become confident in her relationship with Nathan, believing that they were going to have a better go at it this time. Since her conversation with A.J., that confidence had been shaken.

Did he still have feelings for his son's mother? It was possible. After all, she and Nathan hadn't been back together
that
long. They hadn't officially talked about a future together. She didn't even know if he had considered building a life with her. Suddenly, she felt stupid for jumping the gun on their relationship—expecting more than was being offered but she had to address this Clarissa issue.

She sighed. “No. Well, sort of. I don't know.”

“What do you mean?” Nathan asked.

“Are you still seeing your son's mother?” Alex blurted out.

Nathan jerked his head back as if he'd been jabbed in the face. “No! Where did you get that from?”

She inhaled. “A.J.”

Nathan stared forward and shook his head. “No, Alex. I'm not seeing her anymore.”

Alex focused on her hands to keep from looking at Nathan.

He turned back to her. “You believe me, don't you?”

Alex forced a smile and nodded.

“Listen. I'm sorry. Okay? This won't happen again.” He reached for her face, pulled her closer and gave her a kiss on the lips. As their faces parted, his eyes penetrated hers, searching for recognition of his effort to make peace.

“Okay.” She grabbed her purse. “I have to go.”

“Really?” Nathan asked, surprise escaping from his voice.

“Yeah, I'll talk to you later.”

Alex opened her car door before he could think about jumping out to open it for her. Once she stood outside of the car, she leaned down, waved and closed the door behind her. She walked up her front steps, trying to push out images of the surprise and disbelief on Nathan's face. She tried to tell herself that he couldn't care less about her concerns, even though the look on his face and the ten minutes he sat outside in his car said different.

F
or about five minutes, Alex sat at her desk and stared at her computer. She saw the screen but was not focused on the words. She kept thinking about the night before, playing the events in her head over and over. Although she'd tried to brush it off, she had a hard time finding a reasonable explanation for the incident with A.J. She continued to lapse into a trance every few minutes.

They have a kid together. Why wouldn't he still want a relationship with her?
It was more than he and Alex had together. History didn't quite cut it up against creating a life with someone. She thought about having a kid with him but maybe she thought too soon. Maybe her desperation made her see an opportunity where there wasn't one. If that was the scenario, she had no one to blame but herself.

She felt a pain in her chest.
No. Please, don't let that be it.
Her office phone rang and she blanked rapidly. Startled, she fumbled with the phone.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Carter? Will you be able to make it to our meeting?” Brian, her call center lead, said.

Alex gasped. She looked at the clock. She was sixteen minutes late meeting with her call center reps. “Oh my gosh. Uh. I'm on my way.”

She scrambled to find a pen, tablet, the agenda and their current report. Then, she dashed out the door. After reaching the group, Alex felt the need to apologize. Usually, she didn't but her behavior felt so out of character for her that she couldn't resist apologizing and offering an explanation.

“Morning, everyone. I am so sorry for my tardiness. I almost forgot we had a meeting today. Please forgive me.” Alex set her tablet and reports down on the desk and sat down in the desk chair next to it. “Have I missed anything?”

“No, ma'am. We were counting the number of candidates we've found so far,” Brian said.

“All right. Um,” She shuffled with her papers. “Where are we?”

“We've counted four hundred twenty candidates.”

She nodded. “Excellent.”

“Do you have anything to go over with us, Ms. Carter?” Brian asked.

“Uh, yes. I have a few things.”

Alex stood back up and cleared her throat. Suddenly subconscious about asserting her authority, she pushed herself to the front of the group. “I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you because without your diligent efforts, we would not have so many qualified people ready to interview with these top companies. So, for that, you all should give yourselves a hand.”

The group clapped for themselves.

“As for the day of the fair, I'm going to need some help with registration, set up, checking people in and giving them practical information. I'm going to choose a few people from the center to help with that next week. I don't know who yet but prepare to get a call from me.”

The reps looked around at each other, seeming to wonder who would get the call.

“Other than that continue to push forward. We're not quite done yet but we are in the home stretch. So, um… Does anyone have any questions for me?”

They all shook their heads.

“Awesome. Keep up the good work,” Alex said.

“Okay, you guys. You can get back to work; make sure you remember to send me your list by the end of the day,” Brian reminded them.

Alex nodded and picked up her tablet and report. Brian walked over to her.

“Is everything okay, Ms. Carter?”

She looked up at him. “Oh. Yes. All is fine. Why?”

“You seem a little frazzled; that's all.”

She pressed her shoulders back. “Everything is good. You guys are doing such a good job. I'm very excited about the job fair.”

“Yeah, the reps are really coming through and I want to thank you for your encouragement. You're tough but fair. Your standards really do help make us better.”

“Wow. Thank you, Brian. I appreciate that.”

She waved goodbye to them and walked back to her office. Alex's preoccupation with Nathan caused her to almost miss a meeting. She even arrived fumbling and bumbling, which was quite embarrassing.
I can't let that happen again.
Her work had the potential to provide some type of temporary relief from the constant debating in her head but she wasn't going to get an answer to her questions that way. She needed to call Nathan.

Alex went back to her office and sat at her computer. As a couple more hours passed, she continued to pull her brain back into her tasks and out of the club with Nathan and A.J. The only good benefit was that she could hide out in her office to keep anyone else from seeing how frazzled she was. Good thing the job fair
was on track for success. If it weren't for Dan, she'd really be going stir crazy. The call center didn't even have any questions for her.

Each time she thought about the noisy club, A.J.'s comment and Nathan's denial, her shoulders drooped at the memory.
I should have stayed home.
Alex shook her head free of the situation and forced her brain to refocus on her work.

When lunch time finally rolled around, she grabbed a couple of things off her desk and searched for a restaurant, hoping she would be able to disappear in the lobby corner or something. She settled on going to the Tutti Frutti Smoothie shop. It seemed like a laid back spot at first but the level of noise increased from the time she first entered the building.

Deciding against the noisy lobby, Alex paid for her peach and mango smoothie and returned to her car. She took a quick sip of the drink and sat it down in the cup holder before leaning back in her seat to think things over. What were her options? She could leave Nathan alone. She didn't need the drama. Getting out early to avoid the hassle seemed like the smart thing to do.

Then again, Nathan said he hadn't done anything wrong. He said he and Clarissa were done. He could be telling the truth. Up until then, they'd made real progress on their relationship. She'd let go of her anger about the way they'd ended years ago. He took her out. He listened to her. He even seemed to dote on her. Nathan hadn't shown any signs of having ulterior motives or playing games with her. Should she really come this far and give up?

She didn't want to give up. Unlike Phillip, Nathan made her happy. He made her feel special and appreciated. After years of trying to find that type of connection, Alex knew that if she let him go, she couldn't expect to experience this again anytime soon.

Alex reached for her iPhone and tapped the screen. She stared
at Nathan's number but felt like she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. To be honest, she didn't know what she would say if he answered. Alex decided to send a text. That would give her time to think of what she wanted to say and say it uninterrupted. When the blank white box appeared, Alex stared at it for a second. She finally got her thoughts together and began to type:

Hello, Nathan,

Thank you for bringing me along last night. I hate that it didn't turn out better but I'm glad you were understanding. Anyway, what are you doing later?

Alex struggled with the decision to type more. She decided to keep it short and to the point. She hit the send button and placed the phone back into its holster.

The rest of the day was uneventful. She found ways to keep herself busy. She had to—Nathan didn't send one text back. Every hour, she checked her phone. Not a text, a message or even a missed call. She started wishing she hadn't sent the text in the first place but she didn't see a reason why she shouldn't. It seemed like the nice thing to do. To issue an olive branch. To show good faith. She hoped he wasn't trying to punish her or prove a point. She didn't do anything wrong. Alex reacted to a situation that surprised and upset her.

Five o'clock hit and Nathan still hadn't responded to Alex. By the time she stepped off the building elevator onto the first floor, her mood had tanked. It wore on her that Nathan still hadn't texted or called her back.
Maybe I've blown it. Maybe he's done with me.
On her way to the lobby, she ran into Dan. He saw her and smiled wide.

“Hey. How's it going?”

“Can't complain.” Alex straightened her posture to portray her usual confidence.

“Me neither. My car was hit yesterday.”

Alex frowned and kept moving. “Are you all right? I thought you said you couldn't complain.”

“I can't.” They walked past the receptionist, waving goodbye to her. “Check out the rental they gave me.”

Dan pointed to a red convertible 2012 Jaguar XK coupe. Although there was a sea of cars on its row, its shiny exterior made it stand alone.

“Whoo! How did you get that type of upgrade?” Alex asked.

“There was a big mix up this morning when I went to get my rental. They didn't have ‘my' car ready. The price was wrong. It was a mess. Once I strongly expressed my disappointment in their professionalism, they put me in that little baby.”

Alex smiled. “You mean you threatened them.”

Dan sighed. “Tomato, tamato. The point is they made up for it.” He shook his head. “Isn't she a dime?”

Alex shook her head. “Sure, she is. Have you taken the top down yet?”

“On the way to work.” He cheesed and nodded.

She chuckled. “I'll bet you broke every heart you passed.”

“I might have heard a few breaks here and there.” He laughed.

It amazed Alex that she and Dan were now able to communicate. Not long ago, she was constantly annoyed with him. As she chuckled at his enthusiasm over the rental car, she wondered why they were ever at odds.

Apparently, Dan had the same thoughts. He broke from his laughter and cocked his head to the side.

“What's wrong with you?” Alex asked, a little self-conscious.

He caught himself. “Oh, nothing. I never knew you were capable of letting your guard down and having a good laugh. That's all,” Dan said.

She sucked her teeth. “Well, it's easy when you have someone helping you pull off a big project. Less stress means lighter mood. You're doing a great job with the sponsors and everything.” She turned and walked toward her car.

Dan followed. “Thanks but really you seem more easygoing these days. Happy, even.”

She stopped walking and looked up at Dan. Before she could respond a horn honked twice. Alex and Dan faced the sound. Nathan opened his car door, stepped outside and smiled at Alex.

Before she could stop it, Alex's face stretched as wide as it possibly could into a grin.

Dan nodded. “So, that's why.”

Heat rushed to her face. She covered her cheek as if steam were shooting from her pores.