The Cowboy Next Door (13 page)

It worked because she had found faith and forgiveness. She had forgiven herself and the people who had hurt her. Even her mom. She'd struggled with that one; her mother had been the hardest to forgive.

“Thank you for coming with me.” Lacey handed Rachel to Bailey. “I don't think it will take long. They said visiting times are limited.”

Bailey kissed Rachel's pudgy cheek. “We'll be fine. And Lacey, you'll be fine, too. This will all work out.”

“I know it will. It isn't easy.”

God had a plan. She had to keep telling herself that. Believing had highs and lows. Sometimes it was hard to believe, harder to find faith. But it was there; if she kept searching, she found herself knowing that God was in control. Even of moments like this.

They parted at the waiting room. Lacey followed the female officer to the room where she would talk to her sister. The walls were pale blue, the lights fluorescent. It was like every other jail; it felt cold and it twisted a person's confidence. Even a person from the outside.

Lacey sat down and a moment later the door opened and Corry was there with another female officer. This one stood at the door while Corry took a seat.

Corry looked gaunt and pale, but her hair was clean and her eyes were clear. She wasn't high; she wasn't looking for a fix. Her hands were clasped in front of her on the table and she finally looked up.

“I'm sorry.” Two words and then tears streamed down pale cheeks.

Lacey reached for her sister's hands. The guard cleared her throat and Lacey sat back, hands in front of her, like Corry's, but without handcuffs. “I know.”

“I want to tell you that I am sorry for what I did to you. And what I did to my baby.” Corry sobbed, lowering her face into her hands. “I'm not a bad person.”

“I know you're not.”

“You know, sometimes I feel like I never had a chance to be good or to do the right thing. I never had a chance. No one ever believed in me.” Corry looked up. “Except you.”

Lacey nodded, but she couldn't talk. Her throat tightened around the words she wanted to say and her eyes burned as tears surfaced. She had prayed so hard, so often for her sister to have a chance. A few years ago she had even tried to bring Corry back to Gibson with her. Corry hadn't wanted to leave her friends.

“Lacey, please adopt Rachel.”

“What?”

“I've been talking to this minister guy that comes here. He
explained your faith, and why you've changed. I never understood. I guess I was jealous. But now, I'm starting to get it, and I know that Rachel needs you.”

“You're her mom.”

“I'm guilty, Lacey. My lawyer says I'll probably get five or ten years. More likely ten. Rachel doesn't need a mom who went to jail. She needs to be able to go to school and say that she has a mom who works for a diner and has a diploma.” She laughed a little. “She needs to have you for a mom and your cowboy boyfriend for a dad.”

Normal moments between sisters in an unlikely place. Lacey regretted that it couldn't have happened sooner.

“He isn't my boyfriend.”

“You're a little slow, but you'll get it.”

“Time's almost up.” The voice of the officer.

Corry bit down on her lip and shook her head. “You have to do this, Lacey. I don't have time to argue. You have to be her mom. She can take the place of…”

“Don't.”

“No, you're right, she can't. But she needs you, and you need her. I've already signed a paper with my lawyer, giving you custody. Now you have to go and get it legal, so she can be your daughter.”

“Oh, Corry.”

The officer walked to the table and Corry stood.

“It's the right thing to do, Lacey. For once, I'm doing the right thing.” She whispered that she loved Lacey and then the guard led her out.

Lacey cried. She couldn't stop the tears. She couldn't stop the mixture of hurt and joy that mixed inside her heart. Joy, because Corry was finally growing up, pain, because it had to be now, like this.

She left the room and walked down the hall, through security
and back to the waiting room where Bailey held Rachel. A month ago Lacey had thought she had life figured out.

Lance had been a wound that was healing, but his rejection had taught her something about herself and it had cemented in her mind that she could make it without a man. She would live her life in Gibson, taking up space in Jolynn's studio and waiting on farmers who came into the Hash-It-Out for coffee and steadily dished-out banter from their waitress.

She had made a plan for herself that included getting her GED and maybe taking college classes because she wanted to be a teacher.

Everything had changed that day Jay walked through the doors of the diner, Corry in the back of his police car, and a baby that needed someone to keep her safe.

“What happened?” Bailey stood, a little slower getting up with a baby on the inside and Rachel holding her hair in both hands.

“I'm not sure.” She held her hands out and took Rachel. Bailey had to untangle baby fingers from her hair.

“You're not sure.”

“She wants me to adopt Rachel. She wants her baby to have someone who will make the right decisions for her, and give her a chance.” Lacey held her niece close. “What if I'm not that person?”

Bailey walked next to her, down the hall and out into bright sunshine and heat. “Of course you're the right person. And you can give her something else that Corry couldn't. You give her community and people who love her. You give her stability.”

“I know you're right, but it isn't the perfect plan, is it? The perfect plan would include Corry getting her life together and making the right decisions.”

“That isn't going to happen right now. And right now is what needs to be taken care of.”

“I guess you're right.” Lacey unlocked her car and Bailey opened the back door so she could put the baby in the car seat.

“Of course I'm right.” Bailey spoke with a soft smile. “Remember, when we're giving each other words of wisdom, we're always right.”

“Of course, how could I have forgotten?”

“Momentary lapse.” Bailey buckled her seat belt. “Lacey, it'll all work out.”

“I know it will. It's a little scary at the moment, but I know it'll work out.”

It was still early. Her mind turned to easier thoughts: a day off and weeding her flower gardens. But somehow Jay entered into those thoughts, because lately he had done that a lot.

No matter how much she told herself it was wrong, that it wouldn't work, her silly heart still insisted on thinking about him and what it felt like to be held in his arms.

No one had ever made her feel as safe, or as threatened.

J
ay walked out of the barn and looked toward the old farmhouse. Lacey's sedan was back. His mom had told him that Lacey went to see Corry. He had wondered about the meeting, and worried. He knew that Lacey could hold her own, but he worried that Corry would manipulate her.

The movement of the mare inside the barn drew him back inside, into the dark interior that smelled like hay and horses. A cat ran past him, chasing a mouse that ran up a post. The horse turned, her sides heaving and her head down.

“It won't be long, Lady.” He leaned his arms on the top of the gate. The horse looked up, eyes sad, and then she turned again. Away from him.

She would have the foal any time. But she didn't appreciate his presence. He walked back to the door, to sunlight and heat. It felt good to take his hat off. There wasn't much of a breeze, but enough. At least the mare had the fan that he had plugged in and hung outside her stall.

“Be back in a little while. Don't have the baby while I'm gone.” He looked back inside. The horse didn't seem to care that he was leaving.

Lacey would probably love to watch the mare give birth. He had a feeling she was all about newborns. He walked to his truck and jumped in, starting it with the key that he never took out of the ignition. He should; it wasn't as if Gibson was completely crime-free. But they didn't have a lot of car thefts in the area.

When he pulled behind her car and parked, he saw her weeding flower gardens that hadn't been taken care of in a couple of years. The last renter hadn't been interested. And then the house had been empty for a year.

He got out of his truck and walked across the yard. A playpen was set up in the shade of a big oak tree. Next to it, Pete. So that's where the dog had gone off to. Jay shook his head and gave his dog a look. It didn't do any good. Pete looked pretty happy with his spot under the tree. And he had a rawhide bone.

“Looks like you have company.” He spoke as he walked up behind Lacey. She jumped a little and turned.

“Don't do that.”

“Sorry. I thought you heard me.”

“I did, but I didn't realize you were behind me already.” She pulled off gardening gloves and brushed hair back from her face. Somewhere along the way she had gone from cute to beautiful. Maybe it was her smile, or the way her eyes lit up.

He was as confused as Pete obviously was. He shook his head. “Sorry. I came down to see if you wanted to watch my mare give birth. It'll probably happen in the next couple of hours.”

“I'd love to watch.”

“How did it go with Corry?”

She glanced at the baby in the playpen, holding a rattle and cooing. “She wants me to adopt the baby. She's been meeting with a minister and she's decided Rachel should have stability. With me.”

She looked away, cheeks flushed. He wondered, but didn't know how much to ask, about what this meant to her.

“I'm going to do it.” She pulled a weed, continuing to talk, but not looking at him. She moved a little and pulled crabgrass that was spreading through the flowers.

“You'll be a great mom.”

“I hope. I don't know.”

“Lacey, I don't get it. This seems like an easy decision to make. Actually, I can't imagine that it would really require a decision. Do you not want her?”

She leaned back on her heels and looked up at him.

“Of course I want her. I want her more than anything. I'm just afraid. And I don't want to make mistakes with her life.”

“I think my mom would tell you that every parent makes mistakes. And I'm telling you, that little girl will be better off with you. And Corry knows it. So stop worrying.”

She nodded a little, biting down on her lip, the pulled crabgrass still in her hand. “Jay, I had a baby.”

He stared, too surprised to say anything. He kneeled next to her, reaching for a dandelion. She slapped his hands away.

“Not the dandelions.” The words caught on a sob.

“What?” It didn't make sense. They were talking about babies, not dandelions.

“The dandelions are my favorite flowers.”

“They're weeds.” He wanted to talk about babies and the stark sadness in her eyes, the loss. He could tell her that he knew how it felt, to let go of someone.

“They're not weeds. They're sunny, happy flowers and I love them. People are always trying to get rid of them, yanking them out by the roots and tossing them. But they survive because God designed them with a purpose. He made them strong.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Strong, like you.”

She wiped at her eyes. “I don't feel strong. Dandelions are survivors. They can grow anywhere. They fill up bare places.”

Filling up bare places. He sighed, because she was a dandelion and she didn't know it. He didn't know how to tell her that, or what to say about a baby she had given up.

She smiled up at him, tears clinging to dark lashes, smearing liner under her eyes. “Did you know dandelions have a lot of vitamin A?”

“I see. That's probably why my grandmother wilted dandelion greens with bacon grease and made me eat them every summer.” Jay reached for hands that were busy pulling weeds while tears fell. “Lacey, I'm sorry.”

She nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks and dropping onto the dry earth. Sad tears watering her dandelions.

“I gave her up for adoption. I knew that I wasn't prepared to be a mother, not the mother she needed. So a family in Ohio adopted her.”

“You gave her life. That's an amazing thing. It isn't always the choice that a woman makes when she feels like her back is against the wall.”

“I wanted her to have life, and to have a life with a family that loves her and takes care of her. Everything I never had and couldn't give her. And now Corry thinks I can give her daughter that life.”

“I believe you can, too.”

“I'm single. I work at a diner and live on tips.”

He wanted to tell her he would help, but he couldn't. He had already done that once, proposed because it seemed like the thing to do. He had actually proposed twice. The first had been accepted.

“You have people who will help you, Lacey. You can do this.”

She looked up, eyes red and tears trickling down her cheeks. He wiped the tears away, and then he kissed her, because it felt like the thing to do. She was looking at him as though she believed it when he said she could raise Rachel.

She kissed him back, soft and easy like a spring day, and then she moved, out of his embrace and out of his reach.

“You have to stop doing that. You're confusing me. We're friends, and then you kiss me like that. I don't want to be this woman that you kiss when the moment feels vulnerable. I'm not…” She stood up. “I'm better than that.”

He stood next to her. “Yes, you are, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“Why can't life be simple? Why couldn't I have been the girl who grew up in this town, making the right choices and living the life I wanted?”

“Because life isn't predictable and we all have a path. What we go through makes us who we are. And now God is replacing what you lost, with Rachel.”

Replacing what was lost. He faltered at those words and looked away from Lacey, to the fields and the distant stable. He needed to escape the sweet tangle that was Lacey Gould.

“Let me get Rachel.” Lacey dropped her gardening shovel and gloves into the nearby wheelbarrow. “I still want to see that baby horse.”

No way out. He smiled and walked across the yard with her. He watched as she gathered the baby and her bag. She pointed to the playpen.

“Can you grab that?”

“I can.” He folded it, or at least he figured it out after two or three tries. Lacey stood next to him, smiling again. It didn't take her long to bounce back.

“Let's go.” He walked back to the truck and as he stowed the playpen in the back and lowered the tailgate for Pete to jump in, she strapped the baby into the car seat she'd pulled out of her car.

She'd make a good mom.

 

Lacey loved the stable, with the dust, the smell of hay, horses moving restlessly in their stalls and the cats climbing around,
looking for mice. It felt like a comfortable place that a kid could have hidden in while playing hide-and-seek.

She asked Jay if he had played there as a kid.

“We did. Linda, Chad, me and a few neighbor kids would hang out in the barn. It wasn't this barn, not back then.”

Lacey closed her eyes, remembering her own childhood, riding bikes down busy streets and staying away from her mom as much as possible. That had been a game of hide-and-seek she would have gladly not played.

She was a whole person, though. And happy. She looked at the baby sleeping in the playpen, the dog on the ground next to her. He'd taken up the job of protector. Lacey smiled. Jay, in the lawn chair next to hers, moved.

They were sitting in a stall opposite the stall where the mare was laboring. Jay stood and walked out into the aisle. He came back shaking his head.

“She's stubborn.”

“I'm not sure why you're watching her. Won't she give birth on her own?”

“She will, but this is her first foal and we've only had the mare a month. I bought her at the auction.”

“At the auction?”

“She was cheap and I was bidding against guys that wouldn't have taken her to a nice home. She's part Arabian and sometimes they have thicker placenta and the babies need help breaking through the sac. Especially if she's been on a fescue-grass diet.”

“That's a lot to remember.”

“It's all information you pick up as you go. Sometimes you pick it up through a bad experience.”

“A lot like life.”

“I guess. Yes.”

Pete lifted his head and looked at the wide open doors of the
barn. Wilma Blackhorse walked through the opening, her smile wide. “There you two are.”

“We're waiting for Lady to have her foal.” Jay got out of his chair and motioned for his mom to sit.

“I wanted to see if you need anything.” Wilma glanced in the direction of the baby, her smile soft. “I thought I might see if Lacey wants me to take the baby to the house.”

“Are you sure?” Lacey had to ask. “I don't want you to feel like you have to constantly watch her.”

“Lacey, I love you and that baby. Remember, I have a grandchild that lives hundreds of miles away that I can't see or hold every day.”

Wilma was already gathering baby stuff. Lacey lifted the infant from the playpen, kissing her cheek before handing her over to Wilma.

“Now, we'll just go on up to the nice, cool house and you two stay and make sure that foal is safe.” Wilma smiled as she walked out the barn door, holding Rachel close and talking to her.

Lacey watched them go, watched the horse, watched cats playing and finally sat down. Jay sat next to her. Neither of them talked. Lacey avoided looking at the man next to her, because he had to know that his mom was starting to think of them as a likely match.

“She's never been subtle.” Jay finally spoke, legs stretched in front of him, his jeans bunched over boots that were scuffed.

Lacey looked down at her worn sneakers, dirty from gardening. She tried not to think of all the differences between them.

“She means well. She just doesn't understand.”

Jay looked at her, eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Me, the girl next door who is anything but the girl next door. Jay, I'm not naive. I know that I'm not the type of woman a man thinks of when he thinks of a wife and mother for his children.”

“You're selling yourself short, Lacey. I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone. If I was…”

She waited, wondering for a moment why she was holding her breath, why she wanted to hear him say something that would make a difference. When she looked into Jay's eyes, she saw acceptance. And he knew all of her secrets.

“Lacey, I'm not ready to share deep, dark secrets. Maybe because I'm a man and we're not geared to talk about our feelings—” he flashed a cowboy grin and wink that lightened the moment “—but I couldn't imagine being ashamed to take you home to meet my family.”

“You know that I dated Lance?”

“I know.”

“I'm over him. I'm over whatever was between us. I'm getting over being rejected and dealing with the reality that he thought it was okay to date me, but all of our dates were in Springfield and never here, where people could see.”

“Maybe it's time for you to forgive yourself.”

“What?”

“You're still holding on to what you did in St. Louis. You're still punishing yourself and telling yourself you can't have what other people have because you made mistakes.”