The Cowboy Next Door (14 page)

Lacey looked away from questioning eyes that were warm and compassionate. “I know. But Jay, people don't always let go of what they know about someone. I sold myself, and in the process I lost part of my self-worth. It isn't always easy to look in the mirror. It isn't easy to feel clean when for so long I felt dirty.”

“You've asked for forgiveness. Maybe it's time to forgive yourself and to realize no one is perfect or sin-free.”

Lacey nodded, because he made her want to believe in herself, but she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't take that step into his life and make a connection that would only lead to a broken heart.

Movement from the stall across from them brought both out of their seats. Jay walked to the stall and Lacey followed. Neither of them spoke.

The mare moved to the corner of the stall, head down. Lacey held her breath, watching as the foal slipped to the ground, dark and slimy on the straw-covered floor. Jay opened the stall door and moved quietly, talking to the mare. He helped the mother free her baby from the sac that covered its body. He used a towel to wipe the face, the nose and ears. When he stepped back, the mare took over, cleaning the dark, still-wet baby.

“It's a girl.” He smiled over his shoulder, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

“Jay, I'm sorry. I don't want things between us to be complicated.” She shrugged. “I like having you for a friend.”

He nodded and stepped back to lean against the wall. He draped the dirty towel over the gate and his gaze remained on the mare and foal.

“Lacey, I just got out of a relationship. It took me three years and a rejection to realize it would have been a mistake. I didn't love Cindy. She was easy to be around.” He turned to Lacey, his brown eyes serious, his smile gone. “I won't do that to another woman. It isn't fair to slide into another relationship because it is easy.”

“You don't have to explain.”

“That isn't an explanation. It's a fact, and it's hard for a man to admit he nearly messed up someone else's life to make his own a little easier.”

“I can't picture you looking for an easy relationship. You've got a big house nearly framed, a good life here, and it seems like you'd want to fill that life with a wife and kids.”

“It seems that way, doesn't it?” He moved out of the stall door and stood next to her, resting his arms on the door. His shoulder brushed hers. “I'll tell you all about it someday.”

“Okay.”

Lacey focused on mother and baby. The little foal, still too wet to tell her true color, tried to stand again. She would get up on hind legs, front legs still bent, and push. And down she'd go. The mother horse nuzzled her, encouraging her to try again.

It took a few minutes. Finally, on wobbly legs, she stood next to her mother.

“She's beautiful.” Lacey leaned, looking in at the most miraculous event of her life.

“I'm going to name her Dandelion.” Jay winked as he spoke. “And when she's weaned, she's yours.”

“Jay, I can't take a horse.”

“She's a gift. Lacey, I bought her mom for almost nothing, just to save her life. The baby was a bonus. She's yours. Just call her Dandelion, okay?”

“Dandy for short.”

“Okay.” He stepped out of the stall. “And don't let the Gibson matchmakers bother you too much. They've been at it for years. Probably for decades. A long time ago they wanted me to marry Bailey. Think about what a mistake that would have been.”

A mistake. She nodded and let her gaze drift back to the mare and her foal. Lacey didn't want to be anyone's mistake.

“I should go.” She stepped back, not really wanting to leave the mare and the little filly, Dandelion.

“Don't.” Jay remained next to her. “Lacey, I have stories, too. I'm just not ready to share.”

“You don't have to share.” She folded the playpen, smiling a little because Jay watched, shaking his head like he had more to say.

“You make that look easy.” He meant the playpen, she knew.

“Practice.” She carried the playpen out of the stall they'd been sitting in and he took it from her.

“You can't walk home with all of this stuff and the baby.”

She groaned, because she hadn't thought of that. She had ridden down in his truck. And she had the baby. It was no longer just her, taking care of herself.

“I'll get Rachel.” She let him take the playpen from her hands. In some circles this would have been running away. Maybe it was. She didn't want to hear personal stories that would lead her further into his life, and she didn't want to be anyone's mistake.

T
hree days after a foal named Dandelion was born and she'd learned that Jay had secrets, secrets Lacey didn't want to know, she stood on the porch and watched the county social worker drive away. Lacey felt a little sick to her stomach, not knowing what the lady had meant by
hmmm
and
um-hmmm
.

As her car pulled away, Bailey's pulled in. Lacey let out a sigh of relief that only Pete heard. Pete. She still didn't love the dog, but he was growing on her. She looked at him, frowning a little, a gesture he obviously didn't get. His tail thumped the wood porch.

“Was that the case worker?” Bailey walked up to the porch. “And isn't that Jay's dog?”

“It is Jay's dog, and yes, it was the case worker. She did the home study.”

“How'd it go?” Bailey glanced at the dog again and shook her head. “Why is Pete here? You don't like dogs.”

“He's a little like his owner, kind of clueless sometimes.”

“Jay, clueless?” Bailey walked into the semi-cool interior of the house. “I love this place.”

“Me too.” She led Bailey to the kitchen. “Thank you for watching her tonight.”

“I don't want you to quit school.”

“Again.” Lacey turned and smiled as she pulled a pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge. “Want some?”

“Homemade?”

“Of course.”

Bailey nodded and got glasses out of the cabinet. “So, Jay is clueless?”

“Of course he is. We have this strange friendship that only exists because he brought Corry to the diner and I moved in here. He didn't want that, but now we're friends and I don't know.”

“He's drop-dead…”

“Stop.”
Gorgeous
wasn't a word that Lacey needed supplied in order to picture the cowboy with the dark hair and stomach-tilting smile.

“Okay, I'll stop. So, his dog likes you.”

They sat down at the table. Lacey pushed a plate of cookies to her friend. Bailey took one, and then took another.

“Yes, his dog likes me.” Lacey smiled at the baby sleeping in the playpen. “And I like Jay. As a friend. As a neighbor.”

“I'm glad to hear you're opening that door.”

After a drink of tart and sweet lemonade, Lacey explained, “I told him about my little girl.”

Bailey's eyes watered and a few tears spilled out. That hadn't been Lacey's goal. Tears should be behind them.

“Oh, Lace, I'm sorry. I know this can't be easy for you, with Rachel and the memories.”

“It's easier than I thought it would be. It's been years, and I'm a different person. And that little girl has a life with a family that loves her. It's the way it's supposed to be.” She smiled. “I never thought I'd be able to say that.”

“So then, what's the problem with Jay?”

“I'm okay with my past. I don't want for someone else to have to be okay with it.”

“I guess that make sense.”

“Not only that, but I don't want to be his rebound girl. He got rejected by someone he dated for three years. That has to leave a few wounds.”

“He wasn't in love with her.
She
was the rebound girl.”

“He told me he wasn't in love with her, but that's all I got from him.”

“You don't know about Jamie?”

“I guess not.”

“She lived here. In this house.”

Lacey closed her eyes. “Wonderful. Now I understand why he didn't want me here.”

“They were—”

Lacey raised her hand. “I don't think I want to hear this.”

“She came here—”

Lacey stopped her friend. “Bailey, I mean it, I don't want to hear. This is his story, and I don't want his story. I don't want to hear his secrets. I don't want to be connected to him that way. I don't want…”

“To have your heart broken?”

She nodded. “I don't want to fall in love with him, because I'm fine the way I am. I have Rachel now. I love this town and I love my friends here. It's taken me a long time to get to this place.”

“You're absolutely right, you have made it. You're a bigger part of Gibson than you realize.”

“I know, but I guess I'm always waiting for the floor to drop out from under me. It only takes one person bringing it up, making a big deal of it, and then people start to talk.”

“True, but you're a part of this community now. Lacey,
people know you and love you. Everyone gets talked about, people do gossip, but there are more people who love you than who would want to hurt you.”

“You can be right about that.” Lacey smiled, and it was easier to smile now. “But I'm right about relationships.”

“Okay, if that's the way you want to play, I'll let you be right about relationships. I get to be right about everything else.”

“Deal.” Lacey looked down at her watch. “And if I don't get going, I'm going to be late for class.”

“Go. We'll be fine. Oh, did you talk to the lawyer?”

“Yep. We have to go to court and have a judge approve everything.” She reached for her books. “As long as the home study comes back okay and no one contests the adoption.”

“It will work out.”

“Bailey, I want to be an optimist, but I have to be realistic on this. I have a record. What happens if they don't approve me for this adoption?”

“We'll make sure she stays here.”

“How?”

“Cody and I will adopt her.”

Lacey hugged her friend for that out-of-character impulsiveness. “I love you, Bailey. See you later.”

Lacey hurried to her car, trying not to look at the truck that drove past, or the cowboy who waved without really looking in her direction.

 

Jay reached for his phone the next morning. Without thinking his plan through, he dialed Lacey's number, knowing she was up, even after her late night at school.

He'd made the mistake of stopping by Lacey's the night before, and he'd gotten stuck talking to Bailey.

Bailey, who had questioned him about his intentions toward her friend. He had to smile at the protectiveness that had been
evident. He didn't plan on hurting Lacey. He had told Bailey that he didn't have
intentions
.

She answered on the third ring, a little out of breath, her voice soft.

“Lacey, are you busy?”

“No, why? Is everything okay?”

He sat down in the rocking chair on his mom's front porch and watched as the construction crew worked on the roof of his new house. “Everything is fine. I just thought I'd see if you wanted to go riding.”

“I don't know.” Hesitation. “Jay, what's going on?”

“They did the home study yesterday. I thought you might need to be distracted.”

“Thank you.”

“So, riding?”

“I want to be here when they call, so I really can't go riding.”

“How about if I come down there. We can water the dandelions.”

“That isn't nice, making fun of a girl because she shared something with you.”

“You're right. So, how about a picnic and Pete can play with Rachel.”

“A play date with the kids, how fun.” Her tone teased and he smiled. It sounded like a normal conversation between a man and a woman. Then Jay knew that he shouldn't have called.

Too late now. She was silent on the other end, waiting for him to say something.

“Yes, a play date.”

“Come on down.”

Jay drove down to Lacey's with a picnic basket on the seat next to him and Pete in the back of the truck. When he pulled up to Lacey's she was sitting in the backyard on a canopy-shaded swing. The baby was sitting in her lap.

He got out, Pete hurrying ahead of him. The dog sat at Lacey's feet, nuzzling her hand and then sniffing the baby. Jay reached them, smiling a little because they were quite a trio, that dog, the baby and Lacey.

He wasn't sure where he fit in. That thought didn't make sense. He wasn't supposed to fit in here.

“Have you heard from the lawyer?”

She shook her head, standing with the baby. “Not yet. I'm a little nervous.”

She handed him the baby girl. In the short time Rachel had been at Lacey's she'd grown and she smiled more. Drool slid down her chin and she touched his cheek with her tiny hand.

“She likes you.” Lacey took the picnic basket.

“Good thing she doesn't know that I'm scared to death of her.”

“Good thing. But I think babies are like dogs. They smell fear.” Lacey pulled a cloth off her shoulder and wiped the drool off the baby's chin. “What's in the basket?”

“Chick food.”

“Chick food?” Her brows arched and he thought that she was spunky and beautiful. The rough edges he used to imagine had softened and her smile teased.

“The kind of food women like. It usually contains nuts and fruit.”

“Is that the definition in Webster's?”

“It's the Jay definition.” He kissed Rachel's cheek and then looked at Lacey. “Chicken salad, croissants, salad with some kind of fruity-tasting dressing and cheesecake.”

“Wow, it
is
chick food.”

“Mom bought it at some
homemade but not
deli in Springfield.”

“You're willing to eat such chick food? For me?”

“For you.”

She turned a little pink and he didn't comment. He felt as if the picnic mattered in ways he couldn't begin to understand.

“I'm going to take it in the house for now.” Lacey stepped back, away from him and the baby. “You hold Rachel. I'll put this in the fridge. The last thing we need is food poisoning. And I'll make lemonade.”

He smiled because she was rambling.

“I'll sit here in the shade with Miss Rachel.” He watched Lacey go and then he sat down on the swing, the baby in his arms, her fingers wrapping around his, and she cooed.

“Little girl, you are one special creature. You know, I think your aunt is special, too. Don't tell her that.” He leaned back, the baby sort of standing in his lap, her slobbery mouth on his shoulder. “It isn't easy, moving forward. It isn't easy to let go of promises.”

He sat Rachel back on his lap and she gave him a crooked grin. “Yes, like you know exactly what I mean. It's easy to tell you secrets. Who are you going to tell?”

The baby blew spit bubbles and he lifted her to kiss her cheek. “I know exactly what you mean. Life is definitely complicated.”

She grinned again, and then her face turned red and she made another face. “Oh, well, that's not pleasant.”

He looked from the baby to the house. No sign of Lacey. He held the baby out a little and wrinkled his own nose. Rachel smiled, obviously thinking his face was part of a game to entertain her.

The back door slammed shut. Pete got up and walked away, choosing a place under the shade tree. Lacey laughed as she crossed the yard. “Is she suddenly toxic?”

He nodded and held the baby out to Lacey. “I think she is.”

Lacey took her niece and held her, not bothered, obviously. “I'll change her and be right back. Try not to look so offended.”

He laughed a little. “You have to admit, it isn't nice.”

“I admit, it really isn't. But you're a country boy, you've seen worse.”

“I'm not sure if I've smelled worse.”

 

Lacey walked through the back door, Rachel cooing against her shoulder, and smelling really unpleasant. She put the baby down on the changing table in the tiny spare bedroom and reached for the diapers. The phone rang.

Of course it would ring while her hands were full with a messy baby, diapers and wipes. She held Rachel and reached for the phone, knocking the wipes off the table in the process.

Footsteps on the floor in the kitchen. She turned as Jay walked into the room, and she answered the phone.

“Miss Gould, this is Lynette McCullough from Family Services. I wanted to let you know that the review for your home study was positive and we can proceed with the adoption. We'll go to court in two weeks.”

“Court in two weeks?” Lacey turned and smiled at Jay. He was leaning against the door frame, watching her. “That soon?”

“In a situation like this, with the parent giving up her rights, the process is a little easier and definitely takes less time.”

She looked away, focusing on the call, the details and the baby that would be hers. She said good-bye and hung up, knowing that Jay had moved closer, that he was behind her.