The Deputies: 3 Novella Box Set (3 page)

Her hips were wider and her breasts were fuller and no longer as perky. She’d never had six pack abs but now her stomach was softer with faint silver lines running across it. A few wrinkles were starting to form at the corners of her eyes and damned if she wasn’t exhausted pretty much all the time. It didn’t help that she had trouble sleeping without her big strong husband next to her. Single parenting a small boy filled with more energy than dynamite would have worn out even the most well-rested parent.

“He likes to show off,” Alyssa replied, even though the question had been directed to her son. “I know where he gets it, and it’s not from me.”

Hank had never had a modest bone in his body from the first time they’d made love. He’d walk around without a stitch of clothing on, completely unconcerned. Not that she’d complained. He’d been like a Greek statue, a study in male beauty with muscles that shifted and bunched under his tan skin when he moved. How many times had she watched fascinated as he’d levered up from the bed after they’d made love, naked as the day he was born?

Her husband had only grown more handsome as the years had passed. A few more touches of grey were at his temples but his stomach was still as hard and flat and his shoulders still as wide in his uniform. The lines around his eyes simply made him look more interesting and attractive.

Dammit. She needed every ounce of allure she could call upon to help her cause. She needed to convince Hank that she loved him. Needed him. That they belonged together.

“I’ll get him in his pajamas. Then we’ll have a story, won’t we, buddy?”

Hank had tried to avoid talking to her as much as possible today. It was as if he pretended she wasn’t here, he wouldn’t have to deal with her in any way. She wasn’t about to make it that easy on him. She was determined to repair their marriage. Being the cause of most of the problems, it was up to her to make things right.

“I want the puppy story, Daddy.” Luke’s excited voice could be easily heard through the walls where Hank was helping his son choose between Iron Man and Captain America jammies. “Can I have two stories tonight?”

Whatever Hank’s answer was, she couldn’t hear it. She swiftly cleaned up the bathroom and headed down the hall to Luke’s room, decorated in blue and green dinosaurs. It was one of the first things she’d done when he left his crib for a big boy bed. Even now the memories made her throat tight with emotion. He was growing up so fast. It seemed only yesterday she’d rocked him to sleep in front of the fireplace.

“Where’s the rocker that was in the living room?” Hank and Luke were sitting on the bed, the lamp from the bedside table illuminating a semi-circle around them. Hershey was lying on the rug next to them but he jumped up and wagged his tail at her entrance.

Hank looked up from the book that Luke was reading out loud, his expression blank. “It’s gone.”

“Gone? Where?” She’d had a local craftsman make that chair by hand. She’d rocked her newborn son in it the day they’d brought him home from the hospital.

“I gave it away.” Hank’s voice was flat and clearly it wasn’t up for discussion.

Now. But they would discuss it.

Alyssa bristled with anger at his high-handedness. “I guess we can talk about it later.”

“There’s nothing to discuss.” His gaze was level, his dark eyes hard. “I can handle story time.”

She was being dismissed. How charming. What Hank didn’t know was she wasn’t planning to allow him to do that to her. She opened her mouth to sweetly reply but her son beat her to it.

“I want all of us to sit on the bed, Daddy. Like we used to.” Luke’s plaintive tone cut through the tension between Alyssa and her estranged husband.

God bless the little ones. They said what adults wouldn’t say out loud.

“I love this book. Go on, sweetheart,” she urged as she settled on the bed, the Lab at her feet. Avoiding Hank’s eyes, she instead kept her attention on her son who was carefully reading the book about a shelter puppy finding a forever home. By the time they tucked him in and kissed him goodnight, an observer could have cut the tension with a knife.

She followed him into the living room, shutting her son’s door behind her in case their discussion got loud. She didn’t want to argue with Hank but he may not give her any choice. She could feel the waves of anger coming off of him. He was not happy about the turn of events.

Hank went straight to the refrigerator, grabbing himself a beer. He didn’t offer her one but instead sat on the couch. His expression was forbidding and if she hadn’t seen the softer side of her husband, Alyssa might have backed down.

“I want you to leave in the morning.” Hank’s voice was harsh and she had to hide her wince at his words. She needed to put on her big girl panties and deal with things. It probably wasn’t the last time Hank would be this way before things were patched up between them.

Alyssa sat down on the overstuffed armchair across from him so she could see his face when she spoke. “I’m not going anywhere, Hank. I’m tired of running away. We have a marriage and a son. It’s up to us to be the grownups here. I know you’re mad and I don’t blame you. But I’m here to apologize and try to make this work.”

Hank jumped to his feet and placed his hand on the stones of the mantel, unhappiness in every line of his body.

“Nice of you to acknowledge that I have a reason to be angry. When did you realize that, Lis? When did you realize I was right?”

She was finally getting past that brittle facade he’d placed between them. He didn’t even realize he’d called her “Lis”, a nickname he only used when he was in a loving or passionate mood. It gave her the first glimmer of hope she’d had all day.

“I realized it about nine months ago during the preparations for Caroline’s wedding. I saw how my parents were manipulating her and Mark. Suddenly everything became so clear to me.”

“Nine months ago?” He swung around and took a few steps toward her. “If everything was so fucking clear then why have I not had a wife all this time? Can you explain that?”

His jaw jutted out aggressively but Alyssa knew he would never hurt her in a million years. Hank was all bark and no bite. Tonight he was angry as hell, and for good reason. But she knew this man. Once he had his say, he would be apologizing.

“I had to grow up, Hank. Please understand. I had to separate from my parents and it was so painful.” It was difficult to describe the months of emotional blackmail she’d been subjected to. “Despite being a grown woman when we met, I was naive. I thought Mom and Dad could do no wrong. Finding out they were exactly as you described was a shock. I knew they liked their own way but I never thought they would go to such extremes. They managed to get Caroline to promise she and Mark would move into the estate. Everyone but Caroline could see Mark wasn’t happy. It was as if I was watching a movie of you and me. It made me sick to my stomach, honestly.”

Hank laughed but it wasn’t an amused sound. “Let me guess. Jim convinced Mark to come work for the family firm?”

Alyssa rubbed her temples, the beginning of a headache starting to bloom. “Dad convinced Caroline, and Caroline convinced Mark. When I moved out, I told her she was crazy to let it continue. I told her she had to choose between her husband or Mom and Dad.”

“You chose your parents.” Hank’s flat statement was filled with a world of hurt. She wished desperately that she could soothe it away, take it inside of herself so he could be at peace.

She blinked at the tears filling her eyes, knowing this was the biggest mistake she’d made.

“At the time? Yes.” She wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to bring herself some comfort and assuage the raw pain and fear deep inside. “Now? You and Luke come first. Always. I will always choose you, Hank. I promise. I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

Her husband turned toward the front window, his back to her. “I’d like to believe you.”

“But you can’t.” Her throat was tight and she had to choke back a sob.

“I can’t,” Hank replied flatly, finally turning toward her, his face carved from granite. “It’s too late.”

She pressed her trembling lips together and the tears she’d been trying to hide spilled over and down her cheeks. They just kept hurting one another. She had to break this cycle once and for all. Instead of lashing out she scrubbed at her wet face.

“I understand why you would think that, but I don’t agree. I’m here and I’m not going to give up on making us a family again. I’ve made mistakes and I don’t deny that. But I love you, Hank. You can push me away, but I’ll just keep coming back.”

“You don’t know what love is.” Hank’s face had gone pale when she’d declared her love. “You think love is cars and jewelry.”

Alyssa stood but didn’t move toward the man she loved, scared he might step further away. She couldn’t take any more of that. “I don’t think I ever thought that was love, although I had a pretty fucked up idea of it. I think I thought that if you loved me you would do everything I wanted. It sounds so stupid now saying it out loud like that, but I didn’t have the greatest role models in the world. But being a mom now, well, I know that love means giving more than you get. I know it’s about making someone else happy. I’m ready to do that. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy, Hank. Name it.”

“You want to make me happy, Alyssa? Then leave. Just go. There’s nothing for you here.”

Hank turned on his heel and stomped out of the house into the night. She stood as if made of stone while the tears slid down her cheeks. She still didn’t move when she heard his truck start up and back out of the driveway or when her knees gave out and she fell to the floor, her body wracked with sobs she couldn’t control.

Eventually the crying stopped and she pushed herself to her feet, feeling suddenly very cold and stiff. It had been a long time since she’d let go of her emotions that way. It had all been building up and she was glad she had let it all out. She had to toughen up if she was going to get through this. Hank was going to keep pushing her away until he felt he could trust her again. If she fell apart at every little thing she was going to be crying all the time.

She padded back to the master bedroom where she’d unpacked earlier, resolve stiffening her spine. Hank had been so preoccupied he hadn’t seemed to notice she’d moved back in lock, stock, and barrel. Entering the bath, she stripped off her clothes and headed straight for the shower. When he came home, he’d find his loving wife in bed waiting for her husband.

Chapter Three

H
ank swung out of his friend Tom’s truck, trying not to make too much noise. It was one o’clock in the morning and Hank’s neighbors would be fast asleep. They wouldn’t appreciate a slightly inebriated man coming home, slamming vehicle doors, tripping over garbage cans, and making a general racket.

“Thanks for the ride, man. I owe you.”

“You’ve done the same for me. See you tomorrow.” Tom Strack was a good man and a fellow deputy. Still single, he partied a couple of nights a week. Luckily for Hank, tonight Tom had been the designated driver for a few friends. He’d gladly offered Hank a ride when he’d said he was going to call a taxi.

Trying to be quiet, Hank unlocked the front door cautiously hoping Alyssa wasn’t waiting up for him. He’d had several beers but he still wasn’t in the mood to rehash the past or forgive and forget. It hurt too much, and she shouldn’t expect to waltz in here, say she was sorry, and have everything forgiven. It didn’t fucking work that way.

The living room was completely dark and deserted. He tossed his keys on the kitchen table and headed back to the bedroom. He was tired and he needed some shut eye. He had to be on duty in seven hours.

He flipped on the light and the lump in his bed stirred and groaned. “Damn, Hank.” Alyssa sat up in bed and rubbed at her eyes. “Will you turn the overhead light off? I’ll turn the bedside lamp on low.”

She snapped on the light but he didn’t hit the wall switch. His body had responded in its usual way when he’d seen his beautiful wife in his king-sized bed, a place she hadn’t been in a very long time. He gritted his teeth and pushed those feelings ruthlessly away. He would not become helpless to his libido. He was in control here. After all, she’d admitted her feelings but he’d said nothing. For the first time, he had the upper hand.