The Devil’s Guide To Hollywood (68 page)

A Halfway Girl

A studio executive who slept her way not to the top, but to the middle.

They’re all fans of Robert McKee
.

S
creenwriter Dan Pyne (
Pacific Heights
): “Maybe that’s who’s taking all these screenwriting courses—story editors or producers who want to write one. I met up with a guy yesterday, a very nice guy from Disney. He wants me to read something … if he writes it. For them, it’s all about writing that one script and then cashing in on it. Whereas, I think, for the real writers, it’s about a career.”

Bob’s lucky he’s still alive
.

I
n a disagreement with Universal titan Lew Wasserman, director Bob Rafelson said, “What’s this fuckin’ bullshit?” and swept all of Wasserman’s medals and awards off his desk.

A Total Fucking Disaster

The worst kind of disaster, a movie that does such a belly slam that it clears all the water out of the pool, a movie like my
Showgirls
(before it became a cult classic).

Make ’em show you theirs first
.

I
f you’re sitting in a meeting with a young studio exec who says, “Tell me what you’ve done,” reply this way: “You first.”

Michael Eisner’s is bigger than yours
.

S
creenwriter John Gregory Dunne ran into Disney chairman Michael Eisner at Morton’s.

Dunne: “I asked him how his heart was, and Michael said it was fine. He had come through his bypass surgery in good order. ‘You know,’ I said, ‘I had the same operation,’ and without missing a beat, Eisner replied, ‘Of course, mine was more serious.’ I have rarely been struck dumb, but this seemed to be ‘mine is bigger than yours’ Hollywood-style.”

Putting Your Dick on the Table

What studio bosses do when they agree to pay a big star
20 million to do a movie. They put their “dicks on the table”—ready to be chopped off if the movie fails.

Harry Cohn had big balls
.

M
y fellow Hungarian, actor Tony Curtis: “Some people were glad the studios were disintegrating, because they hated the moguls, Harry Cohn in particular. I always liked Harry, myself. One day I got an inside look at the way he operated. He liked to see me, and I’d stop by now and then, just to talk. One day I’m in his office with a friend, just sitting there, talking, and Harry’s buzzer rings. He says to the secretary, “Well, send her in.” And in walks this beautiful girl, maybe twenty years old, just a magnificent young woman in a beautiful silk summer dress. … She takes a look around, nervously, and says, ‘Harry, I have to talk to you.’ He says, ‘So talk.’ She looks at us and says, ‘Harry, I’d rather not talk in front of these gentlemen.’ He says, ‘Anything you’ve got to say, you can say in front of them.’ She takes a deep breath and says, ‘Harry, I can’t go on this way. You promised to take care of me, put me in a movie. It’s been eight months now, and it just can’t keep on like this. You have to do something, or I’m going to have to call your wife.’ He looked at her, picked up the telephone, dialed the number, held out the phone to her, and said, ‘Tell her yourself.’ … She just slowly walked out. After a silence my friend had the nerve to ask, ‘Harry, was that really your wife?’ Harry Cohn just looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘You’ll never know.’”

ALL HAIL

Ben Hecht!

This is the advice screenwriter Ben Hecht gave to a director who had been asked by Columbia chief Harry Cohn if he was a member of the Communist party.

“Tell him to go fuck himself,” Hecht said. “It’s none of his goddamn business. Ask him if he’s a Jew.”

Hecht didn’t call Cohn by name. He called him “White Fang.”

Perry King gave birth to Sylvester Stallone
.

A
rthur Krim, the respected octogenarian head of United Artists, signed Sylvester Stallone up for
Rocky
after he saw
The Lords of Flatbush
and was impressed by the actor he thought was Sly in that movie. It was only when
Rocky
was released that Krim realized he’d confused Sly in
Flatbush
with another actor in that film, Perry King.

Without Perry King’s acting ability, the world today would be without
Rocky
and Sylvester Stallone.