The Do's and Don'ts of Entering a Relationship (3 page)

In the Bedroom:
Right, the juicy stuff! Personally, I don’t think forcing this into conversation is a particularly good idea as it might get awkward and weird. If you’re sat eating a meal in a restaurant and your partner comes out with “so how rough do you like it in the sack” you’re probably going to end up spitting your food all over them. But, that depends on you as a couple because some people are very comfortable talking about things like that and can make it fun.
  My suggested way would be to be vocal in the bedroom as things are happening whilst the relationship is still new. This way when things get uncomfortable for you, you can just say and your partner will start to learn what you like and dislike. Same goes for you and finding out what makes them tick and what turns them off. Just tell them beforehand that you think it would be good if we tested to see what things each other likes in the bedroom and how far things can go. That way they will understand and hopefully be vocal about what they like and dislike too, meaning you will both be able to please each other like crazy in no time!
  If you or your partner drink alcohol, I’d like to give a warning here that this can change things in the bedroom as far as boundaries are concerned. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions so you or your partner might be ok with something whilst under the influence of alcohol but not when sober. So just remember if you did something with your partner that was a bit out there and they were drunk, they might not like it the next time your try it. You have to bear these things in mind and always be looking to learn about your new partner, and that’s not just in the bedroom.

8. Do focus on the positive things
– This doesn’t just mean in your relationship, this means for your entire life too. Just like life, things that happen in relationships can often get you down and it’s hard to stay positive about where things are going to end up. But just because you have one little argument about something stupid, doesn’t mean you should be considering calling the whole thing off and starting again. Arguments happen and you need to deal with that. What makes the relationship work is how these arguments actually affect you both. If you can accept them as arguments and get through them, then you could be on your way to something really special. But if you hold the arguments close to your heart and keep the emotions inside you then things could turn ugly. One good way to put arguments into perspective and getting through them is to just think about the positive things that the relationship has brought you so far. Think about the fun times you’ve had together, or even the fun times you’re planning to have together. Think about how much they make you smile and laugh and how much happier you’ve been since you entered this new relationship with that person. If you can’t think about these things, then maybe it’s time to think about whether you should’ve started this relationship in the first place.

Being happy in general is a great way to stay happy in a relationship. Happiness is infectious and if you’re happy, your partner will feel happy too. A great book by Jenna Louise share some amazing tips on happiness and a groundbreaking exercise called “The Happy Jar.” You can find her book here:
http://goo.gl/XY9I8

9.
Don’t try to fix your partner
– As I mentioned before, it’s pretty tough finding someone that is genuinely your ideal partner. Finding a perfect relationship is even harder. That why it’s important to accept that there might be a few things about your new partner that you don’t like, or could at least live without. You can’t keep trying to change the way they are, how they dress or even their accent. That is them and you were the one who entered in this relationship so you need to accept this. Now for females, it could be exciting for you to try and change your man and dress him the way you want. This is healthy and it can be quite fun and playful, but don’t take it too far. If you didn’t like his style at all then why would you have entered the relationship with him in the first place? You could seriously annoy him if all you’re trying to do is change him, he’ll start to wonder if you even like him at all. Keep it fun, but don’t overdo it.
 
There is the chance that you find something out about your partner that you genuinely can’t put up with. If this is the case you need to act fast. Tell them what it is and why you don’t like it, and see if they would be willing to stop or change it. If not then you need to decide whether you can stay with them. It’s important when telling them to be calm and non-judgemental. Don’t put them down for the thing that you don’t like. Just simply explain that you understand that this is something they do or wear or whatever it may be and that you don’t like it. This also works the other way around; you need to let your partner know that they can be completely open and honest about things they might not like about you, so long as they aren’t mean about it. That way you can talk about it and see if there’s anything you can do to get through it.

10. Don’t say anything stupid
– This right here is one of the most common causes of unhappy relationships, but it’s also one of the toughest things to stop yourself from doing if you’re in the heat of the moment. Now although this can happen, I’m not talking about saying things like “will you marry me?” and “I love you” when it’s too soon. This will obviously test a new relationship, but if things are going well anyway then this shouldn’t be a problem and should be something the two of you can laugh about. What I’m actually talking about is saying hurtful nasty comments when in a heated argument that you’ll regret later. This is so common and I’m sure most of you reading this book will have done this at some point in your life in one way or another. It’s so important to stay as calm and logical as you can during an argument. When emotions take over there’s almost no stopping us humans from saying things we don’t necessarily mean, and this can be the cause of separation or unhappy relationships. Early on in a relationship, saying something hurtful or nasty in the heat of the moment can be a lot worse than saying it in a long standing happy relationship. Your partner could just walk away in the blink of an eye and you might not see them again. Or, because you’re still new to each other, your partner may not express their feelings and this could manifest itself in the relationship for a long time. It’s pretty well known that holding emotions down for long periods of time can lead to huge outbursts of stress or rage and this can really lead to an unhappy relationship. Try your best to use some of the techniques I’ve already explained in the book like thinking positive or not arguing over text, to keep things in perspective and control your emotions. One argument shouldn’t be enough to ruin a relationship, but if you let your emotions get the better of your words then you could see yourself starting from scratch again or in a long, unhappy relationship.

11. Do be honest
– I don’t think I really need to say much here. I’ve already said this a thousand times. I just can’t stress the importance of being honest in relationships. Not just in new relationships but in all relationships. The good thing about reading this book though is that you will hopefully be able to start a relationship completely truthfully and you will be stress free as far as your relationship is concerned. You should always start as you mean to go on. You might have met this person and entered a new relationship with them but never really thought this was the one. You were just enjoying it so you let things flow the way they were flowing. That’s fair enough and happens a lot. But if you choose to let this be your reason for lying, or cheating then you could be shooting yourself in the foot from the word go. This relationship that you don’t see as being the one you want for the rest of your life could soon change. You could realise how much you love this person and just how great they are. Then what are you going to do? Carry on the relationship for the rest of your life after having started it by lying or cheating…or both? The best thing in any relationship is to just be open, honest and faithful. You’ll never be able to take those actions back and they could haunt you for the rest of your life.
A side note to anyone reading who has in fact entered a relationship and already lied or cheated but wants to put it right. Well firstly, there will be no putting it right. You’ve done what you did and you can’t blame anyone but yourself. The only thing you can do if you want to stay in this relationship and not have everything hanging over your head all of the time is come clean ASAP. You’re going to have to come clean as soon as you can and accept that whatever happens is always going to be your fault. Your partner may leave you, and that is understandable…would you stay with them? Or your partner could choose to stay with you. This can work out if they can genuinely forgive you and move on, but it can also cause problems if they can’t really move on from it. Would you want to risk it?

12. Do request, but don’t demand
– New relationships are fun and the beginning stages are a great way to set the scene for the rest of your time together. You can take advantage of this early stage in the relationship by once again, being open and honest, and telling your partner the things you like in relationships from a partner and things you don’t like. But you need to be very careful about the way you phrase such things. You can’t be demanding and word it in ways that will make your partner feel like if they don’t do what you say then you will leave them. That’s blackmail and even if you get what you want temporarily, it won’t last. You need to tell them with an open mind, with a tone that suggests you don’t mind either way what happens but you just thought you’d let them know in case they agree or would want to do things like that for you.  If there are deal breakers for you that mean you would be really unhappy if your partner didn’t do certain things for you or with you then you need to get this out in the open quickly so that you can separate if they wouldn’t be happy doing those things. You should also be listening carefully to what your partner might be saying in conversation. When they tell you stories, it might be that they really enjoy what they’re talking about and this is something they’d like to do with you. If you’d like to do that with them then you should suggest it, this could put you so high up in their good-books that you’ll be living happily ever after. But if there’s something that you feel they really want to do that you don’t like the sound of then you need to tell them so they know. If they find out further down the line, you could both end up getting more hurt than you needed to.
A quick side note: This definitely applies in the bedroom too. There may be things you or your partner want to try or have tried before that the other isn’t comfortable with. You can’t demand they do this, but you can request and if they like the sound of it then that’s great. If not then you shouldn’t ever pressure them into doing anything, if you’re looking for someone who enjoys different things in the bedroom and you can’t do without those things then you need to stop the relationship before you’re tempted to look elsewhere.

The modern world has seen a drastic change in the way we communicate with each other in our day to day lives. The more I think about it there more I wonder why people still send letters and birthday cards. What’s the point? Just send a nice text..
 

When it comes to relationships more and more couples are becoming very reliant on their mobile phones for communication and this is risky business. I am 100% happy that we are so privileged to have such amazing technology at our hands; I owe a lot to it. But in the wrong hands, texting can certainly ruin relationships. Texting can be a great way to keep things alive in a relationship and really get your partner wanting more of you. Not to mention how good texting is for when you’re not actually with anyone yet and you want to be. Texting takes the pressure off actual phone calls and gives you time to think about your responses carefully. But don’t be fooled, texting is a serious safety hazard in a relationship.

Right, the main problem with texting is that it can really bring out your insecurities, or your partner’s. Simple texting mistakes can get either of you all worried and wondering what the hell is going on, even if the text was suppose to be nice:

1.
Don’t get into the habit
– I’ve put this one first because I genuinely think it’s the most important thing any new couple should know about texting:
DON’T GET INTO THE HABIT!!!
If you find yourselves texting back and forth a lot, near enough all day every day. Then you need to stop right now. Talk to each other about this, but don’t let it carry on any longer. As I’ve already said one text can ruin a relationship, so if you’re texting constantly then that one text could crop up a few too many times. Things like sarcasm and playful banter through texts can often be misunderstood and this could cause huge arguments and genuinely upset one of you. I’m not saying don’t use texts to be playful, just be extremely careful when you do.
The other side to getting into the habit of texting is getting used to it. You’re going to get used to texting each other all the time. All day every day, knowing that every time you send a text, you’ll get a reply. It’s a nice feeling, and that’s why so many new couples fall into the trap. Knowing that where ever you are and whatever you’re doing you can just send a text and have a chat. Lovely. But wait, why haven’t they text me back? What are they doing? Why aren’t they replying they always reply?! It’s been over half an hour and I’ve still not had a text, where are they? Who are they with?
Do you see what I mean?
OK obviously this isn’t going to happen to everyone. But when we get used to something for a long period of time our brains and bodies learn to expect it. Then if it is suddenly taken away from us this creates conflict throughout our brains and bodies and we can often react very strongly to it because our minds are trying to put things right. This can lead to intense feelings of paranoia and jealousy, which as you can imagine, can lead to a rough road. The more this happens the more the feelings of paranoia and jealousy take over our thoughts and so we will find ourselves becoming a more paranoid and jealous person in general, and especially towards out partner. Remember, we become what we think. So if you’re starting to think jealous and paranoid thoughts every time you don’t get an instant reply from your partner, it’s going to start making its way into your subconscious. Don’t fall into the trap!
This also affects you form the other end of the stick. If you’re always texting and then all of a sudden you’re really busy with something, or you’re having a heart to heart chat with your best friend, you’re going to feel like you should still be texting your partner. This can be really unproductive if you’re busy with something important, or it can be extremely rude if your friend is spilling their heart out to you and you’re sat looking at your phone. This leads on to a point I’d like to make about technology in general.
I think it’s quite unfortunate that phones seem to be taking over people’s lives. They will sit on a bus or train and play on their phones instead of watching the world around them. I think this is such a shame because we live in such a beautiful, unpredictable world and people are missing everything that happens right in front of them. But, having said this I’m willing to accept that it is what it is and that’s the way people change. However, I’m not going to sit down and watch technology take over relationships and ruin thousands of potentially happy couples. I want to get this message out there so it doesn’t happen!!
Don’t get into the habit!