The Fallen Ones (The Fallen Angels Series Book 1) (4 page)

Ilyana:

It feels like
the moment I shut my eyes to finally fall asleep last night the sun decided to
make its appearance, I am laying down in the same position I fell asleep but
can feel my hair is now a tangled mess and unless I am mistaken, there is a
disproportionate amount of drool on the side of my face, I can’t remember the
last time I slept so hard. I try to force myself to sleep some more, but in no
time at all I realize it is a lost cause, the sun is pounding down through the
window and onto my face. I quickly make my way to the bathroom and find that a
new toothbrush and some personal items were left there for me. I waste no time
opening the toothbrush and toothpaste and pulling my hair up into a pony tail.
After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I feel like a new person. I take a
look at myself in the mirror and realize that though it has been less than a
week since my life has completely changed, I look like an entirely different
person, my skin is paler and my eyes are swollen and carrying the weight of all
I have seen over the last few days. I realize that probably won’t be changing
any time soon. So I decide to make the best of my situation, I lather some
lotion onto my face and walk outside my door to face the day and I am absolutely
shocked at all that I find.

My bedroom door
faces the living-area, it is loaded with boxes and there is a full crew
bringing more in even as I sit back and watch. I look around and don’t see any
sign of Ephraim.
I walk out the door only to find Levi arguing with Alya “Damned you woman! I
don’t even have room for this mess in my house, why should I help the counsel
out? I have spent years - nearly decades, practically in exile and not once
have they done anything for me!” He is absolutely outraged, his face that was
so warm and friendly last night is contorted into an array of darker emotions,
sadness, stress and anger. Alya grabs her forehead and looks to her feet
“Listen, Levi. I know it isn’t ideal for you, but the elders are willing to put
the bad blood behind you all and welcome you back as much as you would like or
need, if you just help them with this. In the meantime, I will ensure the boxes
are unpacked and put away in places you won’t have to look at them by the time
you get back from training tonight, and when it is time to move her, I will
ensure that every trace of her presence here is removed. Will you please help?”
she looks into his eyes pleadingly, I don’t know whether to cry or scream, I
certainly didn’t ask to be brought here. I decide waiting for his response is
the best course of action “Fine, Alya. She can stay and the stuff can stay as
long as she does. It isn’t about removing every trace of her, I want to help
and I have spent years wishing I could train more. But when everyone turned
their back on me, this became my safe place and now. Well, now they are using
me, again.”

I clear my
throat and step forward, I have no clue what to say so I fall back to the
basics “Good Morning, what exactly is going on here?” Levi’s smile has returned
and he takes me in a bear hug “Looks like Alya is moving you in here roomie!” I
look around and recognize the boxes all have different familiar labels, I see
boxes with Apples, boxes with horseshoes and even little blue boxes, I suddenly
realize EXACTLY what is happening. “Alya, you didn’t need to… I mean, I don’t
need all this, just a few pairs of clean pants and some t-shirts is more than
enough to keep me going.” She laughs and grabs me by the elbow to pull me into
the bedroom. I am amazed as we walk through the house how many boxes have
already been emptied, she walks over to the dresser and pulls out a sports bra,
some socks and some jogging shorts and throws it into my arms “Ilyana, you are
going to need a lot more than that to feel at home here, we want you to feel
better than at home. When you live for thousands of years you learn quality is
more important than cost. You will hopefully choose to remain with us for a
very long time and I want to make sure you have the best quality.” She pushes me
into the bathroom and informs me I need to dress myself immediately for
training with Levi. She mutters something about her missing brother and I hear
the bedroom door shut behind her as she exits and just like that, hurricane
Alya has left the building.

After dressing
myself in my new, designer workout clothes I step out and put on my new shoes –
how she knew my exact sizes, I have no idea. But everything fits as though it
was custom made for me. I never thought a neon sports bra and some black shorts
could make me look good, but they really did. I head out into the living room
and find Levi waiting for me, he is dressed in very well worn workout clothes
and I can’t help but notice his tennis shoes that were probably once white are
grey and worn, he is still beautiful in his own way though and it suits his
comfortable attitude. He smiles and hands me a phone “All the numbers you need
have already been programmed in, Alya informed me. Should you need anyone, they
are just a call away.” I take the phone and leave it on the table without
looking at it, I am too overwhelmed to actually even look at anything more
right now. He notices my lack of enthusiasm and lets out a small laugh “You may
be good for this place yet. Are you ready for the best run of your life?” he
catches my eyes and before he knows it I dart out the door, a nice long run is
exactly what I need.

We run for far
longer than I believe I ever have, I like to run regularly but usually I don’t
go for very long distances like this, I am surprised at how good it feels and
how little it fatigues me, this island is beautiful and the air is so clean.
Plus the last few days of running for my life have given me a new appreciation
for running for sport. We reach what appears to be some old ruins and abandoned
buildings and as much as I want to keep running, I can’t help but slow to a
walk and head towards them. It takes me a moment to realize that Levi is no
longer with me, I walk through a large mound of old stone and see the remnants
of what appears to be an old dining hall, it is grand and beautiful and sad all
at the same time.

A moment later
Levi is behind me and I notice for the first time that he is drawing long
breaths and winded. “Are you okay, Levi? I didn’t mean to leave you alone back
there, I just was enjoying the run so much, and couldn’t help but to come
here.” He looks at me as though I just insulted him and forces himself to stop
wheezing “I’m okay, I run all the time, just not quite so quickly, but we were
coming here anyways. Well, not here exactly, but there is an old field through
there where we will have more space to concentrate and practice.” I look at him
and feel a huge sense of concern that he is my trainer if running for a while
at a quick pace is all it takes to make him react like that. We walk over to
the training area though and I begin to stretch some more in preparation for
training and when I turn around I find that he is laying on the ground, staring
up into the clouds, it looks like his idea of training and my idea of training
are going to be quite different.

Ilyana:

After what feels
like an eternity of silence and staring at the clouds, I sit up. I was trying
to allow Levi plenty of time to recover from our run, but I can’t just sit here
anymore, not when there is so much I don’t know. I catch Levi’s eyes as I begin
to stir and he quickly sits up “Where’re you going?” I don’t bother to turn and
look at him as I had for a stair case to run on “I am on my way to train, we
didn’t come out here just to sit all day and we are wasting daylight.” He grabs
my elbow and laughs softly, I want to be frustrated with him but I just can’t
so I await his reaction. “What did you think we were training on today, Ilyana?
I know my strapping appearance and bulging muscles may be deceptive, but my
powers are not physical, we are working to get you centered enough to access
your spiritual gifts, we can run and fight all day, but until you can access
and control your powers at will, you are a ticking time bomb.” He waits for me
to laugh or smile but this time all I have are questions I start to ask him one
and he holds his finger up and gestures for me to wait as though he was talking
to a small child. I roll my eyes and wait for him to continue “I know you have
questions, but you won’t always have time to wait for the answers, I don’t want
to be tough on you, but time and your lack of training is working against us.
Come sit with me and we will begin practice, when I am satisfied with today’s
training we will stop and you can ask whatever you want, but only while we are
here. I have a feeling the counsel will be watching us more closely than ever
and I don’t want my words used against me. However, I don’t think it is fair
that you remain left in the dark. If you make time to train my way, I will make
time to answer your questions. Deal?” I think about it for a moment and realize
I am in no position to call the shots as is so I respond “Deal.”

I follow him
through the training arena to what appears to be a small garden, it is
overgrown and beautiful and reminds me of the kind of garden I always imagined
I would have one day when I was a little girl. He sits down and awkwardly folds
his body into a meditating position and gestures for me to do the same. I
notice that the ground is mostly clear and around us and I wonder if he comes
here to meditate often. I do as he does and wait for further instruction. Just
as I am about to ask what’s next he begins to speak in a soothing and
uncharacteristically serious voice. He reaches over and grabs my arms as if to
make me relax my shoulders “Until you learn to shut your mind down completely,
you will never be able to focus all of your energy into manifesting your gifts,
I know everything around you is new and exciting, but you have to learn to shut
down and deny your minds urge to wander.” I already know this will be a losing
battle, for years in school and church I could never just sit and focus, my
teachers wanted to put me on medication and when my doctor tried it we quickly
discovered it was of no use “Levi, I can’t do that. I have tried before. But, I
just can’t. With all that is going on, how am I supposed to just shut down?” he
gives me a look of complete understanding “Just because you haven’t before,
doesn’t mean you can’t now. It is different for everyone, some people have to
shut their eyes, others have to breathe through their nose, I’ve even seen some
that have to bite their own lip until it bleeds to slow down their own
thoughts. It won’t always be this hard for you, a time will come with practice
that it is perfectly natural. Instead of trying to access your gifts today, we
will see if you can perhaps access mine, all nephilim should be able to sense
powers – I can sense yours and even though I can’t quite get a pulse, I can
tell it is something incredible and stronger than any I have ever sensed
before.” I look at him and decide to really try – I don’t want to hurt my mouth
to hone in and focus, so I decide to start with the basics, I shut my eyes and
try to think of nothing, then remember I need to ask about a store to find
Sasha her favorite foods, then I wonder if Levi has a washing machine I can use
or if I will have to learn to hand wash my new clothes, my eyebrow creases as
my eyes are closed and he laughs “That’s not what a blank mind looks like at
all.” I exhale and open my eyes, already feeling defeated.

“Try again,
Ilyana. But this time when you shut your eyes I want you to picture a strip of
light switches being turned off. Picture all of the heavy thoughts weighing on
your mind as a light switch, think hard about each switch and then turn it off
and move to the next until you don’t have any more to focus on.”

I do what he
says and am shocked to find it is working, all the insignificant thoughts about
washing machines, and what Sasha is doing right now go into one switch and I
find that if I focus hard enough, I really can move on to the next thought. The
next thought is not so easy. It is all of my insecurities and feelings of
inferiority. It is the way I was never good with boys and I never made very
close friends, the way I got dropped from every team I ever tried out for and
the way I never quite knew how to apply my make up just right, then I realize
how juvenile those concerns are and I quickly decide I am done thinking about
that switch and I flip it.

The next switch
is even harder than the first, I think about Ephraim, how he embodies every
quality I wish I did and how he makes me feel when I am around him, I think
about the kiss that never was and all the conversations that seem to be cut
short, I think about how scared and ragged I felt when I first met him and
realize I never knew if it was a fear of them, or a fear of him. I think of
when he shielded me from Levi last night when we first awkwardly met and how
protective he was, I grow frustrated as I strive to decipher my own emotions
towards him, as beautiful and dark and fierce as he is, I still manage to be
drawn to others – to Levi, not in the same way, but there is something similar
about the connection, he excites me and makes me laugh, he pulls me out of my
own emotions and thoughts and makes me enjoy the little things more, I find him
attractive as well, but not in the intense, drowning way I find Ephraim
attractive. I realize I have been thinking about this for far too long and I
haven’t come up with any answers so I shut the switch off – for now.

When I come to
my last thought I start to feel light until I realize the heaviness of it, I
think of my Mother, how kind and gentle she was with me, all the teachers she
had to meet with and all the schools she moved me to while insisting I was not
the problem, that my teachers or the other students just didn’t understand me –
she knew all along and yet she never seemed to resent me, I think about the way
she would play with my hair and let me draw on her notebooks at church, the way
she would take days off of work to take me out of school to have a girls day
from time to time, we would usually get manicures and pedicures and then she
would suffer through the bookstore with me, so long as she had a coffee in hand
she would spend hours looking with me and feigning interest in all of the books
I loved and the many series’ I would get drawn into. Then I think about her
end, her untimely, unfair end, the thing I hate the most about it is that in
spite of the sadness that sits at the pit of my stomach every time I think
about it, there is also an anger, an anger that this woman that loved me and
snuck bowls of ice cream to me for breakfast on Monday mornings before school,
the woman that brushed my hair and spent hours picking out clothes for me, that
woman, would lie to me my entire life and then leave me at a time like this to
face the things she was supposed to prepare me for. I realize that some loose
ends will never get tied and while I am not ready to dismiss it, I am ready to
stop thinking about for now. I flip the final switch and before I know it my
mind is a blank canvas.

I am completely
relaxed and fear even moving might disturb it so I just sit and allow myself to
be shut down, no anxiety or fear or excitement, then suddenly Levi begins to
speak, barely above a whisper “You are doing well, something in you has shifted
– I can sense it. Now I want you to picture all the calm that is inside you
pouring out, not like a bucket until it is empty, but like a water fall, I want
you to push your centeredness outward towards me and see if you can sense
anything, you may want to open your eyes slowly.” I attempt to picture what he
is saying and reach out to the best of my abilities, I am surprised to find
that it is fairly easy and almost tangible the feeling of it moving through me,
I slowly begin to open my eyes and at first the world around me looks
different, like looking through a heat sensing camera lense or a fuzzy
ultrasound photograph, then color starts to spring through and the surprise and
excitement of it makes me completely lose focus.

I groan and
throw my fist on the ground “I was so close, everything looked different and
then my focus snapped and I lost it all!” I feel like a child pitching a fit,
he gets a huge smile on his face and grabs my hands “You did it though! You
have to walk before you can run, that was fantastic! Try it again.” He pushes
me on, but the results are just not the same I have a headache and I can’t seem
to pull my mind through all of the ugly thoughts to get back to my own center.
After trying a couple of times, I explain this to him and he nods in
understanding “Then I guess I am satisfied with your training for today. You
made more progress than I would’ve anticipated your first day. You can ask me
your questions now.”