The Falling Kind (16 page)

              “Why are you so quiet? Say something,” he said softly.

              “Honestly all of this makes me worry about you,” I admitted. “I love spending time with you, I really do. You make me laugh and smile incessantly and I think about you every moment we’re not together.” I knew I shouldn’t be telling him all of this, but it was just pouring out of my mouth. The honesty in his eyes brought out every truth I felt inside of myself. “I love everything about
this,
” I continued, holding my hands up. Tacos and stargazing in the back of his truck – it was a perfect summer night on so many levels. I wanted to end up wrapped in his arms by the end of the evening feeling cared for and safe, with no regard for anything else happening around us. I hated all of these things hanging over my head – all of the things he was admitting to me just to save whatever this was. I appreciated his honesty, I really did. But it also genuinely scared me. “I just… I mean, what if you go to jail again? Cole, I am not the girl who can handle this kind of thing. I’m not.”

              “Because you are
good
,” he said softly. “I know I don’t deserve your goodness. But that’s all I want, to be the guy who deserves a girl like you. I promise I’m getting out of all this and it will all be behind me. All of it. I just need a little more time.”

              “Don’t you feel like you’ve been saying that for awhile?” I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine I was the only reason he wanted to change.

              “Yeah,” he answered reluctantly. “But despite wanting something else, I just never had a good enough reason to stop, and it kept pulling me back in.” He gently touched my face. “I don’t deserve your trust just because I’m asking for it, but I’m begging for it anyway. I actually called Harvey last night while I was sitting in your doorway. That was finally it for me. I told him I needed out.”

              “I don’t know exactly what you mean by that,” I replied quietly. “You quit?”

              “I told him I’m laying low right now. I’m not making drops for him and I’m not doing anything around the warehouse anymore,” he began. “He actually took it well. Better than I thought anyway, but I think he knew the time was coming. Honestly he didn’t even try to talk me out of it. I told him what happened at the bar. I reminded him my whole life that he told me I had to do right by the one who cares about me. All I could think about in that moment was how that person was you.”

              “And that’s it? He’ll just let you go?” I asked for clarification. 

              “Yeah, for the most part. As of now, I have no more responsibilities to Harvey. I have nothing on the side, nothing I’m out doing for him, I have no business with him. I’ll work a little at the bike shop, but that’s it. I should probably pay him some rent now that I’m not earning my keep in other ways. But other than that, I’ll have no other responsibilities other than being good to you.” He looked at me with such a genuine sweet expression, I swear my entire body tingled. “No violence. No dangerous errands for Harvey. The bike shop will just be to pass the time while you’re at the vet clinic saving the world.” His lips curled up into a sweet smile. “And then I’ll ravage and adore you every second after that when you’re free to spend time with me. And we can figure all of this out.”

              “Assuming I want to spend my spare time with you,” I said coyly, not wanting to show him how much I truly wanted that.

              “I’m hoping I can talk you into that,” he said with a sexy grin, pulling my face close to his. “Let me convince you why you should.” He kissed me eagerly and I melted into him. Despite everything he had just told me, all of the horrible things he was a part of, I couldn’t help but submit to him. He made me feel so many things, and not one of them was remorse for choosing to be with him despite his flaws.

              He held me tight and I clung back to him. Every touch of his was sweet and tender, yet commanding all at the same time, like he knew exactly what to do with me. I knew in this moment, under the perfect starlit sky, that
this
was what I wanted. Cole was my choice, no matter the path he was on. I knew this was the beginning of
u
s
– our paths colliding and becoming the same.

              I couldn’t imagine a moment when I would ever regret falling for him. Even if such a time came – I was certain the crash would be worth it.

CHAPTER 14

              The next morning we awoke completely wrapped up in each other exactly like I’d hoped. The blankets were tangled tightly around us and we were still in the back of his truck, watching the sun come up. In these simple, beautiful moments with him, there was no right or wrong – no good or bad – it was just simply
us
. And that felt like enough. In so many ways, I wanted time to stop – I wanted each second with him to draw out until the rest of the world didn’t exist. But instead, time passed like the breeze that whispered through the trees in these woods surrounding the lake.

              I had to work all day, that was inevitable. But as soon as I got off work, I couldn’t wait to rush into his arms at the end of my day.

              “I’ve completely changed my mind,” I said to him as we grabbed some dinner at a local spot near the clinic.

              At first his face looked worried, but then it softened. “Please tell me this isn’t bad,” he said nervously. 

              “I want you to take me for a ride on your motorcycle,” I replied with a smile.

              “Seriously?” he snickered. “Really?”

              “Yes. I want to know what it feels like.”

              “I thought this day would never come,” he said excitedly. “Tonight?”

              I nodded, happy he was so eager to take me. I’d never been into motorcycles. They seemed so dangerous and unsafe. But the more I thought about Cole, he was those things too in many ways. Yet I completely trusted him. I wanted to experience something he loved, even though it terrified me.

              After we ate, we headed back to his place to get his bike. He explained a few things to me, like why it was important to wear my sunglasses while we were riding, along with how to lean my body into the turns. We climbed on it and he started up the motorcycle. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as possible, and we headed out. It was so much more than I was expecting.

              The wind rushed around our bodies, and it felt like we were flying in some weird way. It was a completely different sense of freedom than anything I’d ever felt before. The trees breezed past us and the lake sparkled as we hugged the curves of the road. Any fear I had of doing something new, I knew as long as Cole was with me, any nerves I had would dissipate. He felt so firm and strong and safe underneath my tight grip, and I felt he would always feel that way to me – as if he was completely unbreakable. Any reservations I had about him when we met – they were completely gone now, left in the wind behind us. I knew this was everything I had ever wanted. 

              This day became our new routine – we spent all of our spare time together, trying new things, exploring the area around us - but also returning to the uncomplicated joy of simply just being with each other. One day blended into the next, and I felt as though I would never stop radiating with the happiness I felt from our time spent together. 

              Over the passing weeks, we fell in love the way every girl imagines at least once in her lifetime. We splashed each other under the summer sun, and we spent long, warm nights beneath thin linen sheets. We jumped off rocks into crystal blue water, and laid out in the bed of his truck under so many starlit skies. The world above us became our ceiling as we talked beside late night fires and woke up to so many glimmers of light peeking over the mountaintops with each sunrise. We played and we laughed and we dreamed about the world like it had no end in mind for us. It was strange in some ways how a girl from the city and a boy from the woods could carry on the way we did. But I feared nothing with his protection, and he dreamed beyond the treetops he stared at every night when he was a child.

              Before him, I’d felt cared for. I’d felt lust and adoration and so many other things. But this love was so different – it was fierce and intense and all-consuming. It was passionate and deep and intimate and it left no room for pause or hesitation. That was the part that hit me the hardest. Before Cole, I second guessed everything. Honestly, even when I met him, I still did. I never felt sure enough about any decision I’d ever made. My heart ached when my mom passed and I held so much guilt when I tried to live life afterwards, like I didn’t deserve to move forward. I dwelled on my college major, torn between disappointing my father or myself. I hesitated when Ian wanted to move us towards a busy life I never dreamed of. But with Cole, there was no pause – no doubt that my dreams could in fact be the same as his.

              We didn’t really talk about California. With Harvey somewhat out of the picture, at least not involved in Cole’s day-to-day routine, it almost didn’t matter. We didn’t have to discuss “someday” because every passing day started and ended with us together – and that was more than we needed. But one night, lying in the sand around a bonfire with Sam and Luke, spending her last night in Mountain Ridge together before she headed to Oregon, so many things changed.

              “I can’t believe this is it,” I said for the millionth time as I squeezed her hand. The boys were throwing things into the fire, amused each time the flames grew higher. My eyes filled with tears and I so badly wanted to keep them back, but I knew I would fail.

              “I would be so much more devastated about this if I was leaving you alone,” she said with a full heart. “But look at you, you are so deliriously happy. Just like you used to be before you started taking on everyone else’s guilt.”

              “I can’t believe that doesn’t weigh on my mind every single day like it used to,” I said quietly. Honestly there were so many days that passed where I didn’t think about Ian or the accident at all. It would never be completely removed from my mind, I knew that. Nor did I ever want to forget it. Ian loved me right, and I knew I was better off for that. His memory didn’t deserve to be erased. I wondered sometimes if I was able to love Cole better because of what I’d learned from that relationship. But to finally feel like I could breathe again without it weighing so heavily on my chest, I felt so free.

              “You will forever be my best friend,” Sam said with tears rolling down her eyes. “I know we said we wouldn’t fall apart, but there’s no way around this.”

              Tears fell from my eyes as well, and we hugged so tight. In reality she was only going to be a nine hour drive away, or about an hour flight. It could’ve been more drastic, I knew that. But not seeing her at the clinic several days a week, and missing out on our beach afternoons, those were going to kill me. But she was right. This was so much easier to do now that I wasn’t on my own. I smiled at Cole through the firelight, fighting my tears, and he simply winked at me and smiled, as if to reassure me the world would still be okay.

              Sam and Luke, as casual as they tried to keep it, didn’t look so casual as we said our goodbyes. She wanted to spend one last night with him, and I completely understood. We hugged again for at least five lingering minutes, and kissed each other’s cheeks one last time as we finally parted ways. She promised to call me as soon as she made it to Oregon tomorrow afternoon, and despite my tears and swollen eyes, I was so very happy for her. She was accomplishing everything she ever wanted, and I couldn’t have wished for anything else for her.

              Cole wrapped a tight arm around my shoulders as we made our way back to his truck. His skin on mine lifted my mood, and I looked forward to the way he would hold me tonight whether I was an emotional mess or not. It didn’t matter to him. He loved me the same through all of my moods and I couldn’t have been more grateful for that.

              As we climbed in his truck, his phone rang. His happy expression turned sour instantly as he read the name on the screen.

              “Hello?” he said with some confusion. There was a long pause. The voice on the other end was too quiet for me to hear, but I gathered by Cole’s face that it wasn’t a welcome conversation. He let out a few ‘yeahs’ and ‘okays’ but that was it. When he finally hung up, he started up the truck and turned out of the beach lot towards my condo.

              “Is everything okay?” I asked sincerely.

              “No,” he said quietly. “That was Harvey.” He didn’t offer any more.

              “Is he doing okay?” I replied with concern. Surely Cole had more to say about the call. He looked like he saw a ghost, but it was just a quick conversation.

              “He’s fine,” Cole replied dismissively. “I know this is horrible timing. I know Sam leaving is hard on you. But I have to go somewhere tonight,” he said vaguely.

              “Why are you seeing Harvey?” I questioned. As far as I knew, he really hadn’t dealt with him much since he told him he was done working for him. I was always a little skeptical about it, I couldn’t help it. They had such a strong bond, so it made sense that I would wonder from time to time if Harvey had any plans to pull Cole back into whatever he was up to. The unsettling pit in my stomach told me that was exactly what was happening. “Cole, please talk to me.”

              “Syd,” he sighed, pulling the truck over on the side of the road. He ran his fingers through his hair and I could tell he was frustrated.

              “No secrets, Cole. That’s how this works.”

              “I know,” he said softly. “But I just don’t want to worry you unnecessarily. It’s probably nothing.”

              “The look on your face doesn’t suggest it’s nothing,” I replied. “What’s going on?” I hated in that moment that I felt like we were back at the beginning – back when he was scared to tell me his secrets. Rightfully so, I didn’t understand them at the time. I was still baffled by how a guy like him, as sweet and honest as anyone I’d ever known, it didn’t make sense to me the way he was so dishonest in other areas of his life. But we seemed well beyond secrets. He had to know by now that nothing he could say to me would be so bad that I would change my mind about him. What I felt for him was an absolute certainty – no phone call could change that.

              “Things are about to change,” he answered with a stern expression. “Everything is going to change.” He rested his head back on the seat and closed his eyes.

              “Cole, you’re scaring me,” I said honestly, staring at his face. “Please tell me something.”

              He looked over at me and I’m sure he saw the worry in my eyes. He slid towards me and wrapped me up, pulling me into his chest. He kissed my face and stroked my hair, appearing as if he was struggling to find the right words to say to me.

              “Just say it. Whatever it is,” I urged.

              He was silent for another minute or so, but then spoke softly.

              “My dad is out of jail.”