The Fashion Hound Murders (30 page)

But when was that?

Josie moved her hands carefully above her head. A long splinter sliced her palm. Then another.

“Ouch!” Josie said.

“Ouch?” Nedra taunted. “This will be more than an ouch, Josie. Oh, listen—he’s rattling again.”

The coiled snake struck the second corn gluten bag. Again, the awful jaws unhinged and the fangs attacked. More venom sprayed the bag. The snake was working his way up to the top of the pile.

Josie felt her feet start to slide off the stack of bags. She grabbed the wall and fell heavily against the corner. She heard a rattle—a metallic rattle, not the dead, hollow sound of the snake’s warning. The noise seemed to come from over her head.

Josie reached straight up and prayed she’d find something useful. Her hand touched a smooth wooden pole covered with dust. Her hands followed the pole till it ended in a bent, curved piece of rusted iron. She felt four prongs.

A pitchfork. She had a pitchfork. It must have been stored in the shed’s rafters ages ago, possibly before Nedra bought the house.

Josie was so relieved, she nearly fell off the stack of bags. She heard that horrible warning rattle again. The coiled snake unhinged its jaws and struck at the third bag. She didn’t see any venom from this strike.

Josie screamed. She could hear Nedra laughing. The woman was as creepy as Paul, who seemed to enjoy watching that snake eat the rat. Except this time I’m the rat, she thought. One bag to go and I’m a dead woman.

Josie grasped the pitchfork handle. I need to move faster than the snake does, and I’m not giving any warning. She would have one chance, and she’d have to aim carefully. The snake was coiled, poised to strike the fourth bag. This time, it would nail her foot with its fangs.

If I fail, my daughter will be an orphan, Josie thought. I can’t let that happen.

She rammed the pitchfork tines into the snake as hard as she could, pinning it to the seed bag by its coiled midsection. Blood spurted from the body and ran down the bag. The snake didn’t move.

It looked dead, but Josie knew she had to be cautious. She’d seen stories when she did her snake research on the Internet about people being bitten by a “dead” snake. Even a beheaded snake could bite. Those horrific jaws didn’t need a body to function.

Thanks to the pitchfork, the snake was no longer a threat. The reptile lay perfectly still.

Josie was shivering uncontrollably. She couldn’t stop. She’d left her gloves in the car and her purse in Nedra’s living room. There was no way to call for help on her cell phone.

How would she get home to Amelia?

She could see her breath in white puffs. It was getting colder. She might die of exposure, even if she survived the snake. Somehow she had to get Nedra to open the shed door. Then Josie would attack her with the pitchfork. She would have to summon all her strength. She felt as weak as a puppy.

A puppy! Bruiser was her way out of here. Josie stayed balanced on the bags and pounded on the door. “Nedra, your dog is locked inside here.”

“Liar!”

“Listen!” Josie made soft whimpering sounds and little, short barks. Her dog noises had fooled Harry. She hoped they’d convince Nedra.

“The snake is going to kill it,” Josie said. She whimpered again. She hoped her puppy sounds didn’t have a terrified wobble.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then where is Bruiser?” Josie asked. “He follows you everywhere. He came to the front door with you. But he isn’t with you now, is he? He ran into the shed when you opened the door and hid in the corner behind the grass seed. The snake sees him now.”

Stay under the couch, little pup, Josie begged. She hoped the thudding snake book had traumatized the tiny creature into hiding.

“Bruiser!” Nedra called. “Here boy. Here boy.”

Josie made frantic whimpering sounds and scratched at the shed walls with her nails, jamming more splinters into her hands.

“The snake is coiled for a strike,” Josie said.

Nedra called Bruiser’s name and waited. Josie whimpered and tried a yelp. There was no sound from the real Bruiser.

Josie heard the garage door rumble open. Nedra was leaving. Josie’s heart sank. She’d gambled and lost. She was going to die of hunger and cold in the toolshed. She’d never get to see her daughter grow into a young woman. They’d never shop for prom dresses. She wouldn’t get to read Amelia’s college entrance essay or be with her when she got her acceptance letter

Wait! Josie heard the screech of tires in the driveway, followed by a door slam.

“It’s going to be too late, Nedra, if you walk away,” Josie called. “Hear that rattle? Nothing a snake likes better than a fat puppy. This is a dog-eat-dog world. Better Bruiser than me. You know once that snake eats your tasty puppy, it won’t bother me. It won’t eat for days.”

“Open that toolshed door,” a voice commanded.

That sounded like Alyce. It was Alyce. “I’m in here,” Josie screamed. “With a live rattlesnake.”

“I’m out here with another one,” Alyce said. “Nedra! I’ve called 911. Now open that door or I’ll run you through.”

Why did Alyce sound like a discount Johnny Depp? Did Williams-Sonoma sell pirate cutlasses?

“What is that thing?” Nedra asked.

“It’s a meat fork,” Alyce said. “And you’re dead meat if you don’t open that door and let Josie out. This fork is thirteen inches long. It will go right through you. The police are on their way. If I run you through, you’ll bleed to death before the ambulance arrives.”

Josie heard footsteps. Nedra was returning to the shed. Josie made more whimpering sounds, hoping they sounded as desperate as she felt. She could hear Nedra unlocking the toolshed padlock. Yes!

Josie stayed in the corner, perched precariously on her stack of fifty-pound bags. Slowly, silently, she pulled the pitchfork out of the snake’s body. The reptile stayed inert. Josie stayed on guard. She made more whimpering sounds, but these came naturally. Her life depended on Nedra’s next move.

“Bruiser?” Nedra whispered. “Are you in there, baby?” She opened the shed door an inch.

Josie made happy whimpering sounds and tried a small yap.

The shed door creaked open. When sunlight poured into the shed, the snake suddenly came to life, rattled its tail, whipped its head around, and sank its fangs in Nedra’s leg, right through the long skirt.

Nedra screamed as if all the demons of hell had attacked her. The snake let go. Josie hung on to the pitchfork.

“Be careful, Nedra,” Josie said. “Stay very still. The snake bite may be near the femoral artery. Don’t move or the poison will go straight to your heart and kill you.”

“Is that true?” Nedra asked.

“You don’t have any choice but to believe me,” Josie said. “Let me pass.”

“Let me think about it,” Nedra said.

“You don’t have time!” Josie said. “You’re going to die. You’re afraid. That makes your heart beat faster. That will spread the poison quicker. Your leg is starting to swell already.”

Josie could see Alyce behind her, armed with a thirteen-inch meat fork. Her skin was pale, her eyes were wild, and her ghostly blond hair was standing straight out. She looked like a creature from a slasher movie.

“The cops are on their way,” Alyce said. “And it’s a good thing. Otherwise, I’d run you through.”

A police car slammed into the driveway, followed by an ambulance.

“Do you think I’ll lose my leg?” Nedra whimpered.

“I certainly hope so,” Josie said. “Snakes don’t have legs.”

Chapter 36

Hours after Alyce’s daring rescue, Josie was in an emergency room cubicle, wrapped in a thin hospital blanket. Alyce’s call to 911 had summoned platoons of police and paramedics to Nedra’s home. A uniformed officer, and then a detective, questioned Josie. Josie had signed a statement, but it was difficult. Her hands hurt. That’s when Alyce had insisted she be taken to a hospital.

Now a doctor, who looked like he should wear a Boy Scout uniform, was picking splinters out of Josie’s hands with long tweezers. He looked lost. Josie half expected him to check her north side for moss.

“How did you know where to find me, Alyce?” Josie asked.

“Your mother called,” Alyce said. “She asked if I knew where you were. You didn’t pick up Amelia at school. Barrington called her at four o’clock.”

Josie sat straight up. “Ohmigod!”

Dr. Scout gently pushed her back down. “Ms. Marcus, you must stay still or this will hurt even more. I still have three more splinters to remove.”

“Amelia is safe, Josie. Your mother has her.” Alyce sat in the chair next to Josie’s stretcher, holding her purse primly on her lap. The strain of her attack on Nedra had turned Alyce’s creamy skin the thin blue-white of skimmed milk.

“But I’m in trouble big-time.” Josie couldn’t stop shivering. The hospital staff kept piling on heated blankets, but they couldn’t warm her.

“If I know your mother, she’ll give you a good lecture,” Alyce said. “But Jane will forgive you. She always does. Lecturing you is her way of blowing off steam. Jane reminds me of a mother cat we had when I was growing up. When one of her kittens irritated Molly, she’d swat it on the head, but Molly loved and defended her babies.”

“Ouch!” Josie said.

“Sorry,” the doctor said. “That one was in there deep.” He laid another splinter on a square of gauze, next to a long row of them. Josie thought this one was the size of a toothpick.

“How did you know where to find me?” Josie asked.

“You’d told me you were going to see Nedra Neosho and ask her for the name of the woman who used to date Dr. Ted,” Alyce said. “Then you were going to pick up Amelia. If you’d been delayed, you would have called me or your mother. I found Nedra’s phone number and address in the directory. She didn’t answer her phone. I knew something was wrong, so I went to her house. There you were, trapped with a deadly snake.”

“What if Nedra just wasn’t picking up the phone?” Josie said.

“That wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. I figured she was the woman Ted had been dating. They had a lot in common—their love of animals.”

“You were smarter than I was,” Josie said.

Alyce tactfully avoided commenting and continued her story. “I didn’t know what I was going to find, so I took my new roasting fork, dropped it in my purse, and drove to Nedra’s house.”

Josie was touched. She knew what good kitchen utensils meant to a real cook. “You risked your roasting fork for me? That’s a thirty-one-dollar fork.”

“Always buy the best,” Alyce said. “It makes a good first impression.”

“You came roaring in like a crazy woman in a slasher movie—and I mean that as a compliment,” Josie said.

“Thank you. It’s nice to be fearsome, instead of a silly suburban lady. I put the fork back in my purse when the police arrived.” Alyce patted her fashionably fat purse. “It would be a forkin’ shame if I was caught with a weapon.”

“Ouch!” Josie said. “That hurt.”

“Sorry,” Dr. Scout said. “Almost done.”

“You’d better be,” Josie said. “My friend here is armed and dangerous.”

“You showed up at exactly the right time,” Josie told Alyce. “I was trying to persuade Nedra to let me out, but it wasn’t working. You made the call, roared into the driveway, and a million cops and paramedics poured in. Everything after that was a blur. Is Nedra going to lose her leg?”

“I doubt it,” Alyce said. “The hospital won’t release any patient information, but I heard the paramedics talking about a ‘dry bite.’ I think that means no venom was released when the snake bit her.”

“The snake saved all its poison for me,” Josie said.

“Nedra is still in plenty of trouble,” Alyce said. “There were so many uniformed officers and detectives, they couldn’t fit into her ER cubicle. I think she’s going to be charged with first-degree murder and attempted murder and maybe importing dangerous reptiles into Missouri.”

“Good,” Josie said. “That means Ted will go free.”

“That’s it, Ms. Marcus,” Dr. Scout said. “I’ve put antibiotic ointment on your hands. I’m wrapping them in gauze now. Leave the dressing on overnight. The nurse will be by with your discharge instructions and paperwork.” He was gone.

“That was quick,” Alyce said. “Maybe our murder talk made him nervous.”

“Anything to speed up the process,” Josie said. “I’d better call Mom to pick me up.”

“I told her I’d take you home. You can delay the inevitable lecture awhile longer.”

“What time is it?” Josie asked.

“Six o’clock.”

“That late? What about your family?”

“The nanny agreed to stay and take care of Justin. Jake can nuke a chicken cassoulet in the freezer for his dinner.”

“I need to get my purse,” Josie said. “I left it in Nedra’s living room.”

“We’ll stop for it on your way home.”

The fleet of police and emergency vehicles was gone from Nedra’s street. A single police car was left with an older uniformed officer. He was fit for his age and had a “seen it all” face. He got out of his car when Alyce pulled into the drive.

Josie went up to him. “I’m Josie Marcus,” she began.

“I know,” he said. “I remember you were tied to the scene. I’m trying to write my report about this circus. I’d rather do it in longhand like I’ve always done it, but now everything has to be done on this piece-of-crap mobile data terminal thingy. The detectives said I should watch the place. Those who were more important went to the ER to find out if that snake lady was going to die.”

“She was still alive when I left the hospital,” Josie said.

“Then I’m waiting to get the okay to lock up here and put the keys in evidence.”

“I left my purse in the living room here. It’s a black Coach bag. On sale,” she said, as if she had to justify an expensive purse.

“It’s still there, miss. Follow me in and for God’s sake don’t touch anything.”

The purse was right where Josie said it was. “Can you tell me what’s in it?” the old cop asked.

“My cell phone. It’s black with a silver band and has a camera. A black wallet with thirteen dollars, two credit cards, and pictures of my daughter, Amelia. A hairbrush, tissues, lipstick . . .”

“Sounds right.” He opened her wallet. “Cute kid. Let me check if your face matches your driver’s license.” He studied the license. “Yep, that’s you.”