The Fashion Hound Murders (31 page)

“It’s a sad day when I look like my driver’s license photo,” Josie said. “What happened to the snake?”

“It’s dead.”

“Good,” Josie said. “Did the officer shoot it?”

“Killed it with a shovel.”

“What about the puppy?” Josie asked.

“Don’t know about any dog,” the old cop said.

“Nedra had a Chihuahua puppy. Last I saw, Bruiser was under the couch. Can I look for him?”

“Knock yourself out,” the older cop said.

Josie got on the floor gingerly, careful to protect her bandaged hands. She looked under the couch and found the tiny pup cowering in the far corner. Bruiser was curled into a shape as small and tight as a tennis ball—a tennis ball with huge ears. Josie gently pulled him out from under the couch with her bandaged hands.

She held the quivering ball of brown fur in one hand. “It’s okay, boy,” Josie said. “You’re going to be fine. The snake is gone.”

“He’s adorable,” Alyce said, petting one giant ear. “I’d like to take him home permanently.”

“You want to adopt a dog?” Josie asked. “What about little Justin?”

“My son is three now,” Alyce said. “It’s time he learned the difference between a stuffed animal and a real one. Let me ask the nice officer.”

The cop mumbled a word that sounded a lot like “shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Josie asked.

“I get off in twenty minutes, lady. I can’t wait and I’m not getting overtime. It will take animal control two, three hours to get here. Let me call the boss on the phone.”

After another delay that took up most of the old cop’s remaining twenty minutes, he was back. “The boss is with the suspect at the ER. The suspect says she doesn’t care about the dog, but she’s suing us for killing the snake.”

“Can she do that?” Josie said.

“Anybody can sue, if they’ve got the filing fee. Can she win? There are a lot of reptiles on the bench, but I doubt they’ll feel sorry for a dead rattler. Boss says you can take the puppy. Just give me a phone number.”

“Then I can keep the dog?” Alyce asked.

“What dog?” the old cop said.

Epilogue

“What are you doing, Mom?” Amelia asked.

“I want to watch Traci and Snowball’s show,” Josie said, turning on the television set at seven in the morning. She could hardly use the clicker with her bandaged hands.

“I thought Traci made you barf,” Amelia said.

“Shh! The show is starting,” Josie said.

“Happy holidays and welcome to
Snowball’s Corner
,” Traci said. “As you can see, we girls are ready to celebrate.”

A red Santa hat perched on Traci’s bright curly hair. Snowball wore a Santa suit. Behind them was a Christmas tree decorated with dog and cat ornaments. The camera focused on a “Dogs Make a Home” ornament. The tree was topped with a bichon in white angel robes. A fireplace mantel was decorated with a Howling Hound Menorah—dogs making joyous music. Snowball was crunching a puppy bagel.

“All these holiday gifts and more are available from the Humane Society of Missouri gift shop,” Traci said. “Don’t forget, when you buy from their gift shop, you help save the animals.

“Thank you all for your e-mails and letters. Many of you said you want to help, but can’t buy things right now. Megan, who is eight and lives in Affton, said, ‘My daddy is out of work. I want to help the animals, but I don’t have any money.’

“That’s okay, Megan,” Traci said. “You can still grant wishes, even without money. The Humane Society, like most animal protection agencies, has a wish list. Go to their Web site and look at the gifts you can donate that won’t cost anything. The society’s foster parent program needs gently used towels, washcloths, blankets, and quilts. Everyone has those around the house, don’t they? They need newspapers. Shredded copy and computer paper. Fluffy bathroom rugs. Cardboard flats from soda or pet food cases make good temporary litter boxes. You can organize your friends or Scout troop, if you want.”

“Yap!” Snowball said, and wagged her tail.

“I also have a letter from William. He says, ‘I’m a retiree with more time than money.’ Time is a luxury the Humane Society needs, William. You can volunteer. You can be a Pet Pal, and help exercise and socialize the shelter dogs. Or a gift shop volunteer. If you have office skills, they need those. The Humane Society needs your time, William.

“I think everyone can afford a stamp to write a letter to their state and national legislators—or even an e-mail—asking the government to protect our animal friends.”

“Yap!” Snowball said.

“Remember our puppy mill fighters’ motto, ‘The situation is serious, but not hopeless.’

“Don’t forget, folks, on Monday, we move to a new time. Snowball and I will still be on this affiliate station, but our show is going national, thanks to all you viewers.

“Bye-bye, and see you Monday,” Traci said.

“Yap,” said the little dog in the Santa suit.

A commercial for cat food came on the screen.

“Mom, why are you crying?” Amelia asked.

“I don’t cry,” Josie said. “I’m getting a cold.”

As the winter wore on, Traci and Snowball became a regular network feature. Soon the whole nation knew about Traci’s heroic pup. She also mentioned the kindly vet, Dr. Ted Scottsmeyer.

As Traci and Snowball’s fame grew, Renata Livermore wanted them at her February soiree. Traci, warned of the woman’s tightwad habits and smarting from Renata’s snubbing, refused unless Renata donated one thousand dollars to the puppy rescue charity of Traci’s choice.

Once Traci saw the canceled check, she consented. Renata invited forty members of Wood Winds society and charged them twenty-five dollars each. Alyce was unable to attend, but sent a check. Amy the Slut sent a check, but was not invited.

Nedra Neosho moved to a new home, too, but not by choice. After her arrest, she called a first-rate criminal defense lawyer and refused to speak to the police. But Wildfern detectives found evidence that Nedra had driven to New Mexico for a vacation. A herpetologist found scales from a timber rattlesnake and a coral snake in the minnow bucket she kept in her Subaru.

A search of her home yielded evidence of Dr. Ted’s innocence. It included e-mails from Dr. Ted saying he didn’t feel well, an e-mail invitation for Dr. Ted to stop by for dinner at Nedra’s Dogtown home, a text message on her cell phone inviting the ailing Ted to stay with her until he felt better—all at least three days before Jonah Deerford’s death. In a kitchen drawer, police found a cash receipt for a car battery bought during that time. The battery in Nedra’s Subaru was determined to be at least two years old, and the clinic van’s was even older. The battery in Dr. Ted’s orange Mustang was nearly new.

Nedra never asked about her puppy again. But she continued to mourn the loss of her snake. The bite wound in her leg healed and she walked with only a slight limp.

Against the advice of her attorney, Nedra gave an interview to the
St. Louis City Gazette.
She told a reporter that snakes were ecologically useful and downright erotic, then revealed the location of a large winter den of timber rattlers near Wood Winds. A photo of more than fifty rattlesnakes sunning themselves on a rock ledge behind the gated community appeared with the article. Two Wood Winds families with toddlers put their homes on the market after the article appeared. The houses sold for a considerable loss in an already-depressed market.

Mrs. Renata Livermore wrote a letter to the editor complaining that the
Gazette
article had damaged Wood Winds property values. Her attorney threatened to sue the paper for its irresponsible reptile photo. The
Gazette
’s managing editor issued a directive banning any mention of snakes near commercial or residential real estate.

Nedra’s top-flight lawyer resigned from her case after her
Gazette
interview. He told her there was no point in hiring him if Nedra wasn’t going to follow his advice. Unfortunately for Nedra, she’d sold her house for his retainer. After her attorney fired her as a client, she was given a public defender, who urged her to plead guilty to manslaughter and attempted murder. He told her she was lucky he’d gotten the charge reduced from murder one and the state had agreed to drop the charges for owning an unregistered deadly reptile. The reptile charge was dubious, since the law states reptiles more than eight feet long must be registered. It was difficult to measure the length of the rattlesnake after Josie had stuck it with a pitchfork and the cop chopped it to pieces with a shovel.

The police closed Edna Prilosen’s murder and the murder of Jonah Deerford’s wife. Evidence said Jonah was the killer. Edna’s mother told Ike Ikeman in a tearful television interview that she was trying to find comfort in that. “Jonah got the death penalty, which he deserved,” she said. “But it won’t bring my Edna back.”

Josie figured Jonah had also locked the rottweiler in her mother’s garage, based on Mrs. Mueller’s account of the dark, battered truck driving slowly down their alley late at night.

The parents of the late Allegra Coleman Deerford sold Jonah’s farm and took the two boys, Bart and Billy, to California. They enrolled in public school.

Dr. Ted Scottsmeyer was released two days after the incident at Nedra’s home. The exonerated vet refused to let Ike Ikeman interview him. He resumed his practice and continued to help puppy mill dogs, becoming a hero in rescue circles, in part thanks to the praises of Traci and Snowball. The publicity increased St. Louis Mobo-Pets’ practice so much that Dr. Ted and Dr. Chris hired two new doctors from the University of Missouri School of Veterinary Medicine.

As soon as he was released, Ted came to Josie’s house to thank her. He brought a single rose and a case of Harry’s favorite canned food. Harry came out and got an ear scratch from the doctor. Amelia was thrilled to see him. “Mom,” she called, “Harry’s vet is here.”

“Talk to Ted until I’m ready,” Josie said.

Josie flew around her bedroom, changing into a cashmere sweater, putting on fresh lipstick, and fluffing her hair, before she strolled out as if she always looked that way.

“Please go to your room,” Josie told Amelia, “so Dr. Ted and I can talk. And take your furry friend with you.” She waited for her daughter and the cat to leave.

Dr. Ted was thinner after his jail stay, but his eyes were still a melting brown and his manner still gentle. “I owe my freedom to you,” he said.

“And I owe the scare of my life to you,” Josie said. “None of that would have happened if you hadn’t lied to me about Nedra.”

“I didn’t lie,” he said. “I didn’t want to reveal her name since you knew her. It was awkward.”

“Awkward!” Josie said. “I’ll tell you what’s awkward—standing on four fifty-pound sacks while a rattlesnake is trying to kill me. Snakes are your friends? Some friends you have.”

“I’m sorry, Josie,” Ted said. “Please forgive me. But the snake was only trying to protect itself. It died, too.”

“I forgive you,” Josie said. “I don’t forgive the snake. I’m glad it’s dead.”

“Please, Josie, will you go out to dinner with me?”

“No!” Josie said. “I don’t want to go out with you.”

“But Josie . . .”

When Josie banned him from her home, Ted looked as woebegone as Nedra’s abandoned Bruiser. She escorted the vet to the porch and watched his tangerine Mustang leave.

Amelia waited for her in the living room. “Dumb move, Mom. That one is a keeper.”

“Amelia Marcus, you are not to comment on my love life ever again,” Josie said. “You’ve caused enough trouble. Go to your room and stay there.”

Amelia and Harry did not come out until dinner, when Amelia fixed a tuna casserole and wisely made no mention of Ted. She was learning more than cooking.

Josie’s life settled into a dull winter routine of work and more work. Jerry called her two or three times for a date, and Josie turned him down.

An anonymous tipster reported that Bernie, Jerry’s mother, was a “hoarder.” According to a television news story, hoarders had a pathological addiction to saving animals but were unable to properly care for them.

The three dogs and all but two of Bernie’s cats were confiscated by animal welfare authorities. Bernie cried on television that only she could take care of those cats. The court sentenced her to counseling and a course in pet care. Josie did not report Bernie, but she was glad someone did. After Bernie’s sad television appearance, Jerry walked his pup, Chloe, on a new route through the neighborhood.

Josie waved to Stan and his new girlfriend when they went in and out of Stan’s house, but that was as close as she got to her one-time lover. On Saturdays, she would see the two of them laughing and carrying in bags of lumpy winter vegetables from the farmers’ market. The lights were on in Stan’s bedroom until very late on the nights Abby stayed over.

On New Year’s Day, Stan rang their doorbell. Josie could see Stan’s muscles bulging even under his heavy winter coat. He had his arm protectively around a small, shy blonde. The blonde’s face was cherry red from the cold. She held a fruitcake with a big blue bow on it. A modest diamond sparkled on her ring finger.

“Josie,” Stan said, “I want you to meet my fiancée, Abby.”

“Come in,” Josie said. “Happy New Year.”

Abby handed Josie the fruitcake. Josie recognized it as a brand on sale at a local discount store.

Stan and Abby sat side by side on the couch he’d moved into Josie’s living room. “I wanted you to meet Abby now that she’s going to be your neighbor,” Stan said.

Abby flashed her diamond solitaire.

“It’s lovely,” Josie said.

“It was on sale,” Abby said. “This style will hold its value longer.”

“When’s the wedding?” Josie asked. “Will you be a June bride?”

“Oh, no.” Abby seemed shocked. “That’s a peak time when weddings are more expensive. I think—and Stan agrees—that August would be ideal. We’ve already reserved a pavilion in Forest Park. We’ll have a picnic reception afterward.”

“The park is a beautiful place for a wedding,” Josie said.

“And cheaper than a church and a hall,” Abby said.

“You’re invited, of course,” Stan said. “And your mother.”