Authors: Gilbert Morris
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Go Find Your Way”
Jacksonville, Florida, was a flat place. No mountains rested on the horizon, nor even low rolling hills such as Chase had learned to love in other parts of the country. He walked down the street scanning the numbers on the Spanish-style houses. They were not ornate, just durable working-class homes, mostly one-story and covered with stucco. Many of the yards had palm trees and yuccalike plants called Spanish bayonet, but had no grass; they were as much white sand as soil.
Chase blinked at the bright late afternoon sun as he scrutinized the number on a house sitting farther back from the road than most: 2920. It was the right number, but he hesitated. The suitcase in his hand pulled at his arm, and he was weary from the long bus ride. He had relived his last painful encounter with Joy so many times that his nerves were frayed. His leaving her had been an impulsive decision, he knew, and more than once he’d wanted to go back and catch up with the circus. But some inner urge drove him here. Now as he stood in front of the gray stucco house with the red-tile roof, he was certain this was something he had to do.
Throwing his shoulders back, his lips grew thin with determination as he pressed them together. He walked down the paved driveway and onto the front sidewalk, stepping up onto a small porch with an overhang. Giving himself no time to think, he pushed the bell. He could hear it ringing inside the house, and a few seconds later the door opened. Chase
suddenly felt a great sadness as he looked at his mother. “Hello, Mom.”
“Chase—it’s you!”
Lucille Matthews threw her hands up. Chase dropped the suitcase and embraced her. He felt her arms around his neck and his own tears on his cheek. For a time he simply held her, not wanting to let go. Then when she drew back and began wiping the tears from her face with her apron, his voice was unsteady. “The bad penny’s come home again, Mom.”
“You come right in the house.” Taking his arm, Lucille pulled him inside. “Put that suitcase down there. Come into the kitchen. I’ll bet you’re hungry.”
“I am a little bit, but I thought we might talk first.”
Lucille Matthews was an attractive woman of fifty. She had the same black hair and dark eyes as her son, and a trim figure. One white streak ran through her hair, no more than half an inch wide, but it did not age her, Chase noticed. He stared at it, and she reached up and touched her hair with a faint smile. “I almost dyed it once but decided not to.”
“It’s very attractive, Mom.”
“Here, come sit down.”
They entered the kitchen, a cheerful room that was broad and long, with a dinette set at one end. Chase sat down, and when she brought him a glass of iced tea without asking, he gulped it down in a single breath. She got the pitcher and put it beside him. “Your letters have been an encouragement, Chase. Is the circus close by?”
“No, I left the circus.”
“But you said you liked it so much.”
“Things happen. Tell me about yourself.”
Lucille reached out and took his hand, holding it and stroking it with her other hand. “I’m very happy with Jack. I’m anxious for you to meet him.”
“I’m not sure he’ll be so glad to meet me.”
“Don’t be foolish. You’ll like him a lot.”
Lucille had married Jack Matthews two years earlier. She
had told Chase in her letters that Jack was an electrician with his own business, and was one of the kindest men she had ever known. Now as she studied her son’s face, she said, “I’m going to cook up a big supper for you. You still like steaks?”
“Sure, Mom, but don’t go to all that trouble. I really thought I might get a room somewhere.”
“If you want to hurt my feelings, that’s the way to do it!”
Chase smiled. “All right, I’ll stay—provided you have plenty of room.”
“Yes, we’ve got a guest room. Jack built this house himself. It has three bedrooms. He’s very proud of it and so am I.”
“It’s a fine house, Mom.”
“Come along,” she said. “I know you’re tired.”
She led him to a bedroom with an adjoining bath and said, “Why don’t you shower and get comfortable? Lie down and take a nap. Jack will be home in about an hour, and we’ll have supper.”
“All right, Mom.” Before she could turn to leave, he reached out and touched the silver streak in her hair. “I expect I put that there,” he murmured.
Lucille took his hand and held it against her cheek for a moment. “I’m glad you’re back, son.”
****
“I can’t eat another bite, honest, Mom.”
Jack Matthews grinned and shook his head. “She doesn’t believe a man’s happy unless he’s so full he can’t even roll over.” Matthews was a big, red-faced man with a cheerful smile and a pair of direct blue eyes. He was losing his hair in front but, even at the age of fifty-nine, was one of those men who get stronger as they get older. His hands were rough and callused, and the Florida sunshine had baked his skin to a brick-red hue.
“She always was that way,” Chase said. He liked Jack Matthews, even on such short acquaintance. The man’s bluff honesty made it difficult not to like him. Chase noticed that
his stepfather did not ask him any questions, yet as they drank coffee after the meal, he felt obliged to give them a brief history of his recent whereabouts.
Both of them listened attentively as he spoke, and he didn’t spare himself any embarrassing details. When he related how Joy had shot the hobo and made the two men jump off the train, Jack laughed and slapped his meaty thigh.
“Good for her! She sounds like a girl after my own heart.”
“You’d like her a lot, Jack. She’s fit in well with the circus. And her brother’s there now. He’s a fine fellow too.”
“How old is Joy?”
“She’s eighteen, and her brother’s twenty.”
Matthews held his coffee cup, dwarfing it with his big hands, swirled his coffee, and said, “I’m glad you came, Chase. This may be a bit premature, but if you want to stay around, I could always use a good man.”
“I’m no electrician, Jack.”
“I could make you into one. You’re smart enough, and all it takes is a little hard work.”
Chase felt grateful to Jack Matthews. “I may take you up on that. I’ve gotta find a job.”
“You don’t think you’ll be going back to the circus?”
“Nothing there for me now.”
Both Lucille and her husband felt the terseness of that reply, and Lucille covered by saying, “Well, won’t that be nice? You can stay right here with us.”
“Oh, that wouldn’t be convenient for you.”
“Yes it would. You know I love to cook, and it would be good to be with you.”
Chase could not speak for a moment. Finally he smiled faintly and said, “Well, what time do I go to work in the morning, Jack?”
****
“There’s a letter for you. I put it on your bed, son.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Chase had come in from work and went right to his room. He had put in another hard day, but after a month of working alongside Jack Matthews, he felt a sense of satisfaction.
At least,
he thought,
I can make a living once I qualify as an electrician.
He stepped into his room, shut the door, and picked up the letter. He did not recognize the handwriting, but when he opened it, he let his eyes go to the bottom of the single sheet, where he saw Travis Winslow’s signature.
He scanned the letter:
Dear Chase,
I was glad to hear that you have a good job working with your stepfather, and it sounds like your mother is in hog heaven to have you back. I am still traveling with the circus doing the human cannonball act and working on the trucks. Saving money to go to Bible school.
I wish I had better news for you about Joy. I’m worried sick about her, Chase. That fellow Ritter hasn’t got a lick of sense. He’s got her in the cage now with him and all those animals, and I’ve got a bad feeling about it. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she won’t listen.
One thing I guess I might tell you. She really misses you, Chase. I don’t know how you feel about her, but I suspect, from the little I saw, that you had some feeling for her. I think she loves you too. I wish you’d come back.
Write me, and let’s keep in touch. You can write to general delivery at Denton, Texas. We’ll be there next week, and I’ll pick up the mail there. God bless you,
dear brother, and may the Lord make His face to shine upon you.
For a long time Chase sat staring at the letter, and even as he did, depression settled on him. He had been contented enough to throw himself into his work with Jack, but deep down he knew he would not be content forever. Getting up, he went to stare out the window but saw only the house next door half hidden by spiky Spanish bayonet plants. The thought of Joy in the cage with over a dozen ferocious beasts scraped against his nerves. He stood at the window for a long time, and still he could not move. He heard his mother calling, “Supper’s about ready, Chase,” and he broke away from the window. He scrubbed his hands and face before going in to eat.
At supper, he ate mechanically and spoke little. When Jack left the house to attend his meeting at the Lions Club, of which he was a proud member, Chase went into the living room and sat down in an overstuffed chair by the radio. He tuned in to a news report and heard a politician by the name of Herbert Hoover delivering a campaign speech in his bid for the presidency. Not having paid much attention to politics, Chase did not know the man, but his ears perked up at Hoover’s catchy slogan: “A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.”
The announcer then spoke of Miss Amelia Earhart of Atchison, Kansas, an aviator who had flown across the Atlantic in a plane, the first woman ever to do so, albeit as a passenger, not the pilot.
Chase half listened to the rest of the news, but then a program of music from a ballroom in New Orleans began, and he lost himself in his thoughts. He was startled when a hand fell on his shoulder, and he glanced up to see his mother looking down at him.
“What’s the matter, son? Was the letter bad news?”
“I guess it was, in a way.”
Lucille sat down on the couch across from him and said, “Is it anything you can tell me about?”
“I guess I can, Mom. Maybe that’s why I came all the way back home. I’ve been wanting to tell you something.”
“I bet I can guess what it is—part of it anyway.”
As Chase’s mother watched him calmly, waiting for him to explain, he remembered how she would do this when he was just a small boy. He had always thought she could read his mind.
Testing her, he asked, “What do you think it is, Mom?”
“I think it has to do with Joy Winslow.”
Chase dropped his eyes, unable to meet her gaze for a moment, then looked up and nodded. “You’re right. I left because of her.” He went on to explain how he had failed to convince her to stay out of the cage with all the big cats. “I’ve been worried sick, Mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you love this young woman?”
“I . . . I think I do.”
“Then do something about it.”
“What can I do, Mom?” Chase asked almost desperately. He got up and paced the floor, stopped, then wheeled to face her. “I have nothing to offer a woman.”
“Then
get
something! I hated it when you were risking your life with those tigers, but at least you had a life.”
“I can’t go back. I don’t think I could ever go back in the cage again.”
“You can do anything you have to do if God helps you.” Chase stared at his mother, then got up and sat beside her, taking her hand. “What do you think I should do?”
“You know what I think. I think you need Christ in your life.”
“I’ve gone a long way from God.”
“Then come back.”
“Why would He want me back?” Chase asked, a note of despair in his voice.
“Why would He want any of us? Don’t ask me why God
loves sinners. He just does. You know your Bible. Did He go looking for righteous people? Of course not. He always reached out to those who were in trouble.”
Chase sat in the living room with his mother for over an hour before saying, “You know, I think I know what I need to do.”
“What is it, son?”
“I need to go back to Nebraska and see Sister Hannah Smith.”
“She had quite an impact on you, didn’t she? You wrote about her so often in your letters.”
“I don’t know why, but I need to go see her.”
“All right. Go find your way.”
Chase nodded. “I’ll check with Jack to make sure he can get along without me, and if it’s okay with him, I’ll leave in the morning.”
“Jack and I will be praying for you. God isn’t through with you yet, Chase.”
****
Sister Hannah’s eyes flew open, and her hands went up. “Well, glory be to God and the Lamb forever!” She sailed out onto the porch, shoving the screen door back, and it slapped against the wall of the house with a loud bang. She grabbed Chase and hugged him so hard he protested.
“Sister Hannah, you’re gonna break my ribs again.”
“You come in this house, boy. I had a feelin’ you were comin’ back one of these days.”
Chase followed Sister Hannah into the house, and as he did, old memories rushed through him. He allowed her to drag him into the kitchen and shove him onto a cane-bottom chair. “I just made some blackberry cobbler. Fresh out of the oven. You think you could arm wrestle a bite or two down?”
“I think I could.” Chase grinned broadly and allowed her to fuss over him. He was tired, for it had been a long trip from Jacksonville, Florida, to Arnold, Nebraska, but as he
sat in the kitchen enjoying the warm blackberry cobbler, he knew he had done the right thing.
“I’ve been hearin’ pretty regular from Joy,” Hannah said. “She told me about you leavin’ the circus. What’d you do that for?”
Chase put the spoon in the bowl and shoved it away, saying, “That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Well, thank God you’ve finally realized you can’t handle your own life.” Sister Hannah pushed her glasses up over her head into her hair, and her eyes sparkled as she spoke. “I knowed all the time you’d come to your senses, and you’re gonna stay here with me until you get right with God.”