The Gray Institute (The Gray Institute Trilogy Book 1) (36 page)

You have to bow down to a higher power, you have no choice. You're not stronger than humans, you can't even exercise your own free will. Your world isn't a dictatorship, it's a fucking farm. You're harvested, preyed on because of your misfortune in life, and brought here to be moulded into what they want you to be.

Look at Malachy Beighley,' She pauses as I wince. I want to shut her out, to clamp my hands over my ears rather than listen to her pick apart my new world and my new life. But she continues.

'He loved that girl, probably more than you or I could ever imagine, and because of his Government – his own family – he now lives his life a broken man, a puppet with many strings and many masters.

Look at those students in your Practical class, unable to refuse to participate in something that sickened them to their stomachs without receiving a punishment – without living in fear.

You all live in fear.

The 'laws' aren't laws, they're shackles. What kind of Government punishes people indefinitely for completely different severities of crime?

Look at my mother, rotting in the Confine. A Duchess, a beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted woman turned to a vegetable, existing rather than living. Serving out a fate worse than death,' She runs out of steam, breathing hard. Her cheeks are flushed a bright scarlet, her breaths are ragged, her heart beats faster than any I've heard before. She shakes with rage, spitting her words like venom, subconsciously smashing the palm of her hand against the hard stone.

'But not for long.' She mutters her last words. They're almost lost on the wind, but I catch them.

'Lorna?' I frown, feeling suddenly unsettled. I know I should run, I shouldn't listen to what she's about to say. I don't want to listen, I don't want to know.

'Katy Branch was right when she told you I asked for her help,' She smirks slightly. 'But she wasn't right about what I asked for it
for
,' She explains. 'I didn't want to bring down the Institute – I don't have the power to do that. But I asked her to help me to see what her reaction would be. When she ran to Alec, I knew she couldn't be trusted with my real plan.'

'Your real plan?' I curse myself for asking.

'To escape the Institute.' She gushes, turning to me with such enthusiasm and force, I'm worried her heart will give out.

'Lorna, no...' I reply automatically, but she's already talking over me, not interested in the slightest thing I have to say.

'To find the Confine. There are still Immortals out there who are loyal to the Rebels, I know there are. They conspire and meet in secret, planning the next rebellion, planning to break the Rebels out.

I can find them, find the Confine, find my mother...'

'Lorna, you'll die...'

'I know I'll die! Of course I'll die!' She tuts irritably 'But at least I'll die trying to free my mother. I'd rather die than be changed.'

'Is that what your mother would want?' I ask her. 'For you to die in a pointless, infeasible mission to save her?'

'She would want me to do what's right!' She yells passionately. 'To play my own small part in bringing your whole world down on its head. And it wouldn't necessarily be infeasible. I will die, but the other Rebels may break in, they may be able to free the Confined.' Lorna is getting over excited, speaking too quickly, her eyes too bright.

'If they could break the Confined out, don't you think they would have done it already?' I reason, but she shakes her head.

'But they haven't had a human to use as bait, up until now. Those guards are stuck in the Confine day in, day out, their hunting times are sparse. I could easily distract them...'

'Lorna, it's ridiculous! It's completely far-fetched and impossible!' I stand, shouting over the wind and the waves, rounding on her like a puma. She closes her mouth quickly, glaring at me through stray strands of chocolate coloured hair.

'I'm not going to sit here and listen to you explain a suicide mission to me. It's not even a suicide mission, it's a suicide inevitable failure!'

'How can you say that?' Her face contorts with rage as she stands to meet my height, almost. 'You listened to the story about my mother! How can you pretend it's not justified?'

'I'm not saying it's not justified. I am truly sorry about what happened to your mother and what's happened to you. There's absolutely no denying you got a seriously shitty deal and Sir Alec is a total and utter bastard. Yes, you're right, the Auctoritas are fucking insane, our laws are ridiculous, our justice system corrupt, but this is not a good plan! This won't fix anything!

All it will leave is one dead body and another bunch of Rebels Confined!' I can't control my anger and desperation as I speak, my voice rises in volume until even the crashing of the sea is drowned out.

'Then so be it!' Lorna replies, her tone final as she glares into my eyes, her stubborn face set in stone. I shake my head, unable to comprehend her reason or thinking, completely at a loss as to what I can say to make her see sense.

In my heart I know there's nothing I can say, nothing that will change her mind. She is the most stubborn, opinionated person I have ever met.

'Fuck this.' I throw my arms up in defeat and turn to head back to the Institute, with or without her.

I knew it was a mistake to get involved with Lorna Gray. Katy Branch warned me and I should have listened. I will be punished now no matter what, but at least I could have saved myself some time. Spent it on better things.

'I thought you were different!' Her voice cracks from behind me and as much as I don't want to, I halt, slowly and reluctantly turning back to her.

Her expression breaks my unbeating heart, her eyes desperate, her mouth twisted in anger. I realise then that I am her last hope. She can't do this alone and now she's out of time. She has less than a month until Sir Alec changes her and I feel guilt-ridden through no fault of my own.

'I thought you understood!' She cries, sobbing again. I rush to her – mainly because I don't know what else to do – and throw my arms around her, crushing her to me.

'I do!' I protest, cupping her wet face in my hands. 'Of course I do, I understand. But Lorna, I can't condone this plan. It will not work. You've concocted it out of desperation because you don't know what else to do and you won't go down without a fight and I love that about you,' I say truthfully. 'But I can't allow you to get yourself killed for no reason. I certainly can't help you, I could never live with myself.' I shrug, at a loss.

She pushes me away and I release her, watching in bemusement as she crosses to the cliff's peak, coming dangerously close to the edge.

'If you won't help me, I'll throw myself off right now!' She threatens. I gawk at her, amazed at how quickly the atmosphere has changed.

'Jesus Christ!' I shake my head. 'Don't be stupid, Lorna. I'd have you in my arms before you could take a step.'

She sniffs, realising I'm right. 'Eve,' She moves swiftly to me, holding my hands tightly in hers. Her green eyes plead with me, looking as deeply into mine as she possibly can, begging me with everything she has.

'I need you.' She states, crumbling before me. I support her weight, wrapping my arm around her waist. 'I don't want to be changed!' She sobs into my shoulder and I stroke her hair, suppressing an urge to scream.

How can I possibly be put in this situation? How can I say no to this girl who is breaking before my eyes? How can I walk away knowing I was her last hope, and that I'm single handedly condemning her to a life she despises above everything else?

'Lorna...' I hesitate, hating the sounds of her racking sobs, convulsing her body. 'Listen, Lorna. Listen to me,' I urge her, pulling her head away from my shoulder and forcing her to look at me. 'I will think about it, okay?' I can't believe the words as they tumble from my mouth, but I'm relieved when her sobbing stops.

'You mean it?' She breathes, her eyes wide.

'I mean I will think about it. It's a terrible plan, there's holes all over the place. I don't know...' I'm not sure if I'm lying to her or telling the truth. Her plan is completely out of the question but could I really live with myself knowing I did nothing to help her? What does she mean to me? Is she really worth risking my life for?

'I will think about it.' I reassert myself, averting my eyes as her lips split into a huge grin.

'Thank you, Eve! Thank you!' She kisses my cheek and I sigh, setting her straight on her feet.

'I said, I'd think about it. I didn't say yes,' I remind her, closing the discussion. 'Let's get you back. I can't help anybody if Sir Alec Confines me for practically abducting you.'

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tia is in our room when I get back, sitting cross-legged on her bed. She's reading a magazine, the glossy celebrity type, and she glances up from it as I close the door. I head straight over to my bed and throw myself onto the mattress, my mind filled with thoughts of Lorna and her ridiculous plan. I bury my head in the feathery pillow, praying for suffocation.

'Are you really not going to talk to me?' Tia's tone is sulky and I almost stand straight back up to leave.

'Not now, Tia.' My muffled reply is drowned out by her next sentence.

' – I mean, I know I said some things that were – well, completely true – but could have been said in a nicer way, I suppose – '

'Oh, please, don't reproach yourself, Tia.' I mutter sarcastically, but she's still not listening.

' – But I thought by now you'd have calmed down and realised that I was only saying it as your friend. I can't believe that you're letting a man come between us. I thought we were better than that, I thought you – '

'Tia!' I scream at the top of my lungs into the pillow. Her high-pitched chatter ceases and I haul myself upright to look at her.

'I have just had the worst thing that could possibly, ever, in the world happen to me, happen. So really, I'd appreciate it if we could drop this pathetic spat.

Okay, I take your opinions on board. Okay, I appreciate you trying to be a friend. But right now, Malachy Beighley is the last thing on my mind.' I say truthfully, letting myself flop back down onto my bed, face up.

'Jesus,' Tia breathes. 'What happened?' She darts off her bed and bounds onto mine, crossing her legs and poking me with a sharp fingernail. I sigh, wondering where to begin. Tia's expression is eager, her amber eyes big with the prospect of gossip.

Lorna's words tumble out of my mouth as I repeat her story from start to finish. Tia follows and nods and gasps in all the right places and, as I come to the ridiculous plan to escape, she jumps from my bed, landing smoothly on her feet like a cat.

'Is she crazy?!' She screeches, her voice at a level only a dog could hear. 'You're not seriously entertaining the idea of helping her, are you?'

'I wasn't. But you didn't see her, Tia. I'm her last hope, after me there's no turning point. I'll be condemning her. How the hell was I supposed to just say 'no'?'

'You just say 'no', Eve. Better yet you ask her if she's got a screw loose,' Tia throws her arms up in despair. 'That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my entire life! We shouldn't even be talking about this. We shouldn't even be thinking it, that's how dangerous this is!'

'You think I don't know that, Tia?' I scowl, wondering why I bothered to tell her.

'Eve, what is this?' She suddenly turns serious, perching on the edge of my bed and taking my hand. 'Lorna Gray is nothing to you. Why on Earth do you feel like you have to help her?'

'She's not nothing to me,' I frown. 'I like her,' I shrug, sighing at my own feeble comment. 'I feel for her, you know? I feel for her situation. It's not a fair one, she's got a shitty deal – '

'Without a doubt, but that's not your fault. It's not your job to fix this, Eve!' Tia's getting agitated again so I grip her shoulders, trying to calm her down.

'Look, I've connected with her, okay? Over a ridiculously short period of time, after three conversations with the girl, I have bonded with her.

She's a friend to me, a good friend. She trusted me with her past, which is more than I've done with anyone here. How can I let her trust me like that and then throw it back in her face?'

'Oh my God!' Tia puts her head in her hands, groaning theatrically. I sigh, sliding off my bed and crossing to the window, pulling out another cigarette. Though the nicotine craving has gone, the psychological feeling of de-stress from the comfort of a cigarette has not.

Tia jumps up suddenly, springing to her feet, maniacally pulling a pair of sandals on.

'Wait here,' She demands. 'Just wait, okay? Don't leave the room.'

'Okay.' I frown, wondering if perhaps Tia's finally lost her mind. She sprints from the room, slamming the door behind her, her footsteps audible all the way down the hall.

A moment alone gives me time to think. I process Lorna's plan step-by-step and realise how much detail she's neglected to include.

Firstly, how would we leave the Institute in the first place? How tall did she say the fence was? Twenty feet?

I could jump that with Lorna in my arms easily. But then what? We're chased by fifty Immortals?

Even if we did make it away, how long would it be until they caught us? I have no idea how to go undetected and despite Lorna's seemingly endless encyclopaedia of knowledge, I doubt even she knows fifth year material.

Then how would we find the 'Rebels' Lorna is so sure are out there? Why would they trust us? Would they even go for Lorna's ludicrous plan to use herself as bait?

Then how would they find the Confine? An insider maybe, like the French Rebels?

The plan is ridiculous, impossible, completely and utterly infeasible. It's unknown territory; two people who know nothing of the outside world as Immortals, running from a group of high status, highly dangerous Immortals.

Which leads me to my key question... why am I considering helping Lorna in the first place?

Forget the unthinkable plan, forget the entire ludicrousy of the situation – what are my reasons for helping a girl I barely know and don't trust to have my back? Whose only concern is getting one up on a system that's impossible to beat?

I have no answer.

The bedroom door opens and Tia re-emerges, her expression sheepish. She hovers on the threshold, her posture stiff and awkward.

'I want you to promise you won't get mad.' She says slowly. I narrow my eyes at her, feeling the beginnings of rage stir in my stomach.

'What have you done?' I hiss, my tone low and threatening. She shifts uncomfortably, her eyes on the floor.

'Look, I did what I thought was best. I thought maybe – ' Tia's sentence is cut off as the door swings open, knocking her sideways. She stumbles before regaining her balance, just in time to be knocked over again as a familiar figure pushes past her into the room.

'What the hell are you thinking, Eve?' Yells a voice which sounds a lot like Malachy's but is far too loud and rude to be. I stare as a raging, terrifying version of Malachy glares at me across the room.

'I said; what the hell are you thinking?' He repeats when I don't reply, the sheer volume of his voice enough to set my teeth on edge.

'I heard you.' I mutter.

'Then answer me!' He demands. I wring my hands together, feeling like a child being told off by her dad.

'I just thought... I know I can't...' I stammer, unable to answer his very simple question. I keep my eyes on the floor and watch Malachy's feet as he strides across the room, reaching me in three.

'Eve,' He growls my name, forcing me to look at him. He's inches from my face but I feel none of the soft, floaty feelings I felt before; instead I feel sheer, cold fear as he gazes steadily and menacingly into my eyes. My body squirms as I hold his stare, transfixed, unable to look away no matter how hard I try, as though I'm paralysed against my will.

'You will not so much as attempt to help Lorna Gray escape from the Institute. Is that clear?' His tone is low and calm, but undoubtedly authoritative and attractively hypnotizing. I feel my head nod without my permission.

'Say it.' He demands, and my mouth opens obediently.

'Malachy...' Tia's frightened, quivering voice snaps me out of my trance and I break eye contact with Malachy. My body slumps, as if it's been released from tight bindings, and I glare coldly at Malachy, my meekness gone.

'Don't you dare use your freaky Auctorita power on me!' I cry, snarling at him. 'Don't you dare. And thank you,' I turn to Tia. 'For warning me about that. That was really good of you. How dare you screech at me about acting strangely around Malachy when all along you knew why it was! You knew of his hold over me, over all of us!'

'It's not supposed to go that far!' Tia protests, her voice pleading. 'I'd seen it before, in Meredith, and I was scared you were going the same way as her! I said all that stuff to try to convince you that he wouldn't be interested in you. To try to keep you away from him!'

'You had me convinced that I was going crazy!' I yell, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction as Tia winces.

'Tia, leave us.' Malachy commands. Tia hesitates. 'Now.' He adds sharply.

She obeys, giving me one final, pleading glance before closing the door behind her. She hovers for a moment outside before her footsteps recede into the distance. I turn back to glare at Malachy.

'You can't just use it on people like that.' I snap, referring to his treatment of Tia.

'I didn't,' He replies. 'I just told her to leave.'

I lower my gaze, fighting the magnetic urge to look into his eyes. The fact that I have no idea what are really my words and my actions, and what are not, scares me.

'Eve?' Malachy's voice is softer now, calm. But still I refuse to acknowledge him. 'I promise, I won't use it, okay? You have my word.' He states.

I flicker my eyes back up reluctantly, but instead of looking at him directly, I glare at a spot on the opposite wall.

'How much of it was me?' I ask, gritting my teeth.

'Almost all of it,' He replies. 'I forced you to find me at the stairwell that time I dropped the door number, and I forced you to come back to my room after I'd told you to leave. But that was all.'

'You have to promise never to use it on me again.' I demand, but to my disbelief, he shakes his head.

'It's not that simple,' He protests. 'It's not always under my control. You have a natural instinct to want to obey me. You are naturally drawn to me. There's nothing I can do to change that. Believe me, if I could, I would.' He replies sadly, and I remember Aleks Anzhela.

'Were her feelings real?' I ask, knowing there's no need to explain who I mean. He hesitates for a moment, considering my question.

'Yes, I believe so,' He nods. 'She was drawn to me, like everybody else, but I used no influence on her. Her feelings turned romantic of her own accord.'

'Are mine?' I ask.

'Are yours what?'

'Romantic?'

'You misunderstand it,' He shakes his head. 'I can't force you to feel anything that strong. If I really wanted to, I could bend your will. I could make you feel a vague, inexplicable dislike for Tia which you'll never quite be able to ignore, but I couldn't make you detest her. Any more than I could make you fall in love with me. I can make you infatuated, but it wouldn't be real and it wouldn't last very long.'

I consider this, walking a fine line between pure anger towards Malachy, and utter sympathy for him. How trying it must be to be forever guessing if people really like you, or are simply drawn to you against their will, unaware of it themselves.

How does he know who to trust? Who's really a friend and who isn't? How many people who are forever flung at his feet, like Meredith, would turn against him if his power somehow dissipated?

'I apologise for using it on you,' Malachy says carefully, his eyes unwavering. 'And I'm sorry for neglecting to tell you about it, it's hard to put into words and not something I like to admit or discuss.'

I nod; this is understandable, and I can rest assured that Malachy isn't the worst person who could possess this sort of power – it could, for instance, have been Lucrezia.

'But I'm not here to debate my 'power' or fate with you, I'm here to advise you strongly against your ridiculous decision to help Lorna Gray.'

'I haven't decided anything...'

'But you are considering it.' He interrupts, silencing me. I can't deny it, he would know I'm lying.