The Guide to Getting It On (55 page)

Betty On Intercourse

What better way to wind down a chapter on intercourse than with a few passages from Betty Dodson’s book
Sex for One?
These refer to things that transpired during Ms. Dodson’s sex groups for women.

On Pretending You’re a Guy during Intercourse:

“One amusing and informative exercise was called “Running a Sexual Encounter.” It involved reversing sex roles with the women on top. We made believe that our clitorises were penetrating imaginary lovers, and we had to do all the thrusting. I would set the egg timer for three minutes, a little longer than the Kinsey national average. As the fucking began, I would participate and at the same time comment on everyone’s technique. ‘Keep your arms straight; don’t crush your lover. You’re too high up; your clitoris just fell out. Don’t stop moving, you’ll lose your erection. Don’t move so fast; you’ll come too soon. And don’t forget to whisper sweet things in your lover’s ear between all those passionate kisses.

“Watching the egg timer, I coordinated my theatrical orgasm with the ding of the bell, frantically thrusting for the last ten seconds. Then, falling flat on my imaginary lover, I muttered, ‘Was it good for you?’ and promptly began snoring loudly. It was always hysterically funny. Panting and exhausted, the women all exclaimed, ‘How do men do it?’ Complaints included tired arms, lower-back pain, and stiff hip joints. Most of the women had fallen out long before the bell went off. After that, there was always more empathy for men, and the women showed an increased interest in other positions for lovemaking.”

Odds & Ends:

“Some of the women talked about experiencing pain with deep thrusting intercourse, while others claimed to want a hard fuck. In my youth, I’d confused hard pounding intercourse with passion, and experienced internal soreness afterward.... While I enjoyed a strong fuck when we were two equal energies in sync, I also loved the slow intense fuck.

“Another problem the women complained of was lack of lubrication and the pain of dry intercourse. Some women felt inadequate if they weren’t wet with passion. My experience varied; sometimes I lubricated when I wasn’t even thinking about sex. Other times I could be dry even though I felt sexually aroused...”

On Orgasms:

“Some women had good orgasms with oral sex but not with intercourse. Others could come with intercourse but couldn’t get off alone. Still others were having orgasms with themselves but not with a partner. All of the orgasmic women agreed on one thing: Their experiences of orgasm varied greatly from one orgasm to the next.” —From
Sex for One
by Betty Dodson, Harmony Books.

Readers’ Comments

Some of your favorite intercourse positions?

“My favorite position is doggy style, with me on my hands and knees, and him behind me. I like this best for two reasons: my vagina is tighter this way, and I can easily rub my clitoris and have an orgasm. I also love to sit on a guy while he is sitting up. This just feels wonderful. Our bodies are so close.”
female age 26

“Good old missionary, with me on the bottom and him on top!”
female age 32

“One of my favorite positions is sitting in his lap in a chair. He can kiss my neck or armpits, which drives me nuts, and I can move freely. If we are on the bed, I can also lie back and touch my clit if I want.”
female age 38

“My favorite position is sitting on top of him. That way I can stroke my clitoris or I can watch him do it.”
female age 43

“I like it best when we’re doing it doggy style and I hold the vibrator and rub my clit with it. The sensation is wonderful!”
female age 25

“I enjoy having him on top but recently discovered that if we lie on our sides with me in front and I throw my upper leg over his, he can enter me from behind and it’s very exciting.”
female age 45

“I like to bend over a table and have my partner insert his penis from behind. We get great penetration this way, and he is also able to hit something in there that makes me feel really good!”
female age 34

“I like to be on my back with my legs up while he is on his knees entering me and rubbing my clitoris. We started using this position when I was pregnant and I still like it best.”
female age 35

What do you like the most, and least, about intercourse?

“Worst part—the big wet spot. Best part—making the big wet spot.”
female age 27

“It is wonderful when we first start having intercourse and I love the cuddling after. I don’t like how, if you don’t clean up afterward, the ejaculate runs out of you (sometimes cold) and drips down your butt onto the sheets.”
female age 30

“I like it when he first inserts his penis into my vagina the best. The thing I like least about sex is having to really work for a long time to get him to orgasm when he’s had too much to drink.”
female age 34

“I like the beginning the most and orgasm, of course. If somebody takes too long, the middle gets dull.”
female age 25

“The first moments of penetration are the best. The wet spot on the bed, the worst.”
female age 44

“The part I like best is when my man spends a long time getting me hot until I want him so badly I can’t wait and he finally sinks his penis into me. It’s such a relief to finally be joined together. I like it least when he enters too soon and comes too fast and says, ‘I’m sorry’ when I had my hopes up for more.”
female age 38

“I love feeling him on top of me, kissing and caressing, and I love the feeling of his penis inside me. The part I don’t like is the mess.”
female age 35

Top Notch Resources:
It’s explicit, hot and excellent, showing real-life couples: Jamye Waxman’s
101 Positions for Lovers.
A DVD from Adam and Eve. Fun, funny and perceptive—Sadie Allison’s
Ride ‘Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets For Better Bucking,
Tickle Kitty.

CHAPTER

24

Anal Sex: Up Your Bum

“
I grew up in the country. We had neighbors, Amos Wheatley and his wife. One night while washing dishes, Mrs. Wheatley told my mother that she let Amos ‘use the other hole.’ Then they had a baby girl, and I heard my father comment that Amos must have got it right at least once. Sometime later, Amos, who was uneasy about the expense of having a new baby, told my father he’d rather have had a team of horses. My father said, ‘Isn’t that expecting rather a lot of Mrs. Wheatley?’ ” —The recollections of a 71-year-old woman, as told to Julia Hutton in her
Good Sex: Real Stories from Real People,
Cleis Press.

Some couples would rather drink goat sweat than try anal sex; others enjoy an occasional rear-end soiree. Whether you are straight, gay or somewhere in between, the chances are good that at some point in your life you might try anal sex. That is why the topic is covered in this book. Please be aware that this Guide couldn’t care less whether you do or don’t practice anal sex, but it does have a few suggestions in case curiosity nips you in the rear.

For those of you who have been watching too much porn—where the rectum is the new vagina—consider the responses about anal sex from thousands of sexually-amped people who have taken our sex survey. Based on their answers, less than 10% of straight couples enjoy having anal intercourse on a regular basis. But there are other forms of anal play besides intercourse that include finger tips, tongues and sex toys. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a part of the body that has more nerve endings than the anus. Some women have their strongest orgasms when anal stimulation is part of the mix. And some men find a finger on the prostate to be a welcome sensation.

Anal Massage

Although sex includes much more than intercourse, if someone says they had sex last night, we assume they had vaginal intercourse. When you add the modifier “anal” in front of the word sex, we assume that it was a penis going up a partner’s bum.

Yet one of the nicest forms of anal pleasure comes from anal massage, where a penis is not inserted into the anus. As anyone who has ever had a hemorrhoid will tell you, the anus is alive with nerve endings. A well-lubed finger or thumb massaging the anal opening can bring subtle but enjoyable waves of pleasure to any partner who can allow him- or herself to receive it.

“I hate admitting this, but I like it when Dave wets one of his fingers and slides it into my anus. It is a huge turn-on, and there are times when it makes me orgasm. The only problem is pulling out. It always hurts coming out and usually throws off my bowel movements for the next few hours. It feels like I have to go....”
female age 26

“When Erica is all worked up, she sometimes really likes me to massage her anus. When I slip a lubricated finger inside her, it is often the thing that puts her over the edge. If I have a finger inside her vagina and one in her anus, she reacts very well to the sandwiching of the wall when I press the two together. Other times, she really hates it when I touch her there. I can never quite guess when it’s going to be a green light.”
male age 25

Rimming

Rimming is a slang word for kissing ass, literally. It means sticking your tongue up or around your partner’s anus. Keep in mind that it’s probably not a good idea to rim just anyone, as it can be an effective way of getting hepatitis and intestinal parasites. In a one-night stand or brief encounter, cut a condom lengthwise and lay it over the person’s anus before licking.

One gastroenterologist has said that by the time a couple has been together for a couple of years, they pretty much share the same anal flora. This means you probably won’t get anything more from licking your partner’s anus than you would from licking your own.

Penis, Plug or Dildo into Rectum

Anal sex—Penis into Rectus—is often associated with homosexuality. However, it appears that 30% to 40% of all heterosexual couples in this country have tried anal intercourse, and that’s just intercourse. While 2 to 5 million straight American couples are said to practice anal intercourse with regularity, only about 50% of gay males do. The remainder of this chapter is about the kind of anal sex that includes something going into your anus, be it a penis, finger, butt plug, or dildo.