The Highlander's Warrior Bride (17 page)

Chapter Seventeen

J
ulianna blinked open her eyes, stretched her arms wide, and then realized with alarm that she was completely nude and her covers had disappeared.

A quick glance around the croft showed that Ronan had left, and moment of panic seized her. Had he left her there? Her fears quickly subsided when he came through the door seconds later—replaced by mortification as she rolled onto her belly in an attempt to hide her bosom from him.
Followed by a wince as she rolled onto her injured thigh. She scrambled to gather the billowing length of wool fabric covering the floor. His plaid.

Where were her clothes?

“A lovely sight in the morning,” Ronan said cheerfully.

Before she could fully cover herself, he playfully swatted at her bare bottom.

“Why did ye let me sleep in so late?”

The sun was shining through the various cracks in the croft and at some point, Ronan must have opened the single window to let in some fresh, although frightfully cold, air.
They were supposed to leave at first light, not the nooning.

“I couldna bear to wake ye. Especially when I knew how much ye could use the sleep.” His devilish grin and wink were a pointed reminder of just
why
she would have been tired.

A flush covered her skin, and instantly her nipples and between her thighs tingled. Just looking at him reminded her of their night
together. The exploration, the effect he’d had on both her mind and her body.

How could she let him go now?

She’d have to have that talk with her brother. Assure him that she wouldn’t leave her duties behind, but that she wanted more. Thought she’d found what that more was, in Ronan.

She frowned as she stood, the plaid gathered about her shoulders. But going to her brother was impossible if Ronan didn’t feel the same way. Julianna would never force a man’s hand, and Ronan had not mentioned wanting to be tied to her for life. In fact, hadn’t they made it clear to each other that they were both indulging themselves? Disappointment sliced through her anew. They had done that very thing and she’d not go back on her word. Not in a million years. Not even if a knife were held to her throat. She had too much respect for Ronan. A bond she didn’t want to break.

Though, he had mentioned something about
again
, which implied this was not a one-time deal. Julianna wanted to groan but kept it locked up inside. No need to trouble him with her fickle female mind—one that seemed to have sprung upon her when he walked into her life. Before now, everything had been cut and dry. Black and white. Now there appeared to be shades of grey that were so varied on the spectrum she felt like she was living inside a storm cloud.

Spotting her clothes neatly laid out on the table,
she teased, “Did a bit of maid’s work, did ye?” The question helped to lighten not only her mood, but appeared to amuse Ronan as well.

He
laughed. “There ye have it wrong. I merely moved them out of your reach so I might admire your form for a wee bit longer.”

Julianna tossed him a mock cantankerous expression over her shoulder, making sure the plai
d dipped a little to show her flesh.

“Then ye succeeded.”

His face turned serious. “I never fail to get what I desire.”

“And neither do I.” There he had it. She wanted him. For more than one night. He’d made the comment, and she’d interpreted it for herself. Ronan was her mission.

But as she slipped into her clothes, Julianna couldn’t help but wonder at his choice of words. Was she merely a conquest?

Ballocks and bloody hell!

What the hell was he thinking saying something that ridiculous? Ronan wanted to turn back the hands of time and crush those words before they came out of his mouth. Had he really just made her sound like an easy bedding?

He’d have to watch his back extra carefully because she was sure to run him through with one of her poisoned weapons. Ronan eyed her warily. Waited for the explosion.

But when she turned around, her face was serene, expressionless. And that scared him more than when he’d seen the bloodied bodies of his parents in the wagon the Sutherland clan had brought their retrieved remains home in.

Her expression meant so many things—she did not care about him at all, that
he’d
been the one easily seduced. Hell she was a warrior. It wasn’t entirely unbelievable that she would have picked up a few bad warrior habits, like bedding anything willing.

Ronan looked down at the ground as he contemplated that. He didn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe that. Her passion had been real. Tangible. The pain of her having used him cut deeper than he ever wanted to admit.

Worse than being rejected was that maybe she believe he had in fact been the one thinking such. Nay, he couldn’t have her believing she was merely a conquest.

“Julianna,” he started, step
ping toward her. He’d taken the horses outside to graze, had planned on coming in and waking her, serving her breakfast. “I hope we might break our fast together before we leave. I’ve not much in the way of fare, but—”

She held up her hand cutting him off. “There’s no need. We can eat on the road
. We are well behind schedule.”

Ronan tried to keep his face from falling, but her clipped tone, and obvious dismissal, wounded his pride. He supposed he should have known that last night was
the one and only time they’d share intimacy. One he’d never forget and would haunt his dreams for the rest of his years, however long they might be.

The way she studied his face told him she’d seen his reaction. Damn. He’d always been good at hiding his emotions. Except around her. Ronan swiped all emotion from his face with a run of his hand from his forehead to his chin. Julianna gazed at her toes, then back up at him, her features softening somewhat.

“I’m sorry, Ronan,” she said. She crossed her arms over her chest, and he got the distinctive impression she was trying to protect herself as much as she was trying to distance herself from him. “I didna mean to be…rude. ’Tis simply that…last night…” She heaved a breath and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what else she had to say. She gave him a forced smile. “’Twas a wonderful night. But the truth is, that our being together didna erase the fact that Ross is a few miles down the road and that he’s built up a whole new army with or without his cousin’s aid. Mayhap even brought more earls to his side. We must return to Eilean Donan.”

He nodded. How could he have forgotten the danger posed to the nation? This was why he shouldn’t get involved with a woman other than the lasses willing to give him a few moments of pleasure. Being with Julianna had nearly made him forget the state of their nation.

The Bruce, Wallace, Scotland, his entire family, they all depended on him. And in a way, so did Julianna. He’d let them down. His gut twisted, and his hunger for the morning meal suddenly dissipated.

“
Then, let us ride.”

The morning sun on her face wasn’t as much of a welcome as it normally was. Julianna left the croft with a heavy heart.
Her feet felt dense as she trudged toward Brave. Ronan had already saddled her horse. The man was…nothing short of amazing.

And she felt like a total wench. The look on his face when she declined breakfast had wrenched her soul. Almost as though he really did wish more. Had the same feelings. She’d thought it impossible, but it appeared that he might actually feel the same. Then he’d shuttered his face. Hidden his feelings from her. Felt like the first time he’d tried to hide from her. And that hurt.

She’d give anything to change what had to be done. Would even give up her position within Robert’s camp. That thought made her realize something wholly abhorrent. Her stomach actually clenched. She was… She was…

Nay. Julianna shook her head
, grabbed the reins, and threw herself on top of the horse. She gazed over at Ronan, who seemed just as disturbed as her when he mounted. His face was a storm cloud.

She was in love with him.

Would wait until the end of time for him.

Would give up her life for him.

When this was over. When Ross was in his grave, Julianna would beg for Ronan. Would fight to have him by her side. Make him see that they were perfect for each other.

She stared up at the clouds.
God, if ye’re up there, hear me. Keep Ronan safe. He’s mine.

Julianna wasn’t much of a praying woman. There’d been too much she’d seen. Too many times she’d questioned God’s existence. But if he was up there, looking down on her, she hoped he heard her prayer.

With a glance at Ronan who appeared to be waiting for her to move, Julianna squeezed Braves sides and urged him in the direction of Ross’ old camp.

They took the way they’d come, and hid on the outskirts of Ross’ old camp, waiting for a sign from within. Those who’d camped there before did not appear to still be there, but that didn’t mean they weren’t coming back. Julianna and Ronan rode silently, their horses trained to step lightly, through the camp and continued on their way.

By later afternoon, when the sky had just started to turn grey with the coming dusk, Eilean Donan loomed before them, ever mysterious in the way she emerged from the mist and surrounding water.

Instead of being thrilled to be back with those she’d grown close to, Julianna felt a sense of doom. The way the crenellations jutted into the clouds didn’t make her feel secure
; she felt closed in. Suffocated.

Her entire life had been devoted to Scotland, to Robert. Before now she’d lived, breathed, eaten duty, honor, commitment. Never questioned it, save a few times she could count on one hand and always for selfish reasons that she’d soon pushed aside as childish desires.

But wanting Ronan… That was different. Didn’t feel childish. It was something she’d tried to deny herself. Truly.

Well, actually not very hard. He was the one thing she wanted to allow herself to have. The man. The hope he brought with him. The way he made her feel. Special, cherished, desired. Even think
ing about it, her heart soared, feeling constricted within her ribcage.

And why couldn’t she have both? Aye, he was a distraction, but if she knew he would be waiting for her at the end of the day, wasn’t that something she could overcome? There were so many challenges she’d dealt with. Her upbringing, training,
having never met her mother and not seeing her ill father in over five years, depending on Robert and he, in turn, depending on her.