The Incorporated Knight

             
Eudoric Dambertson, esquire, rode home from his courting of Lusina, daughter of the enchanter Baldonius, with a face as long as an olifant's nose. Eudoric's sire, Sir Dambert, said:

             
"Well, how fared thy suit, boy? Ill, eh?"

             
"I—" began Eudoric as his stocky, muscular body slumped into a chair in his father's castle hall.

             
"I told thee 'twas an asinine notion, eh? Was I not right? When Baron Emmerhard hath more daughters than he can count, any one of whom would fetch a pretty parcel of land with
her. Well, why answerest not?"

             
"I—" said Eudoric, his serious face gathering into a frown beneath his dark hair.

             
"Come on, lad, speak up!"

             
"How can he, when ye talk all the time?" said Eudoric's mother, the Lady Aniset.

             
"Oh," said Sir Dambert. "Thy pardon, son. Moreover and furthermore, as I've told thee, an thou were Emmerhard's son-in-law, he'd use his influence
to get thee thy spurs. Here thou art, a strapping youth of three-and-twenty, not yet knighted. 'Tis a disgrace to our lineage."

             
"There are no wars toward, to afford opportunity for deeds of knightly dought," said Eudoric.

             
"Aye, 'tis true. Certes, we must all hail the blessings of peace, which the wise governance of our sovran Emperor hath given us for lo these thirteen years. Howsomever, to perform a knightly deed, our youthful gallants must needs wayky banditti, disperse rioters, and do such-like fribbling feats."

             
As Sir Dambert paused, Eudoric interjected: "Sir, that problem now appears on its way to solution."

             
"How meanest thou?"

             
"If you'll but hear me, Father! Doctor Baldonius has set me a task, ere he'll bestow Lusina upon me, which should fit me for knighthood in any jurisdiction." Eudoric's old tutor Baldonius, a wizardry scholar who eked out his pension by occasional theurgies, lived in semi-retirement in a house in the forest.

             
"And that is?" said Sir Dambert.

             
"He's fain to possess two square yards of dragon hide. Says he needs 'em for his magical mummeries."

             
"But there have been no dragons in these parts for more than a century!"

             
"True; but, quoth Baldonius, the monstrous reptiles still abound afar to eastward, in the lands of Pathenia and Pantorozia. Forsooth, he's given me a letter of introduction to his colleague, a Doctor Raspiudus, in Pathenia."

             
"What?" cried the Lady Aniset. "Thou, to set forth on some year-long journey to parts unknown, where, 'tis said, men hop on a single leg or have their faces in their bellies? I'll not have it! Besides, Baldonius may be privy wizard to Baron Emmerhard, but it is not to be denied that he be of no gentle blood."

             
"Well," said Eudoric, "so who was gentle when the Divine Pair created the world?"

             
"Our forbears were, I'm sure, whatever the case with those of the learned Doctor Baldonius. Young people are always full of idealistic notions, like those that stirred the serfs of Franconia to wicked rebellion against their natural lords. Belike thou'lt fall into heretical delusions, for I hear the Easterlings have not the true religion. They falsely believe that God be one, instead of two as we truly understand—"

             
"Let's not wander into the mazes of theology," said Sir Dambert, his chin on his fist. "To be sure, the heretical Franconians believe that God be three, an even more pernicious notion than that of the Easterlings—"

             
"If I meet God on my travels, I'll ask him the truth oft," said Eudoric.

             
"Be not sacrilegious, thou insolent whelp! Still and all and notwithstanding, Doctor Baldonius were a man of influence to have in the family, be his origin never so humble. Methinks I could prevail upon him to utter spells to cause my crops, my kine, and my villeins to thrive, whilst casting poxes and murrains upon mine enemies. Like that caitiff Rainmar, eh? What of the arid seasons we've had, the God and Goddess know we need what supernatural help we can get. Else we may some fine day awaken to find that we've lost the holding to some greasy tradesman with a purchased title, with pen for lance and tally-sheet for shield."

             
"Then I have your leave, sire?" cried Eudoric, a broad grin splitting his square, bronzed, serious young face.

             
The Lady Aniset still objected; and the argument raged for another hour. Eudoric pointed out that he was not an only child, having two younger brothers and a sister. In the end, Sir Dambert and his lady agreed to Eudoric's quest, provided that he returned in time to help with the harvest and took along a manservant" of their choice.

             
"Whom have you in mind?" asked Eudoric.

             
"I fancy Jillo the trainer," said Sir Dambert.

             
Eudoric groaned. "That old mossback, ever canting and lecturing me on the duties and dignities of my station?"

             
"He's but a decade older than thou," said Sir Dambert. "Moreover and furthermore, thou shalt need an older man, with a sense of order and fitness, to keep thee on the path of a gentleman. Class loyalty above all, my boy! Young men are wont to swallow every new idea that flitters past, like a hoptoad snapping at flies. Betimes they find they've engulfed a wasp, to their scathe and dolor."

             
"He's an awkward wight, Father, and not over-brained."

             
"Aye, but he's honest and true, no small virtues in our degenerate days. In my sire's time there was none of this newfangled saying the courteous 'ye' and 'you' to mere churls and scullions, as I hear thee doing. 'Twas always 'thou' and 'thee'
...
"

             
"How ye do go on, Dambert dear," said Aniset.

             
"Aye, I ramble. 'Tis the penalty of age. At minimum, Eudoric, the faithful Jillo knows his horses and will keep your beasts in foremost fettle." Sir Dambert smiled. "Moreover and furthermore, if I know Jillo Godmarson, he'll be glad to get away from's nagging wife for a spell."

-

             
So Eudoric and Jillo set forth to eastward, from the banneret knight's holding of Arduen, in the barony of Zurgau, in the county of Treveria, in the kingdom of Locania, in the New Napolitanian Empire. Eudoric rode his palfrey and led his mighty destrier, Morgrim. The lank, lean Jillo bestrode another palfrey and led a sumpter mule. Morgrim was piled with Eudoric's panoply of plate, nested into a compact bundle and lashed down under a canvas cover. The mule bore the rest of their supplies.

             
For a fortnight, they wended uneventfully through the duchies and counties of the Empire. When they reached lands where they could no longer understand the local dialects, they made shift with Helladic, the tongue of the Old Napolitanian Empire, which lettered men spoke everywhere.

             
They stopped at inns where inns were to be had. For the first fortnight, Eudoric was too preoccupied with dreams of his beloved Lusina to notice the tavern wenches. After that, his urges began to fever him, and he bedded one in Zerbstat. Thereafter he forbore, as a matter not of morals but of thrift.

             
When benighted on the road, they slept under the stars—or, as befell them in the marches of Avaria, under a rain-dripping canopy of clouds. As they bedded down in the wet, Eudoric asked his companion:

             
"Jillo, why didst not remind me to bring a tent?"

             
Jillo sneezed. "Why, sir, come rain, come snow, I never thought that so sturdy a springald as ye be would ever need one. The heroes in the romances, like Sigvard Dragonslayer, never traveled with tents."

             
"To the nethermost hell with heroes of romances! They go clattering about on their destriers for a thousand cantos. Weather is ever fine. Food, shelter, and a change of clothing appear, as by magic, whenever desired. Their armor never rusts. They suffer no tisics and fluxes. They pick up no fleas or lice at the inns. They never get bees in their helms. They're never swindled by merchants, for none does aught so vulgar as buying and selling."

             
"If ye'll pardon me, sir," said Jillo, "that were no knightly way to speak. It becomes not your station."

             
"Well, to the nethermost hells with my station, too! Wherever these paladins go, they find damsels in distress to rescue or have other agreeable, thrilling, and sanitary adventures. What adventures have we had? The time we fled from robbers in the Turonian Forest. The time I fished you out of the
Albis half drowned. The time we ran out of food in the Asciburgi Mountains and had to plod fodderless over those hair-raising peaks for three days on empty stomachs."

             
"The Divine Pair do but seek to try the mettle of a valorous aspirant knight, sir. Ye should welcome these petty adversities as a chance to prove your manhood."

             
Eudoric made a rude noise with his mouth. "That for my manhood! Right now, I'd fainer have a stout roof overhead, a warm fire before me, and a hot repast in my belly. If ever I go on such a silly jaunt again, I'll find one of those verse-mongers—like that troubadour, Landwin of Kromnitch, who visited us yesteryear—and drag him along, to show him how little real adventures resemble those of romances. And if he fall into the Albis, he may drown for all of me. Were it not for my darling Lusina
...
"