The Infernal Optimist (21 page)

Later that afternoon, Hamid climbed up onto the fence and threw himself on the razor wire. He did it so quick none of us was in time to stop him. Abeer and Noor, what was playing by the fence, saw it first and screamed. Their mums came running over and grabbed the kids, covering their eyes with their hands, but they were screaming too. I wanted to scream meself when I seen him, blood coming outta everywhere, his face white and his brown eyes like someone switched off the light in them.

You know, when I was in the nick, I once heard someone talking about the history a razor wire. It’s not like barbed wire, what was invented for to keep sheep and cows in paddocks. They don’t use razor wire for animals cuz sheep and cows be considered too valuable and they can really hurt themselves on it. They only use it on people what they don’t care if they hurt themselves on. The Germans invented razor wire in World War I cuz they didn’t have enough wire to make barbed wire for
them trenches and fortifications. So they punched thin strips outta sheets a steel, making steel tape what had upside-down triangles on what be the razor parts. But the enemy soldiers worked out they could cut through the tape with shears. In the seventies the Yanks started using it to enforce the perimeter fences in them prisons. Being Yanks, what always invents new things and what got plenty a wire, they figured out that if they wrapped the steel tape round strong wire every place except for those triangles what be the razors, then it would be strong enough to stop anyone who wanted to keep their hands and skin on. According to this prisoner what told me all this and what read books sometimes so he knew what he was talking about, in the eighties there was two brand names for the stuff—Man Barrier and Razor Ribbon. I reckon Man Barrier sounded too much like Man Bra what George’s father had to wear in that episode a
Seinfeld
. And ribbon is a girly word. So it ended up getting called razor wire.

There’s another thing you gotta understand about the razor wire. The shape a the razor part makes it like hooks. So if you do what Reza did on him birthday—hit it and pull away in one straight line—you can end up with a clean cut. But there wasn’t nuffin about what Hamid did to himself what was clean.

The next thing I knew, more alarms was ringing, more people was screaming, and I was puking me guts up. By the time the ambulance came to take Hamid away, I what haven’t really cried since I be ten was weeping like a girl. Then I got thinking and then I got angry.

See, Angel was dead.

I gotta explain something about what I’m gonna tell you next. I can figure out crimes what other people can’t cuz I been around crims so much a me life. That’s what I been calling me criminal instincts. Once, I had this job in a petrol station what had a mechanic in. It was before everything went to selfservice. One day we was very busy—pumps, lube jobs, tyre changes, the works. We was tidying up that evening when I noticed paint peeling off the wall a the garage, near where the tins a brake fluid was stacked. ‘We been ripped off, mate,’ I told the mechanic.

‘What are you talking about?’ Joe goes, scratching his head. He was getting bald and was doing the comb-over. When he scratched, he sent the long bits flopping down below his ears.

‘We just painted in here, yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ he said like he wasn’t so sure, even though we did it together.

‘Okay, so what’s this about?’ I pointed to the part a the wall what was peeling like an onion.

He shrugged. ‘I dunno. What’re ya getting at?’

‘Watch your uncle Zek.’ I picked up the tins at the top a the stack one at a time, checking their weight. Sure enough, there was one what was a lot lighter. Someone had opened it. I splashed some on the wall, what peeled. ‘Some stooge came in and stole some brake fluid, dumping it into another container and splashing some on the wall by accident. And by the way…’ I made a motion like I be slicking me hair back over the top a me head. He pulled a comb outta his back pocket and fixed the hair back over the shiny bit, giving me the thumbs up and a rise at the same time.

That was a good job and Joe was a good boss. If I hadn’t had to go and sublimate me income all a time, I might not a gone to prison the second time, what was the time before the last time what was the time before I got here.

Like that day with Joe, this time I was gonna use me powers for good and not for evil. Of course I never use them for evil, really, just not always for the best what I could use them for.

‘I’m busy, Zek,’ Anna said. Her voice was tense.

‘I know,’ I said. ‘But I got some information you might want.’

She studied me face for a minute. ‘Your room in five,’ she said.

I boiled the jug for tea and offered her some bickies. ‘No, thanks,’ she said. In factuality, even I didn’t feel like eating anything, what was for once. ‘I can’t stay long.’

‘Okay, I won’t beat round the George W,’ I said.

As I explained me theory, I saw the colour drain outta her face like there be a plughole in her collar. ‘What d’ya reckon?’

She pointed to her arm. All the hairs was standing up. Then Anna—me mate, a blue, a tough chick what once took another five-oh-one down to his knees in a second and had him singing for mercy—began to cry.

‘I can’t take it any more,’ she said. She wiped her eyes and then her nose on the back a her sleeve.

I gave her a tissue. ‘You looks like you need a hug,’ I said, what she did and what I gave her.

‘You know,’ she said after a while, straightening up and wiping her eyes, ‘she was one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. Even dead. You wouldn’t have known about the…the other thing just looking at her face. Her expression was so peaceful.’

‘That’s the smack,’ I said.

‘But there’s no question about it. It’s true. And they want the whole thing covered up.’

Me phone vibrated in me pocket. I forgot where I was for a second. I pulled it out and looked at the number what was calling before I remembered about Anna being a blue, what was sposed to confiscate mobiles.

Anna put her hands over her eyes, then her ears and then her mouth, what be saying she was a monkey what didn’t talk.

It was a private number what come up.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Zeki? It’s Marley. April’s daughter.’

‘Oh, hi.’

‘Azad told me what was happening and told me to call you. That’s so fucked. So so fucked. I wanna talk to you about helping you. What I said in the Visiting Yard. I meant it. Just don’t tell my mum. I’ll never get the car keys off her.’

‘Oh, mate. We need to talk. But not now,’ I told her. ‘There’s officers around and I don’t wanna get caught with me mobile.’ I winked at Anna, what sorta smiled. ‘Can I call you back?’

‘Sure.’ She said Azad had her number. Sly bugger. ‘Just let me know if and when and what. I’m so there.’

‘You know all that stuff I said?’ Anna asked after I hanged up.

‘What stuff?’

‘About asylum seekers.’ She winced.

I nodded. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘It’s a free country. Everyone be entitled to their opinions.’

A knock at the door made us both jump. It was Thomas.

Anna was on her feet by the time he pushed open the door.

He spoke so quiet we almost didn’t hear him. ‘They just gave me a letter,’ he said. ‘The Minister. He gave me a visa.’ It took a few seconds for the factuality of it to sink in.

‘My man!’ We embraced.

Anna shook his hand. ‘Congratulations, Thomas,’ she said in a voice warm as fresh pide. ‘I’m really happy for you.’

‘I wish…it just doesn’t feel like the best time. I wish there was good news for everyone.’

‘We’ll miss you, mate,’ I said.

‘You too, Zek. I’ve given you a lot of shit, haven’t I?’

‘We’re used to it, mate.’

‘I’m going to call April and thank her. I haven’t been very nice to her. I feel really bad about that.’

Later, Azad came to me room. ‘Did Marley call you?’

‘Sure did, mate.’

‘I have reached my limit,’ he said.

‘You in, then, mate?’

He nodded. We did the bruvvas’ handshake. He could do it good by then.

The next day, Hamid came back from hospital with bandages on. The doctors at the hospital told him he shoulda stayed there a few more days. But the Shit House was paying for it and like I told you before they was cheap as a two-dollar shop, except cheaper. We was glad to see Hamid again, though it be like getting a shadow back instead a the man, I swear.

‘Bogan.’

‘That’s Togan,’ I said, standing in the doorway a the office. ‘I wanna word.’

‘And what’s in it for me?’ Clarence scratched his belly and leaned back further in his chair. ‘My words ain’t cheap. Not like your mother.’ He licked him ugly lips.

‘My mother runs the place where your mother spreads hers. Anyway, I think you’ll find there’s something in it for you.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like maybe you won’t get what you deserve to get. What is life.’

‘That’s what it feels like I got when I have to look at your fugly face every day, Bogan.’

‘Togan to youse, mate. And you’ll be seeing a lot more a the likes a me when they send you up the proverbial.’

‘Why don’t you fuck off outta my face, Bogan-ville. I got real work to do.’

‘Like writing incident reports, mate? There been a few incidents lately, eh, mate. You gonna be writing about how you fucked her for the smack what you been getting through Hadeon?’ I pulled some jellybeans outta me pocket and popped them into me mouth.

A shadow passed over Clarence’s creepy girl eyes.

‘You really do have an arsehole for a mouth. Shit just pours out of it.’

I chewed and swallowed, taking me time. ‘I have evidence. Photos, mate.’

Clarence stared hard at me. I stared hard back.

He snorted. ‘No way…’

‘I’m not joking. I got you coming outta Lima Dorm at the time a the crime, and I happens to know you didn’t exactly sign in neither.’ Thank you, Anna, I thought. ‘And I got another happy snap of you handing something to your mate Hadeon right afterwards. Anyway, as me mum likes to say, it’ll all come out in the wash. What be a met-oh-four.’

‘What the fuck are you talking about, Bogan?’

‘A met-oh-four be when—’

‘Cut to the fucken chase, Bogan.’

‘Well. Sometimes you put a red T-shirt in together with white socks and undies. And then, when all them colours come out in the wash, well, it ain’t so good in factuality.’ About halfway through me explanation I began to wonder if I’d picked the right met-oh-four after all, but I forged on like I knew where I be going with it.

‘If you’re fucking with me…Show me these photos.’

‘They’re already Outside. With a friend. Undeveloped. All I need to do is say the word.’

I had time to eat a few more jellybeans while I waited for him to say something.

‘Who else…who else have you told this bullshit to?’

I shrugged.

‘What do you want from me exactly, Bogan?’

‘Now we’s talking business. Jellybean?’

There was plenty a things what Anna could do to help what didn’t put her at any risk. Providing the wire cutters was a bigger deal. If a blue got caught doing that, they could be charged with aiding and abetting. It was a big risk for a blue. The risk went two ways, of course—you couldn’t be sure that they wasn’t gonna double-cross you at the last minute. What was good about getting Clarence in on the story was that he knew that if he stuffed us around, he’d be the one what be going down big-time. And I wouldn’t have to pay him, neither, like I was ready to do with Tip. I reckon I coulda almost got him to pay me, but I wasn’t gonna try and push it that far.

Besides, in factuality, I wasn’t planning to let him off the hook for what he done to Angel. Anna had the photos and she was fully ready to take them to the cops after we’d cleared outta there. She knew it be him what was giving us the wire cutters too, what be just another nail in his coffin. Muvvafucker.

There was just one more loose end, but it was me big one. She Who. She heard about the trouble on the news, that someone had OD’ed, and someone else had thrown himself on the razor wire. The Minister said it was ‘attention-seeking behaviour’, but there wasn’t no names mentioned. When I told her, she was shattered like glass. She came to visit.

‘Let’s go to Turkey, Zek,’ she said. ‘You’ll do your army service. I’ll meet you there. We’ll get by somehow.’

‘Babydoll, you do love me, don’t you?’

She straightened up. ‘Don’t think that means you can get away with anything.’

‘Wha?’ I said, holding up me palms like I was showing her I had nuffin in them. ‘Wha? What d’you think I’m wanting to get away with besides you?’

I didn’t tell her about the escape plan. Didn’t want her to worry her pretty little head about it. But I had it worked out. She’d come round in the end. She always did. I’d sort out some fake papers for meself and we’d go start a new life over in Perth, what be far from all this shit. I wouldn’t do nuffin illegal no more. It’d be sweet. Everyone was gonna be happy when the Zekster finished doing what the Zekster had to do.

Finally, everything was set up. Clarence, what was looking haunted like ghosts moved in, got me two good pairs a wire cutters. He was still calling me Bogan, but I think we both knew who be the boss. Anna, what was gonna be on duty, told me when the other blues was likely to be busy.
Thomas, what was still waiting on his health and security checks, was gonna sit lookout on the Stage Two side, what couldn’t never be proved cuz lotsa people sat there all the time, and Edward the Leb five-oh-one was gonna sit lookout on the Stage Three side. Marley was gonna borrow April’s car and wait on the road outside. She didn’t tell her mum what she wanted the car for. April had asked her if she was going to have a licensed driver with her, cuz Marley only had her Ls. Marley insured her she did, but didn’t say it was gonna be me.

April was busy helping Thomas through the final stages of his security checks. Also, the Minister had said that for Thomas to get out, someone had to sign up to support him financially for two years. That was causing some stressation cuz Thomas didn’t wanna be relying on nobody. But April insisted it was no problem, and Josh was being really good about it, and he even came to Detention to meet Thomas. They was sorting it all out, anyway. She was so busy getting back together with Josh and with the paperwork for Thomas that she didn’t even notice Marley was spending a lotta time on the phone.

All the pieces was falling into place. Hamid told us he signed that paper to go home, but it was gonna take a few weeks to organise. He offered to make a detraction what would occupy the attention a the blues. And Azad and Bhajan and me, we was going to Medical with headaches what we didn’t really have, if you didn’t count Detention. Then the three of us, we was gonna get outta that hellhole for once and for all. We was gonna do it at nine-thirty pee-em, what was
the time Anna recommended. I was eating chocolates to kill the butterflies in me stomach, what was big as horses. The others said they couldn’t eat a thing, what I never understood. We was all in me room, watching the evening news.

First item on the news was about some bloke what sneaked into the baggage area in Melbourne Airport causing a panic about security. Second item was how Our Nicole—My Nic—and Our Russ was the bookies’ favourites to win the Oscars what was in March. And people, including in the Navy, was saying the Prime Minister lied when he said that stuff about refugees throwing them children overboard. The Senate was looking into it.

‘Maybe the Prime Minister will go to jail,’ said Azad.

‘If he does,’ I said, ‘I’ll get me mates what is still Inside to find him a boyfriend.’

Bhajan shook his head. ‘Please say you’ll always be my friend, Zeki.’

‘You’re me
mate
,’ I said, ‘what is more than friends. It’s Australian.’