The Infernal Optimist (19 page)

After Visits I did some business what lifted me cash pile to match me spirits. Then I went to see Azad and them.

‘So, Marlena’s back.’ Thomas gave me the bruvvas’ handshake.

‘Careful she doesn’t hear about Sunny,’ said Hamid.

‘Mate.’ Everyone knows everything about everybody here. ‘I didn’t know she was coming back, did I?’

I wanna make one thing perfectly clear. Sunny is a girl and not a man like what that other one was, and what I didn’t know until he dropped him pants. As you know, I like lesbians as much as any other red-blooded male, but that’s where me homogeneity stops. Anyway, I insured Thomas that Sunny was being deported back to Thailand before the three-day hire on the videos was up. No worries there.

A commotion had us all running outside to see what was going on. Abeer’s dad was arguing with Clarence, but his
English wasn’t too fluid. He repeated ‘No good, no good!’ while the women shouted and pointed at Hadeon, what was leaning up against the wall a the laundry, whistling to himself and checking him nails.

The mums and kids was all there. Bashir was holding on to Najah’s leg like he be scared to let go, but Abeer was standing in front a her, back straight, her little fists clenched like she was gonna beat up anyone what even be thinking a coming near to her mum. Noor was hiding under her mum’s long dress what I knew cuz her little feets was sticking out the bottom. Nassrin was holding onto her big stomach and standing next to Najah.

‘Where’s Farshid?’ I asked, cuz with Reza in hospital it looked like Nassrin could use some support.

Bhajan put his hand to his ear like it be a phone. ‘Laura,’ he whispered.

‘No good!’ Mohammed shouted again, waving his hands. Then suddenly he stopped. His shoulders fell and his head drooped and his eyes closed for a moment.

Azad stepped forward and said something to Mohammed in Arabic.

‘Hey, hey. I don’t speak monkey,’ Clarence said. ‘Share.’ Hadeon busted into laughter what was as ugly as him melon.

Azad turned to Clarence. He pointed at Hadeon. ‘That man should not be here. He is bothering the women and the children.’

‘Awww,’ Clarence said. ‘And you’re bothering me. So what.’

‘What is this shit country that locks up women and children and other people who have committed no crime?’
Thomas stepped forward. ‘And locks them up together with real criminals?’

This didn’t make me feel too good though I knew it wasn’t aimed at me in particulate.

‘You calling Australia a shit country?’ Clarence sneered. ‘Who invited you here anyway? Why don’t you go home? Your country is obviously a great place to be, judging from the number of youse who couldn’t wait to get your black arses onto the first boat here.’

‘I didn’t come by boat,’ Thomas snapped. ‘I came by plane.’

‘You could’ve come by space shuttle for all I care. The point is, you’re illegal. Like the rest of these cretins.’

‘Better a black arse than a red one like a baboon.’ I never heard Thomas dish it out like that before. Respect.

‘What did you say, boy?’ Clarence was moving in on Thomas.

‘Oi,’ I said, stepping forward and inserting meself into the situation. ‘Fuck off outta his face.’

‘Oh, it’s Bogan.’ Clarence put his hands up. ‘I’m scared.’

‘Muvvafucker.’

By now lotsa people had come outta their rooms and everyone was shouting in English and every other language. Flora, the Operations Manager, what had been escorting Bilal to Medical when this started, raced onto the scene. Bilal was close on her heels. She pushed past Thomas and shoved me aside. She eyeballed Clarence. He looked away. ‘Everyone shut up!’ she shouted, raising her hands and patting down the air with her palms. ‘Shut up!’

She looked from the women to Clarence and then to Hadeon and back. She planted her feet on the ground like
they was two trees, and put her hands on her big hips, what took up a lotta room and got people’s full attention. Bilal peeped out from behind her with him big eyes round like he be a character in a cartoon, what made some people laugh. After Conchita
hasta-la-vista-
ed, he’d gone back to his crazy old ways big time.

‘Now, will somebody tell me what’s going on?’ goes Flora.

Everyone started to talk and shout at once except Hadeon, what kept on whistling to himself.

‘Shut up!’ she yelled louder than anyone. ‘Shut up! All of youse! Now. One at a time.’ She looked around. The only sound then was Noor’s soft little hiccups, and the
whootwhootwhoot AIYA whootwhoot HAI whootwhoot
what be the soundtrack from a Chinese sword-fight film playing in the video room next to the laundry. ‘Okay, Nassrin, you look like you’ve got something to say.’

Nassrin said that since Hadeon had been transferred to Stage Two, he’d been sneaking round the dorms what got women and families in. She said she’d seen him there late at night. They was afraid a him. I reckoned they was right to be scared a him cuz back in prison we was too, and we was men.

Flora—what was not to be fooled with, what even the likes a Hadeon would know—then looked to the Hatchet himself. She still had her hands on her hips. He shrugged, like he didn’t know what Nassrin be talking about. When Flora turned away, Hadeon did this thing where he grabbed his crotch and licked him lips while looking straight at Nassrin. He was slime.

Anna approached. She was walking fast. She whispered something to Flora. ‘Yeah,’ said Flora. ‘I can handle it. You take her.’

Anna turned to Nassrin. ‘Sorry, Nassrin, I’ve come to tell you to get ready to go to the hospital.’ Nassrin turned pale. ‘It’s okay,’ Anna said, and she was trying to smile. ‘They want you to visit Reza. He’s still not eating, that’s all.’ All the shit that had been going down was finally getting to Anna. The night before, she told me that while she still didn’t think people should be allowed to come to this country any which way they wanted, she was starting to think it wasn’t such a good idea to lock up asylums, specially women and children, for years and years. She touched Nassrin’s shoulder. ‘Let’s get you a jacket or something. You might be there a while.’ Then she led her off.

‘Show’s over,’ Flora goes, clapping her hands. ‘Back to your rooms. That means you.’ She pointed to Hamid, what wasn’t doing nuffin but looking. ‘And you and you and you.’ That be me and Azad and Thomas. ‘Clarence, escort Mr Vitrenko to Management and then come to the office to write an incident report.’ Vitrenko was Hadeon’s last name. Clarence made like a salute what be sarcastic but what she couldn’t see cuz she was speaking to Najah and them. ‘Ladies, I understand you have some complaints.’

‘Azad, he translate, okay?’ Najah looked to Azad and then to Flora. Mohammed looked at the ground like he be fully humeliorated.

Azad stepped forward. Flora sighed and flapped her hand at him to say he should come with them. We watched them go.

‘Hamid! Hamid!’ The Lima girls was at the fence. They’d heard all the shouting but couldn’t see what was going down. I went over to the fence with Hamid and Thomas. What was weird was that it was the Malaysian chick Lili what was calling Hamid’s name, not Angel, so at first I thought Angel wasn’t there. As we got closer we could see Angel was there all right but she was pinned off her nut. She was sitting on a chair staring ahead and scratching her face with her long pink nails. Her eyes looked like they had no pupils at all, I swear.

‘Angel,’ Hamid said. ‘What have you done, my Angel?’ Her head slowly turned. ‘Who got it for you?’ Hamid’s voice was cracking so loud I knew his heart must be too. ‘Tell me.’

Angel smiled like she be far away. I thought I knew the answer.

Hamid punched the fence, what wasn’t a good idea cuz it be made a steel. ‘Let’s go,’ he said to me and Thomas.

Thomas pulled a tissue outta his pocket and handed it to Hamid. ‘Your hand,’ he said. Hamid didn’t even know his knuckles were bleeding.

I looked back. Angel was still smiling that zombie smile and scratching her neck.

It was turning out to be a pretty fucked night, pardon me French. What was a shame cuz the day had such good moments, like the return a She Who Still Loves Me After All.

We went back to Thomas’s room. He was still in his high dungeon what be an expression what the counsellor at Silverwater used to use and what means when your anger be like a tall prison what is locking you up.

‘Fucking racist fucking country,’ Thomas said. For once, I didn’t feel like defending it.

Hadeon got moved back to Stage Three the next day. Everyone reckoned that was the end a his bad influence on things.

Maybe we shoulda seen it coming, but we was all preoccupied with our own shit.

Me, I’d run outta time for that appeal. I didn’t dare ask She Who if she wanted to go back to the Old Country with me cuz I knew how she didn’t even like leaving Fairfield half the time. Parramatta was the limits of her comforting zone. She had her job, and her parents, and her mates like My Le. She loved going for a steak at the RSL or Chinese at the Leagues Club, what I didn’t think they had over in the Old Country. Couldn’t even say for sure if they had Leagues.

Marlena’s reappearance had put a damper on the escape plan, too. I didn’t have to ask to know that no way was she gonna be the girlfriend a some escapee what was living life on the underground, what not be a train in London.

What was a shame, cuz between you and me and the fence, I’d worked out all the details by then, cased out the route and everything. It came to me a few days earlier, when
I had to go to Medical. I don’t wanna go into it, but Sunny left me a little gift when she left, what was in factuality a lotta little gifts, what moved into me pubes and what had a fancy Latino name, but I won’t try and bamboozle you with it cuz they was just crabs. Apparently they love body hair, what I got a lot of. I had to shave from me knees to me man-boobs. The point is, I had to be in Medical a few nights in a row getting creams and whatnot, and I began to check out me surrounds.

See Medical was a demountable. A caravan really. It backed onto the fence on the left side a Stage Two, not too far from Stage Three. It had one window what looked out on the fence, but the blind was usually pulled down. There was two consulting rooms, and a waiting room. At night there’d be maybe seven or eight detainees waiting on them medication. If you had a pair a wire cutters and slipped round the back a Medical when no one was looking, it’d take two guys no more than five minutes to cut through the inner fence, then the razor wire—what needed more care—then the outer fence. Then it was about a five, six-hundred-metre dash to the road. We’d need a blue to get us the wire cutters and someone to drive the getaway car, and two mates to sit lookout on the Stage Two and Stage Three approaches to Medical. It would be like something outta
Escape from Alcatraz
, except it would be me, the Zekster, what would be doing it instead a watching it on the small screen.

Me other options, as I just explained, wasn’t what you’d call a lot. And none a them was for a movie starring Nicole
Kidman. In case you was wondering, Nic wasn’t really an old girlfriend a mine, in spite a what I told the others that time. I wouldn’t a kicked her outta bed if I had the chance but life never handed me that particulate opportunity.

Me dad was still barracking for me to go back to the Old Country. Mrs Kunt told me that if I bought me own ticket, it wouldn’t count as a deportation neither. What meant that if I was able to cover the cost a me four-star accommodation in the Villawood Ritz—three and a half months at $127.60 a night for the privilege, room service included—I might possibly be able to return one day to the country where I belonged in the first.

Dad came to visit with me brother Attila one rainy day early in February to try and convince me to do it.

‘It’ll make a man of you.’

‘Wha, wha? I’m not a man in Australia?’ I hated these conversationals.

‘I’m talking about the army.’

‘What are you talking about, the army?’

‘
Piew piew
,’ he said, what was supposed to be the sound a guns. He explained that cuz I was a citizen a the Old Country, and a man—what I apparently was for these particulate purposes, even if I still had to be made one for others—I was gonna have to serve in the Turkish army. Eighteen months a compulsory service, sergeants barking orders at you like in the movies except not in American, waking up at all hours, marching, running, climbing over them nets what they got for climbing over. Just thinking about it made me wanna curl up under me doona with a bar a chocolate.

Dad grinned, showing me all him big teeth. He joined the Turkish army when he was eighteen, in time to go to fight in Korea with the Yanks. Me Old Country was the first to follow the US into Korea. It was probably gonna keep following the US into lotsa other great trouble spots as well. Another possibility would be that it has a revolution or something and becomes a trouble spot itself. The possibilities was endless, none a them good. When we was young, we used to have to listen to Dad’s war stories, what we didn’t much appreciate then, and what I wasn’t particulately appreciating at that moment neither. ‘The experience didn’t hurt me none,’ Dad said.

I’m like, ‘Dad. You lost your left hand.’

‘It’d be cool, Zek,’ Attila said. He could say that. He was an Australian citizen what had both him hands and didn’t have to go into the Turkish army himself.

Rain pounded the tin roof a the shelter. It was like the soundtrack to Dad’s war movie,
ratatatat ratatatat
, with a coupla thunderbolts what be like the bombs.

I munched down one a Mum’s
eraiyes
what they brung. ‘So, can we talk about something else?’ I asked, picking the spinach outta me teeth with a fingernail. ‘How’s this weather, eh?’

‘Parts of Sydney are flooding,’ Attila said. ‘Trees are down and some houses have been crushed.’

That was me. A crushed house with all me trees down.

‘It’s all experience,’ Dad said, though I didn’t know if he be talking about losing his hand or about people what had them
houses crushed or about me going to the Old Country and into the army.

Me dad didn’t visit as often as Mum, and when he did it was usually on rainy days, cuz he was a builder what took rainy days off. It was always to tell me to pull up me socks, what was an expression Mum liked as well in reference to me what didn’t always wear them.

Me brother Attila, he had his socks pulled up since he been a boy. Shoelaces tied and everything. When Dad talked some more about me going back to the Old Country, all the while gestating forcefully with him stump, Attila nodded.

‘It’s good in the Old Country, Zek,’ Attila said. He only been there on holidays. Of course it was good. ‘The food’s awesome. Like Mum’s but to the max.’

‘Great. But what am I sposed to do there besides eat when I finish the army, assuming the army don’t finish me? Sell carpets?’

‘What is wrong with selling carpets?’ Dad asked. ‘You could do worse. You have done worse.’ Oh maaan. ‘You know, your old uncle Abi has a kilim shop. He is looking for someone to take it over when he retires.’

Luckily, me brother had to get back to his own shop before they could start talking about how I could marry me first cousin, the Lady Ninja, and have lotsa little retards while I was at it.