The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (16 page)

BOOK: The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After
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So what exactly is Jane Austen’s solution to the undeniable fact that love gone wrong causes women terrible pain and blights lives?
Get love right.
A
DOPT AN AUSTEN ATTITUDE:
Are you so caught up in a competitive dating scene that you find yourself judging guys superficially—mostly by their bodies, or their status, or how much money they make? If you’re living the high-octane sex-and-the-city dating life, has your heart grown a hard shell? If you want to be able to notice what’s really important about guys—and not miss good prospects—consider stepping out of the fast lane.
Do you talk about men with the Fanny Prices in your life, or with the Mrs. Frasers and Lady Stornaways? Think about which of your friends is more likely to help you see guys clearly, not just go for “alpha male” characteristics.
Have you got sex and love confined safely to a manageable area of your life? Do you treat men as a kind of distraction? Have you given up hope that the right kind of love can deliver happiness? If you’ve demoted romance to a side issue in your life, think about whether you’re willing to risk living like a Jane Austen heroine, and take love seriously.
W
HAT WOULD JANE DO?
Jane Austen wouldn’t want you to despair of “permanent happiness” or “disinterested attachment.” She believed in real love, and she didn’t think it was stupid to plan your life around it.
I
F WE
REALLY
WANT TO BRING BACK JANE AUSTEN ...
We’ll see modern cynicism about love as the blind alley it is. We’ll quit thinking we can protect ourselves from heartbreak by giving up our hopes.
Not a Cheat—a Good Beginning
N
ot long ago, I told my husband that the more I read Jane Austen’s novels, the more I foresee some rough spots ahead for the Knightleys and the Darcys.
Mr. Knightley, who believes he could never love Jane Fairfax because she “has not the open temper which a man would wish for in a wife,” still doesn’t know the extent of Emma’s deviousness at the time of their marriage.
22
By the end of the novel Emma is going around saying (in imitation of the man she loves),
23
“Oh! if you only knew how much I love every thing that is decided and open!” But she has proven to us time and again that for her, giving up scheming is like peeling an onion with your fingernails.
24
What will Mr. Knightley think when he finds out that Emma’s matchmaking extended to mistakenly encouraging Harriet to believe he loved her, and that she egged Frank Churchill on to bully Jane Fairfax with suggestions that Jane was in love with a married man?
But the Darcys are likely to have an even rougher marital adjustment ahead of them. My husband, who’s much less social than I am, found my worries about them quite compelling. Especially when after a party at our house I quoted him Darcy’s confession of his social awkwardness—“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess, of conversing with those I have not seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done”—and Elizabeth’s retort—“‘My fingers,’ said Elizabeth, ‘do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expressions. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I would not take the trouble of practicing.’”
“He
is
going to be miserable,” was my husband’s immediate reaction.
Darcy—really a shy man, more than a proud one—is a sensitive plant compared to Mr. Knightley, who will undoubtedly be able to cope with Emma. Elizabeth Bennet can be awfully sharp, and Darcy, as she notices even in the first flush of happy love, “had yet to learn to be laughed at, and it was rather too early to begin.” When Elizabeth does begin laughing at him ... is he going to like it?
Hearing my worries about the Darcys and the Knightleys, my husband said, “You’d better quit reading those novels, or you won’t be able to write your book.” And I said, “No, no. It’s not
like
that. Think about
us
.”
Jane Austen’s blissful couples are going to be all right, really. When my husband and I first fell in love, we were just as caught up in each other’s perfections and the prospect of total bliss as Elizabeth and Darcy. And of course we turned out not to be perfect, either as individuals or as a couple. We both have hard edges and weak spots. We’ve hurt each other. Happily ever after is not quite like what we pictured, looking ahead. But looking back, the initial bliss doesn’t seem like something to be cynical about. It wasn’t a cheat. It was a good beginning.
CHAPTER SIX

R
ATIONAL HAPPINESS”
What It Is,
How You Can Find It
 
 
 
BUT HOW ON EARTH CAN WE GET LOVE RIGHT? IF WE can’t be Romantic about love, but we’re not supposed to be cynics either, what are we supposed to be?
Happy Jane Austen heroines don’t believe in instant intimacy with “The One” they immediately recognize by the intensity of their emotions ... but they won’t settle for a diminished kind of love that’s less than honest or less than truly life-changing, either. So what’s the third possibility? What’s the happy medium that Elizabeth Bennet’s thinking of when she talks about “rational happiness”?
Well, first of all, it is exactly that—a happy medium, a perfect midpoint balanced between extremes. Does the idea of a happy balance seem tepid and uninspiring to you? That’s the Romantic Sensibility talking in your head. Tell it to shut up; listen to Jane Austen instead. Her eighteenth-century mind is so different from ours!
We’ve been trained by two centuries of Romanticism to despise the well-balanced—it’s boring and conventional—and to sneer at the perfectly
normal. Jane Austen thinks just the opposite way. Her idea of rational balance is dynamic and exciting. Happy love in Jane Austen isn’t just a static Goldilocks “not too hot, not too cold” midpoint between two extremes. Getting things exactly right is not about dull compromise, or being insipid and lukewarm. Avoiding extremes to aim for perfection doesn’t exclude passion or bliss. It’s the only way you can reasonably expect to have them.
To Jane Austen, it’s the extremes that look partial and defective. They’re the mistakes we make when we miss what we really ought to aim for—the dead ends, the temptations always pulling us off the ideal balance. A Jane Austen heroine is a tightrope walker, disaster on either side of her, happiness dependent on maintaining the perfect balance. To Jane Austen and her heroines, normal is a rare and desirable state of perfection, from which we’re always in danger of slipping back into one or another kind of partial vision or self-defeating error.
Jane Austen’s Art of Perfect Balance
In Jane Austen, getting love right—getting
anything
right—has a lot to do with avoiding extremes. If you read every piece of fiction Jane Austen wrote in the order she wrote it in, you can see that she built up to the creation of her nearly perfect heroines and their nearly perfect love stories only through a long process of working her way past every possible defective extreme toward the happy normal. Jane Austen wrote Shakespeare-style love comedies, stories where the heroes and heroines are like real flesh-and-blood people, and we laugh
with
them out of sheer delight when they find happiness. But she worked her way up to them by first practicing on the other kind of comedy, stories where you laugh
at
the characters because their faults make them so ridiculous.
1
The stories Jane Austen wrote as a girl are full of characters twisted into bizarre shapes by one or another ruling obsession that pulls them off center. There are the Miss Simpsons in
Jack and Alice
, the eldest “pleasing in her person, in her Manners & in her Disposition; an unbounded ambition was her only fault. Her second sister Sukey was Envious, Spitefull, and Malicious .... Cecilia (the youngest) was perfectly handsome but too affected to be pleasing.” There are the extreme Romantics in
Love and Friendship
,
despising every practical concern

and at the opposite end of the spectrum, in
Lesley Castle
, the absurdly practical Charlotte Lutterell, so obsessed with the minutiae of housekeeping that when her sister’s fiancé is thrown from his horse, Charlotte’s chief concern is how to dispose of the wedding feast.
2

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