The Keys to Jericho (10 page)

Just as I calmed down, it was my turn to drive. When I was laughing about how far I had to shove the front seat back, she touched my thigh, teasing me in return, and my laughter fell like a brick. Goddamn. I was suddenly stiff again. Right then and there, I started fantasizing about fucking her hard and fast in the backseat of that car. Fucking her anywhere. Aside from a couple actresses, I had never fantasized about having sex with anyone I knew in particular. 

Kat was the first and last.

A few days later, I finally grew enough balls after class to ask her out on a date, but I posed it more as theoretical, to see what her answer would be. She seemed open to it, so I asked for her phone number, writing it down on a lunch receipt. I took that small piece of paper home with me, setting it on my nightstand. I was at a fork in the road. I could call her and ask her to go to a movie that night, or I could sit and stare at her number, thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

My brain chose the latter.

At my next football practice, some of my teammates were discussing whether their girlfriends wore their spare game jerseys on Fridays. I was no longer with Anya, not that I would have given it to her anyway, even if we were still together.

I wanted to give mine to Kat.

Would I sound stupid asking her to wear a damn shirt when I couldn’t even call her or take her out on a date?

Surprising myself, I had asked Kat and she said she’d wear it, but when Friday came, I chickened out. Why? Because I didn’t know what we were or what that made us. We weren’t a couple, but I could change that, yet so could she. If she refused, she’d essentially be breaking up with me before I could do it first.

I knew I was already in over my head with her before we even began anything. It was a strange situation. I couldn’t open myself up to the possibility of rejection, but I couldn’t leave her alone, either. Another reason: I was used to short-term. I really liked Kat. Too much. I didn’t want to hurt her. If she did agree to go out with me and we became a couple, I didn’t then want to find myself bored because it wasn’t what I thought I had wanted.

We stood in the middle of a fucking riddle that I had no idea how to solve, at least without someone feeling the pain.

Looking down at my maroon jersey hanging limply in my hand, I crumpled it and bitterly threw it into my locker, mad at myself for getting my hopes up about something that should never happen. I was pretty useless. I wanted to go out with her—fuck—I wanted
her
.

I tried to convince myself she wasn’t my type of girlfriend material anyway. I couldn’t fucking win, and I couldn’t blindly take the chance because I had so much more to lose than she did. I was nowhere near ready for that disaster. For that misery.

Yet, despite my turmoil, and because apparently I
am
a masochist, I went in deeper.

Approaching the end of the semester, and our class together, I was getting desperate and so pissed off for being such a damn pussy. I wanted to ask Dash for advice, but I also didn’t want him to know about Kat. He’d laugh at me and make my crisis a fucking joke. So many times, I stood at Hadley’s bedroom door, poised to knock and ask her for help, but each time, I chickened out of that, too. She’d tell our dad and he would’ve been judgmental and absolutely no help, considering his obvious problems with this kind of thing.

I had nobody to talk to about Kat—except Kat. I could’ve gone straight to the source of my conflict, putting my pride on the line, but I couldn’t.

On my own volition, I went out and bought Kat a keychain for when she got her license. I didn’t want it to symbolize anything other than her getting her license, yet at the same time I wanted her to not forget about me when we weren’t in a car together anymore.

Then one night over winter break, I was loading the dishwasher and Hadley was putting food away when I heard the TV in the living room say that Kat Merrick and her grandmother were in a horrendous car accident. Her grandmother had been killed. Shaking, I ran into the room and stared at the TV. I told my dad I needed him to take me to the hospital because my driver’s ed. partner was the girl in the accident. He said she was in critical condition and in the ICU, there was no way I would be able to see her.

I was so worried. I tried calling the hospital to find out information, but they wouldn’t release any to me.

When winter break was over, I still hadn’t heard anything about Kat, but no news is good news, so I kept that in mind. Overhearing two girls talking about her condition, I learned she was in a coma because of a head injury. I thought back to me holding her hand in the car and wished I could right then, too.

Two weeks later, Kat was brought out of her coma and allowed visitors. Since giving her a keychain would be insensitive, I left it in my room. My dad took me to the hospital and waited in the downstairs waiting room, surprisingly not quizzing me about my motives. Upon finding out Kat’s room number, I went to her floor and stood outside the door. I was frozen to the spot. I didn’t know what to say to her that wouldn’t make me look like a bumbling idiot. Before I could make up my fucking mind, a nurse came out of her room, smiled at me, and said Kat was asleep and to try coming back later.

“Is she going to be okay?”

“Hopefully, but she needs lots of rest.”

I nodded, and left so she could get rest. Plenty of it. I wasn’t anyone who should be impeding her recovery.

Shortly after, on a Tuesday morning during school, I began to have dull pains in various parts of my stomach, and generally felt like shit. By the end of the day, the pain migrated further down my abdomen and was suddenly sharp, doubling me over as I walked into the house. Dad and Hadley were instantly on me. Suspecting that I had appendicitis, since my dad has had it before, he took me to the emergency room, where I was put through some tests, diagnosing me with acute appendicitis. I was admitted to the same hospital as Kat. We were in the same building again and I still couldn’t talk to her. After the medicine stopped the swelling, and a majority of the pain, I was released two days later.

Throughout my own recovery, I did a lot of thinking. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to lose Kat in my life. Even if I feared her spurning me, I almost lost her entirely. I had to hold onto her somehow. Any way I could.

The moment I saw Kat in the hallway her first day back to school, I walked over to her, landed my Colts hat on top of her head, and gave her a gentle hug from behind. Hearing her soft gasp, she seemed shocked and so did her friends. Yet again,
I
was even astonished by my own actions, but it was part of my new initiative.

“How are you feeling, Kit Kat?”

“Better.”

“Good. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

The smell of her hair and having her in my arms was too fucking much. I gave her another light squeeze before letting go. I wanted to tell her more than that, but I was at a loss for words. I really did miss her.
A
lot
was an understatement.

I didn’t tell her I went to see her in the hospital, because I didn’t think it was a big deal that I had. I also didn’t want her to know how much of a chicken shit I was.

On my 17
th
birthday, I got the best gift ever. I was at my locker when Kat grabbed my arm, sliding her hand up and down my bare skin.
Her brown eyes sparkled as I stupidly stared into them with awe. Except for the one time in the car, she never initiated any touching.

“Happy birthday, Sonic.”

I stuttered, “Th-thanks.”

My arm hair, as well as the hair on the back of my neck, instantly stood on end, along with my dick. I had to move my fucking books down in front of me as I leaned against my locker, practically in a catatonic stupor. Her skin on mine… I’d never been so affected like that. Touching her knee in the car was nothing compared to what she just did.

The last day of school also happened to be Kat’s 16
th
birthday. I wanted to give her something, but not the keychain, and since I didn’t want to show her how much I’ve been obsessing over her, I didn’t buy her anything, staying casual about it. However, seeing Kat at her locker that morning, I was anything but casual. Going over, I picked her up, giving her a twirl around, making her squeal, before setting her down.

I whispered, “Happy birthday.”

“You remembered?”

“Yeah…”

Kat’s smile lit up the fucking hallway. “Thank you!”

Her reaction was astonishing and it left me wondering if I was wrong about stepping up our friendship. For the first time in my life, I actually
wanted
to kiss a girl.

“I hope you have a good summer.”

“You, too, Kit Kat. I’ll call you.” I wanted to.

“I’d like that.”

But I didn’t call her. Her birthday had me in a tailspin. I wanted her to touch me more. Everywhere. I wanted to yank her back to me, and beg her to touch me again. Yet, I couldn’t. That one good thing happening would lead to many bad things happening.

Watching Kat walk away for three months strangled me. I only had one year left in that school with her and I felt helpless because of my self-imposed limitations.

Since I had passed my driver’s test, I had to get a job to pay for my gas and insurance. I got a part-time summer job stocking shelves at Blake’s, a small grocery store where my sister worked. We carpooled when we could, but most of the time, we worked different schedules, so I had to drive my dad’s truck, or he had to drop me off if he was using it. I worked nearly every weeknight and then most of the weekend, but working only so many hours, since I was a minor.

The summer dragged on. I spent my days working, or hiding in my room.

A few weeks before school started, I saw Kat leaving Blake’s with someone I suppose was Brenda. I wanted to chase Kat down to say hello, but then I didn’t want her to ask why I hadn’t called.

Seeing her that day, tore at something in me. I wasn’t accomplishing any realistic goal by telling myself we couldn’t be together or that I’d get bored of her. I wanted her. The feeling was overwhelming. Being away from Kat didn’t help to clear my head; it only made it more fucked up. I wanted to taste her lips, feel her breasts heaving against me, and her hot breath panting my name over my skin.

Even if I decided to make concessions, I still held back with one stipulation. I wanted Kat to want
me.
I was going to put myself out there all I could, but if she didn’t respond, then I’d have my answer without her saying the words.

I was going on a mission to make her want me.

By the time school had started back, I was ready to up my game, but on the first day, I began doubting my plan.

I needed help.

I could’ve asked Dash, since he was polluted with female attention and might have advice to give. I had considered it and vowed to kick his ass if he laughed about it, but even so, as I was busy with work or football practice, he was also busy with working the books for his dad’s club, or doing his track and field shit after school. Unfortunately, that also meant that if I tried to kick his ass, he could outrun me any day. Bastard.

Taking a seat in the back of my new economics class, Amie Stoltz took a seat in front of me. She was in my homeroom, so we knew each other and she was always friendly.

Leaning forward, I chatted her up, and quickly poured out my predicament to her, I was so desperate.

“What can I do to make her notice me?”

“Make her jealous.”

“How do I do that?”

“Flirt with other girls in front of her. If she has feelings for you, that will piss her off and she’ll want to mark her territory.”

“Really?”

“You could also fake a girlfriend.”

“Do what?”

“Make her think you’re dating someone else. It’ll at least get her to ask you about it. You then would ask her if she’s jealous. Then, you tell her you’re actually single. She’ll want to snatch you up before you really do find someone else.”

“You think that will work?”

“It’s worth a try.”

“Who could I get to be my decoy?”

She gave me a wide smile.

From being in her homeroom, I knew Amie had a longtime boyfriend who was in the Navy and stationed overseas. He also had gone to another high school, so he wasn’t known around our school. This really could work.

“Amie, will you be my fake girlfriend?”

“You’re so romantic, Jared.”

So, that’s what I did.

I lured Kat to a school dance so that she was my audience when I slow danced with Amie and a few of her friends. Kat watched me the whole night, but didn’t say anything to me about it on Monday.

I needed to push it further.

I gave Amie my spare jersey to wear, hoping that would spur Kat. I then strategically told Amie where to stand so Kat would see her. When that
still
didn’t get a response from her, I stood close with Amie, out in the open, to make sure Kat saw us together. When I finally caught her eye, she hurriedly looked away. I also noticed that Kat wasn’t making any effort to say hello to me after that. I thought for sure I was onto something. I just had to push her to the tipping point.