The Leaving of Liverpool (38 page)

‘Aye, we’ll have to sort all that out this week. At least we won’t have time to go getting cold feet,’ Jimmy answered.

 

No-one had much time to think about their forthcoming departure. Emily was kept busy washing, ironing and packing while Jack and Jimmy sorted out all the red tape. Albert watched them sadly, thinking yet another part of his life was ending. They’d become the sons he’d never had and they’d been companions as well.

‘I wish I was going with them. I’d give anything to just sail away from everything and everyone and start a new life,’ Phoebe-Ann sighed. She’d come round to go to Lime Street station with them.

‘Don’t you think I’ve wished that too, except that I wouldn’t want to go without Edwin.’

‘You? I thought you were happy here, Em?’

‘I’m not really complaining, but it would be nice just to sail away with Edwin. No more worries, no more responsibilities.’

‘At least Edwin’s not crippled. There’s nothing in the future for me to look forward to.’

Emily was sorry she’d spoken and she hoped Phoebe-Ann wasn’t going to break down at the station, because she knew if she did, then she would too and that would upset her brothers.

Before they left the house Emily brought out a bottle of whisky and all the men had a small glassful. They all had misty eyes, too. She’d surreptitiously tucked a five pound note into Jack’s pocket, some of the money Miss Nesta had given her. He’d protested but she’d been adamant. ‘I’ve nothing else to give you. It’s my going away present. Take it.’ They’d both kissed her and she had swallowed hard, fighting back the tears.

There was the usual crush at the station: people waiting for trains to arrive, others waiting to board, all anxiously glancing up at the clock. They all wore their best clothes, for it was a special occasion. Despite this, Phoebe-Ann looked dowdy and untidy and Emily looked at her sadly, thinking how smart and pretty she’d always been, and she wondered if her brothers were thinking the same thing. If they were they gave no sign of it as they hugged them both. They then shook Albert’s hand and Edwin’s. He’d been granted extra leave as his Aunt Sarah had died.

‘Just don’t forget to put pen to paper once in a while,’ Emily instructed them.

‘It won’t be that often, Em. You know we were never much good at letter writing.’

‘Don’t you dare lose touch, Jack Parkinson. Don’t go disappearing off the face of the earth or I’ll come and find you.’

‘Don’t worry about them, Emily. I’ll look them up each shore leave.’ Edwin laughed and was rewarded by a smile of gratitude from Emily.

‘Now see what you’ve gone and done. He’ll be spying on us and reporting back,’ Jimmy joked.

They all laughed but for them all the tears were very close to the surface.

‘I wish I were coming with you,’ Phoebe-Ann said miserably.

‘So do I, but there’s no use dwelling on things.’ Jack hugged her and she clung to him until Emily gently prised her away.

‘Better get aboard. I think I heard the last call.’ Edwin called their attention to the fact that the train was preparing to leave.

Emily clung to them both, tears in her eyes. She’d probably never see them again, she thought. ‘Take care of yourselves and good luck,’ she whispered.

‘We’ll send for you all when we make our first million,’ Jimmy joked.

The little group stood huddled together watching as the two men walked quickly down the platform. They turned and waved before they got aboard and then they leaned out of the window, waving until they were lost in the clouds of steam as the train pulled out.

I’ll always remember them like that, smiling and waving, Emily thought. Just as she remembered Harry and Rob, proud and smiling in their uniforms.

They were all downcast as they turned to leave, but Phoebe-Ann was more forlorn than anyone else. It was as if her youth, her dreams and her happiness were disappearing in that cloud of steam. She didn’t want to go back to Liffy Street, back to him, back to that stinking mess that even now made her retch at times. So she seized eagerly on Edwin’s offer of a drink before they went home. They all needed cheering up, he said.

As Emily linked her arm through his, he looked down at her. ‘If only . . .’

‘I know, but don’t say it or he’ll be upset if he hears you and think he’s being a burden, which he isn’t.’

He sighed. ‘Oh, Emily, how much longer?’

‘I don’t know, but something will turn up, you see.’

 

Whenever she could manage it, Phoebe-Ann went round to spend half an hour with Alice. It was the only break she got from Jake or work. He had been openly hostile to the idea but she’d ignored his protests.

‘Why don’t you come out with us one night? No-one could object to you having a few hours’ enjoyment,’ Alice suggested.

‘I couldn’t. Even if he didn’t make such a song and dance about it, I couldn’t afford it.’

‘Ginny and me will treat you.’

Phoebe-Ann thought of the days when Jake had been at sea and she’d had her job at the B&A. She’d had money then. Money of her own to spend how she wished. It was a bitter, depressing fact that now she never even had a few shillings to spend on herself. ‘No, that wouldn’t be fair.’

‘What if I paid one week, Ginny the next and you the third week, that’s fair? You could save up a few coppers each week that way. You need cheering up, Phoebe-Ann. God, I don’t know why you haven’t gone round the bend yet, stuck with him and the only break you get is going to work.’

‘You don’t have to remind me, Alice. I know what a mess I’ve made of my life,’ Phoebe-Ann flashed back at her friend.

‘I didn’t mean to remind you and you know it. Haven’t I been your best friend through thick and thin?’ Alice looked hurt.

Phoebe-Ann nodded. ‘I’m sorry I snapped at you, but I’m so tired and so sick of . . . Oh, of everything!’

‘There you are then. You need a break and once a week isn’t too much to ask. A few hours on a Sunday night to go to the pictures or maybe for a quiet drink.’

Phoebe-Ann thought about it. Oh, how she longed to have some time to herself, when she could forget about Jake and the terrible life she now lived. Time when perhaps she could dress up, go out and even pretend she was a single girl again, without a care in the world except how she looked. Oh, how long ago those days seemed now and all her youth, all her beauty and vivacity had gone with them. ‘All right, I will.’

Alice began to smile but then, as Phoebe-Ann’s face dropped, she frowned. ‘What’s the matter now?’

‘I haven’t got anything decent to wear.’

‘Can’t you borrow something from your Emily? I know she doesn’t dress in the height of fashion but she’s got some nice things. A bit plain, like, but better than you can afford,’ Ginny said.

That hurt Phoebe-Ann so much that she felt the tears prick her eyes. Ginny was only stating the truth, she thought; she shouldn’t be so sensitive. But everything she had was worn and washed out. She hadn’t had anything new for months. She couldn’t afford to buy anything so she’d have to ask Emily for a loan of something. What would she do without Emily, she thought. Whenever there was a crisis in her life Emily had been there, helping, comforting, supporting. No-one could have a better sister. She wished Albert would go back to Wales and give Emily some freedom and happiness with Edwin.

She called to see her sister on the way home.

‘Have you got time for a cup of tea and a scone?’ Emily asked.

‘Just a quick one. If I don’t get back soon he’ll start ranting and raving.’

‘He’s no better then?’ Emily asked as she pushed the kettle on the hob and began to butter a fresh scone. Albert sat reading the
Journal of Commerce
to see what ships were due in and if there would be work in the offing. Many ships were lying idle now for times were getting harder. Rhys had written telling him of the miners’ strike and the fact that he was looking for alternative work, so things were just as bad back home.

‘No, although sometimes I can’t help but feel sorry for him. That’s until he starts yelling at me, telling me it’s all my fault.’

‘Take no notice of him. He’s bound to feel like that. Tell him he’s lucky that you do look after him, his ma wouldn’t. That should shut him up.’

‘I do but it doesn’t stop him. In fact it seems to make matters worse.’

‘How are the two old ladies?’

Phoebe-Ann smiled tiredly. ‘Both fine. I love working there, Em, it’s so clean and so quiet.’

‘I know, they’re dear souls.’

‘Miss Nesta often gives me things to take home and so does Cook and last week Miss Millicent slipped me a half crown and told me to get something for myself. She thought I needed cheering up. If only I could stay with them, live in.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve come to ask you a favour. Every time I come here I seem to be asking for something.’

‘Isn’t that what sisters are for? What is it?’

‘Alice has persuaded me to go out with her and Ginny each Sunday night.’

‘It will do you good and surely he can’t object to a few hours.’

‘Alice said we’ll take turns in paying so I will have time to save up a few coppers each week, but I’ve nothing to wear and I can’t afford to buy anything. Most of my stuff I get from old Leiberman’s or down Paddy’s Market.’

Emily felt so sorry for her. Reduced to buying second-hand clothes from the pawnbroker and Paddy’s Market. ‘Of course you can. Go up to my room and pick something, anything.’

‘You really don’t mind then?’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, Fee, what is there to “mind” about?’

When she’d gone upstairs Albert looked at Emily. ‘I hope she appreciates you.’

‘I wish I could help her more.’

‘I could give you a few bob if it would help.’

She smiled at him. ‘I could make her a dress. She doesn’t have time to sew. Material doesn’t cost that much. I hate to see her reduced to buying second-hand clothes. Mam would go mad. I know we often had second-hand and even third-hand stuff when we were kids and there was only Mam’s wages to keep us all, but we’re both women now.’

‘Your mam couldn’t have seen how things would turn out, Emily.’

‘No, she couldn’t. Hush, here’s Phoebe-Ann.’

When Phoebe-Ann walked into the kitchen with Emily’s burgundy-coloured two-piece and pale pink blouse wrapped carefully in brown paper, Jake demanded to know where she’d been.

‘I’ve been sitting here by myself for hours. I’m hungry and thirsty but you wouldn’t care about things like that!’

She ignored his complaints and began to spread some dripping on a slice of bread she’d cut from the loaf.

‘I’m sick of bloody dripping, isn’t there anything else?’

‘No, and you’re lucky to get this. My wages aren’t on elastic!’

‘It’s all right for you, you eat up there in Princes Avenue, you don’t eat this muck.’ He knocked her hand away and the plate and the bread fell on the floor.

Phoebe-Ann gritted her teeth and picked it up. ‘You can eat it, muck and all now, because there’s nothing else.’ She slammed the plate down on the low table beside him.

He ignored her words. ‘What’s in the parcel?’

‘Something our Emily lent me.’ She poured the boiling water on to the tea leaves, leaves that had already been used once.

‘What for?’

Phoebe-Ann placed her hands on her hips as though girding her loins for a battle. ‘Because I haven’t got anything decent to go out in, that’s why! Because I spend all my money keeping you!’

He glared up at her. He’d give anything just to get out of this chair for a few seconds. Then he’d show her she couldn’t speak to him like this. All the affection he’d had for her had turned to festering hatred. ‘I said what for?’

‘Because in future I’m going out with Alice and Ginny on a Sunday night, for a few hours away from you and this . . . this hovel!’

‘If you’ve got money to waste then you can give me better food!’ he yelled.

‘I haven’t got money to waste. It will take me two weeks to save up a few pence. Scrimping and saving, doing without anything to eat myself. I deserve to go out. To get away from you once a week!’

‘And what do I deserve? I deserve better than you screaming at me, starving me, leaving me alone all day!’

‘I come home twice in the day to see to you.’

‘It’s your duty. It’s your fault I’m in this chair!’

Phoebe-Ann had had enough. ‘It’s your own bloody fault and I’m sick of listening to you whining. I hate you! I bloody hate you, Jake Malone! You should be grateful for what I do for you. I’ve a good mind to take you around to your ma and leave you there, the way she dumped you on me. And if I want to go out and spend the money I work for, I will! I want some enjoyment and I’m going to have it!’

‘You whore! That’s what you are, a whore! You can’t get anything from me so you’ll go out and find yourself a man – any man! Goin’ out with Alice an’ Ginny!’ He laughed derisively. ‘You bloody liar! I hope you get the pox, you whoring bitch!’ he yelled at her, the veins at his temples throbbing with the force of his anger.