The Lightning-Struck Heart (26 page)

“Trust me,” Ryan said. “The feeling is not mutual. When Sam told me about you, I was expecting something completely different. This is so much better.”

“He talked about me, did he?” Dimitri turned and leered at me.

“Oh gross,” I muttered.

“I could see why,” Dimitri said, looking back at Ryan. “Especially if you’re the competition.”

“No competition,” I said loudly. “None. There is no competing.”

“See?” Dimitri said. “You’ve already lost.”

Ryan snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think so. My cock is bigger than your whole entire being.”

And. Just.
What
.

The fairies started tittering loudly.

Dimitri scowled. “It’s not the size. It’s what you do with it.”

“And I can do many things with it,” Ryan said wickedly. “Many, many things.”

“Please, can I have some, please,” I whispered, though no one heard me.

Dimitri poked Ryan’s nose. “Listen,
human
. Just because you’re jealous of the love Sam and I share—”

“Love?” I squeaked, sounding like Dimitri. “There is no love.”

The fairies all turned to me.

Oh shit.
“Uh. There may be a mutual appreciation of each other’s willingness to avoid maiming or death?” I said.

“This is going so well,” Gary said.

“It is?” Tiggy asked.

“No,” Gary said. “Tiggy, the next thing we are going to work on is sarcasm. You’ve gone far too long without knowing how to use it. It shall be remedied and you will be the most sarcastic half-giant in all of Verania and it will be glorious.”

“Pretty Gary,” Tiggy said fondly. He tried to reach out and pet Gary, but his hand knocked into the invisible wall that rose around him from the fairy ring. His brow furrowed and I knew it was only a matter of time before Tiggy got pissed off. No one got between him and Gary when he wanted to pet the unicorn.

“There’s love,” Dimitri insisted. “You just don’t know about it yet.”

“Ah,” Gary said. “
That
kind of love. Because that makes sense.”

Dimitri sighed like Gary was the most annoying thing that had ever existed. “If your kind wasn’t considered sacred, I’d let my people eat you.”

Gary preened. “Sam.
Sam
. I’m
sacred
.”

“Thanks for that,” I told Dimitri. “I will never, ever hear the end of it.”

Dimitri ignored me as he flew back to Ryan and started poking his face again. “I will fight you for him. A duel to win the heart of the wizard.”

“Apprentice,” Gary whispered.

Ryan rolled his eyes at Dimitri. “It would be more intimidating if your penis wasn’t pressing against my cheek.”

“So much sass,” I told Gary and Tiggy. “He uses it like he invented it. Which, to be fair, I think he might have.”

“He’s not
that
sassy,” Gary grumbled.

Another fairy flew up and whispered in Dimitri’s ear. Dimitri’s eyes narrowed with whatever the fairy was telling him.

“You’re engaged,” Dimitri finally said. “To the Grand Prince of Verania.”

And there went all my fun fantasies again for the day.

“I am,” Ryan allowed. He glanced at me like there was supposed to be a reaction. I kept my face blank.

“So you have no claim over Sam of Wilds,” Dimitri said, sounding triumphant.

Ryan cocked his head. “More so than you do.”

The mask slipped. “Hey!” I snapped. “I’m standing right
here
. I’m not a prize to be won.” I winced. “Oh my gods, that sounded awful to say out loud.” I looked at Gary, who was openly laughing at me. “For fuck’s sake.”

“I’m not a prize to be won,” he gasped out. “That was so awesome. You go, girl. Get down with your bad self and
preach
. We don’t need no
mens
. We are
fierce
and hear Sam of Wilds
roar
.” He puffed out his chest and pranced in place in his fairy ring.

“You’re a tool,” I said, feeling my face turn red.

“You just told everyone you’re not a prize to be won,” he pointed out. “You win the tool award. In fact, you
are
the tool award.”

“You can be my prize,” Dimitri said, slinking through the air back over to me. He made sure not to cross into the fairy ring because he knew full well I’d crush him like a bug.

“That’s not doing for me what you think it’s doing for me,” I told him. “Probably quite the opposite in fact. Dimitri, you know you and I wouldn’t work. You’re a fairy who lives in the Dark Woods, and I like not being in the Dark Woods. Or gay fairy married.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it,” Ryan said.

“I will keep you satisfied,” Dimitri said with a leer. “I may be small, but there are things I can do with my tongue that you wouldn’t believe.” He flew a little bit closer. “
Sexual
things.”

“That’s a kind offer,” I said, trying not to insult him by grimacing. “Really. But I’m okay.”

“Perhaps,” he said, waggling his eyebrows, “a little demonstration?”

“No thank you,” I said. “I’m all about true love. And not having sex with you.”

“If we could just—”

“He said no,” Ryan growled. “Back off.”

Dimitri looked over at Ryan, who was glowering at the king of fairies. He brought up a hand to stroke his tiny mustache (and I had to bite back
aww
ing in his general direction because it was just so
little
) and said, “Oh. This makes much more sense now.”

“What does?” I asked.

“This,” he said, motioning between Ryan and me. “You know. The
thing
.”

I was bewildered. “What thing?”

Dimitri looked at Gary. “Is he serious?”

“Unfortunately,” Gary said. “It’s so awkward. It makes you wonder about the future of Verania.”

“I am so lost,” I said to Ryan, who was refusing to meet my gaze.

“Me too,” Ryan said.

Tiggy snorted and said, “Oh, Knight Delicious Face.”

Another fairy flew up, carrying a spear and wearing a helmet and not much else. I thought about asking why he had armor on his head and not his balls, but I didn’t think that was proper etiquette while being held prisoner by the Dark Woods fairies. “What shall we do with them, my lord?” he asked Dimitri. “Should we kill them?”

“No killing,” I said. “No killing would be amazing.” Because fairies could be vicious little things. They looked humanish, but they were filled with forest magic, and once the façade dropped, they were all teeth and claws and would swarm until there was nothing left but bits of shiny bone. “Come on, Dimitri. For old time’s sake. Buddy. Pal of mine. You owe me.”

“And how do you figure that?” he asked, eyes flashing purple.

“The whole kidnapping me and trying to make me your fairy bride? That’s a good place to start.”

“You said vows before your unicorn kicked twenty of my people in the face!”

“That might have not been my best move,” I admitted. “But, to be
fair
, you didn’t leave me with much of a choice. Hey. Hey. Look at me. What’s going on? Huh? Little guy? Why don’t you marry one of these fine-looking fairies?” I pointed out the hundred or so naked men fluttering nearby.

“It’s just not the same,” he said with a sigh. “I have a size kink.”

I coughed. “You have a
what
now?”

He shrugged. “I like them big.”

I grinned at Gary. “You hear that? I’m
big
.”

“Pretty sure he was talking about your actual size and not your dick, honeybunch,” Gary said, sounding bored. “Tone it down. I’m embarrassed for you.”

“I’m huge,” I told Dimitri. “Gargantuan.”

“Average,” Gary said. “I’ve seen it.”

“A little support would be awesome,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Oh my goodness,” Gary said, voice sugary sweet. “He’s
ginormous
. The first time I saw it, I was, like, is that your third leg? Are you some kind of three-legged human monstrosity?”

“Don’t listen to him,” I told Dimitri. “He’s an ass. You can keep him if you want. He has to weigh at least a thousand pounds.”

“
Sam
!” Gary shrieked at me. “How
dare
you!”

Dimitri flew over to Gary and started looking him up and down. “He’s got a point. We should totally get married. You could be my fairy queen.”

Gary’s ears perked up. “A queen, you say? Well. You never said anything about being a
queen
.”

“No, Gary,” Tiggy said sternly. “You no fairy queen. You Sam and Tiggy’s queen.”

Ah gods, my heart. “I really want to hug you right now,” I told Tiggy. “Dimitri, drop the damn fairy rings. I need to hug Tiggy because of feelings.”

Dimitri sighed and snapped his fingers. The mushrooms grew dim and I felt my magic come roaring back. Gary and I crashed into Tiggy at the same time, and his big hands came up to the backs of our heads and held us close.

“I can’t
believe
you said my weight out loud,” Gary hissed at me.

“I can’t
believe
you said my penis was average,” I hissed right back.

“If the penis shoe fits,” he said.

“What? That doesn’t even… penis shoe? Like a shoe. For your penis.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, rubbing his forehead against Tiggy’s chest. “I have had a very trying and emotional last seventeen minutes and I can’t be bothered to be my usual witty and wonderful self.”

“How do you explain the rest of the time, then?”

“As touching as this is,” Dimitri said from behind us, “I would rather get this over with.”

I let go of Tiggy and turned back toward the fairies. Ryan still had his arms held up by the tree. I tried not to notice the flex of his arms or how totally awesome it would be to have him tied up like that so I could do whatever I wanted and—

“Stop thinking sex thoughts,” Gary whispered.

“I wasn’t,” I whispered back.

“Liar. You had your sex face going on.”

“I don’t even want to know what that looks like.”

“Like your jaw came unhinged and you might start to drool.”

“So… attractive, right?”

“That’s not the word I would have used.”

“Get what over with?” I said to Dimitri.

“The reason why you’re here,” he said, “in the Dark Woods. They don’t seem to be a safe place for you anymore.”

I cocked my head at him, picking and choosing my next words carefully. There was something here that I was missing. The air seemed to have shifted. It felt cooler now. “We’re here because it’s a shorter route to get to Meridian City.”

Dimitri’s eyes flashed again. They were almost violet. “And what business have you there?”

“You know, don’t you,” I said. “Something.”

Dimitri flew up closer to my face. He smiled, and it was a dark thing. “I know many things. I am the king of this forest. Nothing happens here without me knowing.”

“Then tell me,” I said, “what you know.”

He shook his head. “That’s not how this works, apprentice. You know that as well as I do.”

“Oh, we’re back to apprentice now?” I asked lightly. “No more Sam?”

“There are whispers,” he said. “In the trees. In the darkest part of the forests.”

Something prickled across my skin, almost like I was chilled. “And what do they whisper?”

“The Darks seem to have an unhealthy fascination with you,” he said, ignoring my question. “Do you know why that is?”

“One of their own took us to a cave,” I said. “In the eastern Dark Woods. All of us went in. He never walked out.”

“We heard,” Dimitri said. “Those that die in the Dark Woods tend to leave a bit of themselves behind. He echoed. He darkled. He was nothing but blood and bones when they found him.”

“Tiggy tends to get overzealous when his friends are threatened,” I said coolly.

“So you say. But you just don’t know, do you?” He looked back over his shoulder and said something in the tongue of the fairies. It came out low and guttural, almost like grunts. The cadence was stilted and staccato. As soon as he fell silent, the other fairies spread their wings, alighting from the trees and bushes and flowers. They spun in a leisurely circle around us. I felt something crawl along my magic. I felt soft. Dully muted. Tiggy growled low in his throat and tensed behind me. Gary came to my side, eyelids heavy. Ryan didn’t seem to be affected, worry darting along his face.

“What is this?” I asked, sounding slow and quiet.

“To keep our palaver secret,” he said. “You can’t be too careful these days. The trees hear everything.”

“But you’re their guardians,” I said. “Why would they betray you?”

He grinned. His teeth were sharp. “Who said anything about betrayal?”

I said nothing.

“You look for the Grand Prince,” he said. “He was taken, was he not?”

“You sound as if you already know,” I said. “Why ask?”

“Formalities,” he said.

“Games,” I corrected.

His smile widened. “Are you sure you won’t rethink that proposal? The conversation alone is
stimulating
.”

I shook my head, trying to ignore just how stimulated he seemed to be. It’s never okay to have a tiny man flying around with his erection near your face. “You deserve someone who can give you all you need. I can’t do that.”

The bravado faltered a bit. “I knew you were different,” he said. “The first time you came into the woods. I could have taken you then. You were just a boy. I could have taken you away from the human world and raised you how I wanted you to be. Molded you to be something more than you are.”

“I’m thinking you need to back up,” Ryan said, voice hard. “Right now.”

Dimitri paid him no mind. “But I let you grow. In the world of men. Where they are cold and careless and plot the most calculating plots they can to ensure their survival. They think only for themselves and not about the suffering of others. You see, Sam, it’s only about
power
.”

I thought back to Morgan and the way he’d evaded my questions. “What is it?” I asked, curious.

“Your Prince was taken by a dragon, yes?”

This wasn’t guarded information. It was all the City of Lockes could speak of in the days before we’d set out. “He was,” I said.