The Lost Truth (15 page)

T
he next morning, when I stepped outside my sister’s house, I saw a new boat in tow behind Paul’s truck. He got out with a grin on his face as he looked at me and then over at the boat.

“Where’s the row boat, man?” My eyes were fixed on the pretty new Bayliner as I approached.

“She’s at home. This is my new one. I call her Shelby.” He followed behind me as I let my fingers glide against the fiberglass shell.

“What size is
Shelby
?”

“Just a notch under eighteen feet.”

Stopping, I glanced back at Janice’s house and then at Paul. “This boat is nice, but what are you doing, man?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and placed a hand on his new boat as he leaned against it. “What’s that mean? I just bought a boat, and I’m taking you out to break it in.”

Shaking my head, I shot a finger toward Janice’s house. “My sister, man! Obviously . . .”

Paul licked his lower lip and appeared to think about what he was going to say. Leaning in, his voice was quiet. “The birth mother wants to pursue a relationship with me.”

Stepping back, I said, “What? She’s married though. Right?”

He nodded. “That’s true. But she broke the news to her husband about the boy not being his, and he went and filed divorce papers the same day—just yesterday. Still early, but she said they aren’t going to work out and it was a long time coming.” Glancing over at Janice’s house with a look of longing in his eyes, he sighed. “Hey, dude. I know that’s your sister, but it’s over between us. She decided that. We’re good now, just friends, and I think it’s better that way.”

“She seems to have that same kind of thinking.” I nodded, tossed my pole into the back of the new boat, and headed around the truck to get in.

At about ten, my stomach was growling as we floated down the middle of Bear Lake. Reeling in my fishing line, I set the pole down and went to the back of the boat where the cooler was sitting. Popping it open, I grabbed a piece of the sub we bought and sat down on the back bench of the boat.

Paul looked over and asked, “How’s the new gig going at the grocery store?”

“It’s all right. I don’t love it, but it’s a job. Should be out of Janice’s soon.”

“And what about Katie? You two . . . together?”

I shook my head as I finished my bite. “That’s over.”

“That’s too bad.”

I took another bite of my sub. “I love Katie with all my heart right now. But I didn’t figure that out when I should have, and now it’s too late. She’s moved on, and I’m done trying.”

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw a fish jump and I glanced over, thinking about when Katie and I walked down by the boat docks. “John, my pastor, came by the other day when I was working and told me about an art showing Katie was having. I have feelings for her, but I’m not sure she reciprocates. I don’t think I’ll go.”

Reeling his line in some, Paul set his pole down and turned to me. “You two didn’t even date. I think you should be okay with moving on. It’s been what? Two months since you’ve seen her, and you’ve called her several times without a call back?”

I nodded. “The fact that we didn’t really date was the strange thing about it, and probably what keeps me from being able to move on. We didn’t spend
tons
of time together or really have a relationship, but that doesn’t stop my heart from wanting to be with her, from wanting to see her. But you know . . . I’m to the point now that I’ve tried to call and she’s showing me she isn’t interested. I’m going to respect that distance she’s requesting of me.”

“I see.” Paul scooped up his pole. Keeping his eyes on the water, he said over his shoulder. “How’s your daughter?”

“She’s good, man. Thanks for asking.” Standing up, I started back toward the front of the boat. “She joined basketball, and Gail said she’s really good.” Sitting down, I picked up my pole and baited the hook. “I feel bad that I didn’t do better at enjoying the time I had with her during the summer, even if it wasn’t for very long.”

“You can’t regret like that.” Paul and I made eye contact as he continued. “All you can do is move forward. You might have begun to sink, Clay, when you went through all that stuff. But God has lifted you up. Just like after Peter was pulled up from sinking in the water, it’s now time to praise Jesus in the boat. Don’t worry about what happened. You repented and gave it to God.”

I cast my line back into the water and nodded over to Paul. I might have done and said some terrible things, but I couldn’t allow that to be my focus. My sights needed to remain on God and praise Him for bringing me through to the other side.

On the way back from fishing, Paul took a left when it was a right to get back to my sister’s house. Coming alert from my slouched but comfortable view out the window, I sat up straight and peered over at him. “What’s going on?”

“We’re swinging by my place,” he replied, turning the wheel as we took another street.

“Why?”

He looked over at me and smiled. “I have something for you.”

As we pulled into his driveway, my truck was already there. Hooked up to the back was Paul’s old row boat. My eyes widened. “You’re giving me your boat?”

“Yep. I think she’d do you well.”

“How’d my truck get over here?” I asked, climbing out of the cab.

Paul got out and shut his door. “I called in a favor.”

Shaking my head as I placed a hand on the boat and smoothed my thumb against the metal, I was overcome with appreciation. “Janice?”

“Yep,” Janice said, pulling around the side of Paul’s shed in her car with her window down. She stopped when she was close to us in the driveway. “We set this up a while ago.” Squinting as the sun beat down on her face, she glanced over at Paul. “Call me later. I want to hear about how it went yesterday.”

He nodded.

“See you at home, Clay.” Janice rolled her window up and left.

Paul patted my shoulder. “I’ve always admired you. I know that first time I took you fishing, you were struggling pretty hard, but I knew you’d come out of it. I’ve known you for years now, and I’ve seen you go through so much.”

Shrugging, I smiled. “I’m but a man. It was God. He took me to the desert and taught me who He was at the same time He showed me who I was.” Turning back to the boat, I continued. “I never told you this, but this boat is where I had my turning point.” My heart warmed as I thought of the day on the water when Paul broke the news to me about his son. I shook my head. “Everything became so clear that day.”

“I did a lot of thinking in this boat, Clay. I’m glad she’s already done that once for you.” He stepped up next to me. “What you going to name her?”

Turning to him, I asked, “You didn’t have one for her?”

“Nope. Never could settle on one. Just called it her or she.”

“I’ll name her Old Faithful.”

He nodded. “Sounds like a great name. Now give me a hand with getting my boat put away. Today was probably my first and only day on the water until next summer.”

“All right.”

While eating a burrito that evening at the kitchen table, I couldn’t keep my eyes off my boat just outside the window. I had parked her right outside that window so I could see Old Faithful whenever I walked through the kitchen or sat down to eat.

Smack!

Janice slapped a newspaper down on the table in front of me. Taking a seat across from me, she said, “I’ve been patient, Clay.”

I nodded as I thought it was the housing section. She had been more than gracious with me these past six months, and it was time for me to move out. Looking at her, I said, “I know. I would have sooner, but I’ve been trying to make Gail happy.”

Janice leaned in and shook her head. “What? Gail?”

“Yeah. I figured once I’ve satisfied her with child support payments, I can begin the search for an affordable place to live.”

“Wait.” Janice shook her head as she pointed to the newspaper. “I’m talking about Katie.”

When I looked down at the newspaper, I saw her picture in the article, and my heart longed for her. She looked radiant, even in black and white with an ‘o’ ring coffee mug stain over part of her portrait. Leaning back in my chair, I set my burrito down on my plate. “I already know about that art exhibit. I told you that John told me about it.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “I don’t remember that. So you plan on going the day after tomorrow to see her?”

I shook my head. “I’ve tried that, Sis. Doesn’t work. She won’t return my phone calls. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Janice shook her head and looked me in the eyes as she leaned in. “Some people spend a lifetime searching for someone. You have her right in front of you.”

Raising a hand, I looked at my sister with the utmost sincerity. “I don’t have her, Janice. She’s not mine, and she never was.”

“Isn’t she worth fighting for?” Janice’s eyes looked at the newspaper. “I’ve never seen you enjoy life the way you did when she was around. She lit your world up.”

With my eyes back on the newspaper, I nodded. “Even now . . . merely seeing her picture conjures warmth inside of me that I cannot explain.”

“I was really afraid for you for the longest time, Clay. You’re in a good place now. If it’s not meant to be, you’ll get the closure you need. If it is, you’ll get your happily ever after.”

“Okay, I will try.” Janice was right. I was in a good place and I needed the closure with Katie.

T
he day of the art show, I drove into Spokane and purchased a new pair of slacks and a nice button-up shirt for the occasion. I hadn’t ever felt so strongly about someone I hadn’t been in a relationship with, and I wanted to look my best for her.

As I put my tie on in the bathroom that late afternoon, the doorbell suddenly rang. Opening the bathroom door, I stuck my head out. “Janice, could you grab that? I don’t have my pants on yet.” Closing the door, I went back to getting ready.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again.

My jaw clenched. I hurried and got my pants on and headed out to the living room.
Who on earth could that be?

Jerking the front door open, I was taken aback to see that it was Gail. As quickly as I opened it, I slammed it shut. My heart raced as sweat began beading on my brow.
Why is she here?
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the doorknob and opened it again.

Looking at her through the screen door, I said, “What’s up?” Glancing over her shoulder, I saw Cindy sitting in the passenger seat of her car.

Touching her forehead, a smile crept from the corner of her lips as she tilted her head. “Could we talk, Clay?”

“What is it you think we’re doing right now?” Adjusting my footing, I furrowed my eyebrows. “You can’t show up here and ask to talk. We have phones for this kind of thing.”

Her smile fell away and her tone sharpened. “Can I come in or what? I want to talk to you.”

“What about Cindy? She going to sit in your car like a dog?”

“I need to talk to you first. Stop.”

Opening the screen door, I kept my eyes locked on Cindy. “Come on in.” Gail walked past me and came inside. Cindy raised her eyes up to look at me. We made contact and I waved and smiled. She returned the smile and waved back, warming my heart.

“Clay,” Gail said with a long drawl as I shut the door and turned around.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll get right to the point.”

“Thank goodness for that.”

She stepped closer to me and touched my arm. “I want you back, Clay. Cindy could have her parents back together and we could be a happy family again. Just like we used to be.”

Without any witty replies, I walked across the floor and sat down on the couch. Memories of the years that had gone by washed over and through my mind. The family vacations, the dinners, the time together as a family all came flooding through me. I was happy with Gail. We had a life together. We had a child together.

Gail came over and sat down on the couch beside me. Turning her whole body, she sat with one leg tucked under the other as she gently grabbed my hand. With tears welling in her eyes, she rubbed my hand as she spoke. “I know it was wrong that I left you when you were in the hospital.” Wiping tears from her eyes, she continued. “That was so wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

“I needed you, and you left.”

She nodded. “I know, Clay. And I’m so, so sorry.” She sniffed and rubbed her nose. “You know I love you. You know Cindy loves you too. We can all be together again.”

The back door opened, interrupting our conversation. We both looked over to see Janice walk in with dirt-covered overalls and a pair of gardening gloves. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she took one look at Gail and shook her head. Leaving the room, she headed down the hallway.

“Isn’t gardening season over?” Gail asked.

As I looked at the hallway Janice left through, I replied, “It’s winding down. But there’s cleanup to do before it comes to a close.” I turned back to Gail. “Why now? Why come declare your love for me today?”

“All the stuff you’ve been doing to improve yourself is so touching. I feel like we can make it now.”

I stood up and went over to the window of the living room. Looking out at Cindy, my heart longed to hold her. “I love Cindy so much, Gail. You took her away from me. Not just when you left me in the hospital, but over the summer. You never came back in August like you were supposed to.” Turning around, I looked at her.

“Clay . . .” Her voice was entangled with a hesitant laugh. “My life was crazy in August. You know I picked up that wedding coordinator job part-time until I could get back to teaching. Not only a wedding coordinator, but in
Ocean Shores
. You understand how many weddings go on in August?” She shook her head and smiled. “I couldn’t get away.”

“You had a lot of time to plan that. Plus, you took off in June, and I’m pretty sure that’s a busier time.”

“I didn’t have that job in June . . .”

Seeing the clock on the wall strike four, I knew I needed to leave to make the art showing on time. “How long are you going to be in town?”

“You’re rejecting me?” she asked, rising to her feet.

“I don’t know. I need time.”

“Well, I’ll wait for you. I’ll be at the Four Seasons off Monroe.”

Nodding, I said, “I want to take Cindy with me to an art showing.”

“Is that why you’re all dressed up?” Gail asked. “Wait. Are you meeting a woman there?”

“It’s not your business.”

“It sure is my business if you’re taking our daughter around another woman!” Gail shook her head. Her face went beet red. She almost said something, but she retracted whatever it was. “You know what? I’m mature. I’m not going to freak out. Yes. Take Cindy. Have a great time. I’ll be at the Four Seasons.”

“Thank you.”

When I left Janice’s house, Cindy got out of the car and ran up to me, jumping into my arms. I pulled her in and smoothed her hair with my hands. My little girl was back where she belonged.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Setting her back down, I bent down and looked at her. “For what?”

“What I said to you about wanting to be with Mom. It’s not true. I want to be with both of you. Mommy said you guys are getting back together so we can be a family again. I’d like that.”

Turning to Gail, my anger waxed hot.
How could she pull Cindy into this?
There was no way I was going to make a scene right now, though. I had to leave. “Want to go look at some art?”

“Like the Indian art we saw?”

“Little different.”

“Yeah. I want to go wherever you go, Daddy.” She put her hand in mine, and I walked with her over to my truck. My heart stirred with love. I wanted Cindy in my life, but not Gail. She was her mother, though, and that had a pull on me that I couldn’t just shake.

Arriving at the community college that evening, my heart raced in anticipation of seeing Katie again. My heart loved her, but did she reciprocate those feelings? If the lack of returned phone calls meant anything, it was evident she did not feel the same.

Walking through the dimly lit college, Cindy and I followed the arrows and signs in the hallways that led down to a double set of closed white metal doors. I took hold of the handles and opened them. A brightly lit room was on the other side, and it was bursting at the seams with people, art and glasses of champagne.

“Wow . . . Daddy.” Cindy tightened her grip in my hand and pressed herself closer to my side. “There are a lot of people here.”

“Keep close to me.” Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I led her through the door and began scanning the crowds for Katie. An array of people filled the room. Some were dressed fancy, while others were underdressed. One man, in particular, looked like he had just gotten off a plane from Hawaii. He had on a pair of swim trunks that had palm trees on them and a pair of flip flops. Another gentleman looked like he just got married, wearing a tuxedo and a bowtie. I continued to scan face after face.

“Champagne?” a man asked, presenting a silver tray in front of my eyes. A twinge of temptation came through me, but I shoved it out as quickly as it came.

“No, thanks. Do you know the artist, Katie Williams?”

The man turned and looked down the left side of the room. “Her piece is in the back left corner.”

“Thanks.” He walked away from me and I leaned down to Cindy’s ear. “Come on.” Grabbing her hand we weaved through the crowd.

“Daddy!” Cindy tugged on my hand to stop me. Turning, I looked over to see a Native American painting of a wolf. “It’s the man!” Looking at the people, I spotted the guy from the boardwalk and farmer’s market. “Can we go talk to him? Please?”

Glancing toward the corner where Katie’s art was, I longed to go see her.

Cindy tugged again on my hand. “Please, Daddy?”

“Okay.”

We went over to the Indian guy we knew and waited behind a few people to talk to him.

“You know I have a dream catcher over my bed?” Cindy asked, looking up at me.

“Really? Does it help your dreams?”

She shrugged. “It works okay. I just love how they look. So naturey.”

“They’re pretty neat.” Turning my head to look toward the corner again, I saw Katie. My heart pounded when I saw her smile, and my breaths became shallow.

“Hello again,” the Indian said, grabbing my attention away from Katie.

“I have a dream catcher hanging above my bed! I found it in Ocean Shores!” Cindy began talking to him about the Indian reservation and tribes that existed along the western side of Washington’s coast that she had learned about in school. My attention shifted down the way, back to where I saw Katie.

She was gone.

“Let’s go,” I said, grabbing onto Cindy’s hand. Looking the Indian in the eyes, I said, “Thank you. Great wolf painting.”

Quickly weaving between the crowds, we arrived at the corner. I couldn’t find Katie anywhere.

“Daddy, Daddy!” Cindy said, tugging on my hand.

“Hold on, Cindy. I’m trying to find someone.” My eyes darted around the room as I tried to locate Katie again.

“No, Dad. Look!” Cindy tugged on my hand again, causing me to turn around.

Seeing Katie’s painting, my eyes widened.

“It’s Kip, Daddy! It’s Kip!” Cindy began jumping up and down.

Katie still cared.
A can of questions popped open in my mind as I let go of Cindy’s hand and she ran up to the side of the roped-off area to get a closer look at the picture.
Why didn’t she call me back?

Why’d she avoid me at the church?

How come she acted like she wanted nothing to do with me for the last two months?

“You like it?” Katie asked from behind me.

Turning around probably only took a second, but it felt like an hour too long. I couldn’t do it fast enough. My eyes met hers and she smiled. The room felt as if it just brightened up a little more in that moment. The crowd became deathly quiet and time came to a stop.

“I love it.”

She grinned and turned red as she looked at the floor. “Really?” She looked up and past me at the painting. “It’s terrifying, putting yourself out on a canvas like that for the world to see.”

Out of all the questions that swirled in my mind right then, I asked only one. “Why Kip?”

She narrowed her eyes on me and had a look of nervousness about spilling her heart out in the middle of her big night. Katie stepped closer and grabbed onto my hand. She looked me in the eyes. “Kip was the reason I fell in love with you. When I first heard about how you were doing, Clay, I honestly feared where you were heading in life. But the gentleness and the kindness that you showed Kip made me realize you still had goodness somewhere inside of you. However small it was, it was there.”

Looking over at the painting and thinking about that day in the field when she stopped me from shooting that cat, I dipped my chin. “I almost killed that cat.”

Katie released my hand and lifted her palms to my face. Turning my head to look at her, she looked into each of my eyes and said, “You almost killed that cat out of love, just like you killed that man out of love for Missy. I know you didn’t mean to kill him that day. You were just protecting Missy. I can understand that, and appreciate it.”

My eyes welled with tears.

“I love you, Clay Roberts. Not because of what you have done, but because of the man you are.” She leaned in and gently kissed my lips.

“Ewwwww . . .” Cindy smacked my leg as she came back over to me. “Stop it! What about Mommy, Dad? What about Mommy?”