THE MAVERICK DOCTOR AND MISS PRIM/ABOUT THAT NIGHT... (29 page)

He wasn’t just talking about her. He was talking about him too.

It was strange. She hadn’t seen any similarities in the things they’d had to deal with—probably because they’d never discussed them. Now they seemed crystal clear.

Two entirely different scenarios, one affecting Evan, both affecting her. The individual effects had been devastating.

And they’d both struggled. Someone else understood. For the first time it felt as if someone else understood.

But would he understand what she had to do next?

“I know what you mean, Evan.” She looked around her. They were nearing the edge of the forest. The denseness of the trees was diminishing. The foliage was thinning out. Even the darkness was fading a little thanks to the moon, high in the sky.

Their journey was coming to an end.

The men were still carrying Hasana between them. They were a little ahead, starting to weave their way through the houses. Shrieks came from the villagers who spotted them and ran to embrace them in relief that they’d been found.

Almost automatically she could hear the level and tone of the voices changing. Discovering the outcome for Hasana’s baby. Then she heard Urbi’s voice above the rest—strong and authoritarian, ordering them to take Hasana and her baby to one of the houses. She heard her speaking to some of the men, telling them to prepare the village burial ground. Hasana, along with many of the villagers, was Hausa and would follow the Islamic burial principles. They would bathe and wrap Bem’s little body and perform a blessing prior to his burial.

She turned to face him. The burial would take place in a few hours. She wanted to wait for that, but then she had to go. She had to leave.

She reached up and touched his cheek.

“Thank you for finding me, Evan. Thank you for finding
us
.”

He knew. He could obviously sense it. The emphasis on that tiny word. He gave her lazy, sexy smile that she loved. “There was always going to be an
us,
Violet. It was written in the stars.”

This was going to be so hard.

The hardest thing she’d done in the past three years.

It would be so easy to step into his arms and forget about the day she’d just had. It would be so easy to chalk up everything that just happened to the stress of the moment.

A reaction.

To allow herself to go back to their camp with him and into his bed.

But she had to be true to herself.

She didn’t want to stumble on for another few months. Enjoying the days and nights with Evan, knowing that there was an inevitability to their relationship. She didn’t want to wait around for the long silences and fights about family.

She had to do this now.

Before the strength left her completely. Her legs were already starting to tremble.

She stared into his eyes and took a deep breath. “You know now, Evan. You know about my daughter. You know about my life.” She paused for a second. “And I know about yours.” She willed back the tears that were pooling in her eyes. “And now I need to do the hardest thing of all.”

His brow furrowed, almost as if a sweep of dread had just come over him. “What is it, Violet? What’s wrong?”

She lowered her eyes and laid a hand on his chest. “I can’t take the final steps with you around me, Evan. I can’t heal. Because you won’t let me.” He looked as if he wanted to interrupt and she shook her head. “You have to let me finish. And somehow I realize you’re not as far along the healing process as I am. You have to find your own way.”

She looked around her. “I thought I was ready. I thought I’d waited long enough—kept myself out of harm’s way. That’s why I spent the past three years hiding in an office at the DPA instead of being out in the field. But being here has taught me that there are still a few steps I have to take.”

She lifted her eyes to meet his. It took all her strength to continue. She could already see the panic start to flare in his eyes. “I have to talk to my family. No. I have to
share
with my family. I have to let them grieve for the niece and granddaughter that they never knew. I have to let them know where I am in this life. I’ve got to stop thinking about them for a little while. I’ve got to stop trying to protect them. And I’ve got to start thinking about me. I need to let them take care of me.”

She could feel her voice start to become more determined. She knew this was the only way forward for her. “And I can’t deal with your grief and mine. It’s too much, Evan. It’s too much for one person to take. I thought I needed to get away from you before. Before I came here. Kissing you that night unleashed a whole lot of demons I didn’t know how to deal with. I was feeling attracted to someone again. I was feeling lustful.”

Her voice dropped. “I wanted to do the kind of things that could get me back in a situation I couldn’t control before. But you’ve helped me. You saw me through that part. I know I can have a relationship again. I know I can feel free to love someone again.”

She drew a deep breath.

“But I can’t do this with you, Evan. I need to be free. Free to finally move on.”

She took a step back and pulled her hand away from his chest. She had to put some distance between them. “You have to take the next step for you. No matter what that might be. And what I really need to do is get away from you. I love you, Evan. But I can’t love you like this.”

He couldn’t hold his tongue any longer. His arms automatically reached out for her and she had to back away. “No, Violet. You don’t need to leave. We can work through this together. Whatever you need to do, that’s fine with me.” He tried to brush his fingers against her cheek. “I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“You’re the one who’s not ready, Evan. You’re the one who’s not ready for me.”

She stepped back even further. She had to stay strong. She loved him, but he wasn’t ready to be with her.

The sorrow in his eyes was killing her. This was hurting them both. She looked straight into his dark blue eyes. She needed him to understand how far this whole experience had taken her. “Never in a million years did I think I’d end up in this position. I would never have set foot on a plane to Africa if I could ever have imagined this. I knew I would be working with children and families. I knew I would be working with babies. But I thought I was ready. I felt ready. I felt as if I was moving in the right direction.”

She threw up her hands. “But a stillborn baby? In the middle of a forest, fleeing from kidnappers? I could never have predicted that. I could never have realized how important to me that could be.”

She wanted to leave him with something positive. She couldn’t bear the haunted expression on his face.

“This wasn’t a bad experience for me, Evan, but it was life-changing. Life-changing in a good way. I’ll never see anything like that again. If I’d stayed in Atlanta I would never have been put in that situation. But I was. And I’m glad. Not glad for Hasana and her son but glad that I was able to be there, able to help. Able to understand. Once I’ve attended Bem’s funeral it will be time for me to go back home. It’s time for me to make my peace, once and for all.”

And then she saw it, the tremble at his throat and the shine of tears in his eyes.

She could only whisper, “Don’t make this any harder, Evan. If you love me as much as I love you, you’ll let me do this.”

And she turned and walked away before her heart could break all over again.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Two months later

H
E
 
WAS
 
WAITING
.
Waiting in arrivals. His dark hair still shaggy, a baseball cap stuck on his head, wearing a pair of jeans and a pale blue shirt.

He didn’t look happy.

Evan heaved his bag over his shoulder and carried his case in his hand, reaching him before he could change his mind and walk away.

“This had better be good. This is the second time in two months someone’s asked me to meet them off a plane. Last time didn’t go so well.”

Sawyer hadn’t changed. There was still that animosity between the two of them that had always been there.

“Did you know? Did you know about Violet?”

Evan shook his head. “I had no idea, Matt. Truly, I didn’t. I only found out when we were over there.”

Sawyer’s eyes ran up and down his body then lingered on his face. Obviously trying to decide if he believed him or not. Finally his shoulders sagged a little. “Well, that’s okay, then.”

He turned toward the exit. “What is it you want to talk about, Evan? We’ve never exactly been friends.”

Evan stomach churned. He wanted to get this over and done with. He should have done this years ago—but Sawyer hadn’t been around.

His throat was dry and his mouth parched. Nineteen hours of travel could do that to you.

A red neon sign caught his eye and he said the last words in the world he thought he ever would. “Sawyer, let’s get a beer.”

Sawyer raised his eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

They waited a few minutes while the bartender got their beers then sat down at a table in the corner of the bar.

“So what’s the story with you and Violet?”

Evan felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. Sawyer was her brother. It was an obvious question. He took a quick swig from his bottle then put it back down on the table. Maybe he should have waited. Waited until he’d drunk a few more of these before talking to Sawyer. “Nothing. I’m not here to talk about Violet.”

“You’re not? What do you want to talk about, then?” Sawyer looked confused.

“Helen.”

“What?”

He looked across the table at Sawyer. He had the same pale green eyes as his sister. It was kind of disturbing.

“I need to talk to you about Helen.”

“You’ve left it kind of late. It’s been six years, Evan.”

“I know exactly how long it’s been.” His words were curter than he’d intended. But he could feel the pressure building in his veins. He had no idea what Matt’s reaction would be.

Sawyer’s finger was running round the top of his bottle. As if he was trying to decide what to say next.

It was now or never.

“Helen told me she wasn’t feeling well.”

Sawyer’s head shot straight up. “What?”

There was no need for any preamble here.

“That day—of the mission—I was checking the inventory and Helen said she wasn’t feeling one hundred percent.”

Sawyer’s eyes fixed on the table. “And what did you do?”

There was silence for a few seconds. He’d started now and he had to finish. No matter what the outcome.

“Nothing, Sawyer. I did nothing.” His finger traced a circle on the table of the wet outline from his bottle. “I have no excuse. I didn’t pick up on it until later. I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t remember what she’d said until it was too late.”

“And you’ve waited six years to tell me that?” The tone in his voice was clear.

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“Sorry would have been a start.”

“You think I’m not sorry? You think I haven’t gone over and over this in my head? That if I’d stopped and asked Helen more questions that day she might still be here, still be married to you?” His voice was rising and heads were turning in the bar.

He ran his fingers through his hair. “I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could go back to that day and that throw-away comment and
stop
. Stop and ask her what was wrong, why she didn’t feel great. If there was anything else. If there was a possibility that she was pregnant.”

Sawyer leaned back in his chair. His fingers hadn’t moved from the top of his bottle. “You think you’re the only one, Evan? The only one who hasn’t gone over that day time and time again, wondering if there was anything different you could have done, different you could have said? Welcome to my life, Evan Hunter.” He picked up his bottle and took a long slug.

Evan hesitated. “Violet said...Violet said you had no idea Helen was pregnant.” He met Sawyer’s eyes. “For a long time I thought you did know. I thought you and Helen might have been keeping the news under wraps. I’m sorry.”

Sawyer stared at him for the longest time. “I know. Violet told me.” He took off his baseball cap and flung it on the table.

“She told you?”

Sawyer nodded.

“What else did she tell you?”

He shook his head. “Only that. I knew there had to be more to the story. But she only told me that you thought we’d kept you out of the loop. She also told me she put you straight.”

Evan felt a little flutter of relief. And he couldn’t help the wry smile on his face at the mention of her name.

Sawyer straightened up. “Let me be frank. I agonized over Helen’s death for six years. She was the light of my life. My reason to get up every day. When I married Helen I truly believed that we would grow old together. That we would end up with a pair of rockers out on our porch.”

Evan smiled. He could almost picture the scene in his head.

He leaned across the table. “The only person I blamed for Helen’s death was me, Evan, not you.
I
should have figured out my wife was pregnant.
I
should have stopped her going on that mission. I should have been able to save her. Not you. Not anyone else. Because I was the person she trusted most.”

The color was building in his cheeks, the blood obviously pumping in his veins. But he stopped and took a deep breath. “But you know what? It’s been six years. And I’ve got past it. I’ve had to get past it. Because there’s a whole other life out there, Evan. And I know that Helen would have been the first person to tell me that.”

Evan listened to the words. Even he could see the change in Sawyer. “Callie?”

Sawyer nodded and took another swig from his bottle. “Callie.”

There was an inevitability about all this. A natural way for this conversation to go.

The tightness that had been in his stomach for the past six years was finally starting to unfurl.

“I didn’t get it, Evan. I didn’t get everyone else’s loss. I was selfish. I was too focused on myself. Then I met Callie and my whole world changed.” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance of something like that again. I didn’t think I’d ever deserve it. Being with Callie has changed everything for me. I’ve got a reason to get up in the morning again.” He paused. There was regret written all over his face.

“When I think about what Violet has gone through on her own I feel so helpless. And so angry at myself. She’s my sister. She needed me and I wasn’t there.”

Evan nodded slowly, raising his eyes. “Kind of angry with you about that myself.”

Their eyes met. In quiet understanding.

And they sat for a few moments in silence.

“About Violet...” Evan started.

“Yeah, about Violet,” countered Sawyer.

“What are we going to do about that?” The words hung in the air between them.

Sawyer took a final slug of his beer and stood up, stretching his back and sticking his baseball cap back on his head. “Guess you’re going to have to stop hating me so much if you’re going to be part of the family.”

Evan raised his eyebrows. “I’ve never hated you, Sawyer.” He stood up too and threw some bills on the table. “I just never liked you much.”

Sawyer threw his head back and let out a laugh. They walked toward the door.

Evan put his hand on Sawyer’s arm. “Violet? Where will I find her?”

Sawyer quirked his lip and touched the peak of his cap. “You’ll figure it out.”