THE MAVERICK DOCTOR AND MISS PRIM/ABOUT THAT NIGHT... (28 page)

Violet was a good doctor—she’d always been a good doctor. But she’d risked her life to stay with this woman. She’d trekked through a forest to keep her, and a baby that she already knew was lost, safe.

Evan’s skin prickled.

No. Not Violet. That couldn’t have happened to Violet
.

Things started to jumble around in his brain. The look on Violet’s face when he’d told her she would be working with the midwives.

He hadn’t been able to place it at the time. Had it been fear?

Violet had seemed so at ease with the young children and the babies. Surely she wouldn’t feel like that if she’d experienced a stillbirth? Surely she would want to run in the other direction?

He racked his brain. He tried to remember all the types of work Violet had covered in the past few years at the DPA.

None had been with children and families. None at all. Had she been avoiding that kind of work?

Other things started to come back. The few things that she’d said in the quiet moments they’d had together.

The fact she hadn’t been ready to have a relationship six months ago. Why hadn’t she been ready? He’d wanted to press her, had wanted to ask, but it hadn’t seemed appropriate.

The fleeting look in her eyes when he’d told her about his friend who worked at Atlanta Memorial. It had the biggest maternity unit in Atlanta.

Was it because she’d had a stillbirth? Was it because she’d had a stillbirth there?

But why would no one know about it? The thought of Violet going through something so heartbreaking made him feel sick.

Was this why he’d never heard of Violet having a relationship in the past three years?

Had she been getting over a stillbirth?

His throat was instantly dry. He couldn’t swallow. He’d been in bed with this woman. He’d spent hours in her company.

Why hadn’t she told him about this?

He hadn’t been able to be around her when he’d thought he was keeping secrets from her. That’s what had made him blurt out something he’d kept deep inside for six years.

He’d had to share with her. He’d had to get it off his chest. Because his relationship with Violet hadn’t stood a chance without him being honest with her.

So why hadn’t she told him anything?

He felt a little fire build inside him. There was more than the personal side here. There was the professional side. He was her team leader.

If a personal event could have affected her ability to do her job out here, he should have known about it.

She should have told him. It should have on her personnel file. Someone should have told him.

Nothing made sense to him.

* * *

Hasana was talking to her husband. She was sobbing and obviously tired and distressed.

Her husband looked over toward Violet and didn’t hesitate for a second, he held out his hands for his son.

Violet held him out with trembling hands and he took him, putting his arm around his wife and the two of them sat together, crying quietly. He cradled his son, stroking his face then looked at his wife. “Bem.” She nodded and put her head on his shoulder as the two of them sat, looking at their child.

Not for Bem the traditional village naming ceremony in seven days’ time. His mother and father wouldn’t have the usual cause for celebration. But naming their baby was still precious to them, and Violet understood that.

Violet could hear the murmurs of the men around her. She heard one of them speak to Evan. “His name—it means peace.”

Violet stood up moved to the edge of the clearing. She wanted to give them space to grieve together as a family, but she also felt as if she was suffocating.

The darkness and heavy air was closing in around her. She was struggling to breathe and she clawed at the loose
buba
shirt at her neck.

“Violet, what’s wrong?” Evan stood in front of her, his wide chest blocking her line of vision. White. He was wearing white. And it cut through the blackness.

His hand touched her cheek, catching a tear with his finger. He pulled her back toward him and cradled her head against his chest, letting her feel the rise and fall of his chest. Her breathing slowed and her panic ebbed. His other reached up and stroked her hair. “You’re safe now.”

And she did feel safe. It was a relief to finally have some other people around her, to share the burden of being alone in the dark forest with a traumatized patient.

To feel the warmth and strength of someone’s arms around her. But the tightness in her chest was spreading. Sobs rose up in her throat.

She’d just witnessed something very precious. Hasana’s husband was grieving for his son as much as she was. He’d held his hands out for his son without hesitation and had looked at him with such tenderness it had broken her heart.

Her daughter had never had that. A father’s love. A father to grieve over her. Blane had sent her a simple card when he’d heard the news. He hadn’t been there to see how precious their daughter had been. How perfect. How beautiful.

He hadn’t touched her little cheek or held her close to his chest.

Not the way Hasana’s husband had for their son.

And it hurt. Just when she thought she was moving on, she realized there was something else to regret about her daughter’s birth.

Evan lifted her chin so she faced him. His eyes were looking straight at her, illuminated by the torchlight around them. His blue eyes were dark, with the gold flecks standing out in the dim light. There was intensity about them she’d never seen before.

And even though she could see a hundred questions in his eyes he didn’t hesitate—he pulled her into his arms and just held her. Held her as if he’d never let her go.

It was as if he knew, for those few seconds, exactly what she needed.

They stood in the darkness like that for a few minutes. She could feel his strong heartbeat beneath his chest. It slowed her and steadied her. Gave her room to breathe. The comfort from his arms felt like the warmest blanket she’d ever been wrapped in.

She wasn’t alone in the forest anymore.

His lips brushed the side of her cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me, Violet?” he whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me about your baby?”

The words caught in her throat. How could he know? How could he know how raw she was feeling? How much she had pent up inside her?

Every muscle in her body was tensed, every hair standing on end.

He looked hurt. He looked upset.

“How, Evan? How can you know that? I haven’t told anyone.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t need you to tell me, Violet.” He ran his finger down her cheek. “It was right here for me to see. I just needed to notice the signs.”

The words hung between them and Violet sucked in a breath. She couldn’t stand the tension. “What about Urbi, the midwife? How is she? Did they hurt her?” She couldn’t stand the thought of that. She couldn’t stand the thought they might have hurt the woman who had tried to warn her. Tried to save her.

Evan shook his head. The obvious change of subject must have hurt him. “She’ll need some stitches. But she’ll be fine. Luke is taking care of her.”

The men started to move, to organize themselves to help carry Hasana back to the village. Her husband still stood with his baby in his arms, his head held high.

Evan pulled Violet over to one side. He kept his arm around her. “I don’t understand Violet. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s such a huge part of your life—so important. Why couldn’t you share that with me?”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t, Evan. I haven’t even told my family.”

He looked horrified. “What?”

“You don’t understand. My mom and stepdad are just so frail. After what happened with Sawyer...” Her voice tailed off and she shook her head again. “Blane and I had decided to split up. I was doing it on my own. They would have been worried sick. And Sawyer, I didn’t know how to contact him.”

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you had to do this alone. You had
no one
with you?”

“I had a few close girl friends. They were fantastic. I couldn’t have asked for more.”

“Yes. Yes, you could. You could have asked for a whole lot more.” There was an edge of irritation to his voice. Frustration about a situation he’d had no control over.

She sighed. “Nothing like that was meant to happen to me. I hadn’t even considered it. I’d had a fairly easy pregnancy and expected to have my baby then let my mom and stepdad know. They would have been delighted. A grandchild would have been the joy to help heal their wound.” She couldn’t help the wistful tone in her voice.

She’d been hoping for salvation for her family—a new start for them all.

All she’d been left with had been a dark, heart-wrenching hole.

The villagers started to move past them. And they had to follow or be left behind in the forest.

Evan reached down and intertwined his fingers with hers. “There’s so much I want to ask you, Violet, but this just doesn’t seem like the time or the place.” He stretched his other arm in front of them. “We’ve got a long walk ahead. I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me about your baby.”

There was such a calm and determined manner about his words. He made it sound so simple. It was like an open invitation. An open invitation to share her daughter with someone else.

It seemed huge. It seemed enormous. No one had ever asked about her daughter before. How could they, when they hadn’t known?

She’d thought she’d put this behind her.

But she’d left the most crucial part of her healing out.

The ability to share.

To share the joy and pain of her daughter.

And now she finally could.

* * *

They walked for a long time. She held up her head as they walked through the dark night. She had the strangest feeling around her.

Relief.

Relief to finally talk about her daughter. Yes, she’d spoken with the doctors and the coroner. Yes, she’d spoken with her friends. But her circle of friends had been so small that after a time she’d felt as if she’d had to stop.

This was entirely different. This was a chance to share with someone she cared about.

Loved.

The word shot out of the dark like a bullet to the brain.

Love? Was that how she really felt about Evan?

He was the first thing she thought about in the morning and the last thing in her dreams at night.

She spent the whole day waiting to see his smile or to feel his skin against hers.

Even when she was mad at him, she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

The man had well and truly got under her skin.

What was the measure of love, anyway? Because, for her, right now, it felt as if there was only one.

Could she share with him about her daughter? The pain, the terror and the hidden parts of joy?

Yes. Yes, she could.

She squeezed the hand that was holding hers. “My daughter’s name was Daisy,” she began.

His step faltered then he gave her a smile. “What a beautiful name.” He nodded knowingly. “A perfect name for a daughter.” They walked for another few steps. “Violet and Daisy. Perfect combination.”

She felt a little swell in her heart. A swell of pride that he appreciated the name that had come to her straight away. As soon as they’d told her that her baby was going to be a girl, she’d known exactly what she would call her.

And it felt good to say her name out loud rather than just look at it on a memorial wall. On a little plaque only she visited.

She took a deep breath. This wasn’t as hard as she’d thought it would be but, then, she’d been so afraid to do this. Maybe it was all about timing. Or maybe it was all about sharing with the right person.

“She was perfect, Evan. There was nothing wrong with her. Full term. No complications. She had fine blond hair and blue eyes. And her skin...it was perfect.” She could see her right then—as if she were right before her eyes. She inhaled deeply, trying to remember her gorgeous baby smell. The silky touch of her unblemished skin. The tiny eyelashes and soft fingernails.

He gave her hand a little squeeze. “She must have taken after her mom, then.”

It felt good. He was helping her give Daisy some perspective. Giving Daisy her place in the world as a permanent part of her.

She heard him draw a deep breath. “The perfect part. Was that the hardest? Because I think that would have been the hardest for me.” In the dark, his words sounded husky, as if he was struggling to get them out.

Wow. The words that cut right to her heart. The hardest thing of all. It almost took the breath from her lungs. How could he understand like that? Was it the doctor in him—or was it just Evan?

“Yes.” Her voice was wavering but she couldn’t help it. He understood. He actually
understood
what the hardest part to get over was. “I wanted a reason. I hated being a statistic, a number. I couldn’t apportion blame anywhere. It made me think about every single thing I’d ever done during my pregnancy, every single thing I’d ever eaten. Every twinge. Every restless night. There was no one left to put the blame on but myself.” She shook her head, her voice drifting off. “It was a normal day. We were planning on a delivery date. It was a routine scan.”

She didn’t need to say the rest. The horror of there being no heartbeat. The ominous silence in the room. The darting looks between the staff. And the crumpled chart in her hand that revealed her baby’s movements. Right up until an hour before.

He released her hand and wrapped an arm back around her shoulders. Then he did something she didn’t expect. He pulled her close and walked with his other hand on her belly.

She could feel it. She could feel it all around them. The way he was trying to comfort her. To be there for her. If she believed in auras Evan would have surrounded them in a green healing glow.

She’d thought the walk back through the forest would be long. She’d thought it would be tough. But it felt as if it was passing in the blink of an eye.

This almost felt cathartic to her.

His voice was quiet, just loud enough for them both to hear it. “I think I would have felt the same. It’s the doctor in you, Violet. You look for a rational, reasonable explanation. When the world is full of ‘don’t knows’ it makes it so much more difficult to move on.”