The Mermaid's Secret (2 page)

I look out at the waves again. A gust of wind churns the surface into a thousand whitecaps.

Not that suffering is a competitive sport, but if there were a family lottery on misery, today I'd be the winner. Today, I'm twenty-three and getting older every day. Kay will be twenty-three forever. From this day forward, I will be older than my older sister. From here on out, I'm the first. I'm the one who gets to experience adulthood, marriage, childbirth, and old age. I'm the one with my whole life in front of me, with all the shimmering hope that implies. I'm the lucky one who gets to do extraordinary things and make a difference in this world.

I'm also the one who gets to fail to live up to my potential, screw up everything I try, push away the people I love, and end up as a huge disappointment to everyone around me. Happy fucking birthday to me.

Sheriff changes the subject. “Are you working for Harold this summer?”

“Tips are good.” I dump a packet of sugar into my coffee and swish it around.

“It's a little late, but I can get you an interview at the park. If you want.”

I sigh. “To do what? Work as a ticket taker for minimum wage? I'll make triple that on the fishing boats.”

“There are good benefits working for the state.”

“Here it comes.” I give him my petulant-child look. I'm good at that one. I've also got I-don't-give-a-crap-what-you-think ungrateful teenager and go-ahead-dare-me-and-see-what-I-do rebel girl down solid.

He's undeterred. “You have to think about the long term, Jess. Are you just going to stay on Ne'Hwas for the rest of your life? There's more opportunity on the mainland.”

“You've been on Ne'Hwas
your
whole life.”

“There's more for you out there.” Instinctively, he points west. “The world is your oyster.”

I rub my temples. “Do you know how corny that sounds?”

He tightens his jaw and he touches the bridge of his nose. “It's not too late to get your degree. You liked biology, remember? You were very good at it, if I recall.”

“Yeah, I like biology, but you can't just take biology. You have to sit through all those other classes, too. I tried it, Sheriff. College wasn't for me.”

“If you're not going to go back to school, you should at least build your résumé working for the state.”

“I don't want a crappy job working at the park. I like working on boats. I like being out on the water. It's the only place I like to be.”

He slaps the table. “It's not always about doing what you like. You can't just party your summer away and hope to get by all winter. You're not a kid anymore. You have to think about your future, Jess. If you put in your time working for the state, you can move through the ranks. It can be your ticket out of here.”

I throw my hands up. “I'm not her, okay?”

His face falls. The very mention of my sister casts him somewhere far away. He puts his coffee down and wipes imaginary crumbs off the table. “I know you're not her.”

Anne-Marie comes over to take our order. “You two ready?”

Sheriff pulls a menu out from behind the napkin dispenser.

“Got a lobster omelet for the special today,” Anne-Marie says.

Sheriff shakes his head, his eyes still on the menu. The slouch in his shoulders has deepened since we've been sitting here.

“I'll have blueberry pancakes,” I say.

“It's her birthday,” Sheriff says, trying to sound cheery, but hitting a flat note instead.

Anne-Marie puts her hands on her hips. “Why didn't you tell me? How old are you now?”

I cringe. “Twenty-three.”

Anne-Marie looks out the window, through all the birthdays that have come and gone. “Ah, to be twenty-three again. Well, happy birthday. Extra whipped cream for you.”

Sheriff concentrates on the menu intently like it's a work by Shakespeare or something, but I can tell his mind is far away from breakfast combos.

Anne-Marie can tell, too. She takes the menu out of his hands. “OJ. Two eggs over easy, bacon, home fries, whole wheat toast. Buttered.”

Sheriff nods. “Thank you.”

I can't bear the weight of my father's grief for another minute. It's like watching a pilot whale beach itself on the sand, giving up on any chance of rescue. Kay was twenty-three when she died in a boating accident two summers ago. She was heading to law school in the fall and had an amazing future ahead of her. Instead, she got in a boat with Trip Sinclair.

It's the tragedy that has come to define my family.

It didn't take long for my mom and Sheriff to start sabotaging their marriage after that. Every time they looked at each other, all they could think about was what they'd lost. Their gifted daughter, the scholarship student, the athlete, the most likely to succeed. The girl who was going somewhere. The good one. The pretty one. All that potential, splattered molecule by molecule into the sea.

My mom finally split after Christmas. Said she was going on a spirit journey. Packed up and caught the ferry west, where she couldn't be pulled anymore by tides or constant reminders of Kay. She hugged me for a long time at the ferry dock. She had a curious look on her face, one I didn't recognize. It seemed like she was holding so much back. She told me she loved me and that she'd see me soon, but that was six months ago. Soon never seems to come.

I don't fault her for taking a break. Believe me, I know what it's like to want to drop everything and run. To escape. That's another thing I inherited from her. But her absence is starting to eat away at both me and Sheriff.

We sit in silence.

“Any big birthday plans tonight?” he says finally.

“Sammy has a party planned. It's supposed to be a surprise, but you know Sammy.”

He throws his head back. Yes, he's known Sammy her whole life. “What tipped you off?”

I think about this for a second. It was strange when she went on a cleaning rampage in the apartment, clearing the bathroom vanity of all her hair products and lotions. She must have originally planned to have the party at our place. It was also very un-Sammy-like to sneak into her bedroom to make phone calls every time we were watching
The Bachelorette.
I mean, she's practically had phone sex with Spencer while sitting right next to me on the couch. The girl doesn't keep secrets.

“She kept insisting that she didn't have plans. That was it,” I say. “She'd bring up the lack of plans, even if I didn't ask.”

“Rookie mistake,” Sheriff says.

“Definitely.”

“Well, have fun,” he says. “No drinking and driving.”

“I know.”

“You can always call me if you find yourself in a situation.”

I give him the you've-got-to-be-kidding look.

“I get it. I'd embarrass you. But season opens today. Things are always chaotic the first week. You have to be extra cautious.”

I look out at the waves again. Season. All of life on Ne'Hwas revolves around that single word. “How many people do you think are blowing chunks on the ferry right now?” I ask.

He looks out the window, too. “Onshore wind. East-southeast. Perfect seasickness conditions. I'd say sixty percent.”

I give him a conspiratorial laugh. “Seventy-five. At least.”

“Now that's one seasonal job you definitely
don't
want.”

“For sure.”

 

T
WO

It's my birthday and the world is my oyster. And all I want to do is run away.

By the time I get to the harbor, the ferries have just landed, and for the first time in ten months there's a traffic jam on Ne'Hwas. Seagulls circle overhead looking for handouts. Diesel chokes the air. The granite walls of the harbor are slick with seaweed.

Slowly, the crowd spills out from the steep gangplanks to the pier and onto the boardwalk—a sea of people dressed in jelly bean pastels and khaki shorts. Tourists hobbled with suitcases, coolers, fishing poles, tennis rackets, golf clubs, blow-up beach toys—instruments of leisure.

They're like a school of bluefish making their way down the docks, blocking sidewalks, slicing through summer, shopping, eating, drinking, playing in one giant whirl of activity.

I decide to wait and let the mob pass instead of fighting against the current.

At the Blue Lobster Grille, I peek at the menu. Same food. New prices. Everything jacked up for the season. Economic Darwinism. The ones most adaptable to change are the ones who survive. Not the strongest. Not even the smartest. The ones who charge twelve dollars for a two-dollar hot dog.

About fifteen years ago there was a red tide that rolled in, shutting down all the beaches. The ferries were empty. Half the restaurants closed shop. Stores folded. People lost their retirements. I was eight, and I still remember how it changed everyone that summer. You could feel the tension in the air. Streets were quiet. Our dependence on tourism was crystallized. All because a tiny change in ocean currents thousands of miles off shore sent a colony of microscopic phytoplankton to Ne'Hwas.

Once the ferry is off-loaded and the crowd thins, I make my way down to Buster's Wharf. I cross a crumbling asphalt lot to the Slack Tide headquarters to pick up my work schedule, since Harold Stantos, my boss, doesn't believe in modern conveniences like e-mail or phones—or health insurance, for that matter.

When I get to the office, Harold is hunched over his ledger, writing columns of numbers. He hands me my schedule for the week and I take a look.

“You've got me on mackerel trips three times this week.” I hold the paper up for emphasis.

“What have you got against mackerel?” he asks.

“Tips suck on mackerel trips.”

“Well, somebody has to run the galley on the
Mack King
. Burgers don't fry themselves,” Harold says, his pen working on columns of numbers.

“Can you put me on the
Dauntless
, instead?” I ask. The
Dauntless
is the hundred-and-six-foot boat, fully outfitted with the newest fishing tackle, sonar, and weather systems. It runs all the way out to Jeffrey's Ledge for deepwater cod and haddock. The
Mack King
is a sixty-five-foot jalopy with a shorter range. It's slow and rusty and heads west into the gulf for the shallow mackerel fishing.
Dauntless
is built for long voyages and holds triple the passengers, thus bringing in triple the tips.

That, and, well, Matthew is the captain of the
Dauntless
.

“You and Jacqueline are the only galley girls. You split trips. If I give to you all the cod trips, Jacqueline will say I'm not fair to her. If I give to Jacqueline all the cod trips, you will complain. Always complaining. I have no choice. I split the schedule.”

“I have more seniority, Harold. I should get the
Dauntless
,” I insist.

“Seniority? Talk to me about seniority when you have fifty years of work on you. When I was your age, all I had was a dream and twenty dollars in my pocket. I left my country and everything I knew. I spoke no English, and you know what I did?”

I've heard this story so many times in the last five summers of working for Harold that I answer it with him: “I (
You
) worked like a dog. Pinched my (
your
) pennies. Kept my (
your
) head and wits about myself (
yourself
). And made my (
your
) own way in the world.”

I finish the statement alone: “Thus proving that today's youth are a bunch of lazy, good-for-nothing slackers who don't know the value of hard work.”

“That's right,” Harold declares, shooting a finger into the air. He sets a box of fishing supplies on the counter, pulls the keys out of his pocket, and slices through the tape. “Stock these.”

“I am
not
working in the shop,” I say. “I'll prep the galley today, but that's it.”

“Don't consider it work. If it's not work, I don't have to pay. Now, no more squabbling.”

I dig into the assortment of bobbers. “It's my birthday, Harold.”

“Congratulations. Stock these, too.” He hands me another box of sinkers and then disappears into the back room.

Five summers of hearing about the shortcomings of America's youth from a grouchy old Greek man has made me fairly immune to insults. But I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love being on the boats. When I'm aboard the
Dauntless
, out of sight of land, in the rush of the Gulf Stream, I feel free. It's the only place where I can breathe without worrying about anything, where tomorrow doesn't matter. They should put that in the tourist brochures.

To appease Harold, I arrange the jigs, bobbers, and sinkers on a scratched Peg-Board, along with hooks, reels, and other tools of annihilation. “This is harassment, Harold,” I yell.

“This is nothing compared to the harassment he gives me.”

I turn to see Captain Matthew Weatherby. He's carrying an engine part in one hand and a greasy rag in the other. Wrenches and screwdrivers stick out of his back pocket. He smiles through his scruffy beard, and I can't help but notice how his eyes crinkle outward like rays of sunshine. I also can't help but notice the
way
he's smiling at me. Like I'm the only person in the room, which I am, but still. I fumble for a sinker and drop one on my foot. “Ouch.”

Matthew sets down the hunk of black metal and runs a hand over my toes. “You okay?” Suddenly I wish I had bothered with a nail file.

“I'll survive,” I say, tucking my unmanicured toes into the gritty floor. “When did you get on island?”

We both stand, and he seems taller than I remember. He's also tan for this early in the season. “Two days ago.”

“Where was it this winter? Florida? Mexico? Jamaica?”

“Gulf of Mexico. Lots of shrimp down there. Lots of sunshine. Endless days at sea. You'd love it.” He grins.