The Millionaire's Redemption (19 page)

“You were able to get the baby seat?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes, I’ve even put it in the car,” he boasted. “I suppose we’ll need the pram?”

“Unless you’re prepared to carry her around we will.”

“I don’t fancy lugging you around all day.” He ruffled the baby’s hair. “You’re a ton weight.”

He carried Lilly down to the car while
Holly
wheeled the stroller. He did everything with such an economy of movement he made it look easy.

Lilly let Justin strap her into the car seat without a murmur of complaint. She would have fought and struggled like a little wildcat if Holly had been doing it.

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the zoo. They parked outside in the shadow of one of the high, red brick walls. It had turned into a warm, pleasant end-of- summer day.

They visited the monkeys first. Justin picked Lilly up out of the stroller and took her over to the cage. She squealed with delight, immediately making a grab for the bars of the cage.

“Hey, you can’t get in there,” he told her laughing. With his hair disheveled by Lilly’s fingers and the breeze, Holly suddenly shivered with trepidation and guilt. She loved him. Was it too soon after Robbie for her to have anything other than the most primitive of urges for Justin?

“Maybe it’s the banana Lilly wants and not the monkey,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t detect the huskiness in her voice.

He laughed. “Yeah, you could be right.”

She felt so confused now. She wanted Justin to take them out somewhere. Now he had, and she felt guilty about enjoying the outing. Robbie wouldn’t condemn her for trying to find happiness again. She must believe that or go stark raving mad.

He had been a generous, kindhearted person, and they had been happy together. Would this happiness have lasted if fate hadn’t stepped in and tragically ended it all?  Their sex life had been satisfying rather than exciting.

I did love you she thought fiercely. I’ll always keep your memory in a special corner of my heart. Her feelings for Justin were different, the love of a woman for a man. With Robbie it had been first love. Poignant, desperately sweet and youthful but tragically blown away by the cruel winds of war, kept alive by memories anointed with the millions of tears she had shed. Justin was here and now, but all she could do was make the most of whatever he offered. She took several shuddering breaths, trying to get herself under control again.

The snakes fascinated Justin but left her cold. “Ugh, you can watch the horrible, slimy things if you like but count me out.”

“It’s the best part of the zoo. You like them, little missie don’t you?”

Lilly chuckled her approval as he held her up against the glass. “Look at the size of that one.” He admired an enormous python as it slithered by.

“Justin, please.” She grabbed his arm. “I can’t stand them.”

“Oh, all right.” He reluctantly moved away. “They’re behind glass. They can’t hurt you.”

“I know, but I hate them. At the orphanage some kid put one in my bed once.” Remembrance sent a shudder through her. “I thought I was going to be bitten and die.”

He picked up her hand and squeezed it. “You don’t have to be afraid ever again, Holly.”

I wouldn’t be afraid of anything if I knew you’d always be around for me, she thought, clamping her teeth together so the desperate words wouldn’t spill out of her mouth. That was the problem, her terrible burden, not knowing whether he would be around or not.

They
visited
the butterflies next. The humidity hit them the moment they entered the enclosure.

“Now this I do like. Some of them are so colorful,” she exclaimed with pleasure.

Justin held Lilly, but she kept reaching out trying to grab hold of the pretty things as they fluttered past.

“No you don’t. You’d squash them.” Laughter added an extra resonance to his voice. His eyes crinkled up with amusement. He was enjoying himself. With all his power and wealth, he had never stopped to smell the roses or enjoy the simple, natural beauty around him.

He slipped his free arm through hers and whispered. “Where to now, my sweet little Holly?” His voice caressed her skin, feather light, but every nerve ending felt it.

“A walk through the aviary would be nice.”

“All right, then we’ll have lunch,” he decided. “I saw a sign earlier, pointing to the restaurant.”

“Sounds good.”

“Nothing there will taste as good as you.” He leaned across Lilly’s head and kissed her. “If we tire her out she might sleep for the afternoon and...” He left the sentence hanging between them intimate, warm with promise, sexually charged.

Her breathing constricted and the heat of desire surged from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.

In the huge aviary, gaudy parrots fluttered overhead squawking to each other, and colorful finches sat on every branch. A cheeky, rainbow lorikeet flew down and sat on a boy’s head. Unfortunately, Lilly’s excited squeal frightened it away.

Outside the aviary,
Justin
strapped Lilly in the stroller. “I don’t think my back could stand carrying her for much longer. She’s as heavy as lead.”

“I know,” Holly conceded.

“I don’t know how a little thing like you can carry her at all.”

“I’m awfully strong,” she flexed the muscles in her arm, “even if I don’t look it.”

He felt a strange pain tugging at his heartstrings once again. Holly liked to think of herself as tough, but she wasn’t. She would always be vulnerable, as emotionally soft as marshmallow. She needed to be looked after, to be cosseted and cherished, and he feared he wasn’t capable of giving her what she needed so desperately. He was afraid he couldn’t give her what the laughing young soldier had. Unconditional love in its purest, sweetest form.

Her hand slipped into his and he automatically squeezed her fingers. Did she have any inkling of his thoughts? He suddenly felt vulnerable because his emotions were affected, his feelings raw for the first time in his life. It scared the hell out of him. That’s probably why he overreacted last night. This exposed nerve added a dangerous dimension to their arrangement. Lilly was an adorable little cherub. He didn’t dislike kids but they wouldn’t fit into the life he had mapped out for himself.

“Let’s get something to eat,” he said gruffly, trying to cover up his turmoil. He had initially believed Owen when he accused Holly of offering him sex. After getting to know her he wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure of anything when it came to Holly. If she ever found out what power she wielded over him... But she wouldn’t, not if he kept his wits about him and stuck to his original plan, hot, commitment-free sex.

The restaurant overlooked a grassy lawn area surrounded by colorful flowerbeds.

“This is lovely, Justin. Thank you for bringing us here.”

“My pleasure, I didn’t think I would enjoy it, but I have. It’s something different from my usual pursuits.”

“Yes, I’ll bet it is.” She smiled mischievously, as if she knew something he didn’t.

“What would you like to eat?”

“Fish and chips,” she answered so promptly he laughed.

She was so childishly sweet sometimes, so uncomplicated and thoroughly decent. She belonged to an era when people were honest, kind and generous, not out for all they could get. Where the hell did that episode with Owen fit in?

He ordered two serves of fish and chips and two coffees. By the time he got back to their table, Holly was feeding Lilly a jar of baby food. He hoped she wasn’t going to breastfeed her here as well. He’d come to look upon her breasts as his own exclusive property. He sure as hell didn’t want some other guy ogling them or, for that matter, any other part of her exquisite, creamy white body.

“Here we are, hot fish and chips,” he said, trying to divert his thoughts from her body.

“Thanks. They smell delicious,” she told him shoveling the last spoonful of custard into Lilly’s hungry little mouth.

“You know, I’ve forgotten how good the simple things in life can be,” he said, blowing on a chip to cool it down for Lilly. “We should do this more often.”

“I’d like that.” She reached across the table and ran her fingers across his knuckles. “I’d like it a lot.”

He glanced into her honest blue eyes. She turned her head away but wasn’t quick enough to hide her innermost thoughts. What he read in them shocked him to the core. His heart slammed against his rib cage. Raw vulnerability cut a swathe through his emotions. Hell, things were moving too fast, careering out of control.

He wanted to put the brakes on, stop this thing between them dead in its tracks, and he could only think of one way to do it.

“When we’ve finished eating, we’ll go. I don’t want Lilly falling asleep until we get back to the apartment. I’m in the mood for a long session of hot sex.”

Sick disgust curdled his stomach as Holly recoiled in shock, her eyes widened with hurt, her pupils darkened to navy. Lips that were only seconds ago turned up and smiling now drooped and trembled. He wanted to grab the ugly words back, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

“Whatever you say.” She couldn’t hide the bewildered hurt in her voice.

She couldn’t believe what he had done. Purposely, callously he had ruined their outing. She felt as if she had been viciously mugged.

Pushing her unfinished food away, she stood up. If she never ate fish and chips again, it would be too soon. They would always remind her of today. Fool that she was to think there could ever be anything more between them than the shoddy deal they had stitched up together. Sex in exchange for a roof over her and Lilly’s head.

Chapter Thirteen

Holly thought she heard Justin’s mobile ring. She certainly heard him curse as he rolled away and picked it up off the bedside table.

“What is it?” she asked sleepily.

“They’ve hung up. Don’t worry, go back to sleep.”

It was still dark. She felt, rather than saw him swing his legs out of bed and stand up. The phone rang again, and he snarled into it. “Devereux. What! Couldn’t it wait? It’s the middle of the bloody night.”

He came back about five minutes later, carrying Lilly. “Sorry, I must have woken her up.” He handed her over. “Some imbecile has stuffed up big time in
Sydney
. I have to get up there straight away.”

“Oh?” She put Lilly to her breast. “Put the light on if you like. Do you need me to pack for you?”

“No, thanks. I’ll throw a few things in an overnight bag. I keep shirts and suits in my office up there.”

“Don’t you have someone else who could go?” She didn’t want him to leave with bad feeling between them. What if something happened to him? 

“It’s important. I’ll have to fix this myself. Look, Holly…”  He sat on the bed and rested his hand on Lilly’s head. “I’m sorry about what I said at the zoo. I can be an insensitive bastard.”

“At least I know exactly where I stand now. For a little while I forgot we had a business arrangement. Foolish of me, wasn’t it?” Gross stupidity if she were brutally honest.

He winced at her bluntness. “We’ll talk about it when I get back. This break might be a good thing, give us a bit of breathing space to sort things out.”

Her heart overflowed with dread. Was this the chance he had been waiting for she thought frantically? An excuse to get away from her? A polite letter in the mail maybe? Services no longer required? Worse still, I’ve found someone else?

She didn’t want to leave him. She loved him, even if he didn’t love her in return. She hadn’t forgotten Robbie. His special corner of her heart would be treasured as long breath remained in her body. They hadn’t spent enough time together. Their marriage had been so short, so sweet, over before it really began. Two lonely people craving love, who had found each other.

What she felt for Justin was different, nothing sweet about it. It was an older, mature love. She had grown up a lot in the last few months, and of course, Lilly couldn’t remember her father. Justin was the only man in her life.

Once he left he mightn’t come back to her like Robbie. Lilly had dropped off to sleep again and she eased the little button mouth away from her nipple. She climbed out of bed and hurried into the bathroom where Justin was having a shave, a towel draped around his hips.

She came up behind him and slipped her arms round his waist. “Don’t leave us behind.”  She rested her cheek against the still damp skin of his back. “We could come with you.”

“I’ll only be gone for a week or so.”

“We could have a holiday. Please.” The ugly words he had said at the zoo slipped to the back of her mind the moment he took her in his arms, but she knew they would rise up to plague her once he left. “I’ve never been to
Sydney
before.”

“I’ll be too busy.” He turned her around and kissed her on the mouth, leaving flecks of shaving cream on her lips. He wiped her face then his own on a towel and gave one of his cute grins. “You’d distract me too much.”

She took hold of his arms. “Don’t go. I’ve got an awful feeling you mightn’t come back.”