The Mind Connection: How the Thoughts You Choose Affect Your Mood, Behavior, and Decisions (4 page)

Insufficient funds can pressure the best of us, but we can weather the storm if we think right during the difficulty. Avoid thinking the worst and try thinking the best.

If you have lost your job, then aggressively look for another job, all the time expecting it to be better than the last one.

If you need money, be willing to work at anything until you are able to do what you truly desire to do. When we resist laziness and apathy, God gets on board and makes amazing things happen. My daughter recently told me a story about a man she and her husband met while getting some bids to do some minor home repairs. The man had lost his job seven years ago, but worked at everything from mowing lawns, to cleaning homes, to minor repairs. He has high-level skills in a specific field, but since he was unable to find employment in that field, he determined that he would work at anything and be thankful to get the opportunities he did get. My daughter was amazed at what a good attitude he and his wife had. They ended up feeling led by God to bless the couple financially in a substantial way, but I am sure if he had been bitter and complaining that would not have happened.

I wonder how many blessings and provisions we miss in life because we simply have the wrong attitude. How often is God merely waiting to see how we respond to difficulty before He moves to help us?

I know how frightening it can be when the month is longer than the money, because Dave and I experienced it several times in our lives, but I can truthfully say that God always came through for us. There were times when we had to do without things we wanted. One time we moved to a smaller and more economical apartment. Another time we cut up our credit cards and lived very lean for over a year in order to pay them off. I believe God is always faithful, but He also watches for our faithfulness in being good managers of what we do have.

Think of ways you can save on expenses instead of thinking about all you may have to do without. Think of all the possibilities in front of you instead of what is behind you. Think of ways you can bless someone else, because what we do for others comes back to us multiplied many times over (Luke 6:38). Instead of living in fear due to the economy, live by faith in God and be assured that He is well able to help you.

We all run into those times when we are not sure that we can continue in a relationship because of the difficulties we experience getting along together. But I recommend that you avoid thinking,
I am giving up on this person; they are never going to change
. The “never” lie that Satan offers us frequently is just that:
a lie
!

Since all things are possible with God (see Matthew 19:26), there is nobody that is beyond change. Of course, people must be open to changing in order for God to work in their lives, but if they are not, we can even trust God to lead them to be open and willing.

This doesn’t mean that we are called upon by God to stay in
abusive or painful relationships, but since God never gives up on us, we should not give up on others.

I never gave up the hope that my father could be saved, and when he was about eighty years old, he did repent of his sins and receive Christ as his savior. I saw a genuine change in him. Many of the years that I was praying for my father, I didn’t even see him very often, but prayer is not hindered by distance.

It is easy to think of all the ways we believe someone else should change and what they should do to make the relationship better, but perhaps we should think more about what we might do to make it better. We always want the other party to change, but we should also be open to letting God show us ways in which we might change. Paul wrote to the Romans instructing them to be adaptable if they wanted to live in unity (see Romans 12:16). It’s good to want peace, but go the extra mile and be the peacemaker. Don’t just think about everything that is wrong with the person you are struggling with, but also think about their good points. How we think in relationships is very important, and right thinking can help make any relationship better.

God has very good thoughts toward you and it is important that you learn to think about yourself in the same way that He does. The Word of God states that two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (see Amos 3:3), and we cannot walk with God unless we learn how to agree with Him.

People in general tend to think about all their faults more than
they do their strengths, but it is much better to consider both. We don’t want to ignore our weaknesses and pretend that they do not exist, but we can become easily discouraged, and perhaps even depressed, if we don’t also consider the good things about ourselves.

The apostle Paul warned us not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to (see Romans 12:3), but he didn’t say we are to think “lowly” of ourselves. Think like this:
I have talents, gifts, and abilities that God has given me, and I am thankful for them. I intend to use them for His glory. I also have weaknesses, but I trust God to show His strength through them. Jesus came for weak people, for those who need Him, and I definitely need Him. I am nothing without Christ, and I can do nothing without Him, but I can also do all things through Him.

Life can get difficult when all we see is everything that is wrong with ourselves and all the things we can’t seem to do right. The devil will remind us of them frequently, and for that reason we need to be well educated in God’s thoughts toward us and meditate on them often.

Yes, life is often very difficult, but it is not too difficult for the man or woman of God. We are equipped to endure, be steadfast, patient, long-suffering, and joyful in those times. Although life is sometimes difficult, let’s not think only of those times. Life is also wonderful, amazing, and an exciting journey, so let’s think of the good times more than we think of the bad, because we always overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21).

• Life does get difficult at times, but we can learn how to navigate those times successfully without losing our peace and joy.

•
Opposition is actually a benefit to us, because it forces us to choose to either use our faith and stand firm in Christ or give up.

• When faced with difficulty, choose to think:
I can do what I need to do because God is with me. This winter season in my life will be over and spring will come.

• If something doesn’t work out, don’t give up and waste months being discouraged or depressed. Just scratch it off your list of possibilities and go on to the next thing.

• During difficult times, avoid thinking the worst and start thinking the best.

I came across a story about an incredible choice the community of Newtown, Connecticut, made after the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School rocked their community in December 2012. It all started with a family that made an important choice.

When Tim and Julie first heard there was a shooting at a local elementary school, they were naturally concerned. Though their two children were safe in other schools, they had friends with children at Sandy Hook.

As the news broke and the gravity of the situation began to settle in, Tim was reminded of the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that… I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

With those words fresh in his mind, Tim got on his computer and designed fliers with the words
WE ARE SANDY HOOK—WE CHOOSE LOVE
.

The message from this simple flier caught on throughout the community. There were even billboards with those words printed on them. The people of Newtown decided to embrace the message. Rather than bitterness or anger, they chose to embrace love and forgiveness in the face of an unspeakable tragedy.
¹

Because of a choice to love, this terrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary was made easier for many of the people. They chose an attitude of love instead of one of hate. I love Dr. King’s statement: “Hate is too great a burden to bear.” How much better the world would be if more people adopted an attitude of love. We have opportunities on a regular basis to hate, but we may also choose to love. This ability to choose is what makes us free. One right choice can bring multiplied blessings and joy to countless numbers of people, and likewise, one wrong choice can bring pain, tragedy, and untold misery.

The people whose children attended Sandy Hook chose love and restoration, but so many others choose hatred, destruction, and recklessness:

But even in the midst of great suffering, good choices can be made. Consider that:

The power of choice is quite amazing and has far-reaching effects. We should all give more serious thought to the choices that we make and the impact they have.

Choosing to live with a good, godly, positive, loving attitude is something that hopefully each of us will do. We should not bounce back and forth between good and bad, godly and ungodly, positive and negative, and love and hate. As God’s Word says, “Choose life” (see Deuteronomy 30:19). Choose what will produce life for you and all of those whom you influence throughout your life.

Famed tenor Luciano Pavarotti recalled that his father gave him some very wise advice regarding the power of choice. When Pavarotti was young, he worked diligently under the tutelage of Arrigo Pola to develop his voice. However, he also enrolled in a teachers college, not sure if music would pan out as a career. Upon graduation, Pavarotti was unsure which career to pursue—music or teaching.

He asked his father, “What should I do? Should I sing or teach?” His father replied with these words: “If you try to sit on two chairs, you will fall between them. For life, you must choose one chair.”

Even though it took him several more years of continued practice and hard work before he made his first professional appearance, Luciano Pavarotti never regretted his decision to pursue music wholeheartedly. He would say later in life, “Commitment, that’s the key. Choose one chair.”
³

Luciano was choosing a career and we are choosing an attitude to live with, but the principle is the same. It is unwise to
be content to have a good attitude only when things are to our liking, and then transition to a bad attitude when they aren’t. It takes no courage or real strength to have a good attitude when things are good, but to maintain one throughout life no matter what our circumstances are, that takes a strong commitment.

It is exciting to me to know that I can choose my attitude. My gender is chosen for me; I have no choice in my eye color, my height, and many other things, but my attitude is something I can choose. Good thoughts always precede a good attitude, and we cannot have one without the other. A good attitude makes life seem good even if it is difficult. People may wonder how you could possibly be happy with the troubles you have, but your secret is simply maintaining a good attitude. An attitude that says things will be made right in the end. An attitude that is hopeful when others are giving up.

You may be thinking,
Well, that sounds nice, but it is very hard to do
. Actually, it is harder on us to have a bad attitude than a good one. I watched my father have a bad attitude all of his life, and he was one of the most unhappy and miserable human beings I ever knew. His inner thought life and the resulting attitude left him with a continual scowl on his face. Even when he answered the phone with “Hello,” he sounded as if he was irritated that he had to do so. Not everyone with a sour attitude is as negative as he was, but to have one at all is never productive.

Our attitude actually affects our posture and facial expressions. Let’s say that someone we will call Ruth needs to clean her house on Monday, but she doesn’t want to do it. It is actually foolish to have a bad attitude about something we have to do anyway. As long as we are going to do it, why not do it with a good attitude so we can find some joy in doing it? But Ruth had not come to that realization yet. She had the habit of letting her thoughts and emotions run rampant and control her attitude.

Ruth cleans, but she does it with a disgusted look on her face and with her shoulders slumped over, clearly expressing her dislike for the task at hand. All day she thinks about how hard she is working and how she wishes she could be out with friends having a good time, or lying on the sofa watching television.

Ruth had a spacious and beautiful home that she should have been expressing gratitude to God for as she cleaned. She could have been enjoying all the nice things God had provided for her, but she was blinded by her bad attitude and self-pity. Her mood got worse as the day went by, because attitudes and moods are connected. By the time her family got home, she was so upset that she began to find some fault with each family member. She told her husband that he didn’t help her enough, even though he had a job that required a lot of him physically. She told her son that he was always messy and only made more work for her. Her daughter was chastised for not trying harder in school. Even the dog got into trouble for getting water on the floor while trying to drink!

I well remember days like this when I let a self-centered, self-pitying attitude ruin my day and cause me to be cranky with my family. I can assure you that whatever I have to do to maintain a good attitude now is worth it. It is easier on my health and everyone around me, as well as making life enjoyable.