The Mum-Minder (4 page)

‘Hello, Mr Inspector Man. I've come to work with Mummy.'

‘Well. Just for today,' said the Inspector, picking her up too.

Gemma's mum winked at me. It looked like it was going to be OK after all.

‘How would you like a ride in my police car, eh?' said the Inspector.

‘Me too, me too, me too!' said Vincent, tugging at the Inspector's trouser leg.

Clive let out a long, loud wail from his carrycot.

‘He's practising being a police siren,' I said.

The Inspector looked at me.

‘You're not one of the babies,' he said.

‘I should think not,' I said indignantly. ‘I'm here to keep them all in order.'

‘I'm glad to hear it. It looks as if it's going to be some undertaking,' said the Inspector. ‘We'd better give you a bit of authority.'

He found me a policewoman's hat and a special tie and a big badge.

‘There we go. Now you're head of my Child Protection Team. What's your name?'

‘Sadie. Sir,' I added, and I gave him a little salute.

‘I'm glad you've reported for duty, WPC Sadie,' he said. ‘Right, I'll give you your orders. Quieten the baby. Wipe the little boy's nose – my trousers are getting rather damp. And take these two little treasures from me so I can give you a proper salute back.'

Gemma jumped down happily enough but Sara screamed when I tried to take her.

‘Dad-Dad!' she insisted furiously – and that poor nice-after-all Inspector had to carry her around all day long.

We had a wonderful time. The Inspector really did take us out in a big police car. He wouldn't go very fast but he did put the siren on
just for a second. That was another mistake. Vincent made very loud police-siren noises all day after that, and Clive did his best to accompany him.

We had Coke and crisps back in the police canteen and then, when Gemma's mum had to do some work, the Inspector took us to see a great big police dog. Gemma didn't like him and Vincent was a bit worried, but Sara laughed and patted him.

‘Yes, nice doggy,' said the Inspector.

‘Nice Dad-Dad,' said Sara.

She's dead artful, my little baby sister. Like I said, she insisted on staying with the Inspector, even when he had to parade some policemen and inspect some prisoners in the cells. Sara smiled all the time and the policemen and even the prisoners smiled back.

Gemma and Vincent were both getting a bit restless – and baby Clive was very restless indeed. I was tempted to leave him in one of the prisoners' cells, but one of the canteen ladies plucked him up in her arms and started cooing at him. She gave him a little lick of her special syrup pudding and it sweetened him up considerably.

I left Clive with the canteen lady and played prisoners with Gemma and Vincent, and a friendly policeman showed me how to take their fingerprints with wonderful gungy black ink. Vincent particularly enjoyed the procedure. He didn't just put his fingerprints on the pad. He put them on his knees and his nose and the desk and even up the wall.

The friendly policeman had to carry him off to be scrubbed. I paraded Gemma up and down the corridors and into the control-room and another friendly policeman showed us how to work his computer so that lots of squiggly green information flashed up on the screen. Gemma thought it was better than television and sat on his lap and had a go at pressing all the buttons herself.

I left Gemma with that friendly policeman and went to see what my fellow policewoman was up to. Gemma's mum was in the front office seeing to members of the public. She let me stand up on a box and see to them too. We took particulars of a stolen purse and Gemma's mum showed me how to fill in a crime sheet. She said I did it very neatly. I think it's all the practice writing in this diary. I've been writing and writing and writing today since we got back home.

Mum's in bed. Sara's in bed too. She was still saying Dad-Dad as she drifted off to sleep. That Inspector says he's not her Dad-Dad but perhaps he could be a sort of uncle and come and visit her some time.
He's not a bit frowny and fierce when you get to know him. I think I'll maybe go and work full-time for him when I'm grown up.

US GIRLS DIDN'T
really stick together today. But it didn't matter. We still had a lot of fun. And Mum had another day in bed. She said if only she didn't feel ill it would be Absolute Bliss.

Vincent's mum looked as if she was undergoing Abject Torture. She came to collect us all with Vincent's dad. He was tall and twinkly and as soon as she spotted him Sara tried her Dad-Dad trick. It didn't work this time.

‘My
dad,' said Vincent fiercely, and when Sara tried to crawl up Vincent's dad's smartly suited trouser leg, Vincent gave her a shove so that she sat down with a thump. I don't think it hurt because her bottom's well padded with nappy, but she yelled a lot.

Vincent's dad just tutted, but Vincent's mum was horrified and told Vincent that he was a very naughty, unkind little boy and he mustn't push little girls over.

Vincent screwed up his face and looked as if he'd like to push his big mummy over. We all went to the railway station to catch the train to London. Vincent's mum and Vincent's dad and Vincent and Gemma and Clive and Sara and me. We had the double buggy and we'd started off with Vincent and Clive strapped in, Gemma holding Vincent's mum's hand, and me carrying Sara. Vincent's dad didn't seem too keen to hold or carry anyone so he just pushed the buggy.