The Name of This Book Is Secret (29 page)

^*
T
HAT SAID, NOT ALL ALCHEMISTS ARE QUACKS OR CRIMINALS
. C
HEMISTRY BEGAN WITH ALCHEMY
. P
SYCHOLOGY, TOO
. S
IR
I
SAAC
N
EWTON
—
THE MAN WHO DISCOVERED GRAVITY
—
WAS AN ALCHEMIST
. S
O WAS THE MAN WHO INVENTED MODERN MEDICINE
. N
EXT TIME YOU GO FOR A CHECKUP, ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF HE OR SHE BELIEVES IN ALCHEMY
. I
F THE ANSWER IS NO, TELL YOUR DOCTOR TO GO INTO ANOTHER BUSINESS
!
(back to text)

^*
S
ERIOUSLY
—
IS THAT WHAT MAKES SOMETHING FUNNY
? T
HE THREAT OF DEATH
? M
AYBE
. B
UT HERE
I
THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH THE SPECIAL UNDERSTANDING THAT EXISTS WHEN TWO PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE
—
AN EXPERIENCE THAT IN THIS CASE WAS VERY DANGEROUS AND QUITE UNIQUE
. N
OT ENOUGH FOR ONE, JUST RIGHT FOR TWO, AND TOO MUCH FOR THREE
—
SOMETIMES SHARING A JOKE IS JUST LIKE SHARING A SECRET
.
(back to text)

^*
W
HEN YOU TAKE OVER THIS CHAPTER, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY REWRITE THAT LAST SENTENCE TO READ
, “T
HERE ARE LEVELS OF CRUELTY OF WHICH EVEN
I
AM NOT CAPABLE
.” T
EACHERS DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU END SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS LIKE OF OR IN
. T
HEN AGAIN, YOU SHOULDN’T BE SHOWING THIS BOOK TO YOUR TEACHER ANYWAY
.
(back to text)

^*
T
HE LEGEND CONCERNED A
B
UDDHIST MONK WHO KEPT FALLING ASLEEP WHENEVER HE TRIED TO MEDITATE
. T
HIS MONK GOT SO FRUSTRATED THAT HE EVENTUALLY CUT OUT HIS OWN EYELIDS
. (I
KNOW
—
OWWW
!) A
CCORDING TO THE LEGEND, THE WORLD’S FIRST TEA BUSHES GREW IN THE SPOT WHERE HIS EYELIDS FELL
. A
ND THAT IS WHY, TO THIS VERY DAY, DRINKING TEA HELPS PEOPLE KEEP THEIR EYES OPEN WHEN THEY’RE TIRED
.
(back to text)

^*
I
F YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DECIPHER A KEYWORD CODE YOURSELF, CHECK THE APPENDIX
.
(back to text)

^*
S
EE
, I
WARNED YOU ABOUT ENDINGS
.
(back to text)

^*
A
PPENDIX USUALLY MEANS
“
SMALL OUTGROWTH FROM LARGE INTESTINE
,”
BUT IN THIS CASE IT MEANS
“
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ACCOMPANYING MAIN TEXT
.” O
R ARE THOSE REALLY THE SAME THINGS
? T
HINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU INSULT THIS BOOK
.
(back to text)