The Next Door Boys (37 page)

“Leigh?” Brian's voice in the stillness of the evening made me jump.

“I just want to be alone for a while, Brian.” My shoulders slumped as I stopped and turned to face him. His expression held only concern. He continued to walk toward me and started pulling me into a hug.

“I don't need…” I started to push him away. My tears were coming back. It would just be worse, having someone try to comfort me from something I should have understood.

“I do.” He whispered in my ear as he put both arms around me and held me tightly. He didn't move. After a moment or two, I finally relaxed. I buried my face into him and pulled him toward me as hard as I could. I dug my fingers into his shirt, clenching it with my fists and keeping him close.

“I knew, I already knew… “I cried into his chest.

“No. You couldn't have known, Leigh. Not really.” His hand ran softly over my hair again and again.

I stood there, Brian's arms around me tightly, my face pressed into him. He felt different holding me like that. Like he had in the backyard. Part of me never wanted to move. Part of me wanted to stay pressed against Brian until the pain in my chest subsided. The other part, the stronger part, wanted to be alone with my frustration. I felt stupid for feeling so hurt, for being so surprised over my feelings of loss. “Thanks. I'll see you at home.” I couldn't look at him. I turned, letting my arms slide off of him, and started walking. I hated walking out of his arms, but I needed it. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to feel alone.

I walked down the dimly lit sidewalk toward home. The noise of the cars gave me a welcome distraction.

I thought I'd been at peace with my inability to experience what Julie just had. Watching her growing belly and feeling the little girl kick inside of her had been more sweet than I thought possible. As I walked, I felt a loss. To make it worse, it seemed like I felt a loss that I shouldn't have been feeling.

I kept going, one foot in front of the other, the noise and the actions slowly numbing me from what I didn't want to feel.

When I reached my driveway, I saw a small group gathered on the back porch. I didn't look close enough to see who.

“I'm fine. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.” I said it just loud enough for them to hear. I waved once and stepped into my apartment. My legs were tired from the walk, but not weak. It felt good. I'd gotten stronger. I pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with cool water from the fridge. The only light in my apartment seeped in from the outdoor lights through the windows.

Someone knocked at my door. I debated whether or not to open it. I heard another soft knock. I sighed and pulled it open. The pain in my chest was too acute for more sympathy. I knew it would put me over the edge.

“I lied to you about something,” Brian said. I could barely make out his face in the dark. I stopped breathing.

I felt my forehead pull together in confusion.

“I watched you sleep.” He handed me over a simple black folder.

I stared at the folder in my hands.

“I hope you don't mind.”

“Um…” I didn't know how to respond. I almost stepped into him and buried my face against him again, but I didn't. I stood, frozen.

“Good night, Leigh.” He went up my small flight of stairs in two easy steps.

“Night.” I stood in my doorway and watched Brian start back to his house. I felt a pang of sadness as he walked away. I wondered if there was any way he felt the same. I stood there, almost willing him to walk back to me, but nothing changed.

I closed the door, walked to my room, and sat on the bed. What had Brian given me? He lied about something? I opened the folder. The tree, the one Brian drew, the one I'd admired in his room the night I put Nathan to bed. My chest lightened at the thought of that night. I touched the edges of his sketch. Light reflected on the leaves and trunk, casting patterns as intricate at the branches. It reminded me of the day I'd sat on the ground and asked Brian about his tattoos.

I picked the drawing up and set it on my desk. Underneath it, on the next sheet of paper, my face rested, soft and peaceful in sleep. My hair spread across my pillow except for a small strand across my face. The sketch showed pure peace. It held all of my favorite things about myself: my hair, my cheekbones, my lips. But mostly peace. Instead of feeling intruded upon, I felt flattered that he'd take the time. I set the picture on top of the tree.

The next sheet showed Nathan and I sleeping on the hammock, his small body pressed against mine, his head resting in the crook of my arm. That answered the question of how long I'd slept. I must've been out for a while. I was in awe of Brian's talent. The sketches were simple, but the emotion was plain. I set the three drawings on my sewing table so I could see them from my bed. I lay down and prayed for sleep. Everything else felt like too much of a mess, and I prayed only that my head would be empty. It worked.

thirty-four

I woke up to thumping on the floor above me. I rolled over, confused. The owner of our house had moved out. I sat up quickly. Brian was moving in. What an exciting day for him. His life seemed to be coming together in such a good way—Nathan, his house… I put my hair in a ponytail, threw on a T-shirt and jeans, and headed out to help.

I walked around to the front. I'd never been upstairs before. I almost ran into Brian on the porch. He stopped. I stopped. Like we were afraid to be too close to each other. Or maybe just me. My heart thumped in my chest.

“The drawings.” It came out before a conscious thought or something to follow it up hit me. I had to say something to him. The embarrassment from my overreaction yesterday was weighing on me.

“I'm sorry.” He looked down.

I reached out with my fingers and let my hand slide down his arm. “No. Don't be sorry. They were… amazing.” The emotions of peace and flattery from last night came back to me.

“Only a few more loads!” Stuart slapped Brian on the back.

I jumped in response. Where had he come from?

“Just a sec!” Brian watched Stuart run down his front steps. His face was unreadable, though I had no idea what I was looking for.

“Oh, good! Leigh!” Megan's voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Yeah?” I spun around.

“My sisters are on their way down—to be fitted?”

“Oh, crap.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I forgot. I need a few more minutes of sewing time.” I looked back down the hall, but Nathan had disappeared.

“Watch out!” Stuart called as he walked up the stairs with a large box.

I jumped out of the way. “I gotta run.” I started for the stairs.

“You're still sewing, and the wedding is…” Brian's mouth pulled up at the corners.

“Less than a week!” Megan danced a little at that acknowledgment.

“And you're doing fittings?” Brian stopped and stared at me. “Are you going to be able to sleep between now and then?” He tried to chuckle, but his forehead wrinkled with worry.

“Guess we'll find out,” I shrugged. I'd been too busy with school to put the time into the wedding sewing that I should have. “I guess I'll see you soon, Bri.” I wanted to step toward him but couldn't make my legs do it. It was so confusing, feeling this tense sort of butterfly feeling with him.

“Thanks, I…” He leaned toward me like he was going to take a step but hesitated.

Jaron came up the porch steps, his arms wrapped around yet another box. “We're close now, Brian!” He let the box slide to the floor. I jumped when it hit. “Don't worry, just clothes.”

“Um…” I looked from Jaron back to Brian. “You can send Nathan down if it gets too chaotic in here.” Scattered boxes, random dinosaurs, trucks, and books of Nathan's littered the floor.

“Does that apply to me too?” Brian asked, hope all over his face.

“Fittings… with girls…” I shook my head as I stepped off the porch.

“Oh, right.” I heard him behind me.

I walked away, both a little sad and a little relieved that I wasn't able to talk to Brian more. I wanted my head in a sewing project. Brian was too much to think about—all the blurry lines and suddenly not knowing how I felt and definitely not knowing how he felt. I laughed a little as I opened my apartment door. Brian probably thought of me as a kid sister, just like Jaron. I was making too much out of his nice gestures.

“We're here!” Megan called from the doorway.

“Watch it!” Another girl's voice from the living room.

“Seriously! Give me some space!” Megan's sisters did not share Megan's steady disposition.

“I'm almost ready for you!” I yelled from my room. Lauren's dress was ready to be fitted. Andrea's was close—just the zipper left.

“Me first!” Andrea burst into my room. Megan's sisters also did not share her quiet, friendly demeanor.

“Sorry, your sister's first.” I shrugged. Megan was enthusiastic in a good way—fun and outgoing. Her sisters were loud to the point of me probably needing Advil.

“In your face!” Lauren pointed to her sister as she stepped into my room.

I let a long breath out. It would be an interesting afternoon. I heard more banging around upstairs and Nathan's feet running back and forth. I really wanted to be up there. Chasing Nathan and helping him set up his room seemed like more fun than being stuck in my apartment with Megan's sisters, even though I was sewing.

“Knock, knock.” Brian's voice called from outside my door.

“Everyone's decent!” I hollered, remembering my warning from earlier in the day.

Brian opened the door and took one step inside. I sat cross-legged on the floor of the living room, pinning the bottom of Andrea's dress as she tried to stand still. She kept jerking to one side or the other as Megan and Lauren spoke behind her. Brian's appearance had her body in a half twist as she stood to see him better.

“I'm headed to Bombay House. Have you eaten?” He looked at me.

“A bowl of cereal.” My shoulders relaxed, and I took the pin out of my mouth. “I will love whatever you bring, thank you.” I needed a chance to spend time with Brian again, just the two of us. I had to start sorting out what I felt.

“See you in a few.” He waved and walked out.

“He's hot,” Andrea said.

I resisted the urge to stick her with a pin. I stuck it in her hem instead, almost stabbing my finger in the process. “He's too old for you.” I didn't even look up.

“Leigh?” She leaned down, jerking the fabric out of my hands… again.

“Andrea.” I didn't try to mask the irritation in my voice. “I need you still.”

“Could you take the neckline down, just a little?”

“I heard that!” Megan called from her room.

Andrea ignored her sister, “Could you? I feel like a little girl in this. I want to look older.”

“Definitely not.” Again, I kept my eyes on my work.

“Knock, knock again. I have food!” Brian's voice came from outside the door.

“Just a sec!” I had just finished marking Andrea's dress. I jumped up. Brian drove fast. I wanted to get to the door before Andrea came back out of my room in her normal clothes.

Lauren flipped through channels on my couch. “It's that cute guy again, isn't it?” She sat up straighter and looked toward the door.