The Nights Were Young (19 page)

              He looked away and frowned. “How can you tell me what I do is wrong, when you can’t even stand up to your mother for what makes you happy?”

              “Travis…”

              Marie’s mother stepped out of the car. “What’s going on?” she demanded harshly.

              Marie didn’t turn around to face her. “You remember Travis, Mom?”

              “Yes I do,” her mother said. 

              “Nice to see you Mrs. Wrangler,” Travis said. 

He held up his palm and waved.

              Marie’s mother did not return the greeting. “It looks like you’ve had a rough day, Travis. You should probably head home.”

              Marie closed her eyes.  Even if her mother knew what he went home to, she would still send him away. 

“Is that what you want?” Travis whispered to Marie.  “You want me to leave?”

              She looked at him helplessly.

              “Come with me,” he whispered. “We can go anywhere you want.”

              She hung her head. She couldn’t look him in the eye. “No.”

              He shook his head.  He moved closer to her and put his forehead against hers. “Don’t choose this, pretty girl,” he whispered.  “Don’t choose to be lonely for the rest of your life.” 

He took one last look at her mother, then got into his truck and sped off out of the neighborhood.

              Marie turned and stood cowardly in front of her mother, who glared in return. 

“Help me with the groceries,” her mother ordered in a low tone, and then she got back in her car and left Marie at the bottom of the hill. 

              Marie took a deep breath.  The day felt colder.

XXI

Marie set the last sack of groceries on the kitchen counter. 
Her mother was silent as she took things out of their bags and placed them neatly in cabinets.  Marie stood against the counter, waiting for her to say something; she was certain that her mother had something to say.

              “You know you’ll have to get rid of those flowers,” her mother said. 

              Marie glanced at the flowers Travis had given her.  They lay dry on the kitchen table. She finally spoke. “Why?”

              “Your father is allergic,” her mother said, and she kept busy putting away groceries, kept moving as to not look Marie in the face. 

              “When did he become allergic to
flowers
?” Marie asked abruptly.

              “He’s allergic to lilies,” her mother said louder. “He has been since the day he was born.”

              “No he’s not,” Marie defied.

              Her mother slammed down a can of soup on the counter.  Her fingers gripped it tight; Marie could see a vain in her hand straining under the pressure. “Don’t start, Marie.”

              “I’m not starting anything.  Look at me.”

              Her mother looked up with angry, cold eyes. 

              “Is he allergic to lilies?” Marie asked.

              Her mother glared at her for moments that Marie barely endured.  She was lying, and Marie was sure of it. 

“It doesn’t matter,” her mother said.  “There’s no place for them here.  Throw them away.”

              Marie hung her head and looked at the flowers. “You don’t even know him,” she said under her breath.

              “What was that, young lady?” her mother raised her voice.

              “You don’t even know him,” Marie said louder.

              “Don’t you dare raise your to voice to me.” Her mother was stern, but Marie could sense something else about her; she seemed afraid. 

              “Why do you hate Travis so much?”

              “I don’t hate him,” her mother said.  “I hate that you’re choosing him.”

              “But you don’t even know --”

              “I don’t even know him?  Is that right?  Marie, I know him better than you do.  He’s the boy who got suspended for fighting right?  The fight that he got you involved in?”

              “He was protecting me.”  Marie’s blood pumped faster, and her hands were shaking.

              “Maybe that’s what you think, Marie.  What about his face today, huh?  Did he get into another fight?”

              Marie looked to the left and right for words that did not come.

              “I know what boys like that are like Marie.  Trust me, I knew a boy from my high school that was just like Travis. He was the rebel, too, and I felt the same way about him that you do with this one. But you know what? Turns out all he was, was a…”

              Her mother looked away towards the window.

              “Was a what?” Marie asked.

              “I thought I was in love once, too, Marie.”

              “I’ve never said anything about love.”

              “Good,” her mother said fast. “Because you’re just a passing fling for him. You’re both just passing flings for each other.”

              “For the last time, Mom, you know nothing about him.”

              “Ms. Halliway talks about him.  She said you two hang around each other in the halls. And I always let it slide, always, because I thought my daughter was too good to talk to some second rate person like him. But it turns out she’s right!  You know what she’s told me about him?”

              “I don’t care what she’s said about him,” Marie sighed.

              “That’s fine, but I do, and I know I don’t want my daughter steering her life in the same direction as the trailer trash who can’t seem to stay out of trouble.”

              Marie’s mouth opened in surprise, though she didn’t know why it had surprised her that her mother called Travis what everyone else called him.  

“Plus… I don’t think it’s right of you to lead him on,” her mother continued.

              “What does that mean?”

              “I haven’t seen that necklace before.  Did he give that to you?” her mother asked, sharply eyeing the chain around Marie’s neck.

              Marie grabbed at the music note charm hanging from the chain. “Yes.”

              “Then he must like you a lot to buy you something like that.”

              “What’s your point, Mother?”

              “Are you planning on being with him for a while, or do you want one of the schools you’ve applied to?  You’re going to be moving away Marie, so why bother wasting your time with this boy when there’s no future with him?”

              Marie was furious, and the desire to scream was boiling in her.  She wanted to say everything she had done with Travis just to see her mother further upset.  She wanted her mother to cry, to apologize, and see the world in any other way than she saw it.  Her mother was hard and cold, and there were no emotions in her other than those she forced.  Marie stared out the window into the grey sky, and her mother went back to putting away groceries. She didn’t know why she asked it, but she did. “Are you even happy with Dad?”

              Her mother froze. “What kind of question is that?”

              “Are you?”

              Her mother closed the cabinet door and folded her arms. “I am very happy with your father, Marie.  I love him.”

              “Do you?  Or do you just love that your life is safe and comfortable since he’s bringing in a good paycheck?”

              Her mother remained still.

              “I mean,” Marie continued, “you hardly talk to each other, even when you’re in the same room…”  Marie stopped.  She could already hear the words she was going to say and felt the dread of their consequences. “Do you think he even really loves you?”

              Her mother’s eyes widened and her body tightened.  She stared at Marie for seconds.  Her expression was furious, but her eyebrows curved and her mouth dropped into a frown – she was hurt.  Before her expression broke further, she turned her back on her daughter and opened the cabinets to move around more things that did not need moving.   

              “I’m sorry, I --” Marie started.

              “Go away,” her mother said with a shaky voice.   

              “Mom, I didn’t mean --”

              “Get away from me.  Go.”  Her mother screamed with a hoarse voice.

              Marie picked up the flowers, and she wanted to leave but something kept her there. “His mother…”

              Marie’s mother sighed and put her hands on the counter. She slouched; Marie had never seen her mother so physically uncomfortable.

              “His mother is really bad to him,” Marie said. “Travis, Mom. His mother is really bad to him. I think she drinks all the time, and he… look, Mom, I don’t know what to do about it.”

              Her mother burst out in a quick laugh. She turned around, and Marie could see she had been holding back crying. Her eyes were red and a few tears stained her cheeks. She looked at Marie, stern and desperate. “You shouldn’t do anything, Marie,” she said. “That’s his life, not
your
life. That’s not
your
problem, and if it comes to it,” her mother paused and cleared her throat, and she spoke low. “I will do everything in my power to make sure it stays that way. Do you understand?”

              Her mother walked forward and put her hands on Marie’s shoulders. “I love you, Marie, and I’m doing this to protect you. You
will
eventually leave this town, do you understand me? And he’s not going, so what are you doing? Think about that… what are you doing, Marie?”

              Marie looked away from her. Her stomach felt sick, and she didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to see her mother like this, and for the first time she wished she had never started any of this. She softly pushed her mother’s hands off of her and left the kitchen.

              Upstairs, Marie put the flowers on her bed.  There were tears in her eyes as she looked in the mirror, holding the music note between her fingers. 

What am I doing?
she thought. 

She would be leaving eventually, just like her mother said, and Travis would not be going with her. 

What am I doing?
 

Travis had problems, but Marie had allowed them to continue.  How many nights had she let him drive away after swigging for hours from his booze-filled water bottle? 

What am I doing?
 

Maybe her mother was right.  Being with him felt right, but was there truly a future there?  Could she spend the rest of her life with him if it came to that choice?  It would be difficult.  Her world, the world of her mother, was a world not meant for people like him; it was the only world Marie had known.  Travis lived somewhere else, somewhere wild and boundless, and Marie could not see herself surviving in such a place.  She felt passion for him, but even from the beginning her logic had been against it, and she felt the logical weight heavier now than it had ever been since she had seen him for the first time in the cafeteria.  He was a dream, and come the time that she would leave Crossfalls she would wake up.  Her mother was right. 

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” she said.

XXII

Hands moved over Marie’s eyes, and she could not see.
 

              “Guess who?” Travis whispered.

              Marie sighed.  She turned around and he lowered his hands.  They were in the parking lot at school, walking towards the building.  It was Monday, and class would start any minute.

              “What happened?” he asked.  “I’ve been texting you all week.  Did you get any of them?”

              “Yeah, I just… had a lot of stuff to deal with,” Marie said. 

              “Was your mom mad?”

              “We fought.” Marie thought back to the weekend.  Her mother had avoided her, and Marie never apologized. “Don’t worry about it.”

              “Okay,” he said. “You want to hang out tonight?  It’s been a while, if you know what I mean.” He grinned.

              “I can’t,” she answered. “I’ve got stuff I need to work on.”

              Travis was surprised.  He shook it off and leaned in closer. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.  “What’s up?  You can tell me.”

              “Nothing’s wrong,” she said.  “I’ve just… got a lot on my mind right now.”

              “You mean about us?”  His tone was defensive.

              “Don’t worry about it, Travis.”

              “Alright, whatever.  I just noticed that you weren’t wearing the necklace, that’s all.”

              Marie touched the spot on her chest where the necklace would have been.  It was in her bedroom.  She had taken it off and placed it in her desk drawer, secretive and safe from her mother. 

              “What about the lilies?” Travis asked.  “You get rid of those, too?”

              Marie could not bring herself to throw them away, but she could not bring herself to place them in the open.  They were in her closet, leaned against the wall in the corner. “I didn’t get rid of them, Travis.”

              “What did I do?” he asked.  “Was it ‘cause I fought Brandon?  Is that why you’re mad?”

              “I’m not mad.  I just --”

              “I still haven’t drank, not since you told me not to.” 

              “That’s good,” Marie said.

              He rambled fast. “I mean I’ve smoked a little bit, but just cigarettes.  I’m trying Marie, I’m really trying.  You know I can’t just make your mom like me, and it doesn’t even matter if she doesn’t like me.”

              “Travis, please.” Marie put her hand on his chest and looked into his eyes.  She wanted to say something that would change their situation, that would change her lack of courage. “I have to get to class.” 

She almost kissed him, but stopped herself and began walking away. 

              “Why can’t you be around me anymore?” he asked.  “You’re starting to see you’re too good for me?   Is that it?  You don’t even want to think about me?”

              Marie turned quickly around and marched back to him. “I think about you every damn day, Travis! You make me feel, something… that no one else ever has.” She realized her own emotions as she spoke them. “… but you also make me hate everything more than anyone else ever has, whether you mean to or not.” 

She paused again and looked away from him, because she could not handle the somber gaze of his dark eyes another second.  “I think about you every day, and that’s why I can’t be around you.” 

She stood a moment longer, and then she turned and walked away from him as fast as she could.

**********

Marie took a deep breath and walked forward down the hall
. 
She did not know what she was going to say, but she wanted to say something to him.
 
The school day was over.
 
Travis was at his locker, on his phone, and he seemed intensely interested in whoever he was talking to.  Marie had thought about it.  She would face him this time.  She got close to him. 

“I gotta go,” she heard him say.  He hung up the phone and put something in his backpack. 

              “I want to talk,” Marie blurted out.

              Travis looked at her for a moment.  His face was stoic. “About what?”

              “About what I said today.”

              “There’s not really much to say, pretty girl,” he answered as he started to walk past her. 

              She put her hand on his chest and stopped him. “I think there’s a lot to talk about.”

              “If you’re worried about me getting you in more trouble then don’t.  I won’t get you in trouble anymore.”

              “What the hell does that mean? What are you leaving or something?

              “Yeah, Marie.  The trailer trash you’re trying to avoid thinking about is getting out for good.” 

He started to walk off again.

              This time she grabbed his shoulder. “Travis,” she ordered. “You know I don’t think of you like that.” She turned him around and spoke quietly, “Why are you being like this?”

              He breathed heavily. “It doesn’t matter, pretty girl.”

              “It does to me.”

              “Really?  It matters to you?  Where’s the necklace I gave you then?”

              She stood back.

              “We don’t even need to talk anymore, Marie.”

              “But I want to,” she said. “I don’t… I don’t want you to just leave like this.”

              He laughed. “Well I have to leave, pretty girl.  I got places to go right now.” He turned around, about to walk away.

              “I’ll go with you,” she said without thinking.

              He paused. “You don’t want to go where I’m going.”

              She jumped in front of him. “Yes!  Yes, I do.  I want to go with you.  Wherever you’re going, I’ll go with you.”

              He sighed. “You sure?”

              Marie took a deep breath. “Yes.”

**********

The heater in Travis’s truck was on full blast to keep them warm in the winter chill outside.  They had left the school parking lot and traveled down the highway, and then they had left the highway and gone down a small, poorly paved road that led through pastures. 

              “Where are we going?” Marie asked.

              Travis lit a cigarette. “Somewhere.”

              Marie was not scared, not with him.  She looked at Travis.  He was looking forward down the road. 

“What do you have to do?” she asked.

              “Something,” he answered. 

              She put her hand on his leg. “Please tell me.”

              He looked down at her hand, then at her face.  He moved her hand away. “You’ll see anyway.”

              She moved away.  Out the window she could see an old house in one of the pastures. It was rotting.  It leaned to one side.  Windows were broken, and one of the limbs of the tree next to it had fallen through the roof. 

              “I don’t understand you,” Marie said. 

              He remained quiet.

              “What if I could be different?” she asked.

              He flicked out his cigarette out. “You
are
different. You’re different from any other girl I know.  And I don’t want you to be like them.”

              He slowed down the truck and turned onto a dirt road.  It led to a small house at the front line of some woods at the end of the pasture. 

“Will you promise me that?” he said.  “You won’t be like them… or me.” 

He stopped at the house and killed the engine.  He looked at Marie, and she did not say anything.  He reached into the back and grabbed his backpack. “You should stay here.” 

              Marie watched him walk up the steps and straight into the house.  The air seeping in through the open window was making her shiver.  She waited, and waited.  Ten minutes later, he came out of the house with his backpack.  He got back in the truck and lit a cigarette. 

              “What did you do?” she asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” 

They were silent during the drive back.  The pastures turned into parking lots again, and the small road turned back into the highway.  Travis pulled the truck to a stop next to Marie’s car in the high school parking lot. 

“You know, the Winter Festival is this week,” Marie said.

“Yeah I know.”

“Are you going?”

He shrugged. 

“I would like to go with you,” she said.

He sneered. “You sure about that?”

“Yes,” she sighed.  “God, Travis, you’re so…”

“What, Marie?  What am I?  An ass?”

“Moody.  You’re so damn moody.  You were happy this morning, and now all of a sudden you can barely look at me.”

“You’re one to talk.  You’re more back and forth than I am.  Stop overreacting.  I guess I just had all day to think about things.”

“Both of us are so back and forth,” Marie said, and she looked out the window. “Why do we have to be like that? So… unsure of everything.”

“I think we’re both pretty sure on everything.”

Marie stared at him. “What do you mean?”

He looked at her for a moment, and then shook his head and looked forward. “Neither of us,” he started, and he paused, but then he forced the words out, “neither of us have the balls to admit that we want each other. That we really want each other.”

Marie looked away from him again. He was right.

“Why?” she asked. “Why can’t we just admit it?”

Silence.

Finally, he spoke. “Because neither of us thinks we’re supposed to be together.”

“Why do you think that?” she asked.

He laughed a little. “Seriously, what’s with you and all the questions?”

Marie looked at him, eyeing him until he would answer.

He shook his head. “You can do better me. I realized that today, pretty girl. There’s more to life than this shitty town, and when you leave you’re gonna realize that. And maybe you’ll never find a guy that makes your mom happy… but I hope you’ll eventually leave here and find what makes
you
happy.”

She sat still, and together they stayed in silence.

“What makes you happy?” Marie finally asked.

For a moment he looked at her. She was the answer to that question, but then he shook his head and looked out the window. 

“Nothing,” he said jokingly. “I’m a miserable soul.”

“Tell me,” she said, laughing and shoving him. 

She had pushed against his arm, which had pushed into his ribs.  He screamed out in pain and cursed. 

Marie jumped back. “What?  What happened?” 

He clutched at his ribs. “Damn it, Marie!”

“Travis, I’m sorry.  I didn’t - I didn’t even push you that hard.” 

She went to move his jacket back to see the damage.  He pulled away from her. 

“Leave it alone,” he muttered.

Marie eyed him sternly, and he knew she would not let it go. “Travis, let me see it.”

He waited a moment, and then he moved his arms away.  Marie slowly moved the jacket back to see his wife beater.  Then she slowly lifted that.  He jumped when her fingers ran over his ribs. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. 

Under his clothes, there was a dark blue bruise in the middle of his right side ribs. 

“Oh my God.  Travis, what happened?” 

He pulled away and put his shirt down. 

“What happened?” she repeated.  “Was this from Brandon?” 

“No,” he answered.  He sat up straight and looked forward.  “Please go, Marie.”

She sat still, frozen in those words she never thought he’d say to her. “Travis…”

“Please, just go.”

She took her things when she got out.  Travis barely glanced her way. He kept his gaze forward, and she saw his lips quivering and hands shaking. A moment later, he forced himself to drive away from her.