The Nights Were Young (21 page)

“But you should, Travis.  I wish…”  She turned around.

“What?  What do you wish?”

“That you cared… about something… about anything.”

He came to her and tilted her head up and spoke softly. “I care about
you
.  Why can’t you see that?”

“I do see it.” She turned away from him. 

“You’re just scared, Marie.”

              She was silent. 

              “We’re both scared.  You’re just scared because you care about me, too – more than you’ll ever admit. And I…”

              She waited, and finally asked, “And you what?”

              “I’m scared that one day you’ll see me for who I really am.”

              “I
do
see you for who you are.”

              “You have,” he said, nodding his head. “Those times when you came over to my place and I was fucked up. That’s who I really am, pretty girl, just a fuck-up. My mom knows it, Brandon knows it… everyone knows it. And eventually you’ll know it, really know it, and years from now, if you were to stay with me, you’d wish you’d have moved on.”

              “You’re a good person, Travis. Stop saying this about yourself.”

              She approached him, but he backed away from her.

              “I don’t wanna hear it, Marie.”

              She stood still and saw her breath in the cold.  Her phone lit up.

MOM: On our way home. You’d better be there.

It was eight-thirty. 

              “I have to go,” she said. 

              Travis nodded. “You’ll always have to go. Go home, go to college, go off and find some better life where people like me aren’t around.”

              She started to cry.  “You know that’s not how I feel.”

              “It’s never gonna work anyway, pretty girl.”

              “Travis, don’t say that.”

              “You should go, Marie.  Your life is waiting for you.” 

He lit another cigarette. 

              Marie stood still.  She saw him there, standing under the little moonlight that entered into the dark house of his past.  He was looking back at her, and it seemed as if he, too, had something he wanted to say, but like her, he said nothing. 

“I guess I’ll be the first to go then,” he said. 

He turned his back on her, and he left into the darkness.

              “Travis!” 

Marie ran after him, but he had gone, exited out of the back of the house.  She saw him sprinting into the wilderness, and he was too far away.

Marie was crying when she met Kate near the Ferris wheel
.
  Kate asked what was wrong, but Marie refused to speak of it. 

“I need to go home,” Marie muttered. 

They went back to Kate’s house.  Kate asked again, and Marie told her to leave it alone as she slammed her car door and left. 

              At home, Marie’s mother was waiting in the living room and reading.  Marie walked in through the front door, and by then she had stopped crying. 

              “Where were you?” her mother said without looking at her.

              “I’m sorry,” Marie said. “I was just… uh…”

              “You will never leave this house again until graduation. You understand me?” Her mother didn’t even look at her. “You go to school, and then you come home. That’s it.” 

Marie stood still, waiting for if her mother said anything else. 

Her mother said nothing. 

“Where’s Dad?” Marie asked.

              “He said he had to go back to work.”

              It was silent in that house. It was always silent in that house.  There were lights on, but there was no life. Her mother didn’t even bother enough to yell and scream at her. Marie hated it in there, and the hatred had never struck her so much as it had that night.  She wanted to scream at her mother, scream at the walls and at the furniture.  She would burn the entire house down if she could.  Maybe the flames would ignite it with the life it was never given from her family.  The fire could destroy the cold and the silence that Marie’s world here possessed. She closed her eyes for a few moments - then opened them. 

Her mother still sat on the couch, looking down into whatever she was reading.  The furniture and the walls were still motionless.  There was still no noise – only silence.

              “I’m going to bed,” Marie said.

              “Night,” her mother answered, and she did not look up as Marie walked by and up the stairs. 

XXIV

             
The night dragged her ceaselessly forward
.  The hours were painfully long, and all through them Marie lay in bed and cried.  She had thrown her phone away somewhere in her room and collapsed onto her bed.  She cried for an hour, then calmed down and lay still for an hour more.  In time, there were no more lights on in the house.  She heard the front door open and her father’s shoes clomping across the floor downstairs.  Before long, she was the only awake in the house and probably in the neighborhood. 

              It was past one in the morning when her phone rang.  Marie sat up and saw the screen light on the floor in the corner of the room.  She moved slowly out of bed and to the phone and saw on the screen: TROUBLE.  She stood still and did not move forward until it stopped ringing.  She picked it up.  She waited, breathing shallow and shaking.  It started ringing again.

              “What do you want?” Marie answered.

              “Marie, I need to see you.” Travis spoke low and desperately.  “Please.  I’m here, come outside.”

              “No, Travis.  I’m not going out.”

              “Then I’ll come up to you,” he pleaded. “I can sneak in.  Please, Marie.”

              She rubbed her forehead.  “Travis… I don’t know…”

              “Please, baby,” he whispered. “I need to see you.” 

              She crept down the stairs.  Through the glass of the front door she could see Travis’s shadow, waiting.  She unlocked the door, silently.  They said nothing to each other.  Marie led him back into the house.  He closed the door and followed.

              They came into her bedroom.  When Marie flipped on the light she saw him.  He was panicked.  His eyes were red and watery; his cheeks were swollen and red, and there was a distinct red mark on his jaw; he’d been hit.  She looked down, and she felt an ache in her chest immediately when she saw the water bottle in his hand.

              “You’re drinking,” she said.

              “Marie,” he said desperately. 

He set the water bottle down and grabbed her hips.  He pulled her close to him and put his forehead on hers.  A tear fell from his eye onto her cheek. 

“I’m leaving, pretty girl,” he said shakily.

              “What are you talking about?”

              “I’m leaving Crossfalls… tonight… right now… and I want you to go with me.”

              Marie backed away from him. “Travis. You need to calm down.”

              He started pacing. “No!”

              Marie ran forward and covered his mouth. “Please be quiet!” she whispered.

              He moved her hand. “I got home, Marie,” he cried. “I got home and my mom had her boyfriend over.  I just stood there in front of them, and…”

              “And what?”

              “He asked my mom why she didn’t give me up,” he whimpered through crying, “and she - said that she tried, but I just kept coming back… like a… like a fucking dog!”  He wiped some tears from his eyes. 

              “Did he hit you?”

              He stopped pacing, but he kept breathing heavily and choking on his own breath.  He turned away from her, ashamed.  He nodded. 

              “I told him to shut the hell up,” he said, “and he told me he’d beat the shit out of me.  I got in his face and told him to get the hell out of our house, and then he hit me.  My mom, she-”

              Marie stayed back away from him and folded her arms. “What did she do?”

              “Nothing.  She didn’t do anything.  She just stood there, and when I looked at her… her face.  It was like she didn’t care, like she wished she’d done it herself.” 

              He stopped pacing and stared into space, and then he shook it off and came back to Marie and grabbed her. “I can’t stay here anymore, Marie.  I won’t stand this.  And the cops – the cops are probably gonna be looking for me.”

              “I thought you said Benji wouldn’t say anything.”

              “But I can’t be sure, and Kristen is gonna talk.  I know she is.”

              “Would they arrest you?”

              Travis nodded.  He gulped.  He could barely look her in the face. “I’ve been selling,” he said. “Not for long – just this last week.  I’m gonna stop I promise.  I just needed some money to get out of here.”

              Marie was speechless.  She understood now what he had done when she went with him into the country, to the house where he had taken his backpack with him. 

              “Oh my God,” she whispered.

              “Come with me,” he said.

              “Where are you gonna go?”

              “To my dad’s.”

              “Travis…you need to think about this.”

              “I
have
thought about it, for a long time.  I’m leaving.  And I want you with me.  I know I’ve messed up, but I can take care of us.  I promise.  I’ll get a job and we can live together and…”

              Marie pulled away. “I can’t.”

              He stopped.  The look on his face – like Marie had stabbed him.

              “I can’t go with you, Travis.”

              They stood silently.  Travis picked up his water bottle and drank.  Marie could smell the liquor when it dripped down his lips.  She reached forward and yanked it out of his hand, spilling some of it on the floor. 

              “Stop it!” she demanded.  “Just stop!”

              “Give it back, Marie!” 

              He reached for the bottle, but Marie put her hand on his chest and kept him away from it.  He stepped back and forced himself to be calm. 

              “Marie, please give me that back,” he said calmly

              “No,” she answered. 

              He stared at her.  It was that same look she had seen before, when she had sang in front of him.  She saw him truly, unbelievably lost.  For a moment, Marie thought of when she had first met him, and he had seemed so different then.  He was a smaller flame then.  The flame was a blaze now, and she could see it before her, in him, a blaze that could burn her world down like she had imagined.  If she would choose him, she would burn with him. 

              “I’m not going with you,” she said.

              Travis moved forward slowly, and instead of reaching for the bottle, he held her face and kissed her.  Marie dropped the bottle and gave into him – they kissed, and soon they went with each other onto the bed.   

They lay in her bed, in the dark, under the blankets, in each other’s arms.  They were quiet.  Travis’s eyes remained open, looking upon her, and Marie was having trouble keeping hers from shutting. She’d had too many nights of no sleep before then, without him, and now that he was with her it was easy to drift off.

              “I wish things could be different for us,” he whispered. 

              “You don’t have to go,” she said. 

              Silence.

              He whispered. “I don’t regret us, Marie.  I’ll never regret it.  The only thing I’m sorry for is that I hurt you so much.”

              Marie breathed deeply and slowly.  She could hear him as she was falling asleep. He wouldn’t leave. She didn’t believe – couldn’t believe that he would ever go away. 

              “No matter what happens, pretty girl, I want you to be happy.  Even if it’s never with me, I want you to be happy.”  He kissed her forehead.  “I love you, Marie, and I’ll never stop loving you.”

              She held him tighter. 

              “I lo--” she started to say, “I… Travis, I…”

              “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay, pretty girl. I know.” 

He kissed her once more and closed his eyes.

********** 

Marie opened her eyes.  The sunlight was pouring in through the window.  The smell of liquor had dissipated.  Travis was gone.  She jumped up and looked around.  The water bottle was gone.  She threw on some clothes and ran downstairs to the front door.  She opened it, and outside the truck was gone.  Travis was long gone. 

              She searched her room for a note or something, anything that he would have left for her, but he had not left a single word behind.  He was gone.  She paced, she threw things, she heaved and pulled at her hair, and she started crying. 

              “Marie?” her mother asked.  She was coming upstairs. 

              Marie raced out of her bedroom and into the bathroom.  She slammed the door and locked it.  She started the shower. Her mother knocked on the door.

              “Marie?  What are you doing?”

              “Nothing,” she answered.  “Just taking a shower.” 

              “There’s a letter for you,” her mother said through the door. 

             
A letter
? Marie thought.
From Travis
? Her heart jumped.

              “It’s a college letter,” her mother said.

              Marie’s heart sank. She wanted her to shut up and leave.  She choked back and made her voice as straight as she could. 

              “Okay, I’ll open it later,” Marie said.

              She waited.  There was no answer.  Her mother had left.  Marie slid down onto the floor and leaned against the wall.  The shower water kept running, and she cried alone there in the corner. 

              **********

“Marie!  Wait!”  Kate ran after Marie in the hallway at school. 

              Marie paused and turned around.  Her angry expression scared Kate and made her stay back. 

              “Where have you been?” Kate asked.  “I’ve been calling you for days.”

              Marie just looked at her.  She turned around and started walking.

              “Hey!”  Kate grabbed her shoulder and turned her around.  “What the hell is wrong with you?”             

              Marie rolled her eyes.  “He left, Kate.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “What do you think I mean?” Marie asked loud. “I mean he left!”

              Kate looked around. “He’s just skipping, Marie.  He’ll be back.”

              “No he won’t.  He left, Kate.  He left town.  He ran away.”  Marie almost turned away again before Kate stopped her.

              “When?” Kate asked.

              “Friday night,” Marie answered. 

              Kate was at a loss of words.  “Ha-have you talked to him?  Called him?”

              “I tried.  He won’t answer.  I sent him a hundred texts and he won’t answer!” Marie covered her mouth for a moment and looked up and away from Kate. She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought back the aching urge to cry. 

              “Marie, I’m so sorry.” 

              Kate attempted to hug her, but Marie kept her away. 

              “Please don’t,” Marie said. 

              Kate stood back, surprised.  “Marie, I –”

              “Just leave me alone.”

              “I’m trying to be a good friend!”

              “What’s the point?” Marie screamed.  “What’s the point, Kate?  We’ll never see each other after we leave here anyway.”

              “Who’s leaving?”

              “After graduation, Kate.  You really think we’ll be best friends when I move?”

              “Where are you going?”

              Marie stopped and lowered her voice.  “I got accepted into a school, Kate.  It’s out of state.  I’m gonna leave here.  Just like Travis left.” 

              “But
I’m
not leaving,” Kate said.

              “No of course you’re not,” Marie said coldly, and the words stung Kate and nearly made Marie gag after she had spoken them.

              Kate stood silent for a moment.  Her eyes were wide.  “Yeah, Marie.  I’m never going anywhere, just Crossfalls forever.”

              Marie looked away from her and did not speak. 

              “I thought we were friends,” Kate said.  “But you’re right.  What’s the point if you’re gonna leave, anyway?” 

              Marie watched her walk away.  She felt sick and her eyes were watering.  She left the hall, and then left the building, and she went to her car in the parking lot.  She got in the backseat and fell onto her side. She cried alone.

              **********   

              Winter break came, and during the three weeks off from school Marie was mostly alone.  She would watch TV, clean up around the house, or she would find something to read and spend hours doing that.  Travis never answered more messages or phone calls.  When Kate would text her or call her, she would ignore it.  She would look out her bedroom window and see sleet and ice on the ground.  She would see herself in the mirror, sometimes seeing the same cold that she would see in the weather.