The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (40 page)

Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy. EPHESIANS 4:23-24

ATTITUDE HAS TO Do with the way I choose to think about things. It results from my focus. Two men looked through prison bars-one saw mud, the other stars. Two people were in a troubled marriage-one cursed, the other prayed. The difference is attitude.

Negative thinking tends to beget more negative thinking. Focus on how terrible the situation is, and it will begin to seem even worse. Focus on one positive thing, and another will appear. In the darkest night of a troubled marriage, there is always a flickering light. Focus on that light, and it will eventually flood the room.

Maintaining a positive attitude in a troubled marriage may seem impossible, but as Christians, we have outside help. The above passage from Ephesians 4 talks about allowing the Holy Spirit to renew our thoughts and attitudes. When we have been redeemed, we have a new nature and are no longer slaves to the old way of thinking. If we ask the Lord, he will develop a new attitude in us. Consider praying this way: "Lord, help me to see my marriage the way you see it. Help me to view my spouse the way you view him or her. Help me to think the thoughts that you have toward him or her." When you begin to see your spouse as a person beloved of God-a valuable person for whom Christ died-you will begin to develop a positive attitude.

Father, l often struggle with my attitude. I don't want to be a slave to negative thinking, focusing only on the worst. Please transform my thinking. Show me how to focus on the good things. Give me wisdom to see my spouse and my marriage the way you see them. Please develop more love and optimism in me, for the good of my marriage.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.... Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. PHILIPPIANS 4:6-8

TRYING TO KEEP a positive attitude is not a new idea. It is found clearly in the first-century writing of Paul the apostle. He encouraged the church at Philippi to pray about problems rather than worry about them. Why? Because worry leads to anxiety and negativity, while prayer leads to peace and a more positive outlook. Then Paul revealed the key to having a positive attitude: think about positive things-things that are "excellent and worthy of praise."

We are responsible for the way we think. Even in the worst marital situation, we choose our attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude requires prayer. As Paul said, we can bring our requests to God. We can tell him what we need and be thankful for what he has already done. Will God always do what we ask? No, but what does happen is that as we release worry and express gratitude, God's peace descends on our minds and hearts. God calms our emotions and directs our thoughts.

When we find ourselves struggling with an aspect of our marriage, let's try to develop a more optimistic perspective. With a positive attitude, we become a part of the solution, rather than a part of the problem.

Father, thank you for letting us bring anything to you in prayer. Help me to release my worries to you, knowing that you are in control. When I thank you for what you have already done, I'm reminded of how you have acted forme in the past and I can be more positive about the future. Please encourage the right attitude in me.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 THESSALONIANS 5:16-18

ONE REASON MY ATTITUDES are so important is that they affect my actionsthat is, my behavior and words. If I have a pessimistic, defeatist, negative attitude, it will be expressed in negative words and behavior. The reality is that I may not be able to control my environment. Perhaps I have experienced such difficulties as sickness, an alcoholic spouse, a teenager on drugs, a mother who abandoned me, a father who abused me, a spouse who is irresponsible, aging parents, and so on. Any one of those situations can be overwhelming. But it's crucial to realize that I am responsible for what I do within my environment. And my attitude will greatly influence my behavior.

First Thessalonians 5 gives us some key steps to developing a positive attitude: be joyful, keep praying, and be thankful in all circumstances. As we talked about in yesterday's reading, being thankful can renew our perspective, reminding us of what God has already done for us and encouraging us that he will help in the future.

If you want to know your attitude, look at your words and behavior. If your words are critical and negative, then you have a negative attitude. If your behavior is designed to hurt or get back at your spouse, then you have a negative attitude. Paul gives straightforward counsel in Philippians 2:14: "Do everything without complaining and arguing." Following this advice and guarding your attitude are the most powerful things you can do to affect your behavior. And your behavior greatly influences your marriage.

Heavenly Father, when I have a bad attitude, it comes out in the way 1 talk to my spouse. Please forgive me for my sharp words and negativity. I want to seta goal to avoid complaining or arguing. Instead, please help me to rejoice, pray, and be thankful. I know the resulting positive attitude will bless my spouse and strengthen our marriage.

I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. EPHESIANS i:16-17

MARTIN LUTHER SAID, As it is the business of tailors to make clothes and cobblers to mend shoes, so it is the business of Christians to pray." Intercession is one ministry which requires no special spiritual gift. All Christians are equipped to pray.

Not only is intercessory prayer a ministry, it is also a responsibility. The prophet Samuel told the Israelites, "I will certainly not sin against the LORD by ending my prayers for you" (1 Samuel 12:23). The apostle Paul began many of his epistles by telling his readers how frequently he prayed for them. Prayer is one of the means that God has chosen to let us cooperate with him in getting his work done. It is a ministry that husbands and wives can do together. They can pray for each other as well as for their children, their parents, their pastor and church, other ministries, and world missions.

If you don't have a daily prayer time with your spouse, why not start today? Ask your spouse to spend five minutes praying with you. If you don't want to pray out loud, then pray silently. Take the first step in learning the ministry of intercessory prayer.

Heavenly Father, your Word makes clear how important prayer is. I want to lift up my spouse, my family, and others to you meaningfully and often. Please help us as a couple to develop good habits of prayer. As we pray together, may that shared experience and our shared desires for your will to be done draw us closer together.