The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (42 page)

Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself EPHESIANS 5:28 (NIV)

MEETING MY WIFE'S emotional need for love is a choice I make every day. If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love. If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met, and both of us live with a full "love tank."

In this state of emotional contentment, both of us can give our creative energies to many wholesome projects outside the marriage while we continue to keep our relationship exciting and growing.

How do you create this kind of marriage? It all begins with the choice to love. I recognize that as a husband, God has given me the responsibility of meeting my wife's need for love. Paul's words in Ephesians 5 make that clear. I am not only to love my wife, but to love her as I love my own body. That's a tall order, but with the Holy Spirit's help, I choose to accept that responsibility. Then I learn how to speak her primary love language and I choose to speak it regularly. What happens? My wife's attitude and feelings toward me become positive. Now she reciprocates, and my need for love is also met. Love is a choice.

Heavenly Father, you have given us high standards for loving each other. We need your help to make the right choices to love. Please refresh us with your Holy Spirit and rejuvenate our relationship.

Let love be your highest goal! i CORINTHIANS 14:1

WHAT IF SPEAKING your spouse's love language doesn't come naturally for you? The answer is simple: You learn to speak it.

My wife's love language is acts of service. One of the things I do regularly for her as an act of love is to vacuum the house. Do you think that vacuuming floors comes naturally for me? When I was a kid, my mother made me vacuum. On Saturdays, I couldn't play ball until I vacuumed the whole house. In those days, I said to myself, If I ever get out of here, there's one thing I'm nevergoing to do: vacuum!

You couldn't pay me enough to vacuum the house. There is only one reason I do it: love. You see, when an action doesn't come naturally to you, doing it is a greater expression of love. My wife knows that every time I vacuum the house, it's nothing but 100 percent pure, unadulterated love, and I get credit for the whole thing. The Bible reminds us that love should be our highest goal. We can make it an attainable goal by speaking our spouse's love language, even when it's not our own.

And how do I benefit? I get the pleasure of living with a wife who has a full love tank. What a way to live!

Father God, you know that sometimes my spouse's love language doesn't feel natural tome. Please help me to do it anyway-and to do it completely because of love.

The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise. PROVERBS 23:24

MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKES ABOUND, but the fact is, if you have children, and if you live long enough, you will likely become a mother-in-law or a fatherin-law I've reached that stage of life, and believe me, it's not that bad. How do we become good in-laws?

It helps to remember our objective in child rearing. From the moment of their birth until their marriage, we have been training our children for independence. We want them to be able to stand on their own two feet and operate as mature people under God. If we've done our job well, we have taught them how to cook meals, wash dishes, make beds, mow the lawn, buy clothes, save money, and make responsible decisions. We have taught them respect for authority and the value of the individual. In short, we have sought to bring them to maturity.

We hope that by the time of their marriage, we have helped them move from a state of complete dependence on us as infants, to complete independence as adults. Once they have arrived at the adult stage, and particularly once they are married, our relationship with them must change. It's a joy to see our children as mature, godly adults-a joy that King Solomon must have shared, as we see in the verse above. We pray for them to reach this point, but when they do, it takes some flexibility and release on our part. In the next days, we'll explore how to make the transition.

Father, thank you for my children. I know that 1 need to rear them so that one day they will be independent-whether that day is close or still faraway. When the time comes, please help me to let go and be a respectful parent of an adult.

I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth. 3 JOHN 1:4

IF YOUR SON or daughter has married, overnight you have become a motherin-law or a father-in-law. What do you do now? Let's start with the basics: As parents of married children, we must now view them as adults. We must never again impose our will upon them; we must respect them as equals. Oh, for some of us that's hard. We have been parents for so long, and we think we know what is best for them. We want so much to tell them what they should do.

Resist the urge. If you maintain the parent-child mode of operation, you will become a "thorn in their flesh." You may find your son or daughter pulling away from you or your son- or daughter-in-law becoming hostile.

Rule #1 for in-laws is to treat the young couple as adults. You have reared them to be independent; now let them experience their independence. Will they make some mistakes? Probably, but they will learn maturity in the process. Their attaining maturity is far more important than your keeping them from making a few mistakes. Celebrate their independence.

Lord God, as my children get older, please help me give them the respect they deserve. Teach me when and how to let go. Help us as a couple to love them respectfully.