The Other C-Word (32 page)

I turned and he took both my hands and placed them on the backrest of the chaise. “Hold on tight,” he commanded. Rick was a complete type A personality, especially in the bedroom. I liked how he took charge and dominated. It was a complete turn on for me.

He lifted my skirt over my back and rubbed my behind. I could feel the lace of my panties and the warmth of his hand. Then the gentle pulse of his finger inside me. “You are so wet, Marley, how is it possible that you could be this wet from my voice, love?” he said with the British accent. I moaned out because the combination of his finger pulsing inside me with that accent made everything in my body clench. “You have the most beautiful ass I’ve ever seen.”

He moved my legs apart. I heard his zipper come down. He pushed my panties to the side then he was filling me. His breath was warm on my back. He gripped my waist then he pushed into me completely. He bit my back, not hard, but just enough that it was good. I felt his every thrust and I screamed his name loudly over and over, until he clamped his hand on my mouth.

“I love it when you scream my name, but let’s not advertise what we’re doing, baby.” He pushed inside me so hard I lost my balance on the headrest of the chaise, and my face smashed into it. “Marley, are you all right?” His words came out garbled because I knew it was difficult for him to concentrate on anything else. He still managed to pull me back towards him and turn my face to him.

“Yes, don’t stop,” I said breathlessly.

I was more than all right. This was how we used to have sex, before I’d told him. Before I’d made him feel sorry for me. This was how I’d always wanted it to be.

He thrust, holding onto my waist, pulling my whole body into his, until our climax came. He managed to put us in a sitting position so I was on his lap. He leaned his head against my back.

“Let me see your face, baby. I want to make sure there’s not a bruise.”

I turned towards him. His green eyes were soft and they looked sad to me. It freaked me out. His expression was not the kind of reaction I ever wanted to elicit from Rick, especially after we’d just had sex. I stood up and readjusted myself before proceeding to the small bathroom. He followed behind me.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that.” I took the lipstick out of my clutch and reapplied it, avoiding his penetrating gaze.

He embraced me from behind. “Looking at you like what?”

“Like you feel sorry for me.”

“Marley, I wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt, that’s all.”

I turned to him and shook my head. “No, Rick, you look at me like that all the time now. You pity me, you think I’m weak.”

His eyes widened. “Marley, I don’t pity you. I feel helpless when it comes to you. I just want to help you and I can’t.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah because that’s what you do isn’t it? You like to help broken things. That’s your job isn’t it? To swoop in and fix what doesn’t work. I’m not fucking broken.”

“I never thought that.” He caressed my cheek, but I slapped his hand away. His expression changed to one of hurt and anger. “Is it so wrong that I feel sympathetic for what you’ve been through? Is it wrong that I don’t want you to keep going through it? Is it wrong that I care about you that much?”

I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure what the answers were, so he kept talking.

“I found some places that can help you. I’ve been doing some research on it.”

“You can’t fix me. I don’t want you to. I never have. I’m sorry I’m not perfect, I never will be. The only thing I wanted from you was for you to lust after me and fuck me hard, and I’ve managed to screw that up too.”

He looked at me incredulously. “I don’t want you to be perfect—I want you to be happy. Apparently, you don’t want me to try to make you happy. Is that what you’re trying to say to me?”

“I don’t want your fucking pity. I already have enough of that from everyone else in my life.”

The knock on the door interrupted us. “Marley, are you in there?” Dillon’s voice boomed.

“Yes,” I replied loudly.

“Get your ass out here, kid, everyone’s looking for you. Stevie’s going to throw the bouquet.”

I walked past Rick, but he grabbed my arm. “We need to finish this conversation later.”

I didn’t respond and he let go. I didn’t even wait for him. I took Dillon’s hand and ran down to the stage area where all the single women gathered for that one symbol of hope that they would be in Stevie’s place next time. It was the last place I wanted to be.

“Why are we running?” Dillon asked.

“Please, Dills, don’t talk or ask me any questions, just hold my hand right now. It’s all I need.”

Dillon did exactly as I’d asked.

When we reached everyone else, Dillon positioned me in front of all the other girls. They were all dancing behind me to
Single Ladies
by Beyonce. This was a total setup. I was in this position because Stevie meant for me to catch her bouquet—she actually looked at me before she turned around, assessing angle and distance like she did a pool shot. She tossed the bouquet high and straight. It was a perfect throw, right in the breadbasket, as they would say. At that moment though, it didn’t look like white roses and lilacs coming towards me. It looked like a ball of fire coming to consume me. What was a girl to do when a ball of fire is spiralling straight for her? What I did.

I stepped out of the way.

The flowers landed on the floor next to me and slid into the massive gaggle of girls who stood behind me. Dillon fought off two of Adam’s single aunts to get to it. I had no idea why Dillon was in line to catch the bouquet. I assumed it was because he wanted to get married one day too, and he’d rather have Stevie’s bouquet than her garter belt.

Stevie looked at me reproachfully, my mother stared with concern, Billie was completely confused, but it was Rick’s look I’d remember the most. He actually looked heartbroken.

I found my way to him and took his arm. “Rick, can you please do me a favour?”

“What do you want, Marley?” He did not look happy to see me. I gave him my most contrite smile and squeezed his hand apologetically.

“I know I just screamed at you up there. It’s just been an emotional day. Can you please forget about everything?”

“Everything you said up there or everything you told me last week?”

“I want to worship your body tonight. I want you to do the same to me. I promise we can talk about it all tomorrow, but please just forget it tonight. Can you do that for me?”

“Am I supposed to forget how you jumped out the way of catching the bouquet too?”

“Yes, you are. Can you do that and spend the night with me tonight?”

He kissed my forehead. “For you, love, I can do a lot of things.”

I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew he wanted to talk and I didn’t. I didn’t want to break up with him on my sister’s wedding day. I always wanted to think of it as a special day for our family and it would be impossible if it happened to be the same day that Rick and I had our inevitable conclusion.

I kissed him back and whispered sexy, salacious promises in his ear before leaving to search out my sisters. I pulled them into a corner and called Adam over to us. “Adam, you’re family too so I want you to hear this.”

Adam joined us, looking pleased at what I’d said. His pleased expression turned to slight annoyance when I made him hold hands with us.

“Is this about why you didn’t catch the bouquet?” Stevie asked.

“Nope, we’re never going to talk about that, ever. This is about something else.” I looked at Stevie and Billie. I’d rehearsed this just like my toast, but the words seemed to escape me now, “
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
.”

They all stared at me as if I’d grown a third boob. Stevie stared curiously. “Did you just quote George Michael on us? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Shut up, Stevie, I have to tell you some stuff and I really need you to listen right now.” It must have been something in my voice because for once Stevie was quiet, and Adam didn’t even make a sarcastic comment.

“Adam showed me the house. The one both of you love. It’s perfect for you and you’re going to sign the purchase agreement before you leave for your honeymoon.”

“Adam, you took Marley to the house? I told you I don’t want to move out.”

Adam shifted uncomfortably under Stevie’s scrutiny. I felt bad for putting him in this position on his wedding day, but someone had to set her straight, and this was a job for Tuff Gong.

“Don’t blame him. I made him take me. You’re married now and you need your own place with your husband.” The tears started flowing now. Stevie and Billie were crying too. Adam looked nervous and uncomfortable, which I can’t blame him for, since three women were bawling in front of him.

“Marley, I swear if you ruin my makeup,” Stevie chided.

“Either you move out or I am.”

Stevie studied me closely, trying to assess if I meant my threat. She released her hands from our circular connection. “Adam, go away for a minute.”

“What? Marley just said I’m family and this decision concerns me too.”

“I know what Marley said, but I need to talk to my sisters right now, so I need you to go away.”

I hadn’t expected this. I wanted Adam’s support because I knew he was on my side.

“But, babe…” Adam never got the whole sentence out because Stevie pulled him towards her with his tie.

“Adam, I need you to leave us alone, but I want you to think about all the delicious things I’m going to do to your body on our honeymoon. Think about how we’re going to join the mile high club on that plane bound for
Jamaica
.”

“Hello, we’re still here you know,” Billie quipped, but Stevie and Adam totally ignored her. It was as if they were the only people in the world again.

“Where do you want me to go, babe?” Adam asked.

Stevie gestured to the bar area where all of Adam’s groomsmen, Rick and Dillon were conversing. Dillon looked awkward and uncomfortable, carrying the decorative white bouquet, but at least Rick was talking to him.

“Great, you get me all hard and then tell me to go stand next to the sausage factory,” Adam replied, rolling his eyes.

“Eww, stop it. My innocent ears can’t take anymore!” Billie groaned.

“Oh, I know your ears aren’t innocent, or anything else,” Stevie quipped.

Adam left us. The three of us stared at each other and the tears started flowing again. We wiped them, not our own, but each other’s.

Stevie gave me an imploring look. “You know you can’t live on your own.”

I started again on the speech I’d prepared, “Stevie, I can’t stand the fact that you guys feel this guilty that you’d give up your own dreams. I’m an adult and your older sister. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Billy chimed in, “I agree with Marley.”

I turned my eyes to Billie. “And you, young lady, are going to
Columbia
. Consider yourself kicked out, at least for the school year. You may return on vacations and long weekends if you wish.”

“You can’t kick me out!” Billie said, trying to feign her Miss Haughty attitude.

“I can and I will. Come on, you know this is your passion. This is what Jo did and what you want to do. Go to
New York
, be a writer, write a novel about our crazy family, it’ll be a bestseller.” We all started laughing at that thought.