The Other Fish in the Sea (14 page)

“Yeah, I know, Camie will give you mouth-to-mouth though
,
so just answer the question.”

 
“Oh shit…I have such mixed feelings about that,” he returned, chuckling and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“And
why
is that, O Keeper of the Plate?” I’m not sure why Jeff is calling Tristan that
,
but Pete just caught on because now he’s laughing
,
too.

“Well, if Pete were gay I wouldn’t wanna break every fuckin’ bone in his body every time I’m reminded of him lapping up tequila from Camie’s bellybutton like a goddamned booze-hound. But then again if he were, catching Pete would take on a whole new meaning and fuel a vile rumor that Camie’s not ready to help me prove untrue. So
,
I’m fucked if he is and I’m fucked if he’s not, and being fucked
either
way isn’t any fuckin’ fun for me!”

So you can imagine why Jeff and Pete have been completely racked with tremors of laughter. It took a little more explanation for the slower members of the party to understand what Tristan was saying
,
though.

“I don’t get it. Why would Pete being gay start a rumor about you and Camie?” Bridget asked, being completely lost.

Julia, Dylan, and Jeremy are lost as well. I’m not really surprised about Jeremy, but I am kind of surprised about both Julia and Bridget. You’d think after having been the one’s to hit on him and then determine he’s gay
,
they’d be a little faster on the uptake.

“Think about it, you dolt. Pete is a pitcher and Tristan is his
catcher
. The rumor would be that Tristan is gay
,
too. It would be even worse if people knew that Simba and Nala over there are abstaining from working on another litter of cubs, so he’d be forced to go outside of their little pride to find a willing lioness to bite on the scruff of the neck to prove he’s not gay which would, quite honestly, make them both kind of cranky,” Jillian explained with the help of mental images provided by Disney and
Wild Kingdom
.

She went with this comparison because he’s still lounging against me, I’m still messing with his mane—I mean hair—and in addition, Phineas and Ferb have been climbing and playing on him, so I’m sure we look like a family of felines.

“Do you ever talk normally?” Bridget asked, sounding a little snotty.

Jillian just rolled her eyes, returning the sneer in Bridget’s tone with her expression
.

“Oh! I get it! But what about the other catchers? I mean, wouldn’t there be rumors about them
,
too?” Julia asked out of curiosity. Although I have to admit, I was wondering the same thing.

“No, you don’t get it. Tristan
is
Pete’s catcher. Period. End of story,” Jeff said before taking a drink.

“You guys only have one catcher?” Julia, again and thankfully, asked before I could.

“Mm-mm, that’s not it. It’s something called a pitcher-catcher tandem,” Jeff replied.

“Well, I don’t know what that is,” Julia said, still confused.

“It’s the relationship between a specific pitcher and a specific catcher…it’s also called a battery. See, lots of times
,
a pitcher will prefer a specific catcher because their styles and techniques work better together and that builds a trust that enables them to play better
,
and a tandem is just what that relationship is called,” Derek explained.

“Right. But Trist’s and Pete’s is a unique tandem because they’re synched,” Jeff added.

“You’re kidding?” Derek asked, sounding a little bit more than intrigued and impressed.

“Mm-mm, you sh—” Jeff was saying before Julia cut him off.

“Well wait, what is being synched?”

“Okay, well sometimes, something happens for whatever reason and a tandem will bond like fuckin’ cement. Theirs did that a few years back and Trist is the only one on the team who
can
catch Pete.” I had to grin when Tristan toasted Pete from across the tent. “That’s also why Pete’s still walking and talking. If they weren’t so tightly bonded, Trist would’ve put him in the hospital for doing what he did at that party.” And then again when Pete toasted Tristan back. “Plus, Pete’s got a gift from God and he usually knocks everyone else Coach has ever put with him flat on their ass.”

Tristan told me about that last night after that little “scene.” Pete could very possibly wind up pitching for MLB straight out of high school if the surgery he had worked…they don’t know if it did yet. And when Jeff mentioned his gift, Pete didn’t get upset really
,
but I did pick up on some of that same energy he was putting off last night. He also just kind of shared some sort of intense look with Tristan
,
but since I can’t really see Tristan or his eyes, I’m not sure how to take it.

“I’ve never met a truly synched tandem, that’s
really
fuckin’ cool,” Derek said, looking back and forth between Pete and Tristan in an appreciative way.

“Yeah, you should see ‘em play…they can read each other so well
,
it’s like they’re just tossin’ the ball back and forth like they’re playin’ a game of catch in the backyard and there’s no one else there.”

“So, um, will knowing Pete is gay affect how you guys play now?” Julia asked, sincerely interested.

“Wait, I’m gay?” Pete asked with a laugh like he was asking “Since when?”

“Apparently dude,” Jeff answered, laughing again.

“Huh. You’d think I would’ve known or that my fucked catcher would’ve at least given me a sign.”
 

“Sorry, man, I know I usually catch whatever you flip but you hurled this one right by me…”
 

“You’re
sorry
? I’m gay and you’re sorry…is there anything
else
you two have been keeping from me?” He asked Tristan and Jeff with humor tinged sarcasm.

“From a shortstop’s point of view, I think your ass looks pretty nice when you’re in your windup…does that count?” Jeff asked while
still
laughing.

“Hey thanks, and yeah, that counts. So, how did I all of a sudden become gay?” You’d think he would be mad or at least irritated that his sexuality is in question but he’s finding this whole thing pretty funny.

“Julia and Bridget clearly have the best gay-dar known to mankind,” Jillian replied blandly, totally outing our cousin and her forward friend, both of whom are now guiltily fidgeting.

Pete looked at the two of them, then at Bridget and put the pieces together. “Is
that
w—?” Then
he
started cracking up.

“What’s so funny?” Bridget asked, sounding particularly disgruntled. I think she was really disappointed when he turned her down and him being gay made her feel a little better about herself.

“You! That whole thing earlier…Oh God…” he told her, still laughing.

“Are you saying you’re
not
gay?” Julia asked with disbelief.
 

By the way, Tristan, Jeff, and Kate are laughing too. I’m guessing they never thought he was in the first place. Not that it would really matter to anyone if he was, but still. I don’t think they’d be laughing if they really thought he was gay and still just trying to hide in the proverbial closet, you know?

“That’s correct, I’m not gay.”

“Pete man, it’s okay if you are…Camie and I’ll just have to violate the dress code every day for the rest of my fuckin’ life,” Tristan said, laughing and with tears streaming down his face.
 

He’s exaggerating though. I don’t think I’d make him wait quite
that
long, but it
is
nice to know he’s thinking long-term. And yeah, I’m totally picturing Derek in a tux again but this time I’m hearing the “Wedding March” too. Tee-hee.

“Thanks, dude, I appreciate your support.”

“Anytime…you know I got your back,” Tristan choked out and then he and Jeff just flat out lost it.

“The hell you do!
I’m
the pitcher, remember?!” Pete replied, making everyone aside from the two Doubting Thomas’ crack up as well.

“Okay if you’re not gay, then explain
why
you turned me down,” Bridget shot at him with bitterness and resentment.

“Are you saying any guy who turns you down has to be gay?”
 

“Well…no, but you wouldn’t even take my number! And besides, everything you said made it sound like you aren’t into girls
at all
and even Jillian said she could see that,” she answered with wounded pride.

Pete gave Jill, who looks bored out of her mind, a quizzical look with a funny grin and then he shook his head, dismissing whatever it was he was thinking before saying, “Look, I’m not gay…I promise I like girls just as much as Tristan does.”

“Are you
sure
? ‘Cause that’s a whole goddamned lot. You know, I didn’t bestow Def Leppard’s ‘Women’ as a ringtone on him just because I like the song…” Jeff chimed in. It’s true, he had grounds there. “Oh and Melissa, we’ve all decided to change yours to Duran Duran’s ‘Girls On Film’…just fyi.”

“Whatever!”
Melissa replied indignantly but she was laughing.

“Oh believe me, I know. I went with an old school one for him too…Mötley Crüe…’Girls, Girls, Girls’…” Pete said while at the same time, nodding at Melissa to let her know he was one of the “all” Jeff had mentioned.

“Thanks guys,” Tristan said, sounding gratified and I’m pretty sure he somehow indicated that he was a member of the all as well because Melissa stuck her tongue out at him.

“Yeah, thanks guys,” Melissa shot out sarcastically.

“You’re both welcome.” Pete said to Melissa and Tristan and then he looked back to Jeff and tried to resume his defense. “But getting back to the question, yeah, I’m sure…I’m just not a slut like he—” (EX slut…)

“Hey!”

“Sorry, dude, but you really kind of are…”
 

“Uh, hello? I
prefer
recently reformed promiscuous reprobate. I’m just sayin’, if we’re gonna name call, let’s just make sure we get ‘em straight…or in your case,
gay
.” Just so you know, almost everyone in the tent including me is cracking up over this exchange now.

“Okay, recently reformed slut—” Pete said, trying to continue.

“Promiscuous reprobate,” I corrected.

“Thank you, Baby,” Tristan said and leaned his head back to give me a kiss.

“My pleasure,” I murmured against his lips.

“Sorry…recently reformed promiscuous reprobate like he is—”

“Thank you, that’s much better.”

“You’re welcome…and I’m just not interested in you,” Pete said first to Tristan and then to Bridget.

“In me or her…I forgot who we’re talking about,” Tristan said, throwing his hands in the air to demonstrate his feigned confusion and his f-ing fantastic sense of humor.

“Either. Both,” Pete answered, like he might’ve been confused now too. “I know I’m interested in that picture though.”

“Well of course, me too, but what I wanna know is if you had to choose, who would you pick? Because honestly, I think I’m better looking than Bridget and even though I’m reformed, you
know
you’d have
way
more fun with me than with anyone else here. That is, unless Melissa is as adventurous and photogenic as her grandma…I wouldn’t know, though, because
I haven’t seen the picture
!”
 

Bridget rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help laughing and Melissa just dropped her forehead into the palm of her hand.

“That’s true, dude. From what I’ve heard, he’s all kinds of fuckin’ fun…I bet Melissa’s grandma would pick him,” Brandon added to the outrageously twisted banter while knocking knuckles with Tristan. I rolled my eyes.
 

“Dude, are you asking if you can bite me on the scruff of the neck?”
 

“Well, maybe not right away…I mean I
am
a pretty big believer in foreplay and all, but if you play your cards right, like maybe a nude photography session or two…who knows? We could both get lucky.” Seriously, they’ve crossed so many lines now I don’t even know where to begin and Jeff is going to rupture something laughing so hard.
 

“Camie, for the love of God, would you please do something about him? I don’t think he’s gone this long and it’s making me nervous. Besides, I’m not very photogenic.”
 

Tristan took a picture of me this morning that revealed I’m not very photogenic either so I feel for Pete. “Welcome to my world…what you need to do is keep him away from cameras of all kinds and get him to agree to boundaries. He’s pretty good about sticking to them. Well, most of the time. Sometimes. Alright, only occasionally…you know what, Pete? You’re screwed.”
 

“Well it’s about goddamned time I got laid!”

“Hey!” I interjected and smacked him in jest.

“Oh, sorry, Baby…I’ll only be thinking of you and Melissa’s grandma, I
swear
.”

“Oh bullshit. If I don’t mean enough to you to have your full attention, then you can forget it mister,” Pete put in with an over the top lisp. Really, he added a freaking lisp. Jeff is going to have internal bleeding soon.

“
SHIT!
”

“Come on, dude, just talk Camie into pitchin’ something you can knock outta the ball park, I’m sure you’ve done it before,” the big-mouth-jerk-Brandon said. Seriously, I was all for giving him a break for not having any tact, but now? Yeah, not so much.

“Mm-mm. Can’t.” Totally can if he
really
wanted to, so he should’ve said won’t.

“Why not?” Because he’s not an asshole!

Tristan studied Brandon for quick moment while he took a drink and then said, “Few reasons…one, I don’t get off on coercing chicks, that’s fucked up. Two, my batting average makes her nervous so she’s agreed to walk me instead of saying I hit a foul and me having to pick up the bat again…and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than goddamned grateful for getting that because I also made a fuckin’ error, so I’m just lucky to still be in the goddamned game at all. And three, stealing is a contract violation, the consequences of which would be that she’d trade me faster than you can say Bob’s her uncle and I really like being on this team.”