The Other Fish in the Sea (16 page)

 
“Oh dude, you wanna go? Ever played with baby-dolls?” All the girls, again minus Jillian (she didn’t play with dolls, she played with puzzles), drank along with Tristan while Jeff started laughing at him again.

“Shut up, you fucker, I was like two.”

“Dude, you
got
it when you were two…you carried that thing around everywhere until the middle of Kindergarten!”

“Oh God! I forgot about that! Didn’t you try bringing it to school or something?” Kate asked and started giggling.

“Yeah, he did…that’s why he and Zack fuckin’ hate each other to this day.” Huh? Apparently the animosity goes back quite some time.

“Okay, I totally need to hear this,” I said. I mean come on, I totally do!

“Mm-mm…Baby, no one needs to hear this,” Tristan said with what was meant to be a dissuading shake of his head.

“
Everyone
needs to hear this and so, they shall,” Jeff told me with a sadistic grin for Tristan.

“This ain’t right, man…” Tristan said, chuckling to himself and shaking his head in resignation. I told you, Jeff is really the only one who can get away with this stuff without Tristan getting pissed.

“So Trist gets this baby-doll for his second birthday and he really fuckin’ loves it, right? I mean
absolutely
fuckin’ loves it
…the dude took it everywhere, slept with it, dressed it, even pretended to feed it, and he wouldn’t let anyone
including
me touch it…so one day when we were like five and in kindergarten, Zack, who was an asshole back then too, sees how much Tristan loves it and decides
he
wants to play with it. Well, we all know by now what Tristan’s temper’s like and how he feels about other people touchin’ his shit, but Zack is already pullin’ on it. Trist decides to let go because he’s not only fuckin’ pissed that Zack is touching
his
doll, but he’s also afraid of hurting the doll! So he stops the tug-of-war, takes a step back and then hauls off and punches Zack square in the jaw and knocks one of his damned baby teeth out. The baby snatcher was so embarrassed that he was bleeding and crying that he pulled one of the doll’s arms off and threw it and the doll at Trist’s feet and ran away…which only made Trist start crying so his mom had to come get us early. The big cry-baby here begged her to fuckin’
operate
on it and reattach the arm, which she did, but Tristan never took it to school again,” Jeff finished by shaking his head in sorrow.

“Like I said, you’re a dick.”

“Shhh, don’t give Pete any more ideas, I’m a one chick guy,” Jeff said and started laughing again along with most everyone else.

“Hey wait. If Zack and you guys were in kindergarten together how come he’s a junior now?” I asked, thinking that by all rights, Zack should be a senior if he started school with them.

“Where do you think that nasty case of chicken pox came from in the first place?” Kate answered.

“I told you he was an asshole from jump,” Jeff muttered, making me picture him as a little kid with his arms petulantly folded across his chest and a pouty look on his face.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get back to the game… Have you ever slept with a member of the same sex?” You’d think that would’ve been asked by Julia or Bridget, but it was Kate. The only people who drank were Jeff and Tristan. Kate, Melissa, Pete, and MaryAnn were cracking up.

“The operative word there was
slept
…again, be specific. Plus, we won the inaugural Awkward Morning Award for that so I have
no
regrets,” Tristan said when everyone else was staring at them like they’d just admitted to having sex with each other.
 

Ah. This also explains Tristan’s shirt and the award he and Jeff had to hand out last month…I’d totally forgotten all about that.

“Yeah buddy!” Jeff gave Tristan a high-five and sat back. “That was a fuckin’ wild party though, wasn’t it?” He asked while leaning his head back, appearing to be taking a trip down memory lane.

“Yeah it was,” Tristan agreed and then tilted his head back to whisper another warning in my ear, “This might get ugly so if you see a butterfly, be sure and lemme know.” He followed his words up with a particularly electric kiss that had the palms of my hands and the bottoms of my feet tingling.

I appreciate the warning and the kiss even more so, but if he’s up for sharing, then I can hear it. I think I’m finally reconciled with his skeletons…I just don’t like it when they try raising themselves from the dead like zombies.

“I gotta hear this one,” Derek said, laughing at the mere idea of the two of them sleeping together and getting an award for it.
 

“Okay, so the summer before last we were all in Mexico at Mike’s beach place for the week of Fourth of July,” Melissa began. Yeah, I find that they went to another country to celebrate the independence of ours hysterical too. “…and these two are found one morning wearing nothing but underwear, ponchos and sombreros, all curled up and actually
spooning
together on a chaise lounge on the patio. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life!” Melissa told us while wiping mascara from her eyes…
again
.

“Best sleep of my fuckin’ life…the dude does some seriously good snuggling.” It’s true.

“Thanks, man. I’m tellin’ ya, Pete…pick me.”

“Oh, I really shouldn’t pick until my pros and cons list is complete, but good snuggling is definitely a plus for you.”

Melissa was still crying with laughter as Tristan leaned back to wink at me with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Alright, you wanna play, little miss innocent? Have you ever passed out stark raving naked on a beach half a mile from where your clothes are?”

I about died laughing when Melissa
and
MaryAnn both drank.

“Hey! You have to drink too!” MaryAnn pointed a finger at him.
 

“Mm-mm…I had a towel,
remember
?” Then he whispered to me, “You might wanna plug your ears.” Uh-oh…that means he knows what’s coming.

“Okay fine, you
letch
, have you ever had sex fifteen or more times in a twenty-four hour time period because of a bet?” MaryAnn threw out.
 

Kate, who was giggling, and Jeff, who pumped his fist in the air, both drank but when Jeff was in the middle of his gulp, he bugged his eyes out and wagged his finger at Tristan as MaryAnn was about to protest as well.

“Dude, Katy and I won the bet but do the math…you gotta drink.”

Tristan was counting on his fingers and started shaking his head. “No, I count fourteen.”

“The time right before you joined the naked sisters over there and passed out too.”

“I don’t count that.”

Tristan was laughing and shaking his head in adamant denial, although he did drink—thrice—but when I took a breath about to ask why it didn’t count, he covered my mouth with his hand and shook his head again.

“Don’t ask.”

I’m still curious, though. I’m also curious about
who
he performed that feat with and I was about to ask that when he interrupted me again.

“Don’t ask that either.” Damn it.

“Why doesn’t it count?” You just gotta love my big cousin.

“Damn it! I said don’t ask!” Tristan hollered through his laughter.

Jeff was laughing at Tristan again and answered, “She passed out on him.”

“You’re a
giant
dick!”

“I try. That’s why you love me though, right?”

“You’re gonna make Pete jealous, but yeah, it’s true.”

“Wait, so you
did
pass out naked…you have to drink three times for that too,” Bridget said, sounding a little too interested in Tristan’s state of undress for my liking.

“No, I had a
towel
goddamn it!” He’s cracking up now…

“He did, so technically he wasn’t naked,” Melissa confirmed.
 

“So how did that happen?” Dylan questioned while checking Melissa out. I’m thinking Keith would use him for punting practice.

Tristan began chuckling a little and then said, “I was looking for that ridiculous poncho wh—”

“You mean ridiculous as in completely fuckin’ awesome, right?” Jeff interrupted.

“Well yeah, of course. You can’t be drunk in Mexico without a poncho…those are the rules. Anyway, I was looking for it when I found a trail of clothes down the beach, so I followed it like bread crumbs and found these two without a stitch on face down in the sand but I was so fuckin’ exhausted and hammered, all I did was just make sure they were breathing before I laid down and passed out in the middle of ‘em. They knew about that fuckin’ bet though and it totally scared the shit out of both ‘em when they woke up with me lyin’ between ‘em wearing nothin’ but a towel and a smile. Now
that
was one of the funniest goddamned things I’ve ever seen in my life.”
 

“It really was pretty damned funny, and at least you had the courtesy and respect to pick up our clothes on your way,” MaryAnn said, grinning at him.

“Yeah, but he
could’ve
covered us up with them before falling asleep,” Melissa added.

“Why the fuck would I do that? That would’ve ruined the fun, besides, I used your clothes as a pillow and if I’d known about that picture, you
know
I would’ve been hunting for a camera instead of that poncho, so you’re welcome.”

“Too bad you didn’t take one anyway…we could’ve done a little side by side comparison,” Jeff intoned regretfully, causing Melissa to shake her head that she’d already buried in her hands with Tristan’s comment.

“What was the bet for?”
 

“Umm…I don’t even remember anymore,” Kate replied and laughed.

“Just to see which one of us is more of a stallion,” Jeff told us and started cracking up at Tristan who’d flipped him off once again.
 

“Yeah, you had an advantage though, dickhead.”

“So you and your girlfriend made a bet with Kate and Jeff to see who could do it more?” Julia asked, clearly intrigued. Now they’re getting on my nerves.

“Not really. That was his advantage…I’ve never had a girlfriend until Camie... How ya doin’, Baby? You still okay back there?” He asked with a small chuckle while looking up and over his shoulder at me.

I know he can tell I’m getting irritated with the girls, but other than that I’m fine. This is all pretty hilarious and besides, I think he’s really having fun. You find out a lot of stuff you didn’t know about people when you play games likes this. Like the fact that Melissa has obviously over-imbibed on at least one occasion…I wonder if that’s what has kept her from drinking as much as everyone else I know. Huh.

“I’m good, but can we trade places?” He’s heavy and Pirate Punch is yummy so it’s getting increasingly more difficult for me to sit up and support his weight. Therefore if we don’t switch, we’ll be horizontal soon.

“Yep!” So we swapped positions so that I’m leaning against him, which is nice because now he can put his arms around me and I can be the recipient of his award winning snuggling.

“But I thought you went out with Melissa…” Julia said, again being confused.

“Yeah I did, but having a one night stand or even going on a couple of dates is completely and totally different than being in an exclusive relationship, and in my entire life, the
only
person I’ve ever made a commitment to is Camie. And because I almost lost her and the chance to experience the distinction firsthand, I committed myself verbally and even in fuckin’ writing, right, Baby?” Tristan said, sounding a little more than proud of himself for having done so.

“Right.”

“So wait, you’re saying for the bet and anytime before Camie, you just had sex with whatever girl was willing?” It was Dylan who asked and in a way that sounded like hero worship. Tristan’s acquiring quite the following. First it was Brandon, now Dylan, and Jeremy’s not far behind them. He’s still afraid of Tristan, but he’s got that telltale look of idolatry on his face.

“Not like
that
was difficult. Look at him, what guy or girl could resist him? Plus like I said, he really is kind of a slut,” Pete said, making everyone start laughing again.
 

“Recently reformed promiscuous reprobate!”
Tristan and I hollered at the same time and started laughing, but he’s laughing into my neck so now I have goosebumps.

“But aren’t you worried about catching something?” Julia asked, now that she’s realizing just what a veritable rainbow of color Tristan’s past really is.

“Not anymore,” It took a great amount of restraint to not react when he surreptitiously pinched my virgin butt. “But I take safety as seriously as I take foreplay, and that’s pretty goddamned seriously.”

“Still…”

I should probably mention that Kate has been watching Tristan carefully but she just flashed me a look that said, “Pay attention,” so I’m guessing I’m about to learn something relevant and because she can see his face, I’m assuming he wants me to listen carefully as well.

“Alright look, I have my own set of rules that I hold myself to whether
anyone
, myself included, likes them or not and I have never
once
gone out to play in the rain even a
little
bit without being dressed accordingly.”
 

“Yeah, he’s a control freak about his rules and shit like that…that’s what
really
lost him the bet,” Jeff admitted like he was pouting, but I got the feeling he’s saying more than that as well. I love that I can speak in code and that I’ve sort of learned how to read between the lines…it makes things so much easier.

“But how do you know for sure?” Jeremy asked. Good lord…this is like sex-ed for those who are afraid of talking to their parents about it.

“I’m a creature of habit and I’ve never flunked a test in my life,” Tristan answered casually and took a drink.

And just so you know, he’s being this forthright by answering these questions for my benefit, not theirs. Typically he prefers to keep his life as private as possible and wouldn’t talk about something this personal in an open forum with people he doesn’t exactly know. He’s letting me know that he’s religious about practicing safe sex, that he habitually gets tested and that he’s clean. So yeah, good to know… Also, he’s not unaware of the fact that there are two obviously impressionable, young male teens here who are viewing him as a mentor, so he’s trying to instill some sense of safety and responsibility in them too.