The Pastor's Wife (13 page)

T
errance stood in the doorway watching Savannah drive off. He was grateful for her leaving because after the bombshell she’d just dropped, he needed some time to get his head together.

“Are you okay?”

Terrance turned toward Raquel, who had reappeared in the entrance to the den. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”

She walked over and stood in front of him. “Terrance, I know you’re trying to do the honorable thing by giving me a place to stay, but really, I can go find a hotel, or someplace to go. I don’t want to be causing any problems.”

“You’re not causing any problems.” Terrance looked at Raquel. She was visibly concerned that her presence was creating problems. The more he looked at her, the more he knew that he had to let her know what was going on.

“Have a seat, Raquel.” Terrance put his hand in the small of her back and led her toward the sofa.

Raquel looked uneasy as she sat down. “What’s going on? I mean, you don’t have to sugarcoat the fact that you need to put me out. I said I’ll leave.”

“Nobody is putting you out.” Terrance sat down next to her on the sofa. This had to be one of the toughest things he’d ever had to do. “Although you may want to leave on your own after you hear what I have to say.”

For a brief moment, he contemplated not saying anything to Raquel about Savannah’s pregnancy. But he knew she would be crushed to find out some other way. And a part of him felt like she had a right to know.

“I’ve really enjoyed having you here these last few weeks,” Terrance began.

“I’ve enjoyed being here. But, Terrance, what are you trying to say?”

Terrance inhaled, gathering up his nerves. “You are welcome to stay as long as you need. But, well, as my very dear friend, there’s something I feel like you need to know.”

Raquel slowly blinked her eyes several times. “This doesn’t sound good. I think I know what it is. You want to make things work with Savannah. I understand and respect that.” She sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

“I think I’m slowly beginning to realize that Savannah is not the woman I want to be with,” Terrance stoically said.

“What does that mean?”

Terrance shook off the daze he had found himself drifting off into. “Nothing. I’m just saying, I don’t believe in my heart that she’s the one.”

Raquel kept the skeptical look on her face. “Then what’s going on?”

Terrance squeezed her hand, then stood and walked to the other side of the room, his hands stuffed in his pockets. “I really value our friendship.”

Raquel stood and followed him across the room. “So do I. However, I feel like there’s a
but
coming,” she said to his back.

Terrance let out a long sigh. “But…”

“Just spit it out, Terrance.” Raquel twisted her hands together nervously. “This is killing me. Just say what you have to say.”

Terrance turned back to face Raquel, inhaled, then said, “Savannah is pregnant.”

Raquel’s eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open.

“I don’t know how it happened.” Terrance rushed his words out. “I mean, I know, but this is something I never in my wildest dream ever imagined.”

Raquel eased back down on the sofa. She shook her head from side to side. “Wow. I don’t believe this. Savannah’s pregnant.”

“It was a mistake,” Terrance said desperately. He was surprised that he felt the need to explain, or rather justify himself. Maybe it was the look of pain that shot through her eyes just now. Or maybe it was the unspoken feelings that seemed to be lingering between them.

Tears began to form in Raquel’s eyes. “Let me guess. She’s pregnant and you have to do what’s right?”

“I do. I know people have babies out of wedlock all the time these days. But I can’t do that. I have to marry her.” He hadn’t even discussed marriage with Savannah, but if she was carrying his child, that’s the only option he had.

Raquel nodded knowingly. “Of course.” She stood. “I wish you and…” She paused to compose herself. “I wish you and Savannah the best.” She started walking toward the guest bedroom. “Give me a couple of hours and I can have my stuff packed and out of here.”

Terrance reached out and grabbed her arm. “Raquel, I told you, you don’t have to leave.”

Raquel snatched her arm away and flinched. She looked like she was shaking as she fought back tears. “No, I need to leave,” she calmly said.

Terrance stepped closer to her. “Please don’t leave like this,” he whispered.

Raquel glared at him, tears filling her eyes. “What would you suggest I do, Terrance? Do you want me to break out the cigars? Do you want me to plan the baby shower?” She raised her voice. “One minute you’re telling me you don’t think she’s the one. The next, you’re talking about marrying her. Am I supposed to be happy about this?”

Terrance was taken aback by her outburst. He looked at her in shock. “I…I’m sorry.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled. “No, I’m sorry,” she said once she opened her eyes back up. “It’s just…I was hoping…I thought…” The tears she had been fighting back came pouring out. “I don’t know what I thought.”

Terrance reached out and took her in his arms. At first, Raquel resisted, but then as the sobs overcame her, she let her body fall limp in his embrace. As he hugged her tightly, Terrance couldn’t help but feel like his heart was breaking in a million little pieces, and he began to shed some tears of his own.

T
errance could barely make it through his sermon today, especially with Savannah sitting in the front row, in a short, lavender two-piece suit and matching hat, beaming like she’d been a first lady for all of her life.

He couldn’t get Raquel’s look of disappointment out of his head. It had haunted him all night. He had convinced her that it was too late to leave last night, so she’d gone to bed, but she was up and gone by the time he’d awakened. He had taken comfort that her stuff was still there. While he was trying to do right by Savannah, he didn’t want to just leave Raquel stuck out.

“Hey, baby. What are we eating for dinner today?” Savannah asked after Terrance had said good-bye to the last member. She reached out and straightened his tie. He couldn’t help but notice how she said “we,” like it was a given that they’d be dining together. His aunts stood off to the side, giving him evil looks, no doubt upset with the way Savannah was fawning all over him. He was in no mood to deal with them today, so as soon as he saw them heading his way, he turned and made a beeline to his office.

Of course, Savannah was right on his heels, chatting away. He had sat down with her this morning before church and told her that he planned to do right by her and their baby. Of course, she’d been ecstatic and her whole mood had been chipper ever since.

A baby? How had he ended up getting Savannah pregnant? He’d tried his best to live the right way, and the one time he’d slipped up, this had been the consequence?

“Babe, why did you run out the sanctuary?” Savannah asked, taking a seat in front of his desk. “I was trying to see where we were going for dinner.”

He exhaled loudly. “Look, Savannah. I have a lot to do. I, um, I have to run by Sister Margaret’s and check on her husband.”

“I’ll come with you.”

Terrance wanted to scream
No!
but he caught himself and calmly said, “I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind and I need to be alone.”

Savannah playfully stuck out her bottom lip. “No, T-baby. I’m sorry. I’m being pushy. I know you have a lot to digest, with our baby and all.”

Terrance fought down the sick feeling in his stomach. He had been convinced that marrying Savannah was the right thing to do, but now, just the sound of her voice was irritating the heck out of him. He just wanted to get home. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

She stood up, reached over, and gently squeezed his hand. “Just call me Miss Understanding.”

Terrance was grateful that she didn’t fight him and left quickly. He wasn’t too far behind her, because he didn’t want to chance running into his aunts.

After a brief run through the drive-through at Burger King, Terrance pulled back up at his house. He just wanted to get inside, gulp down his Whopper, and try to figure out this mess that had become his life.

He’d just walked in the door at home when he bumped into Raquel. His eyes made their way down to the two suitcases in her hands. “Wh…What are you doing?”

She lowered her eyes. “Umm, I’m going to stay with my great-aunt.”

“The crazy one who lives in an efficiency in the hood? With all of her cats?”

She shot him a forced smile. “Beggars can’t be choosy. Besides, it’ll only be for a little while. I found an apartment. They’ll have it ready for me at the end of the week.”

He reached for her suitcases. “Raquel, you don’t have to leave.”

She pulled both of the suitcases out of his reach. “Yes, I do.” She looked him in the eyes. “I’ve caused enough problems with you and Savannah.” She swallowed. “And now, with a baby on the way, well, you don’t need any more problems.”

Terrance looked down in shame. “About that…”

“Hey, you don’t owe me any more explanation.”

“No, I need you to know that I wasn’t lying to you. I really did like Savannah. But I was conflicted in my feelings about her. So, that’s why I told you I wasn’t sure she was the one.”

“You weren’t conflicted enough not to sleep with her.”

Terrance sighed. “I’ve only been with Savannah intimately one time.”

“That’s all it takes.”

“I know that. I just…” Terrance eased over to the large window in the corner of his living room. He stared outside, thinking. Finally he said, “I don’t know how I got myself into this.”

“Well, regardless of how you got here, you’re here and you have to deal with it.” Her voice had lost its accusatory tone. She now sounded genuinely concerned for him.

“You reap what you sow, huh?” Terrance said, turning back to face her.

Raquel set her luggage down. “Yes, but you’re a strong man of God and you’ll get through this.” She walked over to him, then reached out and hugged him. Although her hug was quick and lacked the warmth it normally had, he savored the sweet smell of her perfume.

“You don’t have to leave,” Terrance whispered. “Honestly, I don’t want you to leave.”

Raquel pulled away. She seemed to be trying to gather her strength. “No, I really do need to leave.” She hesitated like she had something to say, then changed her mind.

“What?” he asked, reading her eyes.

“Terrance, you are a very special man. You helped me get out of a very bad situation, and for that I thank you. But being here…with you. It’s not good. Especially now.”

They stared at each other, not saying a word. They didn’t need to. Her eyes told Terrance she felt the same way about him as he did about her. They had both fallen in love.

“I
f she’s pregnant, so am I.” Monty stared at Terrance like he couldn’t believe Terrance was buying Savannah’s claim. He’d stopped by Terrance’s place after visiting some woman he was dating in the neighborhood. They were sitting at the kitchen bar where Terrance had just told Monty the news about Savannah’s pregnancy. “I know you’re all saved and sanctified and stuff. But everybody ain’t, especially that trick you’re messing with,” Monty continued.

“Stop calling her that.”

“She’s a trick who’s tricking you,” Monty casually responded. “I mean, come on, man, she couldn’t do no better than a fake pregnancy?”

Terrance had never really given much thought to the idea that Savannah could be making this all up. Until Savannah showed him otherwise, he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Tell me, were you all in the middle of an argument when she blurted this news out?” Monty asked.

Terrance thought about it. “Not really. Well, she was a little upset about Raquel being at my house.”

Monty threw up his hands. “Oh, gimme a break. Dude, I know it’s been a while since you been in the game, but come on. That girl has had one thing on her mind since y’all started dating, snagging you. And she’s willing to do it by any means necessary. You need to listen to your boy. I know the sneaky ways of women, and Savannah is straight runnin’ game.”

“Naw, man. I believe her. I mean, I did sleep with her,” Terrance replied with a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, you and probably half the other men in this town.”

Terrance cut his eyes at Monty.

“Oh, let me guess, you don’t want me bad-mouthing your fake baby mama?”

“And what if she’s telling the truth?”

Monty looked like he didn’t want to even fathom that scenario. “Shoot, on the rare, rare, rare chance that she’s telling the truth, there’s no law that says you have to be with her just because she’s having your kid.”

Terrance looked at his friend, wondering how they even stayed friends, their views were so different. “Number one, I’m not going to run from my responsibility.”

“Nobody’s saying run from the kid, Terrance, man. Just run from Savannah.”

Terrance shook his head. “The other thing is, it’s bad enough that I had premarital sex after vowing not to, but what kind of example would I be setting as a minister to have a baby out of wedlock?”

“You’re human. Just ask God to forgive you and move on,” Monty nonchalantly replied.

“God doesn’t work like that. Your remorse has to be real. And, well, I’m just not gon’ mess up and say, ‘Oh, well, God forgives me.’ Forgiveness isn’t that simple to me.”

Monty sighed, seemingly frustrated that he wasn’t getting through to his friend. “So does this mean you plan on marrying this chick?”

“It looks like I don’t have much of a choice.” Terrance got up and walked over to the refrigerator. He grabbed two Cokes. “Want one?” he asked, holding the drinks up to Monty.

“Dog, marrying Savannah is a bad decision,” Monty said, taking one of the sodas. “And what about Raquel?”

Just hearing Raquel’s name tore at Terrance’s heart.

“Last time I talked to you, you were talking about how you were feeling her and everything,” Monty continued.

“I was. I am,” Terrance replied dejectedly as he sat back down on the barstool and popped the top on his Coke.

Monty leaned over and looked Terrance in the eye just as Terrance was about to take a drink. “Man, is that a look of love? Are you in love?”

Terrance set the can down, leaned back, and rubbed his forehead. “I am in love with Raquel. But it doesn’t matter because I have to do right by Savannah.”

Monty sat back and opened his drink. “So you give up love because you gotta pay the consequences of one night of lust?” he asked, then took a sip.

Terrance looked away. “Come on, Monty. Savannah isn’t that bad.” He didn’t know whom he was trying to convince, himself or Monty.

“Really she is. And she dang sure ain’t no Raquel. She may be finer than Raquel, but that’s about it.”

“Well, again, it doesn’t matter. Savannah is the one pregnant with my child.”

Monty shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe that ‘I’m pregnant’ trick still works in this day and age. So you’re just gon’ let Raquel go? Just like that?”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, you do. You’re just making the wrong one.”

Terrance stood and walked over to his bay window. He paused as he gazed outside and took in the beautiful November day. “I don’t expect you to understand. No one understands,” he finally said. “I grew up without a father. I will not do that to my child.”

“Your daddy died before you were even born.”

Terrance thought back to the only memory he had of his father—a five-by-seven photo of his father rubbing his mother’s pregnant stomach. His father had died in an automobile accident one month before his mother gave birth to him. “I know that,” Terrance finally responded. “But I still missed him. I needed him. It’s why I was so much trouble growing up. I didn’t have any male direction. I won’t subject my child to that. I made a promise to God after my grandmother died that I would try to live right. I have some skeletons in my closet as it is. The least I can do is try to honor my word. I…” He let his words trail off, not wanting to travel down that painful road again.

“We all got skeletons. And I’m sure your grandmother wouldn’t have wanted you to marry a woman you don’t love. But you know what?” Monty said, standing and grabbing his keys. “I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation with you because homegirl ain’t even pregnant.”

Terrance was tired of arguing. He’d hoped to find some solace by talking to Monty, but now he felt worse than he did before his friend even arrived.

“I know you’re not trying to hear me,” Monty said as he headed to the door. “Just whatever you do, don’t marry the girl until the baby pops out. And even then, wait for a DNA test!” Monty called out, then the door slammed closed.