The People in the Park (23 page)

“I only want what’s best for you, that’s all. So don’t take what I am about to say wrongly. Don’t try to read any ulterior motive into what I’m about to say. I only mean to say what I’m saying.”

“Mom, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean, too.” She looked away, as if this was hard for her to articulate.

“What is it, Mom?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m all for you finding yourself and discovering who you are and everything. I also wish you would take this time to also decide what type of man you want to spend your life with.”

“You’re talking about Patrick.”

“This has nothing to do with Patrick. Although I admit interracial relationships can be difficult, not only as you try to traverse your differences, but in how society, namely ignorant people, will treat you.”

This year had been so topsy-turvy that I hadn’t had a chance to consider if Patrick and I had any differences. I was just happy to have someone come into my life and take me to the prom and help me forget about Jay. Any cultural differences never occurred to me.

“I know you like Patrick and spending time with him,” Mom continued. “But is an interracial relationship really what you want? It’s fine if it is. I just want you to think about it.”

“I’m not even thinking about any long term relationship with Patrick.”

“Of course you’re not. I’m saying, while you’re trying to figure out what you want from life, also think about your mate. What kind of person do you want to marry? What traditions do you want to carry on with your children? All of that comes into deciding who you are and figuring out your place in the world.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“As I said, no ulterior motive. I like Patrick. He has a certain charm and seems to be a good kid. And he has his head on straight. I just want you to also think about a potential mate while you’re thinking.

“I know you have your college years to decide. Thinking about this now will help you decide what type of person you want in your life when you’re meeting young men in college.”

Mom leaned over and kissed my forehead. She walked to the door. “Just think about it.”

“Mom, do you regret choosing Dad?”

“I made a good choice. We were lucky.” She paused, mulling over her words. “Blessed is more like it.”

As the door closed behind her, I thought about all she had said. I hadn’t thought about what type person I wanted to spend my life with, probably because that was the farthest thing from my mind. I only focused on the next big thing, going to the prom, graduating from high school, getting into college. Those were the things on my radar, not marriage.

Being at Lincoln Prep would further define me and help me make future life choices. When I thought about Patrick, I never thought about the future. I didn’t think I had to. We were having a good time getting to know each other. When I had been with Jay, I also never thought about the future. Life was fun with our friends. We lived in the moment.

I know Mom meant well. She had certainly given me lots to think about. If I had to think about a future mate right this minute, I would choose someone with Dad’s qualities.
And I knew when the time came God would help me choose the right person. I drifted off to sleep, with Mom’s words ringing in my ears.

54

The next morning before breakfast, I drove over to the park. The water was still, peaceful, but flowing with gentle ripples on the surface. I didn’t plan to walk or run today. I wanted to see the people who had brought me out of my shell many months ago when I felt so alone.

I thanked Rose and Maybelle for befriending me and making sure I went to the prom. I thanked Dr. Smithfield for giving me a job this summer. I told him I’d be ready to start in ten days. I didn’t see David. Dr. Smithfield told me he was in the hospital. I mentally made a note to visit him when I returned. David had shown me that I could take charge of my life, regardless of the hand life bestowed upon me. I told Ted that I wanted to be a tree that flourished. He understood.

Julie was in the park. Her dad had gotten the job in Columbia. They were moving next week. Mr. Dawkins was there too. His loan modification had come through.

The people in the park had been good to me. When I needed it most, they had supported me and helped ease the pain. They had taken me under their wing and helped me see that my life wasn’t so bad. They had been through much worse and lived to tell about it. Looking back, I can see it was God working through them to extend kindness to me. They had helped me so I could help others.

I spent the afternoon packing for my trip to Memphis. Patrick had called to say he was coming over to say good-bye. He was starting his summer job tomorrow so he wouldn’t be able to see me off at the airport.

We went to the hamburger place where we’d first met. We ordered burgers and shakes and talked about our first meeting. We realized that with my trip to Memphis, our summer jobs, and his summer internship at MIT, we would barely see each other this summer. Plus I had promised Mom and Dad I would visit Atlanta on weekends.

There was no time for us.

“Maybe we should take a break from each other for the summer,” I said. Mom’s words were still swirling around in my mind.

Patrick stopped eating and stared at me.

“Is that what you want?”

“It’s not what I want, but look at our schedules. When do we have time for each other?”

“You’re right,” he grudgingly admitted. “I have to go on this internship. It’s the chance of a lifetime. And you have to visit your grandparents to reconnect and also go to Atlanta with your folks. I know this has been a hard year for you. I know all that, but I still want to see you.”

“Patrick, I can’t do everything I need to do this summer and worry about you being upset that we can’t see each other. Plus you’ll be in Boston in July. I’m going to Memphis for two weeks. That only leaves two weeks when I get back. Mom and Dad said I could stay here next fall if I came to Atlanta on weekends this summer.”

“I know our schedules are crazy now, but I can’t imagine the summer without you.”

“The months will go by fast.”

“We both have a lot to concentrate on this summer. I’m going to focus on my internship and do my best so I get accepted at MIT. That’s the most important thing for me right now.”

“So let’s make a clean break for the summer, no calls, no texts, no e-mail.”

My breath seemed suspended inside me, waiting for me to exhale. Patrick had been my lifeline these past couple of months. He had been somebody I could talk to about my life. I knew he wasn’t judging me. I had never thought about color at all while I was with him.

On the other hand, it was time for me to step up and do what I said I wanted to do. Find out what I wanted out of life. I had been part of a couple since sophomore year. First with Jay. Then with Patrick. Now I was going to be on my own for the entire summer. The thought of it was scary.

I took a deep breath. I can do this. I can make it on my own. And be happy.

“And after summer is over, and I get back in town?” His eyes probed mine. I didn’t look away. I needed to be honest. “We’ll see.”

He touched the top of my hand in acceptance. “I hope you find what you’re searching for. I think you’re a pretty cool person just the way you are. But then, I’m biased.”

We finished our burgers. We made small talk here and there. But we were mostly in awe of this adult decision that we had made to spend the summer apart with no communication.

For some reason I felt empowered. I was on the road to discovering myself with my first huge grown-up decision. But there was more. I had joy deep inside of me. The joy that only God can give through faith in Him. I now knew that through all difficulties I could draw closer to God, and He would strengthen me. I could trust His plan for my life and joyfully anticipate His blessings.

55

The pilot announced that we were almost in Memphis.

I could feel the plane descending in preparation for landing. This had been some year! At one point, I didn’t think I would survive it. Every morning I just put one foot in front of the other and got out of bed and forced myself to get through the day. Soon I was on the other side looking back.

I had a bigger problem now. I was going to visit my grandparents, Mom’s parents, for the first time in six years. I wished I had taken Mom up on her offer to come with me. I was nervous about being alone with Meré and Granddad, but I also needed to discuss something with her.

Jay had come by the house early this morning just as we were getting ready to leave for the airport. He had asked for ten minutes to talk. Reluctantly, Mom left us alone in the living room, emphasizing the need to get going soon.

“I heard you were leaving for Memphis today and that your family is moving to Atlanta,” he said.

I nodded, not telling him that I was staying here. I glanced at my watch.

Sensing that time was fleeting, he got to the reason for his visit. “I’m sorry I treated you badly,” he said. “You didn’t deserve it. I would like for us to start over if that’s possible. You have been on my mind a lot. I know I’ve been a real jerk.”

“I thought you and Steffy were happy together. She said as much.”

“I’ve only been happy with you. Steffy and I were never together. She wanted more than I could give. The problem with Steffy is she’s not you.”

“Jay! Why are you doing this?”

“I want us to get back together. I miss you. I love you and only you.”

All my self-confidence went crumbling away.

“You love me?”

“Yes, I love you. Whatever it takes, trips to Atlanta to see you, I’m willing to do it. I know I messed up. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it happen again.”

My head was spinning.

“Jay, I can’t think about this now.”

“Will you call me when you get to Memphis?”

I gathered all my resolve. “Jay, there is a reason I’m going to Memphis. I’m reconnecting with my grandparents. And I’m also taking this time to discover what I want for myself.”

“Then I hope you decide that you want me in your life.”

“Jay, I can’t make any promises now. And I won’t be in touch while I’m in Memphis.”

“I know I don’t deserve a second chance. I would ask for your forgiveness, but you already told me that you forgive me. All I’m asking now is that you consider us getting back together. I’ll wait for your decision all summer if I have to.” He hugged me and was gone.

Mom didn’t talk to me on the way to the airport. She could see that I wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts. Now I wanted to talk to her and try to figure this out. I’d thought Jay was out of my system. Now I had to decide between Patrick and Jay. Or neither of them.

Deep down inside I knew what she would say. I have to decide for myself. I’m the one who wanted to embark on this journey of self-discovery. I have to see it through.

“I’ll take the summer for myself. No Patrick. No Jay. Just me! I need to know that I can be alone and be happy.”

I quickly gathered my purse and backpack as the airplane landed. Inside my backpack was the end of the year student newspaper from Fairfield Oaks. My story on the recession and how it had affected students and staff was the cover, my second front-page story.

After first being shy about being identified, almost everyone had let me use their real names in my article. Mrs. Stevens was happy. She said they trusted me because of what I had been through personally. I’m as proud of this story as anything I’ve written. I’m hoping I can use it in some way in my college applications. Mrs. Stevens decided to take my family’s story out of the main story and present it in a sidebar. Mom wasn’t too upset when she saw it. In fact, she said she was proud of me for having the courage to write about myself. I brought copies for Meré and Granddad.

As I walked past the security gates, I wondered how our greeting would be. Awkward? Would I even know them or they, me? What would we talk about for ten days? Maybe they weren’t even here. Maybe…

But then I saw them, straining their necks as each person entered the baggage area. Our eyes locked. There was an instant connection. They enveloped me in their arms, at first simultaneously, then a big long hug from each. As I melted in Merés arms, I knew I was home. Love emanated through the years and erased anything that stood between us, all the absences, the lost phone calls, the unanswered emails.

Tiffany was right. Family loved each other unconditionally in spite of foolishness.

I was home.

We chatted nonstop as we waited for my luggage. Granddad went to get the car. Meré put her arms around me and hugged me again.

“Welcome home, baby. Welcome home.”

A warm feeling flashed up from my heart and spread throughout my entire being.

I didn’t know what my year of living with Tiffany, Aunt Ira, and Uncle Bob would bring. I didn’t know the fate of my relationship with Patrick, or with Jay. I didn’t know how this visit with Meré and Granddad would turn out. In spite of all the uncertainty ahead, at this moment in time, as I rested in Merés arms, I had faith that everything would work out just right.

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