The People in the Park (9 page)

Every time I put gas in the car, the gas gauge barely moved from empty, certainly not to one fourth of a tank. This was the thing that made me feel poor, having to stint on gas, when the funds were low, putting in two dollars here, three dollars there, and on a good day, five dollars.

I tried not to cry. Gone were the days of full tanks of gas. I never really thought how important gas was until I had to ration my money for it.

I could hear Mom and Dad arguing when I walked through the door.

“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have to stay home all the time as if I’m hiding out,” Mom said.

“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have a lovely home to hide out in,” replied Dad.

“I might not have it to hide in if something doesn’t change soon. This is just awful! Your face all over the news. Everything I’ve built up, my charities, my board work, everything has been torn down.”

“Not everything. We still have our family. We still have each other.”

Mom stormed past me without saying a word.

Dad saw me standing in the doorway. He was contrite. I knew he hated that I’d witnessed the scene between them.

He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll make this right,” he whispered.

His cell phone rang. He went into his office and closed the door.

16

Well I did it!

Even though I hadn’t talked to Tiffany since our trip to Chicago, I dialed her number. She isn’t even on speed dial, which indicated how often I called her. We chatted a few minutes about our trip and the musical and the spa treatment.

Then I drew my breath and took the plunge. “Do you know any guys who might want to go to the prom with me?”

Complete silence on her end. I was mortified. If I could have erased this moment and put the words back into my mouth, I would have.

“No,” she said finally. “I can ask around. But most guys I know have girlfriends.”

I laughed nervously. “Then what’s left are the losers,” I said. “Forget I asked.”

“I mean I don’t know, I can ask and see if anybody knows anyone.”

“Never mind. It’s a stupid idea,” I said.

Another awkward pause. “What happened to Jay?”

“We broke up,” I said, not wanting to go into detail.

“What happened?”

That’s what I got for calling her. We were not close and suddenly she wanted to get in my business. I decided to tell her. Mom probably already told Aunt Ira.

“His parents don’t want him to go out with me anymore,” I said, pausing briefly. “Because of Dad’s situation.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. She sounded sincere.

I think she really meant it. If I hadn’t been so ashamed of the whole thing, I probably would’ve talked to her and told her how I was feeling about everything.

“I’ve got to go,” I said. “I met somebody last weekend. I think I’ll see if he wants to go.”

“But you just met him,” she said.

“It’s only a party,” I replied. “I’m not going to marry him. Plus, we will be with my friends and their boyfriends.”

I felt like an idiot. I should never have called her.

****

In the park I saw somebody I recognized from school. She was sitting on a bench slightly down and back from where I sat. She looked like she’d been crying, but I couldn’t really see her clearly. I willed myself to take my mind off her and put it back on the tranquility that being in the park brought.

The river water rushing along at a rapid pace calmed me. Every day the water was different. Sometimes it barely moved. Other times it moved along slowly with intermittent ripples disturbing the natural flow. At other times it rushed downstream swiftly, like now.

I became lost in the roar of the water, my thoughts venturing to the future. I imagined meeting a boy who didn’t know me, who knew nothing about my family or me, who liked me for me.

I imagined life in college. A new start was what I needed. Too bad I couldn’t go to college after eleventh grade. Mom and Dad would never go for me dropping out and getting a GED. Their dream had always been for me to have the best in life, which meant graduating from Fairfield Oaks.

Dad and Mom wanted me to go to a small private college, but I saw myself at a huge university. At a small college I couldn’t get lost in the crowd and discover my purpose in life.

Maybe Tiffany and I will attend the same college. She had her heart set on Spellman College in Atlanta. If we went to the same college, that would defeat the purpose of me getting to discover myself. Yet, we could get to know each other, and I would always have someone to rely on.

It was complicated. I wanted to get off by myself, yet I didn’t.

Maybe I was thinking too much.

I stopped to look at the cement marker with the cross on it that was embedded in the ground. It was a tribute to the professor who loved walking along the river. I wondered what this area looked like before he started the trail. What did it look like before it became a park? Was it all a jumbled mess of trees and tall grasses? He wouldn’t recognize this area if he saw it now.

There was a lesson in here somewhere. I smiled as I thought of Mom. If she were with me she would have no trouble pointing out the lesson and what it meant.

Julie Ling was still sitting on the park bench when I left the park. I wanted to ask her if she wanted a ride, but then I’d have to ask her what was wrong.

My problems were enough for me. I couldn’t get involved in someone else’s.

I hoped she didn’t do something stupid like jump in the river.

Rose and Maybelle were late today. They were just arriving at the park as I walked to my car.

“Can I ask you something?” I said to Maybelle.

“Sure,” she said, as if glad to be needed, even if only to answer a question.

“I’ve been thinking about what you told me about New York. Why did you leave to come here? Why didn’t you just stay in New York and start over?”

“Oh, I wanted to do that,” she said, her eyes misting, as if the memory was still fresh after all these years. “You see, after my money ran out, I asked friends for loans. Suddenly they had no money to lend even though things had not changed for them. I tapped all my contacts for jobs. Nobody was hiring. At least, they weren’t hiring me.

“I tried everything I could to make it on my own. I even went on welfare. My sister Rose made me face reality. I’d been living beyond my means. I depended on my gentleman friend to take care of all my expenses. Even though I had a high-ranking job at his company, I blew my money on designer clothes, jewelry, and trips to exotic places with girlfriends. I didn’t save for a rainy day.

“Of course, the scandal cut all of that off. I had nothing saved and no means of getting back on my feet because nobody would hire me. I was damaged goods.

“When I got tired of eating beans, I tucked my tail and came here to live with my sister. It was a good decision. I learned the true meaning of family.” Her eyes radiated warmth as she looked at me.

“Thanks for sharing,” I said.

“As long as you have family, you’ll be all right,” she said as I walked away. “And God. It was the grace of God that brought me through everything.”

God? I wondered why she said that. I hadn’t seen God trying to help me.

As if reading my mind, I heard her say, “Lauren, God is working things out for you too.”

17

I contemplated skipping school today.

I was tired of doing the same thing every day. Park. School. Home. I wanted something new to happen in my life. I seemed to be going through the motions. If I didn’t have the park, I’d go crazy. Since the park was necessary for my sanity, I was out there again, walking for mental health.

I passed Julie, sitting on the same bench as yesterday, staring into space. She didn’t notice me.

Power walkers passed me, the type who took long swift strides while keeping a running conversation with their companions. But me? I walked along slowly and took my time and tried to figure out things. I walked for exercise, too, but didn’t feel it had to be a race. I liked sauntering along, with time for my thoughts to find the right rhythm for the day.

More walkers and runners overtook and passed me. I didn’t care. I was out there for my mental health, whereas they were out here for physical health.

Suddenly, Dr. Smithfield, the man with the white dog, was walking alongside me. He didn’t pass like everybody else. Instead, he slowed his rhythm to my gait.

I was having a pleasant walk until he came along. Why did he have to walk beside me? Now my mind was on him walking with me instead of what I needed to start the day.

“Good morning,” Dr. Smithfield said. “A lovely day.”

“Yes,” I said through clenched teeth.

“I’m not going to make small talk,” he said. “I heard about your father. I hear things might work out for him.”

“We’re hoping.”

“I know things can be rough when your name is blasted across the country,” he said. “But he’ll get through it. I know from experience.”

Why did he have to go and say that? Now I had to ask him about it.

“Experience?” I said. “Have you ever been arrested?”

He chuckled. “You’re too young to know about it.”

“What happened?” In spite of myself, I was interested.

“I was living in New York at the time, had a job on Wall Street. I got involved in insider trading. You know what that is, don’t you?”

“It’s when you know something you shouldn’t and make money off it.”

“Smart girl,” he said. “That’s about right. I had a friend from college who worked at a pharmaceutical firm. He was in town, came by to visit. I overheard him on the telephone talking about this new drug that had just been approved by the FDA. His company held the patent on it. They were going to announce it that next week. The next day I put all my savings in that company. The stock went up, and I became a millionaire several times over.”

“Wow!”

“That’s what I said at the time,” he said. “It was easy money, what can I say?”

“Was that the only time you did it? Insider trading?”

He walked along quietly, thinking about his past. “I wish I could say yes. Unfortunately, it was good, easy money. I sought out other employees at other companies. I didn’t tell them I was on Wall Street, and I became friends with them. I created another identity for myself.”

He shook his head, trying to forget the memory. “People love to talk about themselves, about what they are doing. They want to appear important. So, when they get a few drinks in them, the secrets come spilling out.” He shrugged. “It was easy money.”

I never would have dreamed Dr. Smithfield would have been mixed up in something like that.

“I finally got caught, went to jail, prison is more like it.”

“Prison?”

“It was a white collar prison but still a prison. I was locked away for twenty-two months. I hope your father doesn’t have to go through that experience. Regardless of the type of prison it is, being locked away from society is no picnic. The hardest thing for me was the loss of freedom, the ability to do anything I wanted when I wanted to.”

We walked on, silence filling the void between us.

When it seemed like he wasn’t going to say anything else, I said, “But you’re a doctor now.”

“Yeah, when I got out I actually kissed the ground. I decided that I never want to go near a prison again. And because of what I did, I couldn’t get another job on Wall Street, so I decided to make my parents’ dream for me come true. I went to medical school and became a pediatrician.”

“That’s amazing!”

“But it wasn’t easy. The key is, I decided to turn my life around. I burned the midnight oil many nights studying and trying to make sense of all the medical jargon. I think I wanted to do something so difficult it would wipe all the financial speak from my brain.”

Another pause. Our feet made loud crunching sounds on the walking trail.

“Your old man will be just fine, Lauren. There is life after scandal. A real life.

“Your circumstances may appear to be more than you can handle right now. But trust in God. He is working things out that you can’t even see. God gave me the peace, strength, and courage I needed to get through prison and start a new life.”

With that he walked on ahead. He and his white dog.

I’d heard two New York stories; neither had good outcomes. Maybelle and Dr. Smithfield probably didn’t know each other in New York. Yet their paths brought them to Fairfield to start over. And both said God helped them create happier lives. Then why wasn’t He helping me?

Late at night when alone in my room, right before I went to sleep, I felt like my life was hopeless…like nothing would ever be the same. I was scared of what was in my future. I had nothing to hold on to. I didn’t even have faith that God could fix my life.

After talking to Maybelle and Dr. Smithfield, I realized that everybody had a story, a story that had good parts and bad parts. When I was their age, I wondered what my story would be.

Where would I end up, and where would our family end up? Will I be forever plagued by Dad’s situation and the scandal that played out for the entire world? Will we have to start over where nobody knew us? What if Dad lost his license to practice law? How would I manage being poor permanently? Right now I viewed it as a temporary thing. Could I live every day by counting pennies? I hated to think of the possibility.

As I mulled over the things Dr. Smithfield had told me, I saw him up ahead on the trail, waiting for me. I took my time catching up to him.

“If you need a summer job, you can work in my office. I don’t usually hire summer people,” he said when I reached him. “I know money might be tight, you need to buy whatever you girls spend money on. And you might want to save for college.”

“Thanks.”

He pulled out his card and gave it to me. “Let me know what you decide.”

18

Jay came by my house unannounced.