The Perfection Paradox (24 page)

She should’ve
chased after her straight away, smothering her with love and
apologies.

“
What do you
want?” Emily snapped, dunking her finger into the half-empty jar of
peanut butter her mother had bought at the supermarket that
afternoon.

She dipped
her finger into her mouth while she waited for her mother’s
snivelling reply, but it didn’t come.

“
What do you
want
?” she repeated, louder and
fiercer.

God, that
woman really knew how to piss her off.

The door
creaked open slowly, but instead of her mother, Sarah and Amanda
peaked their heads into the room, their faces grim to match Emily’s
mood.

“
What are you
guys doing here?” Emily demanded defensively, squinting her eyes
suspiciously at her two friends.

“
Your mom
thought you might need someone to talk to…” Sarah
started.

“
I don’t need
anyone to talk to” Emily shouted, barely letting her finish her
sentence, “I need my mom to stop being such a fucking
bitch.”

Sarah sat
down on the end of Emily’s bed. It was an awkward distance between
them, like she was talking to a doctor across a desk.

“
She’s just
trying to help…” Sarah suggested.

“
Oh are you
my mom’s best friends now instead of mine? You’re supposed to be
on
my
side…”

“
We are on
your side, we’re just trying to help you Em…”

“
No you’re
not. You’re on her side… At least admit it, you spineless
bitches!”

Amanda, who
had stayed silent up until now, jolted forward angrily.

“
I’m tired of
you being like this Emily. You have no reason at all to mope around
the way you are, you need to pull yourself together.”

Emily grunted
quietly. She was trying to refrain from rolling her
eyes.

“
It doesn’t
work like that” she eventually muttered back, the tiniest hint of
vulnerability apparent in the slight tremble of her
voice.

But then it
was gone. Emily’s patience with her idiotic friends was diminishing
by the second.

“
I don’t care
how it works” Amanda declared, “You need to stop. You’re stressing
us out. We’re just desperate for this whole thing to
end.”

“
What am I
supposed to do?” Emily cried, “Just stand and watch while she gets
everything I’ve ever wanted?”

“
You need to
stop comparing and competing with Kennedy!” Amanda shrieked with
pure frustration.

Emily snapped
again, sick of hearing Amanda’s whining voice criticizing her over
and over. Since when had it been “
us
” and “
we
” anyways? Since when had Amanda
and Sarah become a group in themselves, without her?

“
You want to
feel
true
despair? Real loneliness? Loneliness that strangles you with
cold clammy hands as you lie awake at night
hating everything
that you
are…”

She didn’t
know where the words had come from, but something inside her had
broken under the weight of all the criticism and she couldn’t hold
them back now.

“
It
stifles
you. You slowly
suffocate while you realize
nothing
really matters. No one really matters. Love,
friendship, family, all forced on you. You pretend to enjoy it,
pretend to care, when really everyone around you makes you
sick
. No one
understands, no one accepts that the pain is real.”

She was
babbling with hysterical frenzy now. Out of nowhere, a line from
the book she’d read in English class popped into her
head
. Life is a tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

“
Why does it
matter if I have friends? If I get into college? I will still spend
my life trying to fix this open
festering
wound in my heart, in
my
soul
.”

She clutched
her chest.

“
I will spend
my whole life pretending to be happy, when all I really want to do
is scream. Why couldn’t I just be normal instead of this person who
overthinks every possible detail.
Who does
he like more? Will he ever notice me?”

Emily shouted
with unhinged energy.

“
Even I think
I’m pathetic…”

She was
staring at them both now.

Not staring,
not even glaring.

She was
burning them, her furious impenetrable gaze never
faltering.

“
If you want
to feel true despair, love someone who will
never
love you back.”

 
29.

“
Brooke!
Brooke!” Hunter called, rushing down the hallway to where Brooke
Kent was pulling books out of her locker.

“
I need to
talk to you” he pleaded, his voice low and anxious.

“
What do you
want Hunter?” she demanded impatiently.

“
It’s about
the other night…”

“
Are you
referring to your little PDA session?” she interrupted, cocking her
eyebrow and glancing at him coolly.

Brooke had
the ability to make even the bravest man feel ridiculous and
small.

“
I was just
wondering… Does Kennedy know about it?”

Brooke stared
at him in disbelief and disgust. Even though he was more than a
head taller than her and weighed twice as much, she was incredibly
effectual at making him feel like a complete idiot.

“
Of course
she knows about it Hunter. Do you think I would risk my best friend
getting hurt by a retarded jock douchebag like you?” She flicked
her hair over her shoulder and threw him a cold sideway
glance.

Brooke always
looked hottest when she was pissed off, all the guys admitted it,
and she was pissed off a lot.

She rolled
her eyes petulantly, “Luckily she didn’t seem to care, so she
either didn’t like you that much or had predicted you’d do
something completely stupid. Either way, it’s your loss.” She
snapped, her voice terse.

She started
down the hallway to class. Hunter pursued her worriedly.

“
Brooke,
you
have
to
listen to me, it was all a big mistake. I’d had too much to drink,
my confidence was down, she wasn’t talking to me, she didn’t seem
bothered about me talking to other girls, I took it too far, I just
wanted her to react,
to
care
.”

Brooke ground
to a halt and turned to face him, her eyes narrowing
angrily.

“
Hunter,
you’re an arrogant asshole. No excuse in the world will win you
another chance with her. Kennedy’s not the kind of girl you test
and play games with. She’s the kind of girl you pursue relentlessly
until she gives you a chance, no matter how small” Brooke
elucidated with venom.

She saw the
dismay on his face and decided to twist the knife a little
deeper.

“
I think you
may even have begun to crack her, but
don’t worry
, that’s the good thing
about being Kennedy Blakewood, she will never lose anything
she
truly
wants.
If she wants something or someone, she will always have them and
she
definitely
doesn’t want you.”

She shrugged
simply and smiled sweetly, though her mouth was lined with
malice.

“
After your
little fiasco Friday night about fifteen different guys text
Kennedy the next day making sure she knew what you’d done. One of
them is a good friend of yours if I’m not mistaken…”

She leaned
closer, the same sneer still hung on her lips.

”
She’ll
always
have something better to move on to, which is more than can
be said for you. If you want to make life easier for yourself, give
up on the idea of ever having any sort of relationship with Kennedy
Blakewood.”

She started
to turn but then changed her mind, facing him again,
“Congratulations on being kicked off the football team by the way,
your parents must be so proud.”  She spun her back to him and
stormed away before he could manage a response.

Hunter felt
like he’d been hit in the stomach. He’d hoped no one knew about
that yet, he’d been trying his best to keep it under wraps. He’d
been suspended for a week and kicked off the football team for
good. He had no idea what he was going to do now. Even thinking
about it made him angry.

It hadn’t
taken Hunter long to learn that more often than not, Brooke was the
key to Kennedy.

Always by her
side, her influence on Kennedy was undeniable. Many people still
questioned how exactly Brooke and Kennedy had become friends, or
more relevant maybe, how they had remained friends.

Kennedy and
Brooke had known each other since freshman year and within weeks
they were inseparable.

Brooke was a
walking talking stereotype, loud and obnoxious in freshman year,
spiteful and arrogant as a sophomore and a vain and self-righteous
junior.

Brooke still
needed to be mean in order to solidify her place as one of the
‘
popular’
girls.
She needed to put herself above the other students at Rosewell High
School by being cruel to them, to show she was superior.

All the girls
from the in crowd did this, except for Kennedy.

Kennedy was
the only one who recognized everyone as her equal.

No matter how
nice she was, how much she talked to nerds and losers, she would
never have to worry about being knocked off her pedestal, because
she was all a girl could ever be, and every student at Rosewell
knew that, the de facto star.

Despite the
incongruous differences, Kennedy’s allegiance to Brooke never
wavered, and most people credited Kennedy with changing Brooke when
no one else could have.

Towards the
end of sophomore year, Brooke had evolved from wild child into full
on train wreck.

The school
was rife with rumours of the scandalous things she’d done. She
barely attended class, she drank, she took drugs and she
stole.

She was out
of control.

Hunter knew
at least five guys who had ‘been there’ in the month before school
ended.

When school
resumed the following August, Brooke returned, gaunt and pale, a
shadow of her former self.

Her drug
addiction had spiralled out of control over summer, with Kennedy
gone for two months, and she owed a lot of people a lot of
money.

Hunter
remembered seeing her that first day back, remembered the shocked
whispers that passed through the crowded hallways like
electricity.

Her bony
knees and collarbone jutted out unhealthily, the skin stretching
across them was patchy and scabbed. Her hair fell lankly around her
wax-like face. Her eyes looked heavy and dull, like her mind was
constantly somewhere far away.

She looked
like a walking corpse.

Kennedy cried
when she saw her. It was the first and only time he’d seen her
cry.

She held her
hand up to her mouth, a gasp barely escaping her lips, and she just
stared at Brooke with the most despairing expression on her pretty
face.

Brooke had
looked up at her and shrugged as if to say “
I don’t know how this happened…
” and
Kennedy hugged her tightly and for a long time.

That was the
kind of person Kennedy was.

The following
months brought about a change in Brooke.

She looked
healthier, her figure filled out, her skin regained its glow, her
hair shone again. She became more like her former self. She
regained the vivacity that had made her who she was.

However,
Kennedy’s effect on her became clear. She was less malicious and
vapid than she had been before. She was more real, more like
Kennedy, less bitchy and plastic, and more kind, more
human.

Hunter never
knew what Kennedy had said or done that fixed Brooke, no one but
Brooke and Kennedy knew that, but what he did know was that for the
first time in his life he respected a girl.

He respected
Kennedy’s loyalty to Brooke and her determination to not let any
obstacles stop her saving her best friend.

He respected
how much Kennedy cared for Brooke, the look in her eyes when she
saw her best friend walking toward her said it all.

Usually
Hunter considered emotions a weakness, but with Kennedy they showed
strength, they showed resilience.

The
connection between Kennedy and Brooke was evident then, and anyone
who had doubted the depth of their friendship was unequivocally
silenced.

It became
clear then that Brooke needed Kennedy and Kennedy needed Brooke,
and since then Hunter had been trying perpetually to make Brooke
like him enough that Kennedy might give him a chance.