The Perfection Paradox (9 page)

Matt
scrambled to get out from under his strong arms, but to no
avail.

“
No…
no…
” he whispered,
desperately trying to free himself.

Taylor
scoffed at Hunter, “you’ve taught him a lesson every day this
week!”

Hunter shot
Taylor an aggressive glance and Taylor tossed his schoolbag into
his locker, sighing, before helping Hunter drag Matt to the boys’
bathroom.

Hunter kicked
open a cubicle door and pulled Matt in with him.

“
Looks like
someone’s left a treat here for you” He snapped before grabbing
Matt’s collar and shoving him head first into the toilet
bowl.

Matt
spluttered and struggled, water filled his mouth and stung his
eyes. As Hunter yanked his head out, Matt gasped for air, inhaling
the odour of the excrement that filled the toilet.

He gagged
loudly, trying to hold his breath to block out the smell, but it
filled his mouth and his nostrils, inescapable.

As he tried
to cover his mouth with his hands his body convulsed and he
vomited. It dribbled down his chin, dripping down on to his t-shirt
and jeans.

Hunter had
let go of him and was standing outside the cubicle, howling with
laughter. He just managed to take out his phone and snap a picture
of Matt bent over the toilet seat, rancid yellow spew covering the
floor and seat, before slamming the cubicle door shut and strolling
out of the men’s toilet triumphantly.

Matt sat
there for several minutes catching his breath, letting his
breathing slow. He got to his feet and stumbled to the row of sinks
and mirrors. He glanced up, there was a bruise developing on his
forehead from where he’d hit the hard surface of the toilet bowl
and his lip trickled scarlet bloody tears. His wet hair was
plastered to his forehead.

He turned on
the tap, his hand shaking violently, his stomach still twisted in
knots of dread and fright. He poured lukewarm water on to his face
and then over his head, trying to rinse out the remains of shit and
toilet water.

Matt slumped
through his front door wearily that afternoon, dropping his
schoolbag on to the floor and heading up the stairs to his room,
intent on avoiding his mother.

“
Matt? Is
that you?” he heard her call from the kitchen. Her footsteps grew
louder.

“
Yeah… I’ll
be down in a minute, I need the bathroom.” He answered, trying to
keep his voice even and deep.

“
Matt…” his
mother replied, concerned. She knew him too well. “Matt, come
here…” “Please just let me go to the bathroom Mom,” he pleaded,
tears burning his eyes.

“
Matthew!
Come down here right now!” her voice was at the foot of the stairs
now, he could feel her eyes burning into the back of his scalp. He
bowed his head, trying to hide his face from her.

He glanced up
at her quickly. She had her arms crossed worriedly over her stocky
frame. Her round shiny face, which was so often jolly and smiling,
looked tense and florid with angst.

When he
reached the bottom of the steps she placed her hand under his chin
and tilted his face up with a stout finger.

She gasped,
pulling her hand away to cover her mouth.

“
Oh Matt…”
she said sadly. “Why? Why do they do this to you? Oh sweetie, I’m
so sorry. I’m going to call Principal Andrews first thing tomorrow
morning…”

Matt stared
at her earnestly, shaking his head. There was nothing she could do
to stop this, calling would only make it worse. Matt would just
have to put up with it, hoping one day it would just become boring,
and he would become invisible.

His mother
gave him a long hug and sent him upstairs to shower and change
while she prepared dinner.

As he hobbled
out of the shower (he had a bruise the size of a fist developing on
his pelvis from where Hunter had thrust him into the lockers) he
was caught off guard by the smell of barbecue wafting through the
open window. He glanced out shyly, shielding his body from view
with a large white towel. Sure enough his neighbours were gathered
around a large circular barbecue, waiting for their burgers and
spare ribs.

The smell of
fire took Matt back to that fateful day, the worst day of his
life.

It had been
at a house party, about half way through junior year.

Hunter, who
had over the last couple of months spent more and more of his time
picking on Matt, stopped him on his way out of school on a Friday
afternoon.

“
I think
we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot man” he started, more calmly
than he’d ever heard Hunter speak before, though concealed beneath
the calm some hidden excitement shone from his eyes.

Matt
should’ve known it then, but he’d been too naïve. Matt had stayed
quiet, unsure of whether he was faced with an impending
wedgie.

“
I mean it…”
Hunter reassured him when he saw the conflict on his face. When
Matt didn’t respond Hunter clapped his hand on Matt’s
back.

“
Listen,
there’s a get together at my friend Taylor’s house tonight” He
nodded over his shoulder at a burly boy twice as tall as Matt and
three times as wide. “You should come.”

Matt
instantly shook his head. “I couldn’t.” he insisted uncomfortably,
“I can’t.” “Don’t be stupid man, of course you can…”

Even then
there was a hint of a threat in Hunter’s quasi-belligerent voice
that Matt had chosen to ignore. Hunter’s grip on his shoulder
tightened.

“
Meet us here
at 9pm, we’ll pick you up…” and without another word he turned on
his heels and strode away. Taylor hurried after him, while Ryan
swayed on the spot for a moment, his handsome face scrunched into a
thoughtful frown. 

Matt had
debated with himself for hours about what to do, managing to
convince himself to go and stay in equal measure.

When it got
to 9pm however, there he was, stood outside the main entrance to
Rosewell High School, in dark baggy jeans that were too short for
him and a navy blue math club hoodie.

He waited
with baited breath, half exhilarated, half worried.

What if they
didn’t show up? Or even more panic inducing, what if they
did?

The digital
watch on his skinny wrist read 21:07 when a silver pick up truck
veered loudly down the road towards him. Its brakes screeched
dramatically a few feet in from of him and Hunter swung out of the
driver’s seat.

“
You came” he
stated, approaching Matt and playfully pushing him towards the car,
“get in!” he commanded, getting back in the drivers seat. Matt
looked through the pick up’s windows at the broad faces staring out
at him, some in amusement, some with an edge of disgust. The same
frown was spread across Ryan’s face and Matt’s stomach filled with
dread as he saw it. For a guy about to go to a house party, he
didn’t look very excited.

As they
pulled up to Taylor’s house and headed up the cobbled path to the
front door, Matt could feel the anticipation build in his
stomach.

 
Hunter
pushed the front door open forcefully and Matt’s eyes fell upon the
dozens of people crammed into the hallway and nearby living
room.

Different
songs were pumping from speakers all around him as he entered.
Several people stopped and stared at him disdainfully. Several
watched him with faint amused smiles spread across their faces.
Matt instantly wished he hadn’t come. Hunter pushed his way through
the crowd and Matt, Ryan and the others followed until they emerged
on to a large well-lit patio. A bonfire had been set up to one
side, encircled by metal garden chairs. A dining table was being
used for beer pong, and the windows on the floor above had speakers
piled in them, blaring music into the garden.

Several
people glanced at Matt discernably. There was an air of tension as
the beautiful and popular watched him pass amongst them.

Brooke Kent
gazed from Hunter to Matt witheringly, rolling her eyes. He
remembered scanning the surrounding crowd for Kennedy, when Hunter
started talking.

He was drunk,
Matt wondered why it had taken him so long to realize.

“
Everyone,
listen
up
!” Hunter yelled at the people gathered
around him. “I want everyone to meet…” He turned to Matt, leaning
towards him with too much swing and nearly buckling over drunkenly.
“What’s your name again?” He asked boorishly, spit spattering all
over Matt’s glasses and face.

“
Matt” he
replied timidly, his voice sounded so quiet compared to Hunter’s.
He could feel the crimson shade of embarrassment spread across his
face like wild fire through a parched field in
summertime.

“
MATT!”
Hunter thundered, throwing his arms to the skies jubilantly.
Several of the students closest to him stepped back
uneasily.

“
Matt, Matt,
Matt” he said slowly, turning to back to him, his face swinging
with each syllable.

“
Did you
really think we would just invite you to come along with us out of
the blue? We want something in return…” He stated, a lop-sided
smirk spreading across his handsome terrifying face.

Matt looked
at him uneasily.

“
I think the
girls at Rosewell would like to see what they’ve been missing out
on. Come on! Show them!
Strip
!”

The crowd was
watching gleefully now, feeding off his humiliation. Matt shook his
head slightly, before turning to Taylor. He was enjoying this as
much as Hunter. Ryan? He was staring at the ground guiltily.
He knew Hunter was going to do
this
, Matt realized.

The crowd
joined in with Hunter’s shouts and within seconds everyone was
chanting at him. He had nowhere to go. He was trapped. He just
wanted them all to stop shouting, it was deafening.

Finally, he
started to pull his hoodie over his head dejectedly. As it fell to
the ground at his feet the crowd howled with laughter at his pallid
twig-like arms. Girls wolf-whistled sarcastically and a boy just to
Matt’s left was pointing and heaving with mirth.

Matt’s
stomach lurched and he felt tears sting his eyes, but he couldn’t
cry, that was the worst thing he could do right now.

He pulled his
hoodie back on and tried to push through the crowd but Hunter
pulled him back to the centre of the circle violently and Matt fell
to the floor.

He felt anger
boil up inside him, he got to his feet and tried to push through
the crowd again but Hunter pulled at him even more
aggressively.

Matt’s anger
burst like a dam in a flood and he let it wash over Hunter, pushing
him back as hard as he could.

He bowed his
hand into a fist and punched Hunter hard on the side of his
head.

Although Matt
had put all his strength into it, Hunter barely seemed to flinch.
He came at Matt slowly, his big hazel eyes squinting angrily,
piercing him.

Matt saw
Hunter’s eyes glance down at the fire pit next to him and his eyes
flashed with malice.

Matt knew
what Hunter was going to do before he even felt the pressure of
Hunter’s hands against his chest. Before he felt his body lurch
backwards. Before the odd sensation of white-hot flames engulfed
his body.

Hunter had
sneered victoriously and turned to walk away, turned to leave him,
burning.

It had been
Ryan who had pulled him out, patting his hoodie and jeans fiercely,
extinguishing the flames that were gorging his clothes and skin,
before letting him drop to the ground. Matt lay still for what felt
like a long time. He flashed in and out of consciousness, in and
out of shock.

A warm
trickle soaked his face and neck, running down his chest under his
clothes and stinging his burns. Matt forced his eyes open and tried
to focus, tried to make out the bleary shapes around
him.

Hunter was
stood above him, his fly unzipped and his penis out. Matt realized
what the tepid liquid had been.

He rolled
over, trying to escape its path. His whole body ached and he could
barely move his arms, but somehow he managed to stumble to his
feet. He didn’t remember how.

Hunter had
left now, skulking off indoors to fetch a drink now that the
night’s entertainment was done.

Ryan
approached him but Matt pushed him away mistrustfully and ran back
through the house and out the front door. The skin on his hands and
neck felt tight and hot, it throbbed excruciatingly as he tried to
figure out where exactly he was, how exactly he could get
home.

He walked for
three hours, taking many wrong turns along the way.

As he pushed
through his front door his body felt heavy and broken and it took
all his strength to carry himself up the stairs to his room. He
puffed and braced, knocking photo frames on the wall skewwhiff as
he tried to support himself, he could feel his eyes rolling back in
their sockets as he tried to block out the pain.