The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (56 page)

“And Khol does?” I interjected.

“Precisely.” She then smiled at me. “Although fully matured male dragons are no better. I think you’ve learned that from Khol.”

Laughter bubbled up and escaped from my chest. “Between the two of them I’m lucky I still have my sanity.” I paused and looked down at my hands that glistened from the tears I’d just wiped from my face. “At least I think I do.”

“I almost feel sorry for you,” Nala snorted. “Almost. If not for the fact that you have two powerful, handsome male dragons fighting over you.” She snorted again. “Never mind, I actually don’t feel sorry for you at all.”

“Bryn isn’t fighting for me at all. He’s given up.”

Her face grew serious and she met my eyes. “He’s fighting for your safety, and sacrificing himself in the process. It’s not the fight you want, but it does prove how much he loves you.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I knew on some level that she was right, and I hated it. Bryn was only trying to protect me, and seeing in my vision how much he was suffering made me feel like someone had reached inside of my chest and put my heart in a death grip. But I loved Khol now too. I inevitably would end up crushing one of them when I mated with the other. It was easier on some level to be angry with Bryn when I was with Khol. Because otherwise I’d have to admit to myself that maybe on some level I’d betrayed Bryn just as much as he’d betrayed me. I reached up and rested my hand on my abdomen. “It doesn’t matter,” I murmured more to myself than Nala. And it didn’t. Whoever the father of my child was, he will be my mate. I’d made up my mind to let fate decide, because no matter which way I looked at it . . . fate was going to play its hand anyways.

“So you’re really going to mate with whoever the father of your child is?” Nala asked.

I gave her a sad smile. “Yes.” She simply grunted as her response and pushed the mug that contained the fowl smelling concoction closer to me. I stared at it for a moment, before deciding to just drink it despite the fact that Nala was the one giving it to me. I’d clearly seen she wasn’t trying to poison me and cutting my nose off to spite my face would only result in more humiliation by way of puke. I picked up the mug and chugged it down as fast as I could. It burned my throat, nose and eyes and I coughed demonstratively when I’d managed to get all of it into my stomach. “Blak!” I exclaimed. “That was just as bad as I thought it would be!” A sudden wave of tiredness swept over me. “What the hell?” I slurred as I fought to keep my eyes open.

“Oh, didn’t I mention that you should only take this before bed because it’s supposed to really knock you out?” Nala paused and winked at me. “No? Oh my bad. Nighty night, little Queenie.”

Panic rose up in me for a second before I had the chance to think about it. Nala wouldn’t risk hurting me because she knew it would result in her own death, but that didn’t stop her from being a bitch to me. A title that I thought she deserved to hear out loud. “Bitch,” I grated just before I felt myself slump down onto the kitchen table.

I knew it was a dream right away, or a memory really.

I stood alone with Khol in his old room.

“Please,” I whispered, my whole body beginning to tremble. “Don’t do this to me.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have a choice anymore.”

“It’ll be rape. Are you telling me you have no choice but to rape me? I don’t believe that.” My words came out shaky as I tried to withhold the onslaught of tears that were pooling in my eyes.

He came to stand mere inches away from me, his voice barely a whisper. “You’ll enjoy it, I promise. I know your body craves mine. That isn’t rape, coercion maybe, but not rape.”

He leaned forward to kiss me and I ducked down so he missed and got the side of my face. “But my heart and soul still crave Bryn. You’ll deny me that for the rest of my life? Because once you claim me for your mate, I won’t want him anymore, will I? At least not physically?”

“No, you won’t. And it’s better that way.” He grabbed my wrists and pushed them up over my head, causing my heart to triple in time.

“I’ll never forgive you for this,” I hissed.

A sad smile turned Khol’s lips up ever so slightly at the corners. “But you will because only I will be able to give you what you crave when I’m your mate. And dragon’s are quite insatiable, especially the females; you haven’t even begun to experience the full scope of your dragon side.”

Bryn’s image flooded my mind, and just like that time in the woods when I was almost raped, all I wished for was for him to come to my rescue. “Bryn!” I mentally screamed. “Please, somehow don’t let this happen to me—to us!” I struggled in Khol’s grasp, but he was much too strong for me. He managed to keep me pinned with just one hand holding both my wrists as he tore at my clothes. I screamed with fury. I couldn’t—wouldn’t let him do this. When he dipped his head to kiss me, I bit his lip, causing him to growl low in his chest, his eyes glowing brighter. I tasted the tangy copper flavor of his blood as he persisted, delving his tongue into my mouth.

“Get your hands off her. She’s mine,” a heartbreakingly familiar voice growled with menace from behind Khol. I had a moment of intermingled relief and joy before the smile on Khol’s face set internal alarm bells going off inside of me.

And then I knew—it was a trap. “Bryn!” I screamed.

My dream then shifted to a different memory.

“I wanna be with you, Bryn. I don’t wanna be with anyone else. Ever.”

He stilled for a moment, breaking our kiss and pulling back just enough so he could look into my eyes. “We’ll find a way. Somehow—we’ll find a way.” And then his lips sought mine out again. That was all I needed to hear. Bryn would fight for me. Somehow we would make it work.

We stayed like that for I’m not sure how long, just making out furiously in the woods across from my house. But before things could progress much farther, Bryn pulled away, even with my protesting lips trying to ensnare his again. “Not like this. Your first time can’t be like this.”

I tried to catch my breath as I gazed up into his beautiful blue eyes. My insides churned for him. “You can’t take it back. You can’t say we’ll find a way and then take it back. That would be even worse than if you’d never said anything at all.” It would kill me, but I left that part unsaid.

He cupped my face in both of his large hands and spoke inches from my face. “No. There’s no going back. I want this.” He shook his head slightly. “No. I need this. I need you. I can’t imagine my life without you. Just being your Guardian isn’t enough—it’d never be enough.”

I sat up in my bed with a scream caught in my throat, and came face to face with . . . myself.

A feeling of dread snaked its way up my spine as I met the green eyes of the
me
I used to be.
This was it, the sign that I’d finally lost it. Padded room here I come.
“Don’t worry, you’re still dreaming,” the me with enviable lush long red auburn hair said with a wry smile.

I heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Okay, so what am I trying to tell myself? The symbolism, now that I know I’m dreaming, isn’t lost on me.”

My old self chuckled. “No, you’re not exactly being very subtle at the moment.” She then looked at me again and all the amusement drained out of her face. “You’re letting your fear of being alone rule your decisions.”

“No I’m not. I’m here, aren’t I? Facing this task . . . alone . . . without Bryn and Khol. I—”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You know I mean with the whole Bryn and Khol situation. When Bryn broke your heart . . . our heart . . . you ran into Khol’s open arms because it was easy. How can you run to him after everything he’s put you through? How can you think about choosing him after you tried to end your own life for Bryn’s sake?”

“I love Khol too!” My voice went up an octave as I pleaded my defense . . . to myself. Maybe I was ready for a padded room, even if it was a dream. “Since you’re a part of my subconscious, I shouldn’t need to tell you that I love him too! You know I do!”

“Not like Bryn. And you know that’s true. Bryn is our home. He always will be, no matter how he’s hurt us. Don’t let your fears rule you. You need to grow up. Your insecurities and fear of being alone have ruled you from the beginning. For all your constant declarations of love for Bryn, you didn’t waste any time with Khol or with Jeremy the last time he was by your side.”

“That’s not fair. That’s not—”

“The truth hurts sometimes. Stop with all the teenage angst and drama. You’re going to have a child of your own soon. Fight for Bryn, and stop making excuses to hide behind your own insecurities, because if you’re not careful, you really will end up the slut you’re afraid you already are. All sluts aren’t created equal you know. Some are just afraid to be alone. Some are just looking for unconditional love.”

“But he doesn’t want me!” I practically screeched, choosing to ignore what else I’d just said to myself. “And I wouldn’t be a slut if I mated with Khol I’d—”

“Be settling and you know it.” I quirked an eyebrow at myself. “And are you so sure Bryn doesn’t want you? Or is something else going on?”

“What do you mean?” My mind flashed to how bad Bryn had looked in the vision I’d had just before I’d drunk the herbs Nala had given me to knock me out. “Tell me.”

“Well, the problem with me being you is that I only know what you know. But we both know that something isn’t right. Bryn would never walk away from you the way that he has without some outside force coming into play—especially with the possibility that you’re carrying his child. We’ve known Bryn since we were both were five years old; you know he isn’t acting like himself. ”

And if that was true then maybe I’d been the one to betray Bryn and not the other way around. I was an immature hypocrite. Maybe I didn’t deserve Bryn. The truth really did hurt. “So what do we—I mean
I
do?”

“How should I know? I’m just your subconscious,” the old me said with annoyance. “By the way . . . happy
nineteenth birthday to us.”

I really did wake up after that. I lay in the cool dark room listening to myself breathing over the roar of my heart beating in my ears. This would be the first birthday I’d ever been apart from Bryn since we were five years old. No wonder it was also the first time I’d almost forgotten about it. Yep . . . happy birthday to me.

Terrance’s whole body shook with thinly veiled fear as he approached the office door where his master was currently working on business. He was always working on some kind of business. And he would not be pleased with the news that Terrance was bringing him this day.

“Come in,” his master’s voice boomed through the thick oak, before Terrance had even raised his hand to knock. He only hesitated for a moment before entering. There was only so long he could delay the inevitable. “Tell me,” his master growled as he scuttled into the lush room with eyes averted towards the ground.

“She’s not dead.”

“And what of our operative inside the human girl?”

“No news. She is either dead or being held captive. Either way she is currently beyond our reach.”

“I see.” His master’s voice was much too calm. “You do realize this was your last chance, Terrance. I don’t tolerate incompetence . . . at least not for very long.”

Terrance dropped to the ground onto his knees. “No, please, my Liege. I won’t fail you again. I—”

“No, you won’t fail me again.” It was the last words Terrance heard before he was ripped from his host’s body and pulled into the bright red stone where he would now make his home.