The Protector (40 page)

I was glad when dinner was done. I was really tired, it had been a long day and I wanted desperately to see Jack.  Eric was insistent on following me back to the hotel. He told me he wanted to make sure I made it back to my room ok, but honestly I think he thought back on my home turf he might get lucky. 

I had hoped that when I got out of my car he would watch me go into the hotel, but he didn’t.  He parked next to me and managed to get out of his car and open the door to the car I drove. He helped me get out of the car and grabbed my hand as we walked to the front door of the hotel.  I wanted to run once we hit the door but I didn’t.  There were only a few people in the lobby when we walked in. I looked around quickly and noticed Joed standing in the lobby watching some sort of baseball game on the flat screen. Damn he and Noor were fast. I glanced briefly around for my red headed
roommate
, but she was not to be seen.  I tried not to pay attention to Joed or the man sitting in the armchair by the desk. He was buried behind a newspaper and was quiet.  I knew it was Jack. I wanted to stop Eric before we reached the elevator as the last thing any of us needed was him following me up there wondering who everyone was.

I turned to face him before we reached the elevator. “Ok, I am safely inside the hotel you can leave now.”  Eric faced me with his back turned to the man in the chair holding the newspaper. 

“I can walk you up to your room Alison.  That would be the gentlemanly thing to do you know.” He reached for my upper arm and I took a step back so he wouldn’t make contact. “Alison?”

“Seriously, I am tired and you should go. I can make it up to my room.”  From behind Eric I could see the newspaper move and there in the green armchair was the man with the Yankees hat I had grown to adore. I tried not to let Eric in on my relief at seeing Jack.  “I am more than capable of….” He didn’t let me finish my statement.

“I know you are Alison.” but he did not move from where he stood. It angered me all the more as I wanted desperately for him to leave. Jack slowly folded up the paper in his hands and began to get up from where he sat. I quickly shot him an evil scowl my dear sweet Aunt Marilyn would be so proud of and he returned to his seat and quickly unfolded the newspaper once again.
             

“Good night Eric.” I slowly moved to kiss his cheek, but quickly changed my mind and landed a kiss squarely on his lips. This shocked Eric, but his response was rapid fire as he wrapped his arms around me and tried to drag it out. It lasted for only a few seconds before I pushed him from me and turned to walk to the elevator.  “Call me when you get off and I will meet you at the house.” 

I didn’t turn to watch him which made it impossible for me to see that Jack had folded up his newspaper and was walking briskly past Eric following me to the elevator.

“Goodnight Alison.” I heard Eric say from behind me. I reached the elevator and hit the button, not turning to acknowledge his words. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Jack stopped to linger a moment at the brochure shelf.  He didn’t look back at Eric as he stood there watching me.

As the elevator doors opened I started to walk in and I felt Jack’s hand on the small of my back gently guiding me into the enclosed space.  Eric must have turned and walked out of the hotel, as I knew Jack wouldn’t have done that with Eric standing there.

Jack moved his hand from the small of my back to encircle my waist. His other hand grabbed my elbow as if to hold me up.  I moved as close I could possibly get and fell into his chest. The elevator opened and instead of helping me walk back to the rooms, he picked me up and carried me to the room.   I put my hands around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder.  He gently kissed my forehead as he walked down the hall with me in his arms.  There was no one in the hall and for that I was grateful. I suddenly felt like a weak child who needed the assistance.  I didn’t want to feel that way, like a fragile human being. It couldn’t have been healthy, but being in his arms was what I wanted.

My stomach was in knots and I felt guilt wash over me as I thought of the man who was now driving back to his place alone.  I knew desperately what Eric wanted and leading him on was not the smartest choice.

Once we made it to the room he had to put me down to access the card key but he kept one of his arms around my waist the entire time. As the door opened he slowly pushed me into his room and to the bed.  The television was on the same baseball game as it was downstairs but he quickly shut it off. I sat down on the bed and kicked off the high heels he had bought me.

“You knocked his socks off I take it?” His voice was soft as he sat down next to me.  He leaned forward on the bed and buried his face in his hands.

I just stared at Jack. I wanted desperately to throw my arms around him and not let go. But I sat and looked at him, my face expressionless.  I heard the door in the other room open, but the door that was between our rooms did not open and for that I was grateful.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?  For me to knock his socks off?”

“No, that is not what I want. But it’s what’s best for you.”

I sat there in disbelief watching him. He did not look at me but instead kept his head cradled in his face. He sat there in silence “I am sorry I have to leave.”

“We’ve been through this Jack. You have to leave, I’ll spend time with Eric and all will be fine. Who knows maybe he’ll even propose and we’ll get married.” My voice was sarcastic and full of anger.

“If that is what you want, then so be it. I won’t stop you.” His voice was sad and I suddenly I felt guilty for making him sad. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to say that I would miss him. The words were so simple yet I could not find a way to say them.  I also wanted to desperately tell him that Eric was not what I wanted.

“I’m sorry Jack.” The words finally came out. I got up from the bed and grabbed the black heels in my hands. I walked over and removed his hat from his head and leaned down to kiss the top of his head; something he had done many times to me, but this time it was my turn.  As I did, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him.  He hugged me tight to him, his cheek on my stomach. I stood there for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. I could feel his breath against the black material of the dress. He held me tight but soon began to relinquish his hold and I was able to sink down to my knees, our eyes finally meeting.

“I’m not good for you.” I finally whispered, staring deep into his golden eyes. He didn’t blink.

“Not good for me or not good for my job,” he asked, a smirk appeared on his face.

“Neither.” I shook my head to emphasize my point, hoping he would realize as I thought I had, that I was keeping him from his job.

“I disagree with you on one point.” He slowly stroked my arm up and down. “You are perfect for me.”

I didn’t want him to stop touching me. “I am not good for your job then.”  My tone was serious, but my expression matched his. We both knew this was true.  I affected him and his job and not in a good way. 

“Maybe not.” He slowly scooted off the bed and sat with me on the floor.  His arms encircled me and I snuggled as close as I could get to him. “I’m not sure about that. I have never wanted to protect someone as much as I want to protect you.“

“I don’t want you to protect me.” I could go no further with what I really wanted to say. I didn’t want his protection I wanted his love. 

We sat in silence and I could feel his heart beat up against his muscular chest. We both knew I wasn’t good for him and this was not going to end well. Once I was protected and everything was back to normal, if that was at all possible, we would go our separate ways.  I didn’t want to think about that, but then I didn’t want to be protected anymore. I wanted to go on with my life. I just wanted that life to include him. And I wasn’t sure if that was possible.   “What happens when you are done protecting me Jack,” I finally asked.

He buried his face in my hair and he didn’t respond at first.  I wanted him to answer me but I also didn’t want to hear the answer. It was such a Catch 22 situation, we were damned either way.   

“I don’t know what’s going to happen Sonny,” he whispered into my hair. “I honestly don’t know.”  He held me tighter in his arms. I tilted my head back to meet his lips. He kissed me with a gentle passion.  It was nothing like this morning. It wasn’t hot or wanting, more sweet and innocent. Almost like a first kiss should be. The smile that had disappeared a few seconds earlier returned as he pulled his lips from mine.  “Want to run away with me?” He was half joking half serious.

“Aren’t we already doing that? Running?”

“No, run away from everyone, everything. Leave the damned processor, and go someplace we will never be found. Leave it all behind.”

             
My body tensed as I realized he was serious.  My head began to race, leave it all behind?  Could I do that? Leave everything, my family, my friends, my career, Eric, EVERYTHING, to be with Jack. “Wouldn’t they still come looking for me, us?” I couldn’t believe the thoughts that went through my head. Leave it all? I chuckled to myself in disbelief and looked deep into his eyes.  “And where would we go?”

“Azores.” He had obviously thought this through because he didn’t not stop to ponder his response. 

“The Azores? You mean the Islands off of Portugal?”

He nodded his head.  “We could live there happily in a small little house on the coast. No one would know the difference - new identities, new lives together. Sure they would look for us for a little bit. But the trail would be soon convoluted, they wouldn’t find us and they would give up. They would have what they wanted anyway.”  He grew more and more serious with each word. And the excitement grew in his voice.

“The Azores,” I asked again.

He shrugged his shoulders as I shifted away from him.  His arms were no longer circled tightly around me. I sat with my legs crossed facing him so I could see his expressions first hand.

“I thought of Ireland, get lost in some small village.  My accent comes back fairly quickly.”  It was then that I did notice the Irish draw in his voice. It sent shivers down my spine.  His voice was sweet, but it was even sweeter with the accent. “But, that hits too close to home for me. They would think to look there.”

I sat there in amazement. “You are dead serious aren’t you?”  I could tell by the look on his face he was totally serious with me. And I could also register the disappointment in his face when he realized I wasn’t seriously considering this option.

“Yeah,” he said nodding his head.  “Why not?”

“Leave everything and everyone?” 

Again he nodded. “Everyone but me,” he whispered.

J

She sat there in silence for a few minutes. She ran her fingers through her hair and shifted her body so she could put her legs folded to her side. I was serious. I wanted her to run away with me. I selfishly wanted her to myself, to live with her on an island, a beach view, small house, maybe even raise a family.  The Azores seemed like the perfect location. We could get lost in the middle of the Atlantic so to speak.

I was asking a lot of her. I was asking her to leave everyone and everything she ever knew and loved to be with me a man she barely knew.  Unlike her, I had nothing to lose.  My family, my mom, I rarely saw.  I had no other family except for the few relatives I had back in Ireland. And I had not seen any of them in years. She on the other hand, had parents, a job, a life she would be leaving. A life she could never go back to if it didn’t work out between us. She would either be stuck with me or on her own.

As she sat there contemplating my idea, I saw the sadness well up in her eyes. I knew this wasn’t something she was ready to do and it didn’t surprise me but it hurt just the same.

“I,” she stopped
mid-sentence
and looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. “I,” again she stopped and this time she took a deep breath and stood up from where she sat. I followed suit and grabbed her hands. I had decided downstairs as I sat watched her interact with Eric that I was going to give her this option.  It had pained me, a pain I had never felt before, to watch her with him.  I was jealous of the man, because he had the chance of a life with her. A chance until now I didn’t think I had. And that until now was fading as fast as the sun had earlier this evening.   I wanted a life with her and this was the only way I saw us having one.

Alison took her hands from mine and turned her back to me. She folded her arms against her chest and began to pace the length of the room.  I watched her carefully as she walked back and forth. I could tell by the intense thought in her face she was thinking seriously about my offer. But I could tell the reality of it all was sinking in with her. And it was slowly sinking in with me. I was asking her to do something she wasn’t ready to do.

I had enough as she made her eighth pass at the room.  I grabbed her arms and forced her to stop and look at me. She kept her arms folded as she raised her lowered head to look at me. “Sonny?”

“Jack, I,” she still couldn’t complete the sentence. I couldn’t read her mind, but I could see it all registering.  I had to let her off the hook.

“Sonny?”  I once again wrapped my arms around her and gently kissed her head. “I know the reality Sonny. It’s ok.”  I hugged her tightly to my chest. I didn’t want her to see the disappointment in my eyes.