The Protector (39 page)

He stood there looking at me content to be there next to me. My stomach churned with nerves.  His arms were still around me and it felt uncomfortable. They were not the strong muscular arms I had grown accustomed to around my body.  He did not release his grip on me as I tried to turn.

“No, I want to hold you for a minute. You don’t know how glad I am to see you.”  His eyes were an intense blue in color.  At one point in our relationship I had been mesmerized by his eyes, but now I wasn’t.  I did not see the same sparkle in his eyes I saw when I looked hopelessly into Jack’s.

“I,” I stammered to get
the
right words out, but nothing, would come. I looked away toward the black BMW across the street. I wished desperately I could run to it, get in and hide in Jack’s arms.  But I knew that wasn’t reality and I needed to focus on the here and now.

“Your parents, they think you went back to Israel. How come?”

I stopped him mid question. “Lots of things happening, I am traveling more these days now that Tom is gone.”  The word gone trailed off and the smile on his face turned to a frown.

“I am sorry honey. Your mom told me he passed away. I know how much you liked working for him.”  I bowed my head as if I was missing the man who betrayed me.

“Yeah, he was a good guy.”

Eric didn’t miss a beat. “Now you have no ties there, you can move on and move here.” 

I threw my head back in exasperation, and took a deep breath in. I squirmed my way out of his arms and hit the unlock button on the car remote. “Not now Eric, please.”

“Ok,” he said throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m sorry.” His apology was sincere, but it didn’t change the mood it had put me in.  “Look follow me back to the house and I will change. I had planned on going to the gym.  We can talk for a little bit and then I will take you to dinner. Unless you want to stay in?”  His eyebrows raised at the hint he threw me.

“Out sounds nice.” I quickly retorted. “I am really tired tonight and I want to turn in early if that is ok with you?”

He nodded. “Sure I’ll get my bed ready for you, I’ll crash on the couch.”

“I have a room,” I quickly interjected. “Governments paying.” I slipped my legs into the car and grabbed to close the door before he could protest. He held the door open and shrugged his shoulders. I had to fight the urge to go back to the hotel and be with Jack. I wanted his arms around me and not Eric’s. I wanted his lips on mine.   I wanted to trace his tattoo with my fingers and stare into his golden eyes.

“You sure?”

I closed the door quickly and he had to jump out of the way. I started the car and watched as he walked to his car across the parking lot.  I was sure he noticed my mood but I didn’t care. I wasn’t doing this for him or for me. I was doing this for Jack.  If he knew I was trying with Eric, maybe he could regain the clear level head Joed and Noor had said he once had.  As much as it pained me I wanted Jack to move on and do his job without the worry of me.

It didn’t take us long to get to Eric’s little house. He had bought it in an older section of town about a year ago.  He had told me he had bought it for us. It had definitely been a fixer up house and over the last year he had worked hard to make it into a quaint little starter home. 

As I pulled into the drive way, I noticed he had painted the outside a white and painted the shutters a dark forest green.

“Wow, He took my suggestion,” I said to myself as I turned off the car and got out. 

Eric came walking briskly back to meet me.  “What do you think?”

I smiled knowing he meant the house, “Nice. I like it.” I followed him as he turned and walked toward the back of the house. I noticed he had also put in new windows.  “Lots of time on your hands?” I knew I wasn’t going to like his answer, but I had to deal with it.

“You’re not up here yet, so…” His voice trailed off and he did not look back to gauge my reaction. “Tim and I finished the kitchen a few weeks ago. All new cabinets, countertops, appliances.” I followed him into the backdoor and was overwhelmed by the newness of it all.

The old white cabinets that were half hanging off the wall, were gone, In their place were light oak cabinets and dark granite. The old 1970’s refrigerator was replaced by an all new stainless steel one. The old avocado stove and oven were now gone and replaced by a built in. The kitchen did not look like it fit into this little house at all.  I stood there turning around and around in the tiny kitchen.

“Do you like,” Eric asked once again wrapping his arms around me.

I stared in amazement at the craftsmanship and the transformation. “It’s amazing, you and Tim did this all by yourself?”

“Yep, you had given me the idea and I just went from there.  We tore out the wall and made it bigger and opened it up into the
dining
room.”

I hadn’t noticed the wall was gone, but it did seem bigger once I remembered the old configuration.

Eric’s arms tightened around me and he turned my body to face his. There was no way to avoid his gaze or his lips as he tried once again to kiss me. I struggled to break free from his grasp and walked into the dining room.

“No one’s here Alison,” his voice was soft as he reached out for me. “Please, it’s been so long since I have held you in my arms.” 

His voice was pleading as he reached out for me once again.  I couldn’t bring myself to look in his eyes or struggle to break free of his grasp. “Give me some time Eric.”

His demeanor changed quickly and I could feel his body tense.  “Give you time? I have given you all the time in the world Alison and you have given me nothing? How do you think this is fair?”

I walked past him back into the kitchen. I laid my purse down on the cold granite countertop and turned to face him as he followed me. “It’s not fair Eric.  I know that. “

“Then why? Why do you show up dressed to the hilt in the sexiest dress I have ever seen on you and give me hope and twenty minutes later you turn into the ice bitch?”

I put my hands behind me and leaned back against them. “Look a lot has happened in the last month and well.“  I hesitated and waited for him to respond.  His face was cold and I could see the hurt on his face. 
             

“Is there someone else?” His words almost came out as a shout, and I cringed at his question.  I knew the answer and I knew what I needed to say to him, but I couldn’t, not just yet. I kept quiet and watched as he stomped out of the kitchen back into the dining room. 

I wasn’t sure what I should tell him, the truth that there was someone else, but I wasn’t sure where I stood with that someone, or lie and tell him no there was no one else. I was afraid he would see right through that lie.  He deserved the truth. I moved my hands away from the counter and walked into the dining room and then on to the living room.  I heard the shower running and followed the sound to the bathroom door. The door was opened just a hint and he was undressing.

I turned my back and leaned against the door frame. I let the steam of the shower come through the open door and I listened as he moved in the shower.  I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds he made. He slammed things around and I could hear him mutter in frustration.  I was tempted to leave and head back to the hotel, But I knew he would come looking for me and the then there would be hell to pay.  I wondered if Noor was waiting down the street.  I had hoped she had at least found something to do to pass the time by. 

Before I had even realized the shower had shut off, he opened the door and startled me. He stopped, in the hallway, a towel wrapped around his body, water dripping down every part of him.  He had a pained look on his face as he looked me up and down.

“Why are you here?”

“To see where this road takes me,” I answered unconsciously. 

“Where do you want it to take you Alison?”  He threw the towel he held in his hand into the bathroom and put his hands up against the door frame, blocking me from going anywhere. The way he had put his hands kept me from looking away from him.

“I’m not sure,” I whispered unconsciously.  He moved his face and his body closer to me. I could feel his breath and the moist air.  His eyes were ice cold, and the look on his face told me he was still angry.

“Who is it?”

I didn’t answer his question and he didn’t move his face. He was less than an inch from me and I could feel the heat of the shower radiate off his body. 

“I won’t let go without a fight Alison.” 

His face was serious and his stare unnerving. I felt my body shudder, but not from the closeness but more from fear. I wanted to tell him he would be waiting in vain. No matter what happened between Jack and I, I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted.   But I knew it would be useless at this point. 

Although I didn’t think it was even possible, he moved his face closer to mine and began to gently kiss my cheek, he then traveled to my ear and down my neck.  His hands came down off the door frame and traveled down to my waist. He picked me up and began to carry me down the hall.

My eyes grew wide with fear as he laid me on his bed and braced his body against mine. The towel remained tightly around his waist and I was extremely grateful, but I could feel every part of his arousal as he lay against me.

I pushed him gently but there was no strength in my body. “What are you doing?” I finally managed to spit out. His breathing was hard as he continued to kiss my neck.

“Doing what I should have done a long time ago.” I managed to push him a little this time and as he rolled off of my body, I tried to sit up.

“What are you talking about? Do you think doing this is going to win me over?” I asked, as the anger I had suppressed welled up in my body. “Sex?”  I pushed him harder and managed to break myself free of his grip. I sat up on the bed and turned to look at him.

His face suddenly turned apologetic. “I’m sorry.”   He laid back on his elbows and looked at me. “Then what Alison?”

“Then what? What do you want me to do Eric? We are at an impasse. We have had this discussion before. I am not ready to move up here and you are not ready to move down there.  Not much we can do until one of us changes our minds and sleeping with you isn’t going to change anything Eric.”

I fell back against the bed in frustration and groaned. Eric got up from where he lay and walked over to the closet.  He quickly dressed and then came back to lay next to me.

“What do you want from me Alison?” He grabbed my hand and put it to his lips and kissed it gently.

“Why are you waiting for me?”

“Because I love you and want you.”

I nodded my head in disbelief. “I don’t get it!” I didn’t get it and I wasn’t going to be let off so easily. 

“Until you tell me out right that we are not made for each other, I won’t ever stop waiting.”  He was insistent in his voice and he squeezed my hand tighter.  “So who is he?”

I laid there shocked, not answering his question.  I didn’t know what to say.  Was I supposed to tell him I had fallen helplessly for a man who was supposed to be protecting me? It would sound so unbelievable.  I finally decided to just shrug my shoulders. There was nothing I could say to him to make him believe me anyway.   “It doesn’t matter Eric.   This is about us.“ I sat up and moved off the bed. I turned to look at him.  He laid there with his hands behind his curly brown hair and a smirk on his face, but I knew deep inside he was irritated and hurt by my response or lack thereof.

Finally, he pushed himself off the bed and walked over to where I stood. “Come on, I’m not getting anywhere here.”  Eric grabbed my hand and let me out of the bedroom.  I grabbed my purse from the counter and headed out the door.

22
GOODBYE, GOODNIGHT AND LET’S RUN AWAY

Dinner turned out to be a quiet affair at a local restaurant we had been too many times before. I tried to steer the conversation away from me and my trip to Tel Aviv and more toward the house and what he h
ad done. I listened for over an
hour about the kitchen remodel and how he was planning on redoing the one and only bathroom in the house. When there was little else to talk about concerning the house, I moved on to his family and he was quick to remind me of his new niece. He even threw in a few digs about us having kids.  I pretended to ignore his comments, but I think it was his way of reminding me he was committed to me and to us. 

“You will go see her with me won’t you?” 
 

“Of course, I need my baby fix,” I said calmly as I took a bite of my chicken scaloppini.  Although it was one of my very favorite meals, I didn’t taste it tonight. I was merely going through the motions of eating to satisfy him.

“Baby fix?  You know we could remedy that.” His voice was quiet and he meant every word. 

I ignored his comment like I had all the rest and glanced around for the waitress. In the corner, much to my surprise, were Joed and Noor. I continued
to
look around for Jack, but I knew deep down that the attempt was futile as he was probably back at the hotel. 

Eric was oblivious to my disappointment and continued to talk about everything.  I was relieved because he didn’t ask me questions or want any answers I wasn’t ready to give him. I nodded where I needed to acknowledge him and laughed when something was funny. But my head and my heart were not into it.