The Rancher's Bride (11 page)

Harlan wasn’t surprised to hear this. Short of having an
eyewitness who just happened to be driving by while the fence was being cut, there weren’t many clues to go on.

“Well, at least nothing else happened.”

She rubbed her hands along the sides of her skirt. She’d taken a shower and changed clothes before she’d left home. The pale yellow sundress she was wearing had skinny straps that exposed her shoulders. Normally it was a cool garment, but this evening she was already damp with perspiration.

“My sister Justine had some news for us,” she said.

Harlan reached for her arm. “Let’s go into the alleyway. The draft through the barn is cooler there.”

They went inside the big tin building and Harlan motioned toward several bales of hay stacked near the door of the tack room. Rose took a seat on one of the alfalfa bales and waited for him to join her.

“What sort of news did she have? Something about your father’s mistress?”

Mistress. Rose shuddered at the word. “No. It was personal. She and Roy are going to have another baby.”

“Oh.” He took a seat inches from her. “I guess everybody was happy to hear that news.”

The barn was filled with the pungent smell of alfalfa, worn leather and horses. A few feet away, a cat lay sprawled fast asleep on an empty feed sack. Rose had always felt comfortable in these simple surroundings, but tonight she was anything but relaxed.

“Everybody was happy. Although the news did upset Emily just a bit.”

Harlan couldn’t have been more surprised. “Upset? I can’t imagine it. Emily loves babies. You see how she is with the twins. And she doesn’t even really know your sister.”

Rose sighed. “Knowing Justine doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she told him, then looked at him squarely.
“Emily was saddened by the news, because it reminded her that she might never have a brother or sister. And she wants one desperately.”

His jaw dropped. “Are you just saying this?”

Rose frowned at him. “I don’t say things just to hear myself talk, Harlan.”

He stared straight ahead as an array of emotions paraded across his face.

After a while Rose broke the silence. “You didn’t know your daughter wanted a brother or sister?”

Swallowing, he turned his head and looked at her as though she’d just wounded him with a knifeblade. “No.”

“Has she told you how much she wants a mother?”

He shook his head. “Obviously she’s told you.”

Rose could see he was hurt that his daughter had opened up to her rather than him. Maybe it was wrong of her to have told him any of this. But Emily was the reason he’d asked her to marry him in the first place. How could she not tell him?

“She doesn’t think talking to you about it would do any good.”

Harlan grimaced. “Well, at least I anticipated her need for a mother. Surely that counts for something.”

“Of course it does. You’re a good father, Harlan,” Rose said gently. “I’m not telling you any of this to try and put you down.”

His brows pulled together. “Why are you telling me?”

Nerves were knotting her stomach and she realized her hands were clenched so tightly together they were aching.

“Because—you wanted an answer from me about marrying you and I thought I had an answer until…” His eyes were delving into hers, robbing the words from her tongue. “Now I…”

His expression solemn, he edged closer to her. “Are you
saying you had decided to marry me, but now you’re unsure?”

Nodding, she glanced away from him. He caught her chin and turned her face back to his. “Why? Tell me, Rose. We can’t work this out until you do.”

How could they ever work it out? she wondered miserably. He wanted a marriage of convenience. And she…just wanted to be loved.

“Harlan, surely it’s obvious to you. Emily wants a sibling. She wants a
real
family. Not what you’re planning.”

“Emily needs a mother much more than she needs a sibling. Besides, you’re still a very young woman, Rose. After a while you may decide you’d like to have a baby.”

A baby with him! The very idea made Rose tremble. Their relationship could never enter into the bedroom. If it did, their marriage would be over. Even if she could get up enough nerve to let him make love to her, she knew he would find her a hopeless sexual partner. He’d be disgusted and disappointed with her. Maybe she could bear that sort of humiliation from some other man. But not Harlan.

“I—I’d never consider bringing a child into this world unless it was conceived out of love. We’re…nothing more than friends.”

Friends. Somehow that word didn’t describe the way he felt about Rose. He wanted to protect her, help her. He wanted to see her happy. But most of all he simply wanted to be with her. Did she not even feel that much for him?

“I can understand that you’d need an emotional commitment from a man before you could have his child. But you’re not thinking logically, Rose. I’m not going to go out and marry some other woman simply because Emily wants a brother or sister. That would be worse for her than not having one. If I don’t marry you, I’m not going to marry anyone.”

Put like that, what could she say? “I don’t know, Harlan.
Today, when I saw her sad little face, I couldn’t help but think it would be a big mistake to marry you.” She squared her knees around so that she was facing him head on. “You need a woman who you…could really love and who loves you.”

Wry bitterness twisted his features. “I’ve already told you that’s the last thing I need. You know how I feel about this, Rose. It’s been seven years since Karen died. In that time I haven’t gone looking for romance. And if you turn me down I still won’t go looking for it.”

In other words he wasn’t going to change for Rose or any woman. Marrying her for convenience was as far as he was prepared to go. Even for Emily’s sake.

Rising to her feet, Rose walked to the opposite end of the alleyway. Leaning against the open door frame, she watched the approaching twilight fall across the sage-covered hills.

Years ago when she’d first grown old enough to think about her future it had all seemed so simple. She’d wanted to have a marriage and family just like her parents had. At the time she hadn’t thought those things were too much to expect or hope for.

Now it all made her feel very foolish and even bitter. Her parents’ marriage hadn’t been the true, loving relationship she’d once believed. Maybe she was naive to even think such a thing existed.

She heard his footsteps behind her, but still she flinched when his hands curved over the top of her shoulders.

“What are you thinking, Rose? Have I hurt you?”

“No.” She’d been hurt long before Harlan had stepped into her life.

“But you’re worried that I might.”

He said it as a statement, not a question. As though he could see the fear in her heart.

“Whatever you’re thinking, Rose, I want you to know I’m not a hard man. I could never be mean to you.”

Slowly, she turned to face him. “I’m not afraid of that,” she murmured.

His eyes drank in her pale skin, her luminous gray eyes and soft rosy lips. Shadows were haunting her face and Harlan wondered if she was thinking back to that other proposal she’d once gotten. “You’re afraid of something?”

Rose was desperately afraid of falling in love with him. A part of her was terrified that she already had. “Marriage of any sort is a big step to take.”

He smiled gently. “We’ll take the step together.”

The warm look on his face, the tender promise in his voice was Rose’s undoing. She was hopelessly charmed by him. The idea of living with him for the rest of her life was scary, but it was also too tempting to resist.

Placing her palms against his chest, she said, “Then my answer is yes. I’ll marry you, Harlan.”

Once it dawned on his brain that she hadn’t turned him down, he began to breathe again. Plucking one of her hands from his chest, he drew the back of it to his lips.

“You’ve made me very happy, Rose.”

But in a few days or weeks from now, would she still be making him happy? It was too late for Rose to ask herself that question. She’d promised to be his wife. And Rose never broke a promise, no matter how painful it might become.

“You’re going to do what!”

Pushing a weary hand through her tousled hair, Rose looked across the breakfast table at Chloe. The announcement that she was going to marry Harlan had completely shocked her younger sister. And rightly so, Rose thought. Her whole family had decided she was going to live the rest of her life as a spinster. Instead, she was going to marry
one of the most eligible hunks in Lincoln County. It was still difficult for her to believe.

“You heard me, Chloe. I’m going to marry Harlan. Friday, to be exact. Do you think we can get some sort of small wedding planned by then?”

Kitty struggled to keep a mouthful of coffee from spewing across the table. “Friday! Rose, have you lost your mind? You’re just now getting to know this man!”

Chloe tossed down her fork. “What has he done to you?” she demanded.

Color flamed in Rose’s cheeks. “What do you mean? He hasn’t done anything to me.”

“Well,” Chloe huffed, “he’s done something. You’re not thinking straight.”

Thank God, she and Harlan had decided it would be better all around if they pretended to her family and Emily that they were getting married because they were in love. It would be mortifying to have to admit to her sisters and aunt that Harlan only wanted her because Emily needed a mother.

“I know what I’m doing, Chloe,” she said flatly, then picked up her fork and whacked off a bite of pancake.

“Oh, you do,” Chloe said dryly. “Well, what happened to the Rose who hates men, who vowed she’d never get married?”

She kept her eyes on her food. “A woman has the prerogative to change her mind. Besides, I never hated men. I’ve just kept my distance from them. Until now.”

Groaning, Chloe looked helplessly at Kitty. Her face wrinkled with concern, the older woman turned to Rose.

“Honey, it isn’t like you to be impulsive. Does this have…anything to do with the money we owe Harlan?”

Years of pent-up emotions propelled Rose to her feet. “You know, a congratulations, or we hope you’ll be happy, Rose, would have been nice. But I guess you two just can’t
accept the fact that a man could want me for myself. You have to turn this into something cold and calculating.”

Choking on a sob, she turned and rushed out of the room.

Moments later, Chloe knocked on the open door of Rose’s bedroom. “May I come in?”

Without looking at her sister, Rose walked over to a chest of drawers and pulled out clean lingerie. “You might as well. You’re already half in anyway.”

Tossing the scraps of cotton onto the bed, Rose crossed the room to a walk-in closet and pulled out a pair of jeans. Chloe stared helplessly after her.

“I’m sorry, Rose, if Aunt Kitty and I sounded less than enthusiastic—”

Rose whirled on her. “Look, Chloe, you or Aunt Kitty don’t have to pretend to be happy for me.”

Chloe threw up her hands as she stepped further into the room. “It’s not like you to be angry and defensive like this, Rose.”

Rose closed her eyes and swallowed. “It’s not everyday that a woman announces to her family that she’s getting married. It would have been nice to have gotten a little love and support from you.”

“Oh, Rose,” Chloe said with a groan, “you know we all love you. That’s why we want you to be sure about this. You’ve got to admit this is all rather sudden. And you haven’t even hinted that you and Harlan—well, that there was anything between you. I mean, I know you two weren’t looking at bathroom fixtures the other night, but I didn’t think you were talking marriage!”

Rose knew she was behaving badly. But her emotions were so worn and raw that it was a struggle just to hold herself together. Her eyes on the floor, she said, “It happened quickly. And maybe it seems strange to you. But…Harlan cares about me. So much so that he’s going to dissolve the promissory note our father signed.”

Chloe gasped, then swung her head back and forth. “Rose, I don’t know what to say! You’re not…marrying him just because of the money, are you? Because you want to save the ranch? If that’s the case, I won’t let you sacrifice yourself.”

Rose’s head whipped up. “It’s true I’d do most anything to save this ranch. It’s the only home we’ve ever had. But I could never do such a thing to anyone. Much less Harlan.”

Hearing the wobble in Rose’s voice, Chloe crossed the room and put her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “You sound like you really love this guy,” she said with awe.

As soon as Chloe spoke, all the jumbled confusion inside Rose seemed to fall into place. She knew there was no more pretending, hoping, dreading. It was all settled now. Her heart had already decided it was going to love Harlan Hamilton whether she wanted it to or not.

“I do love him, Chloe,” she whispered brokenly. “After Peter, I didn’t think it would ever happen. I didn’t want it to happen.” Her eyes blurred with tears, she tried to smile at Chloe. “But Harlan is…different.”

Relief suddenly filled Chloe’s face. “If you love this guy that’s good enough for me,” she said, then smiled wickedly. “Now what do you want to wear? Are we going to have the wedding at our church? What about your bouquet? And a cake?”

Laughing with excitement, Rose reached for her jeans. “I don’t know! You’re going too fast! And right now there’re chores waiting on us.”

Chloe plucked the jeans from Rose’s hands and tossed them over her shoulder. “We’re going to forget about the chores for a while. Let’s go tell Aunt Kitty we have a wedding to plan!”

T
he following Friday afternoon Rose and Harlan were married in the same small country church she’d been christened in. Chloe acted as her maid of honor while Justine and Emily were bridesmaids. Roy gave her away, and Harlan’s best man was an old friend from east Texas, who flew in especially for the ceremony.

Rose wore an ivory, ankle-length princess-cut dress. Pearl combs held her chestnut curls atop her head while a pearl choker and drop earrings framed her face.

The church was packed with friends and well-wishers, but now that the ceremony and short reception were over, Rose couldn’t recall half of the people who’d approached her with congratulations.

Since it was a small wedding, Rose had forgone the tradition of tossing her bouquet. The pale pink roses now lay on her lap as Harlan drove the two of them toward Ruidoso.

“There really wasn’t any point in us going away for the weekend,” Rose said as the pickup wound through the desert mountains. “Emily is going to be staying with Kitty
and Chloe. It’s not like we’re newlyweds going on a romantic honeymoon or anything.”

Looking across the seat, he gave her a wry smile. “That’s funny, I feel like a newlywed.”

Her cheeks suddenly matched the color of the roses she was holding. “You know what I mean.”

He sighed. She looked so elegant and beautiful, so different from the cowgirl who punched cattle in the dust and heat and rode her beloved Pie for miles over Bar M range.

“Have I told you how lovely you look, Rose?”

He hadn’t. But he’d kissed her enough this afternoon to make up for it. She was still wondering if his display of affection had been for the benefit of family and friends or simply because the wedding ceremony had made him feel closer to her somehow. Whatever the reason, Rose had to keep reminding herself that the man didn’t love her. He might look at her as though he did, but that was just his kindness showing.

“Thank you, Harlan. You look very nice yourself.” Actually, nice wasn’t the word for it. Wickedly handsome was closer to it. He was wearing a dark suit and matching tie. His hair had been trimmed to a more respectable length and the day-old growth of beard that was normally on his face had been scraped away.

If she’d been a real newlywed, she would be thanking him for his smoothly shaven face. As it was, there wasn’t any need. She wouldn’t ever be in danger of getting whisker burn on any part of her anatomy.

“I hope for the next two days you can forget about your ranch and mine,” he said after a few more miles had passed. “You may not be thinking of this weekend as a honeymoon, but it is. At least, it’s a honeymoon away from your work. You need to relax and enjoy this time.”

How could she relax when just sitting here next to him was turning her insides to hot mush? How could she go on
being the cool, practical Rose he expected her to be? What if she lost control and begged him to make love to her? It would be the death of their one-day marriage!

“I’ll try.”

He grimaced. “You sound like I’m taking you to the gallows instead of a nice, quiet motel.”

She sighed. “It’s just that…I’m more comfortable—”

“With Pie than you are with me,” he finished before she could.

She opened her mouth to protest, then seeing the twinkle in his eye and dimple in his cheek, she realized he was teasing. Her coiled nerves relaxed a little.

She smiled at him. “Harlan, I’ve known Pie much longer than I have you. And he’s always happy to let me be the boss.”

With a soft little chuckle, Harlan reached across the seat for her hand. “Well, for the next two days, I’ll be happy to let you be the boss, Rose.”

Her husband was asleep. And so should she be. But Rose knew that sleep would evade her for several more hours.

Harlan had been thoughtful enough to reserve a room with two double beds. Rose had lain in hers for a while but after more than an hour of tossing and turning, she’d given up and come out on the private little balcony overlooking a long oval swimming pool.

The night was still warm and though the pool was empty of guests, the muted sounds of nearby traffic reminded her she was only a short distance from a nearby restaurant and lounge where people were eating, dancing, laughing and generally enjoying themselves.

During dinner, Harlan had tried his best to coax Rose onto the dance floor, but she’d remained frozen to her seat. It wasn’t that she had two left feet. Rose knew how to dance and was fairly graceful at it. But she knew what
being in Harlan’s arms would do to her and she couldn’t stand the temptation.

“What are you doing out here?”

At the sound of his voice, Rose glanced back over her shoulder. Harlan was standing in the doorway. A pair of white boxer shorts was the only thing covering his tall, muscular body.

Her heart hammered wildly as her gaze scaled up his legs, across his flat abdomen, then moved on to his broad, thick chest and finally stopped on his brown eyes.

“I—I’m just taking in the night.”

He walked over to her and suddenly Rose was more aware of her skimpy attire than his. Chloe and Justine had given her a beautiful but filmy negligee for a wedding gift. The pale green chiffon did little more than keep her from being naked. If she’d had any sense she would have packed her cotton pajamas while her sisters hadn’t been looking.

“You couldn’t sleep?”

She shook her head.

“Neither could I,” he admitted.

Careful to keep her arms folded across her breasts, she turned to him. “I thought you went to sleep a long time ago.

One corner of his mouth turned up wryly as his gaze dropped to her lips, then the bare skin exposed above her breasts.

“Just playing possum so I wouldn’t disturb you.”

He’d have to be gone from this state, from her very mind, before he wouldn’t disturb her, she thought.

“You don’t have to worry about being quiet for me. I often have trouble sleeping. I guess worries do that to a person.”

Harlan couldn’t help himself. He touched her hair where it lay against her bare shoulder. Immediately he heard her breathing quicken.

“You’re not worried now, are you?”

She was. But she would never tell him. Her eyes dropped to his chest. “I was…just thinking about my family and Emily.”

His fingers moved to her shoulder. Her skin was warm, pearly white and as soft as the petal of a rose. He knew the rest of her would be just the same, but he was trying not to think about that.

“You have a daughter now. How does that make you feel?”

“Very happy.” And it did. For years now she’d resigned herself to the idea that she would never be a wife, much less a mother. Now she was both. Maybe not in the truest sense of the word. But Emily loved and needed her. And that meant a great deal to Rose.

“And what about me? You don’t regret having me for a husband, do you?”

His calloused fingers sent shafts of heat radiating through her shoulder. She told herself she wished he would step back from her so that she could breathe and think. Yet what she really wanted was for him to crush her in his arms. To kiss her and touch her and tell her how much he loved her, how he would always love her.

“No, I don’t regret marrying you. Do you regret having me for a wife?”

How could he, when just looking at her like this melted his heart?

“No,” he murmured. “I’ll never be sorry I married you.”

Rose’s heart swelled with emotion. It wasn’t an
I love you,
but it was infinitely sweet to her just the same.

“You might be. Someday.”

Her voice dropped to a raspy whisper on the last word and Harlan suspected she was very close to tears. Wanting
to comfort and reassure her, he pulled her into the circle of his arms.

“Rose,” he whispered. “I don’t know why you would think such a thing.”

She trembled as she felt her breasts press against his hard chest. “I’m not what most men expect of a woman.”

His hand slid beneath her hair, then cupped the back of her neck and drew her closer. “No. You’re more.”

She groaned and buried her face in the side of his neck. “You…don’t know. Oh, Harlan, I feel like I’ve betrayed you. I’ve cheated you—”

“What are you talking about?” he asked with wry humor. “You couldn’t betray anyone even if you tried.”

Suddenly tears were brimming over her lashes and spilling onto her cheeks. Horrified at their appearance, she lifted her head and dashed them away with the back of her hand.

“I’m a frigid woman, Harlan. I can’t make love to a man.” Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she shook her head. “I should have told you all of this before we were married. But I was so ashamed. You see, I…I’ve never made love to a man before.”

A part of Harlan was stunned by her admission and yet he’d somehow intuitively felt her innocence when he’d kissed her. Still, she wasn’t a frigid woman. Maybe she thought so. But he knew better.

“Rose,” he said softly. “Being a virgin isn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

She reared her head back far enough to look at him. “You don’t understand, Harlan. If you decided you wanted me…for us to have a child, I couldn’t…”

As her words trailed away it struck Harlan exactly how much this whole thing was tearing her apart. And then suddenly he began to see everything about her more clearly.
I don’t make social calls on men. I haven’t let a man get
near me in years. I won’t have a sexual relationship with you, Harlan.

“Rose, what makes you think you’re frigid?”

She drew in a long breath. “I just know. That’s all.”

His hand slid up the side of her neck until it was cupping her jaw. “Are you telling me that whenever I kiss you, you don’t feel anything at all?”

“No! Yes! I mean—” Shivering at his touch, she paused and tried to draw a calming breath. “Harlan, don’t ask me these things.”

“Why?”

She groaned. “Because there’s no use. If you want an annulment I won’t be angry or hold it against you.”

His arm came around her waist and tugged her closer. As Rose practically fell against him, she could feel his bare leg slipping between hers, the bulge of his manhood pressed against her hips.

“I’d rather hold you against me,” he whispered..

Like a block of ice in the afternoon sun, Rose began to thaw. Her hands crawled up his chest and anchored themselves over the tops of his shoulders.

“You don’t think I’m a cold woman?”

Cold? She was searing him like a hot brand, making him forget their plans to keep this marriage a platonic one.

“Do I have to answer that with words?”

Rose didn’t know what had come over her. She’d never planned to tell Harlan any of this. But there was something about him that pulled at her, exposed her in a way that she couldn’t understand.

“Harlan, you said…you didn’t want me.”

“I don’t recall saying anything like that. If I did, I was temporarily insane,” he countered.

His hands splayed around her waist, then slid to her back and up to her shoulder blades. Heat began to pulse through
Rose, filling places deep inside her that she hadn’t known she possessed.

“It wouldn’t be good for us to…make love tonight.” Tomorrow or anytime, Rose thought wildly.

“I can’t think of anything that would be more good,” he murmured against the crown of her head.

Rose’s knees were growing weaker and weaker, making her cling tighter and tighter to his shoulders.

“It would only make problems for us. We married for practical reasons.”

Maybe they had, Harlan thought, but it seemed less and less like that now.

“You don’t want us to be together…physically?”

Rose suddenly felt as if she were on a giant pendulum swinging to him and away from him. Should she end the ride in his arms or as far away from him as she could get?

“No. I mean…uh…maybe I’m—” Too torn to say more, Rose pulled out of his hold and hurried back inside the room.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she covered her face with trembling hands. A wedding night wasn’t supposed to be this way, she thought miserably.

“Rose?”

Her name came out softly, gently. She dropped her hands and looked up to see him standing over her. The raw intimacy on his face terrified her.

“Harlan, it’s not a matter of wanting. It’s—”

“Tell me.” He eased down beside her and reached for both her hands. “What did he do to you?”

“He? How did you know…” She shook her head. “Who are you talking about?”

His thumbs caressed her knuckles. “The man who hurt you. The man who asked you to marry him. The conventional way.”

Rose twisted her head away from him. “I don’t want to talk about him. He isn’t worth it.”

“No. He isn’t worth coming between us.”

Harlan was right. Still, she hadn’t told anyone about Peter. Except her family. But Harlan was her family now.

“I—was very young. In my second year of college at Eastern New Mexico State,” she began. “Peter was a medical student there. And I…thought I was in love with him.”

“You
thought?”

Rose shrugged. “I’m not sure if I knew what love was back then. Does anyone, when they’re nineteen years old?”

“Did you become engaged to this man?”

Rose nodded. “But as soon as Peter slipped a ring on my finger he…became possessive and demanding. He thought I should be ready and willing to jump into bed with him.” She lifted her eyes to his. “I wasn’t ready for that. Emotionally or physically. I had been raised to believe that sex was something that should happen within the sanctity of marriage. I guess that sounds laughable to you. Especially now, after what my father did. But at the time it was very important to me.”

“Rose, a person’s moral values are never anything to laugh about. If this man had loved you, he would have respected them.”

“I finally realized that. And realized, too, that Peter wasn’t really thinking of me in terms of his future wife. He simply wanted a sex partner while he attended college. So I…gave him back his ring and told him it was over.” Her gaze dropped to their entwined hands. “He took it badly and accused me of stringing him along, then began yelling all sorts of vile, filthy things at me. He said I was nothing but a tease and that he wasn’t about to let me cheat him out of what I owed him.”