The Rancher's Bride (12 page)

Harlan sighed with regret. “Oh, Rose, I hope you didn’t believe him.”

Unable to look at him, she shook her head. “By then it didn’t matter what he was saying. It was what he did to me that…” Her throat closed on the words, forcing her to stop and swallow. “Well, I ended up having to fight for my life to get away from him.”

Harlan’s fingers tightened on hers. “Dear God, he didn’t rape you? Did he?”

“No. Fortunately I wasn’t fragile or petite and was in good shape from working on the ranch. I was strong enough to fight him off and get away. But I didn’t escape unscathed. Both my eyes were blackened, my lips were split in several places, two ribs were cracked and the rest of my body covered with bruises and scratches.”

Completely stunned, Harlan stared at her bent head. Of course he knew things like this happened. But not to Rose. She was such a loving, gentle woman. He couldn’t comprehend a man laying an angry hand on her. He couldn’t picture her beautiful white skin marred with ugly bruises, her luscious lips split and bleeding. It was too horrific to imagine.

“Rose. Oh, Rose,” he whispered, stricken. “What you must have gone through.”

“Before Peter, I was a sensitive young woman who could hardly bring herself to swat a fly. But afterward…I tell you, Harlan, I wanted to kill him. Literally. That’s what his attack did to me. Then later…when I tried to date other men I simply froze whenever they touched me. And I guess I’ve stayed frozen…until now…until you.”

Of all the things she’d said to him, this was like an arrow flung straight into his heart. She’d been hurt and betrayed by a man in the worst kind of way and yet she’d trusted him enough to marry him. The very idea swelled his chest with tender emotion.

Drawing her head against his shoulder, he stroked her hair and back. “My sweet wife,” he murmured near her ear. “You should have told me before. You should have known I would understand.” He tilted her face up to his. “You’re not worried…you don’t think I could ever hurt you like that, do you?”

Rose slowly shook her head. She knew he would never harm her physically. But what about her heart? He could break it without even trying.

“I wouldn’t be here in your arms, if I did,” she whispered.

It dawned on Harlan that the trembling in her body had quieted. Her hands were spread boldly upon his chest and her moist, parted lips were only inches away.

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against hers. “We’re husband and wife now. We have every right to make love. If we want to.”

Everything around her, all the doubts and worries in her mind faded to insignificance as he planted warm little kisses on her cheeks, her throat, her chin.

“I don’t want you to be…disappointed,” she finished on a sigh.

Groaning, he pulled her up against him and covered her lips with his. The sweet bite of wild honey was on her lips, tempting him to search every curve and contour. But tasting her lips wasn’t nearly enough to quench the need building inside him.

Thrusting his tongue between her teeth, he rubbed the tip of it against the ribbed roof of her mouth, then slowly glided it along the sharp edges of her teeth.

Rose’s hands crept to his neck and clung tightly. Blood was pounding in her ears and rushing heat to every fiber of her body. His kiss was sucking her into a whirling vortex, urging her to follow him down a hot, erotic pathway.

By the time Harlan finally lifted his head, they were both
gasping for breath. “You couldn’t disappoint me. Not like this,” he whispered, brushing the back of his knuckles beneath her chin, along her jawline and down the side of her neck.

Rose’s gray eyes pleaded with him. “You don’t understand what I’ve been telling you, Harlan. I’m not a normal woman.”

He made a mocking sound in his throat, then tilting his head, he nuzzled a spot beneath her earlobe. “You feel very normal to me.”

“I’m afraid—”

Before she could finish, he quickly framed her face with both his hands and looked into her eyes. “You’re not afraid of me. You told me so. And that’s all that matters, Rose. This wanting between us is all that matters.”

Once more he lowered his mouth to hers. With a groan of surrender, Rose slipped her arms around his neck and pressed her body into his. Her simple invitation was enough to make Harlan forget all about his plans to keep his feelings, his needs separate from his new wife.

He wanted her more than he could ever remember wanting anything in his life. It was too late to ponder. Too late to turn away from her.

Slowly, they sank sideways onto the mattress. Rose couldn’t resist him as he pushed the negligee off her shoulders and down her arms. Once it was out of the way, he propped himself on one elbow and enjoyed the picture she made in her see-through gown.

“You’re so beautiful, Rose. So very beautiful.”

His palm settled against her flat belly, then slid slowly upward, stealing Rose’s breath as it went. When his forefinger traced the edge of her nipple she closed her eyes and bit down on her lip.

She didn’t know anything could feel like this. She’d
never dreamed
he
would feel like this. Every fiber in her body wanted him, needed him, burned for him.

His head bent and his mouth covered the tip of her breast. Fire shot straight to the core of her and she reached for him, pressed her body against his as love poured into her heart.

“I want you to make love to me, Harlan,” she whispered with awed wonder. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

Lifting his head, he smiled at her softly, knowingly. “I won’t hurt you, Rose. Ever.”

He sealed the promise with a kiss that grew deeper and deeper until they both began to shake with need. Then everything turned urgent as their hands and lips reached and strained for each other. Rose wound her legs around his and invited him to enter her. When he did, she was sure the world had stopped and heaven had moved in to stay.

R
ose was in love with him. It wasn’t merely a conceited notion on Harlan’s part. Each time she touched him, he felt it. When she smiled at him, he saw it on her face. Every time she kissed him, he could taste it on her lips. And she kissed him often these days.

Since their wedding night two weeks ago, she’d definitely thawed and Harlan was suffering the consequences. Not that having a woman like Rose in his bed was a hardship. Making love to her was the closest thing to ecstasy he’d ever felt. And that was the problem. Every time he made love to Rose, he lost a little bit more of himself to her.

He’d once read somewhere that a woman made love with her heart while a man only involved his body. Harlan didn’t know where that idiotic research had come from. It certainly wasn’t working that way for him. And if he didn’t put a stop to it, he was soon going to be head over heels in love with his wife.

Harlan couldn’t let that happen. He’d never planned to
be that connected to her. He didn’t want her to become so much a part of him that he needed her more than his own breath. What if he lost her? What if he woke one morning and had to face the fact that she was dying, leaving him the same way Karen had left him? He couldn’t survive. Not this time. Not with Rose.

He looked up from the saddle he was oiling to see Rose pulling the pickup to a stop beneath the piñon by the side of the house. She always parked in the same spot. Just like she always sought him out whenever she’d been away from the ranch for one hour or several. Her living here as his wife was better than Harlan could have ever imagined. And that was the thing that was scaring the hell out of him.

Recapping the bottle of linseed oil, he dropped it into a wooden storage box, then picked up the saddle and carried it into the tack room. This time he wasn’t going to wait for Rose to come to him.

A few minutes later, he stepped into the kitchen. Grocery sacks littered the table and cabinet counters. Both Emily and Rose were busily putting the food items where they belonged.

“Oh, hi, Daddy!” Emily greeted him cheerfully.

His daughter was like a new person now. She never sulked or sassed, or appeared to be bored. Her appetite had increased twofold and she was finally gaining the weight she desperately needed. She rarely ever sat in front of the TV and she was always eager to help him or Rose with whatever needed to be done.

Harlan knew Rose had brought about the change in Emily. She had a mother now and she was blooming under Rose’s gentle guidance.

“Hi, you two,” he said to both of them.

Rose shoved the canned peaches onto the top shelf of the cabinet, then turned and hurried over to her husband. “Hi, yourself,” she said with a wide smile, then slipping
her arms around his neck, she raised herself on tiptoe and kissed his mouth.

She smelled like lilacs and tasted even sweeter. In spite of himself, Harlan gripped the sides of her waist and held her close.

“I see you made it back safe and sound,” he murmured.

Nodding, she smiled and wrinkled her nose at him. “And I got you something special, too.”

“We went grocery shopping and took the twins,” Emily spoke up, then giggled. “Oh, boy, was that an experience! Adam tugged a whole tower of toilet paper over onto the floor. And Anna’s diaper leaked all over the front of my dress.”

Harlan smiled at his daughter. “Sounds like you’ve been getting a lesson about babies.”

She giggled again. “Yeah! Won’t it be wonderful if you and Rose have twins?”

Rose groaned with humor while everything inside Harlan went still. Not until yesterday had Rose gone to the doctor to see about birth control. Before then, they’d made love many times without protection. She could be carrying his child at this very moment. And if that were true, he would never be able to protect his heart. She’d have it on a platter. What had he been thinking?

“I believe it would be easier to start with just one,” Rose said laughingly, then glanced slyly up at him. “What do you think, Harlan?”

He tried to look as happy and eager as his daughter and wife. “Oh, I think one would definitely be easier to deal with.”

Pulling out of Rose’s embrace, he went over to the table and peeked inside the grocery bags left on the table. “Did you buy anything sweet?”

Tsking her tongue, Rose pulled the sack away from him before he could dig into it. “Oh, no. Dessert is going to be
a surprise. So you just go on and do whatever you were doing and I’ll call you when Emily and I have supper ready.”

She nudged him toward the back door, so Harlan complied with her wishes.

Go back to doing what he’d been doing, he thought glumly, as he stepped onto the back porch. He’d been thinking about her. He was always thinking about her. She was the only thing he wanted to think about. So what was he going to do?

Rose made pot roast for supper along with new red potatoes cooked in their jackets, creamed sweet peas and cabbage slaw. But it was the dessert she was proud of. As she placed the huge strawberry shortcake in the middle of the table, Emily oohed and aahed.

“Oh, wow, Rose, that looks delicious. And it’s Daddy’s favorite, isn’t it?” Emily glanced across the table to her father.

Harlan looked from the shortcake piled high with sliced strawberries and whipped cream over to Rose. The eager, loving expression on her face made him feel two inches high.

“It is my favorite. Thank you, Rose.”

She reached over and curled her hand over his forearm. “You’re very welcome,” she told him. “I just hope it doesn’t taste like cardboard.”

Judging from the things she’d already cooked for him these past two weeks, Harlan knew the cake would taste as good as the touch of her hand on his arm. And in that moment as she served him a portion of the dessert, he knew that he wasn’t worthy of this woman. She was too good, too kind to be married to a man who was afraid to love her. Really love her. The way she deserved to be.

“Oh, Rose, everything you make is yummy,” Emily spoke up. “And, Daddy, she’s gonna teach me how to
cook! She says it’s easy and I’ll be able to learn in no time. Isn’t that grand?”

His heart clutched as he thought about all the love Rose had given Emily, all that she would give her in the future. If everything stayed the way it was. If nothing took her away from them.

“It’s very grand, sweetheart.”

Later that night Harlan shrugged off his shirt and sat down on the side of the bed. Rose was in the shower. Singing. She had a soft melodic voice and anyone could tell by the sound of it that she was a happy woman.

Only a few moments passed before she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a big white towel. As soon as she spotted him, a smile lit her face.

“Tired?”

“No.”

“Good.” She handed him a wide-toothed comb and presented her back to him. “Then you can get the tangles out for me.”

She snuggled up close to him and he began to pull the comb gently through her wet hair. The faint scent of jasmine drifted to his nostrils and though he tried to keep his eyes firmly on her hair, they kept drifting to her shoulders, then further down to where the towel gaped open against her back.

Everything inside him wanted to flip her onto her back, toss away the towel and make love to her until they were both too exhausted to think. But he had to forget about that. He had to stop this incessant desire he had for her.

“Have you heard any word from Justine or Roy about the twins’ mother?”

“Justine says that from what information Roy gathered in Albuquerque, he thinks she might be headed south. Possibly this way. I can’t imagine why, though. You would
think she’d want to steer clear of the crime scene. Unless she might be going to try to kidnap the babies away from us.”

“Hmm. Well, maybe she’s the one who cut the fence and let the bull out,” Harlan mused aloud.

Rose twisted her head around to look at him. “Belinda Waller cut the fence! What makes you think such a thing? Why would she?”

“Look, Rose, if the woman was crazy enough to dump two helpless babies on your porch, she’s liable to do anything. As for why, we probably won’t know that until Roy catches her.”

Rose straightened her head and Harlan went back to combing her hair. The tangles were nearly gone now, but he liked doing this for her, touching her hair and smoothing his hand over the shiny crown. Being near her for any reason was like a gift to him. And he wondered desperately how he could ever keep himself distanced from her.

“Well, I’ll truly be glad when that happens. Just knowing she’s out there somewhere makes me uneasy.” She paused, then looked around at him once more. “You know, Emily and I found something odd this morning.”

His hand stopped on her hair. After the incident with the fence and the lost bull, he’d felt uneasy, too. He worried that Rose or Emily or anyone on the Bar M might be a target to someone for some deranged reason. But Rose already had so many worries to deal with, he hadn’t wanted to worry her over something that was just a feeling on his part. “What? Something on the Bar M?”

She nodded. “The watering tank in the west pasture. I’m positive I turned the pump off the windmill last week. Today we found the tank running over and the ground around it saturated. I’ve never been that negligent before, Harlan. But I must have forgotten or turned the valve the wrong
way. Whatever the reason, we can’t afford to lose precious water in this drought.”

He was still thinking about the windmill when she turned and took the comb from his hand. With a seductive little smile on her lips, she curled her arms around his neck and nudged him back against the mattress. “I think it’s time to thank you for combing my hair.”

“Rose, I—” His words came to an abrupt halt as the towel fell away and he was faced with the tantalizing sight of her naked breasts. “I want to…talk to you about something.”

Drawing on all his willpower, he quickly wrapped the towel back around her before he could change his mind.

Still smiling, Rose eased back into a sitting position on the bed. “Okay, talk if you must. We’ll deal with the thank-you, later.”

He swallowed. “Well, I…it’s about you and me.”

Her smile deepened and she ran her fingers through the hair over his ear. “You’ve made me so very happy, Harlan. Before you, I didn’t know what it could be like to be with a man. Live with a man. And to have a daughter, too.” Sighing, she trailed her fingers down the side of his cheek. “I know I still have the problems of the ranch, the twins and Belinda Waller, but now that I have you they don’t seem nearly as bad.”

Dear God, he felt awful. “I’m…glad, Rose. I want you to be happy.”

Her eyes adored his face. “Oh, I am, Harlan. And I want you to be happy, too. You are, aren’t you?”

He caught her roaming hand and pressed it between both of his. Studying the tips of her fingers, he said, “You’re a wonderful wife, Rose. And mother. But I—”

He couldn’t go on. He didn’t know how. Or even if he wanted to. He’d never been so torn and miserable in his life.

Rose went very still as she waited for him to continue. When he didn’t she bent her head to look up at him. “Harlan, is something wrong? Have I done something to upset you?”

All she’d done was love him. Why couldn’t he just accept what she offered and be very happy and grateful for it?

“No. I’ve just been thinking…and I think we should…uh…not…” His eyes full of torment, he looked up at her. “I think it would be better if we…didn’t make love anymore. At least for a while,” he added in a rush.

First she appeared shocked, then a wounded, ashen look spread over her face. Harlan felt sick to the very core of his being.

“Oh.”

Like a cat suddenly facing a growling dog, she eased back away from him with slow, cautious movements.

“Rose,” he said with a groan. “Don’t look at me like that. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

Hurt her? Rose had never felt such splintering pain inside her chest. It was like a thousand daggers stabbing her all at once. “I know. I—”

Careful to keep the towel in place now, she scrambled off the bed. Harlan quickly got to his feet, but when he tried to approach her, she backed away from him like a wild, threatened animal.

“You…don’t have to…say anything else, Harlan. I…understand. After all, we didn’t marry for…for sex or love or anything like that.” She snatched up her bathrobe and pulled it on over the towel as though she was afraid or ashamed that he might see her body. “I’m sorry Harlan. I guess…I got a little starry-eyed these past few days. But that’s over with now. I…won’t be…pestering you anymore.”

Pestering him? Dear Lord, was that what she thought her
lovemaking did to him? No matter what happened he couldn’t bear for Rose to think such a thing.

“Rose, don’t be—”

Keeping a guarded eye on him, she edged toward the bathroom door. “You know…I don’t know what I was thinking. I took a shower, but forgot to wash my feet.” She tried to laugh, but it came out more like a choking sob. “I’d better go do that. I wouldn’t want to get the sheets dirty.”

“Rose!”

He reached for her, but she rushed past him and into the bathroom. Seconds after the door slammed, water was running in the tub. Harlan knew she was in there crying and the fact made him physically ill. But he also knew if he went in there now, if he touched her, all of what he’d just said to her would be for naught.

Harlan was in bed with the lights off when Rose finally came out of the bathroom. Pretending sleep, he listened to the closet door opening and closing, then the soft sound of her footsteps approaching the bed. His stomach clenched like an iron fist as she lifted the covers.

Moments later, he felt something pressing against his back and legs.

“What’s this?” He turned over to see her wedging a length of rolled quilt between them.

“Just a reminder,” she said quietly, then lay down with her back to him and pulled the sheet up over her shoulder. “Good night, Harlan.”

“Good night.”

For a long time Harlan stared at her back and the tangled red waves of her hair lying on the pillow. And it dawned on him that he’d done more than put distance between their bodies. From now on she would be apart from him in every way.