The Ravine (29 page)

Mitch and Carolyn nodded as Richard led them through a door to the left of the altar where they emerged into a flower garden that greeted them with an explosion of color. The brilliance of the colors was particularly stunning in contrast to the drab setting on either side of the backyard.

Richard laughed when he saw their reaction and said, “I don’t know how she does it, but anything she touches just seems to grow and grow. Joanna says it’s all the conversations she’s had with the flowers over the years! Well, there she is. I’ll see you later.”

Joanna stood near a stone picnic table that was set behind a trellis adorned by all manner of grape vines, ivy, roses, clematis, and an assortment of climbing plants that all strained skyward. It created an extraordinary passageway to what appeared to be a shady grotto that was bathed in dappled sunlight. Mitch was immediately reminded of the sacred place to which he had been drawn in his dream.

She was dressed almost exactly as she had been two days ago; the only difference was that this time the shirt beneath the tied flannel was dark blue rather than pink. Mitch was surprised by Joanna’s appearance. Though Carolyn had told him how casually Joanna had been dressed the other day, he still half expected she would be decked out for the occasion in a flowing gown and that her hair would be blowing in the wind. Passing her on the street, one would never guess she was a minister. However, she was every bit as striking and memorable as Carolyn had described.

Mitch and Carolyn both reached forward to shake hands at the same time, and Joanna clasped both their hands together and vigorously shook them in an up-and-down motion. Mitch was musing that he had
never felt such soft yet strong hands when Joanna said, “Mitch, it’s so nice to meet you. And Carolyn, you look even more beautiful than you did when we first met.”

“Well, thanks for the compliment, Joanna. But I think the first time I must have looked a mess because I was totally in shock!”

They all laughed politely and chatted about their surprise meeting as Joanna offered them a seat at her table and poured lemonade for everyone. Once they were seated, they waited for Joanna to speak, but she just folded her hands in her lap and sat silently.

Normally Mitch couldn’t stand the awkwardness that came with a gap in the conversation, but he had learned the other day that keeping one’s mouth shut was the only way to listen to God. The world was anything but silent. They all sat still and enjoyed the sounds of the flowers rustling, the birds singing, the wind whistling, and the city in the distance. Soon Mitch realized he could hear the beat of his heart.

After a few minutes Joanna broke the silence. Mitch and Carolyn opened their eyes when they heard Joanna’s voice.

She held her hands in front of her in the form of a cup and began to pray.

“We thank you, Lord, for bringing the three of us together this morning in the beauty of your garden, so that we might be one with your Holy Spirit. We share the faith that through your goodness and mercy you will allow us to discover the truth. Lord, I humbly ask that you allow this messenger to be blessed with the words that will bring healing to Carolyn and Mitch, so that they may in turn help others as they continue their journey of hope and forgiveness and, in so doing, glorify your name. We ask this in Jesus’s name, Amen.

She looked at Mitch and with her eyes invited him to speak.

“Joanna,” Mitch said, slightly above a whisper, “I know you know what happened with our friends, and how this has impacted our lives, and there is no doubt we are in need of help. The other day, you told
Carolyn about yourself and your background, and of course she told me, but to tell you the truth, I’m still confused. So would you mind telling us a little more about how you’re able to help us? I guess I’m asking how you know these things.”

Joanna answered in a slow and methodical manner. “Perhaps I should tell you what I am not. I’m not a medium, but God sees fit to use me as an intercessor. So God allows me to use the gifts He has given me to intercede and pray for those in need, which is the focal point of who I am and how I help others. Sometimes I am permitted to do things that most earthly men or women wouldn’t understand. For example, I’ll be in the presence of someone living in heaven and they will speak to me, and I’ll hear their voice. And I will receive their message and their words and be able to share them with others. So the truth is that I am simply a messenger, and I will answer your questions if I am able.”

“Thank you, Joanna,” Carolyn replied. “Then I guess my first question would be about Rachel. I have felt her presence so many times, but it’s just so hard to believe it’s real, and so I don’t trust it and then I convince myself that I’m just imaging things.”

“Well, Carolyn, given that Rachel was such a big part of your life for so long, and that she left so abruptly, it’s only natural that you would feel a connection with her. Why would it be so hard to accept that her soul lives on and that your soul lives on and that they sometimes intersect? Don’t you still feel the same love for her that you always did?”

“Of course I do, but—”

“But like all of us you struggle with faith, and God understands that and forgives us for that—as He does all of our mistakes, much in the way a loving parent will forgive her child over and over. So, trust that this is true, and, if you do, it will become easier over time for the two of you to find each other.”

Carolyn took a leap of faith. “Joanna, when we met you said that Rachel had spoken with you. Did she? Do you know where she is? Is she at peace?”

“Yes, yes, and yes. The first time she spoke with me directly, you and I were in the same room with her.”

“How can that be? We were never together with Rachel!” Carolyn feared that if Joanna could be mistaken about such an obvious fact, then perhaps everything she had told them was wrong. Mitch was shocked at Carolyn’s vehement response.

Joanna smiled at the confusion she had caused.

“I’m sorry for sounding so mysterious, Carolyn. Let me explain. The day we three were together was the day Rachel and Evan were buried. I decided to attend the service because I knew the pastor would need encouragement.”

“You were in the church that day?”

“Yes, I was. Sitting in the very last pew, near the center aisle.”

“And Rachel spoke with you? What did she say?”

“She told me to thank you for saying such nice things at her service and that she was very proud of you.”

And then she added, “You know that Rachel was standing next to you at the altar, don’t you?”

“I did have that feeling at the time, but I was afraid to believe it.”

“And you know that she sometimes speaks with you in your dreams?”

Mitch interjected, “You’ve told me that, honey.”

“Yes, she does come to me in a dream. I see her walking with Evan. Holding hands and walking together. They look like they’re at a beach or someplace near water.”

“That’s because she wants you to know that she and Evan are safe, and at peace, and she wants you to move on with your life and enjoy yourself.”

Carolyn dabbed her eyes. She was hearing so much; it was hard to take it all in. But something was bothering her and she had to get it out.

“Joanna, I really appreciate what you are doing for us, and I don’t want you to think I doubt you, but I was thinking last night about what you said the other day.”

“Said about what?”

“You said you knew about my praying so much, that God had heard my prayers and sent you. If that’s true, I don’t get why . . . why He’d care enough to send someone to help me get over my grief but would allow something so horrible to happen in the first place. If God cares enough to help someone who’s grieving, why didn’t he stop Danny?”

Mitch excitedly jumped in. “That’s the big question, isn’t it? Why did Danny do what he did? I hardly ever saw him without a smile on his face. I knew him for a long time and never once saw him lose his temper. He did do some things he shouldn’t have, like cheat on Rachel, and he didn’t work that hard, or manage his finances, things like that. But to actually murder your wife and child! Where was God then? I just can’t believe it!”

“Okay, Mitch. I know you’re upset, and you have a right to be. I know you’ve had a burning desire to learn the answer to these questions, and I have a great deal to tell you about what happened that night, and I will tell you soon, but I ask that you slow down and do one thing first.”

“What’s that?”

“I want you to finally forgive yourself.” The instant she said the word “forgive,” she reached across the table and gently touched the middle of his forehead with two fingers.

Mitch felt a jolt at her touch. In the time it took for a single beat of a pulse, the blame, guilt, and shame he’d been carrying about the murders seemed to be lifted. He instinctively reached out to touch Carolyn.

“So, Carolyn, do you have any of the same thoughts Mitch has had? Do you think that in some way you are to blame?”

Carolyn nodded, and could hardly speak at first, but finally blurted out, “Rachel didn’t tell me everything, but she told me enough. I just didn’t try hard enough. I was going to have dinner with her that night, but I didn’t even bother to call her back after she left her last message.”

“Carolyn, would you like to know what Rachel has to say about that?”

She gasped, put her hand to her mouth, and nodded.

“She wants both of you to know that Danny did what he did because he was betrayed by the Devil, and that neither of you are to blame, and neither is Danny. But in order to understand that, I have to explain what happened that night. Do you want me to continue?”

“Okay,” they answered in unison. Mitch couldn’t comprehend why Danny was not to blame, but he certainly could not stop Joanna at this point, though nothing could prepare him for what he was about to learn.

Joanna took a deep breath and appeared to be listening to a distant voice. She rolled her head slightly and began. Mitch started to ask a question, but she quickly shook her palm toward him to warn him off. Her demeanor had completely changed.

“Danny’s easygoing nature was a mask for passivity and was the result of deep-seated fears . . . fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, and, in the end, fear of not being loved. That’s what drove him always to be ‘nice’ so that he would always be liked. But Danny, as we all do, had plenty of anger. The fact that he wore a mask to disguise it didn’t make it any less powerful or real; in fact, keeping it hidden only made it all the more explosive when it finally came out, which anger always, inevitably will. You might say he was like a volcano that finally erupted.

“Because he thought of himself as unworthy, he tried to compensate by lying, cheating, and pretending to be something he wasn’t. At times, he fought with the Devil, but he lost again and again for many years.

“He lost because he didn’t fight his desires. He did not pursue Godly wishes. He made gods of the earth. And since no man can serve two gods, Danny had to choose.

“Danny stopped trusting God. Without trust, there is no faith. If we trust God, and allow the seeds to be planted, our faith grows . . .

“Satan tempts us with our own imperfections. He lures us through our wounds, our shame, and our self-doubts. He has no power on his own but uses those imperfections—our human frailties—against us.

“Danny forgot that he had the love and support of his Creator and the people in his life. Then he began to let the Devil seep into the caverns of his mind. Over that time Satan established a foothold in Danny’s mind and once that darkness came over him, all his hope was gone.

“We do have free will. Yes, we do make mistakes. Yes, we all experience darkness. But yet, we are given faith. We’re given hope. God is the heartbeat of mankind.”

With that, Joanna went silent. Mitch and Carolyn looked at each other, but had no idea what to do next. Eventually Carolyn summoned the courage to speak up.

“Joanna, are you okay?”

She nodded her head, and indicated she was, but kept her eyes closed. “Would you like me to continue?” she asked. “Do you want me to tell you what really happened that night?”

“Joanna, if you know,” Mitch said, “then tell us, so we can at least try to understand.”