The Regal Rules for Girls (13 page)
Kissing Confusion
It was my junior year in college when I first arrived on British shores. After being housed in a giant flat with nine other American girls, I was desperate to make it through the mandatory “cultural assimilation” week that my university had organized. I couldn’t wait to escape the lectures on which way to look when crossing the street and start my full-time internship at the Houses of Parliament.
It was during this time that I met an English boy my age named Rupert. Rupert sat at the desk across from me, brought me cups of tea (whether I wanted them or not), and teased me endlessly about my royal obsession. One night we went out drinking with the other parliamentary interns, and afterward Rupert walked me to the tube station like a true gentlemen. As we said good-bye, he leaned in and
kissed me
on both cheeks. I was utterly confused. Did he
like
me? Did he “like me” like me? And if not, why the kisses?
Then Rupert introduced me to his friends (those Bright Young Things that I was telling about), and I realized that everyone in England kissed everyone on both cheeks when they said hello and good-bye—and that romance had nothing to do with any of it. Girls cheek-kissed their girlfriends; girls cheek-kissed their guy friends; guys cheek-kissed their girlfriends—the only time hands were shaken was when guys greeted other guys. Although this pervasive cheek-kissing movement originated in continental Europe, it is now common practice in the UK. So here’s what you need to know:
RULES FOR CHEEK-KISSING:
Do not cheek-kiss anyone you’ve just met; a handshake will suffice. (Though you may find that a cheek-kiss seems more natural when you say good-bye.)
Do not cheek-kiss anyone that you work with in a professional context. (Rupert and I were more drinking buddies than professional colleagues, which is why it worked in this instance.)
Do not attempt to cheek-kiss anyone who is wearing a wide-brimmed hat (or if
you
are wearing a wide-brimmed hat).
Put an arm lightly around the other person’s shoulder and lean in slightly. Usually the right cheek gets kissed first, but this changes depending on the person (and their nationality).
Air kisses are fine, but there should be no sound effects.
If you need to say good-bye to a large group, there is no need to cheek-kiss every single one of them (waving or blowing a kiss to the group is more appropriate).
Hugs are rare in the UK for anyone other than close family, so try to restrain your American tendencies.
R
ECOMMENDED
R
EADING:
Debrett’s Etiquette for Girls
The one and only British authority on all matters of modern etiquette, taste, and achievement. This fantastic guide is full of great advice including tips for entertaining at home and getting ahead at work.
2
For example, in England you must say chicken
fil-ET
, NOT chicken
fi-LAY
as the French word requires.
3
Vile Bodies
by Evelyn Waugh is a must, must read (and was later adapted for the 2003 film
Bright Young Things
). They are both too, too divine.
4
Tatler
is a glossy UK magazine depicting the glamorous lives and lifestyles of the upper class. Get yourself a subscription asap.
5
This line is attributed to London playwright R. B. Sheridan—and I think it’s one of the best sayings ever.
6
aka “ice lollies.”
7
Kate famously attended a 1980s-themed roller-skating disco in aid of Oxford’s Children Hospital.
L
ONDON
S
TYLE
If you consider that when you are far away from home and surrounded by strangers, you are judged entirely on the strength of your external appearance, perhaps you will realize the importance of being flawlessly well-dressed wherever you travel.
—G
ENEVIEVE
A
NTOINE
D
ARIAUX
L
et’s face it: Nothing screams American more than sneakers and baseball caps. As we all know, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being American—but drawing attention to the more negative American stereotypes is not going to help your cause.