The Regal Rules for Girls (46 page)
R
ECOMMENDED
R
EADING
:
Confessions of a Shopaholic
by Sophie Kinsella
I’m sure you’ve probably read it already, but if you haven’t, you need to—not the movie, not the spin-off books, but the original novel that started it all. When I first read this book, I was convinced that it was based on my life—a girl living in a trendy SW flat, drowning in debt, chasing after cute British clothes and even cuter British boys? (Come on, clearly I inspired the plot in
some
way.) I love this book because our fair heroine, Becky Bloomwood, eventually shows us that living within our means does not ruin our chances of living happily ever after. What can I say? Sometimes classic chick lit is downright inspiring.
R
ECOMMENDED
V
IEWING
:
The Secret
DVD by Rhoda Byrne
The entire idea of
The Secret
has caused quite a stir recently, yet when I first heard about it, I thought, “But that’s exactly what I’ve always done!” Basically,
The Secret
features a series of authors, philosophers, doctors, quantum physicists, and entrepreneurs expounding on the power of positive thinking and how it can be applied to defining and claiming the life you were destined for. Like mind over matter,
The Secret
shows us how mind over
money
begins with believing you deserve it and knowing that it will come.
1
However, you must never buy anything with the Burberry pattern as that now has very lower-class connotations; play it safe with a classic Macintosh trench coat.
2
Even stores that exist in both the US and UK—like Banana Republic—are much more expensive on the other side of the pond. When I found out BR was coming to London, I was so happy that I nearly threw a party. Then I saw their pricing: a tank top that costs $25 in the US costs £25 (or $40) in the UK.
3
From central London, the tube stops running approximately thirty minutes after midnight.
4
“I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made.” —James Bond (
Casino Royale
)
5
Just in case you’re wondering, Marks & Spencer is the best place for cute and affordable “knickers.”
6
Buddha is said to have given a silent sermon during which he simply held up a flower and gazed at it.
7
Most American “chocolate” cannot legally be called chocolate in Europe since the cocoa content falls below their strict legal standards.
E
XPAT
E
SSENTIALS
When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.
—B
ETTE
M
IDLER
The place is London. The date is the day before Thanksgiving. I was grocery shopping in Waitrose when I spotted a blond woman doubled over in tears in the baking aisle. I could tell by the way she was perfectly groomed that she was probably American (but even if that didn’t give it away, I could see a giant turkey in her shopping trolley).
I asked if she was okay.
“I can’t find
marshmallows
!” she sobbed. “How am I supposed to make yams without marshmallows? I’ve looked
everywhere
…How hard can it be to find marshmallows? I
hate
this country!”
As she continued hiccupping hopelessly, I gently suggested that she try Partridges, a gourmet food store on King’s Road that
specializes in American products. She looked at me like I had just offered to give her a million dollars.
I’m glad I was able to help.
For those times when you simply can’t go another day without Ritz crackers, Pop-Tarts, and Apple Jacks, here are three places that stock those essential (almost always fattening) foodstuffs that make us proud to be American:
Partridges.
It’s expensive here (think $9 for Stove Top Stuffing)—but I have been known to indulge my craving for Instant Quaker Oatmeal (Maple Brown Sugar flavor) on more than one occasion.
www.partridges.co.uk
Whole Foods.
I think the American expat community breathed a collective sigh of relief when Whole Foods opened its flagship European store on High Street Kensington. Finally a place that understands our needs! The shop is three stories high, is the location of London’s first ever food court, and is staffed almost entirely by friendly Americans. They even offer “Thanksgiving consultants” to help our frazzled countrymen in their time of need. They are also very expensive, but they bake a mean corn bread and actually know what you’re talking about when you ask for corn syrup or cranberry sauce.
www.wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/kensington
Sky Co.
A great online service that delivers your favorite American groceries to your door. Thanks to them, you never have to wait too long when your stomach starts yearning for Goldfish crackers.
www.skyco.uk.com
The setting is London. The date is the day before Halloween. I find myself breaking into tears in the middle of the street. I have been to five stores, including Whole Foods. I have called countless online vendors. But no matter what I try, it seems hopeless.
I can’t find dry ice!
And my Halloween party is
tomorrow
!
Oh, how smug I was when I comforted that poor American woman about her marshmallows. But there I was at my wit’s end—just like her! Why is dry ice so hard to find? For god’s sake, they hand it out for free at every grocery store in America! My English husband didn’t understand my frustration—mainly because he’d never seen dry ice before and had no idea how magical it could be and how essential it was for an authentic Halloween party.
Finally, I called an industrial ice supplier.
“We can give you some for eighty pounds,” the woman on the phone told me. “And that’s assuming you understand that dry ice is not for domestic use.”
1
“Um, of course,” I lied. “But exactly how much ice would eighty pounds get me?”
“A piece about the size of a brick.”
Right. Rather than pay $150 for a large ice cube that she’d already told me I couldn’t legally use, I hung up and called another industrial ice supplier. (Can you tell I was desperate to throw the perfect party?)
“Listen,” the guy tells me, “if you come to our Heathrow
warehouse around 7 a.m. tomorrow—I’ll give you some on the sly. But you can’t tell anyone.”
So my husband and I got up early and drove nearly ten miles outside of town to make a back-alley dry-ice pickup. And I’m so glad we did.
I put dry ice in dozens of mini cauldrons around our flat and the Brits went
wild
. They’d never seen anything like it in their lives. Those drunk, costumed Englishmen were like giddy schoolboys in a mad scientist lab—pouring dry ice into their drinks, into the bathtub, into their beer…by the end of the night, someone had dumped the entire cooler of contraband ice into the shower and turned it on full blast. Years later, English friends still refer to that party as “Gorillas in the Mist.”
The lesson? American-themed parties make you stand out as a hostess. (They also allow you to fulfill any homesickness you might be feeling around these US holidays.) So every year I make sure to throw a 4th of July party (the Brits go berserk when I serve key lime pie), a Halloween party, and a Thanksgiving dinner. I even do an occasional Groundhog Day cocktail party—which is hugely popular, especially when I project live broadcasts of Punxsutawney Phil’s prognostications.
Long ago I learned that it’s okay not to be English. What’s not okay is being ashamed that you’re not English. So embrace those nutty American traditions, make an effort to be authentic, and show those stuffy Brits that when it comes to holidays, no one does it better. (Just try not to get thrown in jail for using dry ice.)
Never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome.
—L
EONARDO
D
I
C
APRIO